by Nikki Mays
I look around the table and realize that I’m not the only one making sure that there aren’t any knives close to either of the women. We don’t really need to explain how a bunch of cops let two tiny women stab one man.
The man with an obvious death wish starts to continue just as Declan comes back and takes his seat and asks. “What’s going on? Why do the salty twins look so pissed?”
Sage gives him a nasty look. “Mason was just about to explain to us how he’s not a gym rat and that he just doesn’t let himself go.” The venom in her voice is enough to make Declan pause his beer bottle mid-air and raise his eyebrows. “We were just waiting on his response when you sat down.”
Without another word, everyone turns their heads towards Mason. Does he back down or think this through...nope. He looks both women over critically and then proceeds to sign his death warrant for the near future. “It really wouldn’t kill the two of you to skip Taco Tuesdays for a while. Also, Wine Wednesdays and Thirsty Thursdays, are a bad idea at your age.”
Do you know that moment in a movie when you want to yell at the screen because the person is acting so stupid and you just know that no one would ever be that dumb in real life? Yeah, that’s one of those moments. Except, no man at this table is going to be dumb enough to help his ass out.
Shit, I look over at Marc and can already see him mentally calculating where he’s going to be dumping Mason’s body for Kayla. Even Declan is looking more like Damon right now. Like he’s going over how to make sure that Mase’s death looks like an accident. I wouldn’t even put it past him to be texting Damon under the table, telling him how he needs to make it look like Declan was somewhere specific all night.
Christ, we really are the world’s worst cops. Because I have not thought once about how I should talk them out of killing him. My only thoughts have been about how we’re getting rid of the body. Shit, I don’t know how we all keep passing our Psych evals. Well...I know how Damon’s been doing it, but we’ll just pretend that doesn’t happen.
I look over at Danny who doesn’t seem overly concerned about much. I raise my eyebrow at him and he gives me a shrug. “Between you guys dumping his body and my lawyers, they’ll be fine. You can make anything disappear with the best lawyers that money can buy.” He smiles evilly at Mason.
The idiot is beginning to catch on to the fact that he might be dead soon and that no one here is going to lift a finger to help him. “Oh come on! It’s not like it isn’t the truth. Shouldn’t you two be worried about bikini season?”
I’d punch the fucker, if I didn’t know for a fact that he’s purposely baiting them to get a rise out of them. He literally is the quintessential little brother. I also know damn well that if anyone else even muttered half of the crap he just said to them, that he would flip his lid.
I snicker to myself about the other day and how he “accidentally” dropped that weight on the guys foot who was staring at Sage’s ass. I sigh internally. Dammit, I actually do have to help him out. Well, at least make sure that they don’t kill him anyway. Anything else that these two come up with is fair game. He realistically probably shouldn’t reproduce anyway.
“How many times did Dee drop you on your head when you were a baby?” Kayla asks very calmly...too calmly. That kind of calm from a woman is a scary thing.
Mase frowns. “You know that she never did that.”
The girls give a noncommittal hum. “So, you’re just naturally stupid...good to know.” Sage finishes.
Mase narrows his eyes to slits and glares at Sage. Here we go. “You especially should be worried about that body of yours. At least this one,” he points to Kayla, “suckered that fool into marrying her. He’s stuck now. We all know her crazy ass isn’t above harming a husband.”
We all chuckle while Kayla glares at him but says nothing. Really what can she say, her crazy ass really did try to drown Craig, though I still feel bad for making her stop so soon.
Sage slicks her tongue across her teeth and then bares them at Mason. “What’s that supposed to mean roid rage?”
Mase shrugs carelessly but the gleam in his eyes is nothing but mischievous. “Nothing I’m just trying to be helpful. It’s not like you’re getting any younger. JJ’s probably your last shot. You don’t want some chick who actually uses the inside of a gym to steal him away. You haven’t suckered him into being stuck with you for good yet. I’m just trying to be a good brother and look out for you.” He casually takes a sip of his beer while watching her.
“Jesus man, even I’m not this dumb.” Declan mumbles making everyone at the table laugh. He looks around with a frown. “What...I’m not.” He states vehemently.
Sage smiles sweetly at him. “How’s it going with Erin?”
He gives her the smile of a clueless moron. He nods his head. “Pretty good. I think that I’m making some progress.”
Kayla smiles at him while taking a sip of her wine. “I’m sure you are Loki...I’m sure you are.”
Declan gives the girls a serious look. “For real though, are we going to have to dump his body tonight?” He asks inclining his head in Mason’s direction. “Because I really think tonight might be my night.”
Kayla gives him a look that’s half pity and half love. “Nah, he’s safe for tonight Dec, but thanks for the total loyalty. It’s much appreciated.”
He just shrugs. “Eh, with a brother like Damon, I kind of figured that I would’ve hidden a lot more bodies by now. I feel like some of my talent is being wasted.”
We all pause and look at him. And I mean really look at him but it’s Kayla who speaks. “Hey Loki?”
He looks over and gives her a grin. “What’s up MSG?”
Kayla looks like she’s choosing her words very carefully. “What do you mean that you thought that you would’ve hidden more bodies by now?”
He gives her his usual quick smile. “Absolutely nothing oh sodium filled one...absolutely nothing. Now if ya’ll will excuse me, I have a woman to go woo.”
He gives us a wink, gets up and walks towards the bar. We all sit here in stunned silence for a few minutes.
Sage is finally the one to voice the question that we’re all thinking to ourselves. “Anyone else beginning to wonder if Damon really is the evil twin?”
We all just mutely nod our heads and take a large sip of our drinks. That would be some shit though wouldn’t it?
After a long night of drinking with friends, we returned back to my house.
JJ is standing right outside my open door smirking at me. Good Lord he is sexy. I wonder what he would say if I asked to lick whipped cream out of his dimples. I’m not usually very kinky but those damn things are lethal to my hormones. I swear, every time he brings those bad boys out my panties just magically disappear. The rat bastard knows it too, and uses it to his advantage...often.
“What are you smirking at?” I snark because seriously. He’s been standing there watching me struggle to get out of this damn truck without offering me any help what-so-ever!
He coughs into his hand and it suspiciously sounds like a laugh. “Nothing babe, I’m just wondering how much longer this is going to take.”
I give him a nasty look. “I would’ve been down already if your truck wasn’t built for only tall people.”
“Swear on my life honey, that is not even half the issue that you have going on right now. I told you those last two glasses of wine were probably a bad idea.”
“I am not even close to drunk.” I sniff snottily. “Those last glasses were just fine.”
He’s giving me another annoying smirk that I don’t know whether I want to smack off his face or kiss him for. Stupid, stupid dimples. Shouldn’t those things only come out when he’s full out smiling and not just grinning?
He rubs the scruff on his face that I know for a fact he shaved off this morning. “Right, right. So, ah, would you like to explain to me why you’ve spent the last few minutes trying to get out of my truck with your seatbelt still on?”
&nbs
p; I look down and to my complete aggravation the grinning fool is right. My damn seatbelt is still securely in place. Well...ain’t that just a bitch.
I undo the latch and look over at him with as much grace as I can muster, which truthfully isn’t all that much right now. “This still doesn’t prove that I’m drunk. A lot of people forget that their seatbelt is still on when they try to get out of their car.” I say haughtily.
He nods his head. “Yeah, but most people figure it out after the first try.” He states mildly.
“I’m not most people.”
“That you definitely are not.” He chuckles.
My eyes narrow at him. “You better stop making fun of me or there will be no drunk sex for you tonight. And I’m like super bendy when drunk.”
“I thought you said that you weren’t drunk?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.
“I thought you liked getting laid?” I deadpan.
“Good point. Let’s get your drunk ass out of here and straight to bed. I’m looking forward to the bendy abilities.”
“There’s no need to make fun of me.” I sniff as he picks me up and carries me to the house. I could walk but I like the feel of his muscles moving around me.
He looks down at me. “I can guarantee you that I am in no way, shape or form making fun of your bendy abilities. I am extremely interested in seeing them in action.” The gleam in his eyes promises nothing but wicked sex. Hell yes!
As we make our way down the hallway, double trouble step out of their rooms. “Gross, like it isn’t bad enough that we know you have sex. Do you two really need to broadcast it while walking around the house?” Missy says in pure teenage disgust.
“She’s right. Make sure to use a condom. You both are way too old to be having babies. And we are so not going to raise them because one of you broke a hip or something.”
“How old do you think we are?” JJ asks in a defensive tone.
“Too old to be talking about how excited you are that our mom thinks that she’s bendy when drunk.” Missy drawls. “For future reference, when the weather is nice outside, we like leaving the windows open to get fresh air.”
Becca nods her head. “Yeah, we’re pretty sure that the whole neighborhood now knows that Mom is drunk and getting laid.”
“Yeah Dad, that’s just gross.” Paige states coming out of the damn wood work.
“What are you doing here?” JJ asks her. “And why didn’t you call me to tell me that you weren’t going to be at your mother’s?”
She rolls her eyes like the good teenage girl that she is. “Mom was being totally unbearable about how close her wedding is a blah, blah, blah. Anyway, we got into it and she told me to leave until the wedding because all I’m doing is causing her stress that will make her fat.”
My poor man blinks a few times at all that info. “That still doesn’t explain why you didn’t call me. Or how the hell you got all the way over here?”
Even I roll my eyes right along with them this time. The man acts like we live in a huge city instead of a small town the size of a postage stamp.
“Harold was nice enough to drive me over, although I think he just wanted to hide from Mom for a while. I’m actually beginning to feel really bad for that guy. I was mad at him when you guys first split up but him being stuck with Mom is just wrong. Poor guy is way too nice. And I didn’t call because I know that whenever I’m not at your house, that you spend the night over here. I decided to save us both some trouble and just come straight here.”
Paige looks at me with that same little wicked look her father has at times. “We ordered a pizza in case you want to soak up some of that alcohol. The three of us have decided that we really don’t want any siblings.” She states calmly and my twin terrors are standing next to her nodding their heads in agreement.
I give the three shitheads a malicious glare that they ignore. “Ya know, you three should be a hell of a lot nicer to me. Especially considering that I’m the only one saving your asses from an all-girl boarding school.” I huff and receive a warning squeeze from JJ. Opps...sorry...not sorry.
Ever the evil leader, Becca steps forward. She smacks her lips together while the other two just glare. “What is Mom talking about?” She directs this question at JJ just knowing that he has something to do with my proclamation.
JJ tries giving her his best blank stare that isn’t fooling any of those girls. “I have no idea. You shouldn’t listen to the ramblings of a drunk woman.” He starts moving us away from the three girls who would have no problem doing something mean to him.
“As a matter of fact, I think it’s time I get Sage to bed. Make sure you finish your homework and wear your headphones to bed.” He shouts that last part before slamming my bedroom door shut.
We can hear their yells of disgust and for us to use condoms but pay them no mind. JJ unceremoniously tosses me on my bed and I go flying a few times before landing.
“Hey!” I squeal when I finally get my bearings. “What was that for?”
He’s standing by the door with his hands on his hips. “I cannot believe that you were going to throw me to the wolves like that. You know that the three of them combined are pure evil.”
I give a very unladylike snort because he’s not wrong. The three of them together is like some unholy alliance. I actually shudder a bit thinking what a child of mine and JJ’s would be like.
“What are you thinking about that’s got you frowning?” He asks me from his position in front of the door.
“I was thinking about what a child between us would be like.”
His eyebrows go up comically. “The thought of having a child with me has you frowning?”
I nod. “Well yes and no. Do I think the kid would be cute as hell? Absolutely. Do I think that when we take into account how the other three are, that the chances of a kid between us being worse than Damian in the Omen is almost a guarantee? Without a doubt. It’s actually somewhat terrifying to think about really.”
He looks at me for a few moments before answering. “You know, I was pretty insulted at first. But after giving it some thought, you’re probably right. The kid would look like an angel and act like a demon. Maybe I should get a vasectomy, just to be on the safe side. I don’t think that we should risk it.”
I would laugh but we both know that he’s one hundred percent serious. And to be honest, I agree with him. Our kid would be hell on earth. I nod my head. “Yeah, we should probably look into all of our options.”
“Yeah, I’ll start looking that shit up tomorrow.”
I nod my head while trying my best to look sexy while removing my shirt. Sober me could pull this off. Drunk me isn’t as successful but I’m pretty sure that it’s the beds fault. I think that it’s starting to sink or something.
I hear my oh so loving man chuckle and try to cover it with a cough. Asshole. “Ah, babe...what are you doing?”
I currently can’t see anything because I’ve somehow managed to get my shirt stuck around my eyes and my arms at a weird angle. I can still hear the laughter in his voice. I swear it’s this freaking bed. “What does it look like I’m doing?” I grunt.
“Trying to see if you’d be a good fit for a straight jacket?” I can still hear the laughter in his voice but it’s now a lot closer. If I didn’t need his help right now, I swear I’d try to kick him.
I sigh ...loudly. “Can you help me out of this, so that we can get to the more entertaining parts of this evening.?” I ask as sweetly as I can manage, while still wanting to somewhat kick him.
“I’m not sure.”
“What the hell do you mean that you’re not sure JJ? You realize that if I’m stuck like this, there will be absolutely no sex for you?”
“God’s honest truth. Watching you drunkenly try to get out of your own shirt is pretty damn entertaining. And I’m pretty sure that I could come up with some interesting way for us to have sex while you’re all tied up.”
“If you don’t help get me out of this right now
, the next time that my mouth is near your dick, I’m “accidentally” biting down.” I growl at the moron, that I’m pretty sure I want to marry someday. Not today obviously because I want to kill him...but someday.
“No need to get nasty. It’s not me who drank too much wine and can’t undress myself.”
“It’s this damn bed not the wine. I swear it’s screwing me all up!” I defend.
“Yeah, that’s extremely believable.” I ignore his sarcastic tone since he finally came over and took off my shirt.
I fall backwards – totally gracefully – and stretch my arms out. “Ah, so much better, thanks babe.” I look up at him and bat my eyelashes. “Want to do me a favor?” I ask in a seductive voice...okay seductive slur but who’s counting.
He gives me a grin full of dimples and tilts his head with his arms crossed over his chest. Have I ever mentioned how yummy those thick arms covered in tattoos are? I know that I lick my lips but I just can’t help myself. “What do you need sweetheart?”
“Can you take off the rest of my clothes? I’m afraid of what might happen if I bend to take off my shoes at this point.” I ignore the mirth swimming in his eyes.
“That, I can absolutely give you a hand with.” He says in exuberance.
Before I know it I’m literally fully naked. I swear, it was like some freaky magician type of shit. My clothes just disappeared. Not that I’m complaining because his have seemed to as well. But damn, someone’s excited.
I look over this magnificent body. Someone is really, really excited. Yay! Playtime!
I raise up on my knees and stare at him. I know it sounds weird but he has the nicest waist. It’s thick, strong and has that V that makes me drool like Pavlova's dogs. I love running my hands up and down his abs, being able to count every single one. Is it normal for men his age to be in such great shape? Thank God for his work ethic!
He moves closer to me, giving me more access to his abs and chest. He gives a small moan when I scratch my nails from his chest down to his happy trail.
“The effect you have on me is ridiculous. No one has ever had this much power over me.”
