Daddy is an Undertaker: A Poker Boy story.

by Smith, Dean Wesley

  “She contacted Poker Boy and his team to try to figure out a way to stop it.”

  Dan sat the milkshake glass down hard, then turned and looked me directly in the eye. His face seemed to flash back and forth between skin and skeleton, and it had to be the most frightening thing I had ever seen. “What do you say to her?”

  I sputtered, then dug down and managed to apply some calming skills from my years playing poker and said, “We told her we would find out what was happening.”

  He looked at me for a moment, than shook his head. “You don’t know either, do you?”

  Laverne laughed. “Dan, remember how long it has been since any of you had a kid. None of the younger superheroes or gods know anything more than the tradition of Undertakers killing their children.”

  He looked at Laverne, then back at me and my team. “So you are telling me, Lisa doesn’t know what’s going to happen in a few hours?”

  “She believes she’s going to die, sir,” I said. “She’s terrified.”

  Dan slammed his fist on the table, rocking all the milkshake glasses. If we hadn’t been between time and frozen, that would have brought Madge running.

  Dan’s face went to complete skeleton, then he pushed his chair back and stood. “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her mother to raise her.”

  I desperately wanted to ask who Lisa’s mother was, but smartly kept my mouth shut. When Death himself was pissed off, making him even angrier wasn’t a good plan toward a long life.

  Mortuary Dan paced for a moment, and even Laverne let him go, drinking the rest of Patty’s milkshake with a slight smile on her face.

  Finally Dan stopped and turned back to the table. “Anyone have any ideas what I should do?”

  I didn’t have a clue what the problem was, other than the legend that he had to kill his daughter in a few hours – and he didn’t seem to be denying that at all.

  I glanced at Patty. Her face was white and she was leaning back toward me. Screamer just seemed stunned.

  Stan, in the other booth, had his God of Poker face on, and I couldn’t even begin to get a read on what he was thinking or feeling.

  “You need to talk to your daughter,” Laverne said softly. “Before midnight. She needs to know and understand what’s going to happen.”

  “Oh,” Dan said, clearly disgusted as he started to pace again. “She’s going to be so scared of me now, she won’t listen. And she needs to know.”

  “Yes, she does,” Laverne said, her voice softer and more compassionate than I had ever heard from Lady Luck.

  I wanted to raise my hand like a kid in class and ask just what the adults in the room were talking about, but again my common sense got the best of me and I kept my mouth shut.

  Dan kept pacing, clearly thinking, and after a moment Laverne looked over at me and Patty and Screamer. “I think Dan needs your help,” she said.

  Okay, at that moment you could have knocked me down with a slight breeze. Lady Luck just told us that Death needed our help.

  Dan stopped and stared at the table, clearly as puzzled as I was, which made me feel only a slight bit better.

  “Can you four,” Laverne asked, nodding to us and Stan, “get Lisa and bring her here and help her father tell her what is going to happen tonight? She needs to be kept calm. Very calm.”

  Laverne just stared at me and Patty. After a moment we both nodded, starting to understand what we needed to do.

  “And she needs to learn vast amounts of information from her father in a very short time.” She glanced at Screamer who just turned white at the idea.

  “I see where you are going, Laverne,” Dan said, stepping back to the table and looking at me and my team. “Would you help me help my daughter through the transition?”

  I couldn’t take it any longer, I had to ask something, so I asked the most pressing question of the thousands I had spinning in my mind.

  “What transition?”

  “At midnight,” Dan said, “Lisa will change from being a mere mortal to being an immortal God. An Undertaker. I’m retiring to surf in Hawaii. She’s taking my spot, the first female Undertaker. I start her training at midnight tonight.”

  Four

  In my few short years of being a superhero, I had never been so scared of an assignment. Somehow the three of us, with Stan’s help, needed to link up a god, Death himself, and his daughter in an out-of-time link so that he could have the time to talk to her. And we needed to help her understand what was coming, and that it was all right that she was going to die.

  Or sort of die, anyway.

  If we screwed this up, none of us might live to see the end of the year.

  If that long.

  I had a hunch Mortuary Dan wouldn’t think twice about just moving us on to the next place, wherever or whatever that was.

  Stan gave me and Patty a lift to pick up Lisa.

  When we appeared in her suite, she was still dressed in the same red, white, and blue outfit and was sitting on the couch. Clearly she had been sitting there since she arrived.

  When she saw us, she jumped and rolled up over the back of the couch to get it between her and us.

  I glanced at Patty. “She doesn’t know anything at all about Gods and Superheroes, does she?”

  “Not much I discovered,” Patty said.

  “How did you do that?” Lisa asked.

  “I’ve been wondering the same thing,” I said, glancing at Stan, who just shrugged. “We’ve got some good news for you,” I continued, as Patty and I started working to calm her down with all the calming powers we had between us.

  “You do?” she asked, clearly relaxing and even starting to smile, forgetting that we had just appeared out of nowhere in front of her.

  “You’re not going to die at midnight,” I said, fibbing a little. She actually wasn’t going to die. She just wasn’t going to be mortal anymore.

  A slight detail.

  “But there’s one condition,” Patty said. “You need to talk to your dad. And your dad wants us there with you for support.”

  Lisa started shaking her head back and forth and I could feel the panic starting to gain intensity.

  I dug deep and Patty and I joined hands and hit her with every calming power we had. And I have to say, that was considerable. We could have put a bull moose to sleep.

  Lisa calmed some.

  “It’s only to talk,” I said. “He needs to tell you where the rumor is coming from and why it exists. He said your mother should have taught you all of this.”

  “All she said was that my daddy is an Undertaker – the Grim Reaper.”

  “Well, he sort of is,” I said. “And a pretty fine surfer, from what I gather.”

  “My father surfs?” Lisa asked, calming even more under the intense push of calming powers from me and Patty.

  “Eleven months a year that’s about all he does,” Patty said, smiling.

  Lisa finally stopped shaking her head and stared first at me, then at Stan. “Who exactly are you people?”

  “I am known as Poker Boy. I am at the rank of superhero in the Gambling Gods universe, which basically means I do a lot of the chores the gods don’t want to do.”

  She nodded, so I went on.

  “This is Patty, also known as Front Desk Girl. She is a superhero working for the Gods of Hospitality.”

  I pointed at Stan. “This is my direct boss, Stan, the God of Poker. It is our boss, Lady Luck, known as Laverne, who convinced your father that he needed to talk to you and help you understand this different world before anything could happen tonight.”

  “But I still might die tonight?” Lisa said, the panic starting to build again even against the onslaught of calming that Patty and I were directing toward her.

  “Oh, trust me,” I said, “at ten minutes after midnight tonight ,you’ll be talking to me just fine. And you could talk to me any time you wanted after that. I promise.”

  “As do I,” Patty said, nodding. “You just need to have a conver
sation with your father first, to understand everything that’s going on.”

  Lisa clearly calmed with our promise. Then she laughed. “My mom hated what my dad did for a living, and never wanted him to come around. And she said his world was full of nutcakes. If I believe who you say you are, I guess she was right.”

  “Oh, trust me,” I said, “as a person fairly new to this world as well, it’s crazier than you can even imagine.”

  Lisa smiled and took a deep breath. “All right, let’s go see my father.”

  A moment later the four of us were standing in The Diner.

  Both Dan and Laverne were halfway through two more milkshakes, sitting in the both with Screamer sitting in the middle looking slightly panicked. Madge was moving around, shaking her head as she sometimes did when she had to wait on us.

  Mortuary Dan stood, his human face staying firmly in place, and stepped toward his daughter. “Hi, Lisa. It’s wonderful to see you again. You’ve become a beautiful woman.”

  Lisa smiled and stepped into the hug of Death. “Hi, Daddy.”

  Five

  We let Lisa and her father talk.

  After a few minutes, Dan turned to all of us, with Madge standing right there beside the table. “We need to start all this. Lisa has a lot to learn about her old man. Madge, would you put up the closed sign and keep those milkshakes coming for all of us? To do this right, we’re going to need the energy.”

  Madge nodded. “I’ll be glad to, Dan. Lisa, what kind do you like?”

  “Chocolate,” Lisa said.

  “You got it, dear,” Madge said, turning to close the front door as Patty and Screamer and I stared.

  “Madge is a superhero in Food and Beverage,” Laverne said, clearly trying not to laugh. “I thought you all knew that.”

  I shook my head and glanced around at Stan, who just smiled and shrugged. He had known, just hadn’t bothered to tell any of the rest of us.

  Laverne took one more long drink from her milkshake, then stood. “I’ll be back a little later.”

  She vanished leaving us all alone with Mortuary Dan and his daughter.

  Dan pointed to the spot where Screamer sat in the back of the booth. “Poker Boy, you and Patty sit back there. Lisa, you sit on one side of the booth, I’ll sit facing you so we can talk directly, and Screamer, you sit on a chair at the head of the booth so you can touch both of us.”

  Dan glanced over at Stan. “Keep us out of time for about forty-five minutes the first time. We’ll adjust from there. And help everyone with energy when needed.”

  Stan nodded.

  I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest. In the back of the restaurant Madge had the milkshake blenders going full speed, filling the restaurant with the whining sound. It didn’t begin to cover the sound of my heart.

  I could feel Lisa suddenly starting to get upset again, so Patty and I both sent calming powers at her as we slid into position, our legs touching for extra support.

  I don’t know how we could calm anyone down, as worried as we were ourselves, but for some reason our calming powers weren’t hooked to how we were feeling. Luckily.

  “What’s going to happen?” Lisa asked, clearly afraid to take her position in the booth.

  “Screamer here is going to hook our thoughts up so I can help you learn faster all the things your mother didn’t teach you over the last twenty-plus years. And that way you can get to know me, the real me.”

  “You can do that?” Lisa asked, staring at Screamer.

  “I can,” he said, turning to face where she stood. “It’s my power. You can trust me, it will be painless. Odd and a little confusing at times, but painless, I promise you. It will be exactly as your dad said, and the connection help you learn very quickly what is a rumor and what is the truth.”

  “And I will be very careful to ease you into all of this,” Dan said.

  I was very glad he said that. I couldn’t imagine suddenly knowing all at once all the things I had learned in my short five years being a superhero. But Lisa had no choice. She had to learn a lot and very quickly. There was only three hours to go until midnight.

  “Ready, daughter?” Dan asked, smiling, and not showing his skeleton face at all.

  Patty and I hit her with as much calming as we dared, and Lisa nodded. Then she slowly slid into position beside me in the booth.

  I scooted closer to Patty to make sure I wasn’t touching Lisa. Last thing I wanted to do was be included in the conversation they would have in their heads while Screamer held them together. But if I touched her, I would be automatically included, just as if Patty touched Dan on the other side.

  The booth suddenly felt very, very small.

  “I guess so,” Lisa said.

  Dan glanced at us and nodded, then nodded to Screamer.

  Patty and I ramped up every bit of calming we could as Stan dropped us between time, killing all the sound in the restaurant and from the streets.

  Screamer touched Lisa, then laid a hand gently on Mortuary Dan’s arm.

  For a moment, I thought we were going to have to calm Screamer down as well; but then he nodded and sat back and closed his eyes.

  Lisa’s eyes got huge and she was fidgeting some. I motioned for Stan to help, and he boosted both Patty’s and my calming power.

  Lisa calmed slightly. I was stunned she wasn’t so calm she was asleep. The women had a very, very powerful mind. No wonder Laverne wanted us all to help Dan with this.

  And why Dan wanted the help. He and Laverne both knew how powerful the child of a god would be to deal with.

  Screamer kept his eyes closed, and Dan and Lisa just stared at each other. I slowly motioned for Stan to back off and he did, then Patty and I pulled back slightly, only increasing when we could sense Lisa getting upset.

  Forty-five minutes later in out-of-time time, Stan said, “Break.”

  Screamer pulled his hands away and Stan dropped the room back into real time. The sounds of Madge working on the milkshakes hit all of us hard.

  Patty and I kept our concentration firmly on Lisa, who seemed to close her eyes, then open them and look at her father again as if she was seeing him for the first time.

  No one said a word.

  Then Lisa said, “So I’m not going to die, I’m going to become immortal at midnight.”

  Dan nodded. “For all intents and purposes, yes.”

  Lisa nodded, then said, “I have to use the restroom.”

  “I’ll go with you,” Patty said.

  And wow was I glad she said that, since I had no idea how I was going to make it through more hours without visiting the restroom myself.

  “I’ll be right back,” Dan said and vanished.

  Stan also vanished.

  “You all right?” I asked Screamer. I had no idea what it would be like inside of Death’s mind, and I was very glad I didn’t have to find out.

  “I’m fine, actually. Dan is keeping me and Lisa blocked from most of his mind, just showing Lisa what she needs to see to get started. But this isn’t going to be a short process.”

  “That slow?” I asked.

  He nodded. Then he and I both headed for the rest rooms in the back, meeting Madge with a tray full of shakes.

  “Don’t tell me you all are leaving again?” she asked.

  “Just a break,” I said. “But I have a hunch that by the time this is over, you’re going to wish we had left.”

  “Anything going on with both Laverne and Mortuary Dan, I suppose you might be right.”

  She went to put our milkshakes on the table as I just kept on, shaking my head at all the surprises I was getting on a simple Saturday night.

  Six

  It took nine hours of actual lesson time spread over six different sessions in just over three hours of real time before Lisa finally seemed to know what she was getting into and was ready.

  It was five minutes until midnight.

  Patty and I had stopped helping keep Lisa calm about three lessons back.
Stan had asked me on the last break to help him keep up the out-of-time shield, since he was getting tired and Screamer needed some help with energy as well from him.

  So for most of the last hour of lesson time, with Stan spelling me every ten minutes, I held up the shield that kept us out of real time.

  As we dropped back into real time and Screamer moved away from the two he had kept connected for almost nine hours, everyone climbed out of the booth. I felt as if I had sat in that booth for most of my life.

  Laverne appeared, smiling. She and Dan moved off to one side for a moment as Patty and I stayed with Lisa.

  “Amazing stuff I was born into,” Lisa said. “I wish someone had told me about this last year so I wouldn’t have been so worried for so long, but thanks to all of you, this didn’t catch me by surprise now.”

  “Good,” Patty said. “Knowledge is far, far more powerful than rumors.”

  “But only slightly less scary,” Lisa said.

  Suddenly, around the restaurant, other people began to pop in, almost none of them anyone I knew, until the place was very crowded with only an open circle in the middle of the floor where a table used to be.

  Stan stepped over beside us and whispered. “The other eleven Undertakers have arrived, plus a number of top gods from all the deities. This is a real event.”

  Stan and Screamer and Patty and I sort of moved back against the edge of the booth to allow the really powerful to take their places around the center.

  “Are you ready to join me, daughter?” Dan asked, stepping into the circle in center of the crowd.

  Lisa smiled at us, then turned and stepped forward. “I am.”

  “Thirty seconds,” Laverne said.

  Dan indicated that Lisa should kneel in front of him and she did.

  “Thank you all for joining this special occasion,” Dan said, his face now a complete skeleton, even though his hands and business suit looked perfectly pressed and in order. “We are here to welcome to our ranks the first new Undertaker in centuries. And the first woman to ever hold that position.”