Don't Need You: A Brother's Best Friend Romance (We Shouldn't Book 3)

by Lilian Monroe

  “Kit, I can’t leave here. I have to stay with my family for the foreseeable future. They need me.”

  “I know,” Kit replies. His thumb brushes my cheek, sending tiny little shivers tumbling through my veins. “I’ll move here.”

  “You…what?”

  “I know it sounds crazy, but I’ll do it. I don’t care about Woodvale. Not really. I can move here.” He pauses, sighing. “If you want me to, I mean. It just feels too good to be with you, Serena, and it hurts too much to be apart.”

  My heart flutters. Images flash in my mind, showing me what our life could be if he stayed. Marriage. Maybe even kids. With him, I’d want to try again. To trust my body to work properly the next time around. My family would be around, welcoming Kit and any children of ours with smiles and hugs and too much food.

  We could be happy.

  I open my mouth, not quite sure what’s going to come out. If I tell him I love him back, I’m denying him the future he deserves. I’m complicating both our lives for selfish reasons. I’m robbing him of the career he wants, because there’s no way in hell I can leave New Haven now.

  A knock on the door makes us both jump, and a whoosh of air leaves my lungs. With my head spinning, I move to answer the door—and avoid the Kit-shaped elephant in the room.

  27

  Kit

  I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I couldn’t help myself. The word ‘love’ has been floating around my brain for days. Weeks, even. Every time I think about Serena, I think about my feelings for her. I know I love her. It’s a desperate, hungry feeling in the depths of my core. It’s an ache that goes all the way down to my soul, needing the balm of Serena’s touch.

  I love her so completely it nearly consumes me whole.

  Serena slips by me and opens the door. Her mother stands in the opening, eyes flicking from me to Serena. I feel like a teenager caught in the act, and my cheeks burn.

  “Thought you two might want some food,” her mother says, gesturing downstairs.

  “Uh, sure,” Serena replies, glancing over her shoulder at me. I nod, vowing to pick up this conversation later. I follow the two women downstairs. Somehow, there’s a full spread of food prepared already. Serena’s mother is in full hosting mode, spooning out mountains of food for me, Robbie, and Serena.

  I accept it gratefully, taking a seat at the table as someone pours some wine for me.

  I could get used to this.

  Serena doesn’t sit beside me, and I wonder if I’ve upset her. But she gives me a smile and digs into her food while Robbie lets out a groan.

  “I missed your cooking, Mom.”

  “You’ve only been away for four days,” Serena says from across the table, arching a brow.

  “Four days too long.” Robbie winks. I sip my wine, glancing at the twins as I allow myself to relax.

  Serena doesn’t need to answer me right away. She doesn’t need to say the ‘L’ word back. It’s enough that I’m here, and she knows how I feel. It feels good to see her, be next to her, inhale her, kiss her, touch her, and do all the things I’ve been wanting to do.

  I let myself imagine what it would be like to have a family with her. To spend my life with her. It feels right. As much as I’d love to be Finn’s business partner again, and as much as I’d like to live in Woodvale, this is better. Serena is better. She’s worth any sacrifice I could ever make.

  We eat our food—whether this is dinner, or some sort of pre-dinner meal, I’m not sure—and help put the dishes away. Robbie and Serena lead me out to the living room while we pass around a bottle of wine and top up our glasses.

  Robbie looks between the two of us, arching an eyebrow. “So, is this official, or what?”

  “Is what official?” I ask.

  Robbie rolls his eyes. “Please. You and Serena. Are you guys together? In love? Happily ever after?”

  “Shut up, Robbie,” Serena says, her cheeks pink. She steals a glance at me, and all I see is hesitation in her eyes.

  That doesn’t bode well.

  I shrug. “I’m just here to deliver a suitcase.”

  “Hand-deliver a suitcase,” Robbie corrects. “To the other side of the country. While you use your own vacation days to do so.”

  A grin tugs my lips. I shrug. “What’s your point?”

  His mother enters the living room with a tray laden full of chips and dips and all kinds of snacks. She places it down on the coffee table, passing around napkins. I frown, already stuffed.

  Serena laughs. “Just go with it, Kit.”

  “Right.”

  Robbie smiles, thanking his mother as she makes sure we have everything we need. She disappears into the kitchen again, and Serena glances after her.

  “Mom hasn’t had this much energy in weeks.”

  “I don’t want her to serve me like this,” I say. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

  “She likes it,” Robbie says. “Gives her an excuse to keep herself busy.”

  “Still.” I shrug, reaching for a chip despite my full stomach.

  Robbie asks after his grandmother, and he and Serena make plans to go see her in the morning. I’m only here until tomorrow evening, but I make plans to have a look around town while they visit their grandmother. After all, if I’m thinking of staying here, I should get familiar with the place, right? See if it’s a good fit? If I like the town?

  After a few more hours, Robbie and I head back to his place. It’s hard saying goodbye to Serena, who gives me a tight hug and promises to spend time with me tomorrow. I wish she were coming with us, curling up in bed next to me so I could never let her out of my sight.

  But I go to bed alone, dreaming of her.

  The next day, Robbie and I pick up Serena at her mother’s house, then head into town. They drop me off for my morning of exploration and head to the care home where their grandmother has been moved. I wander through the streets, glancing in and out of shops before finally choosing a café.

  With a coffee in front of me and an hour to kill, I find myself dialing Finn’s number.

  He answers on the first ring. “Have you given any thought to my offer?”

  “Haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,” I admit.

  “But you’re with your girl now, and things don’t seem so easy?”

  I chuckle. “Sounds like you’ve been here before.”

  Finn lets out a dry snort. He sighs, and I hear a chair creak as he shifts his weight. “Look, I know I went about it the wrong way with Esme. I never wanted that to affect our relationship. It just…happened.”

  “I get it,” I say. “No hard feelings.”

  When I say those words, I mean them. Really mean them, down to my core. I’m happy for Finn and Esme, and I think they deserve happiness. A smile stretches over my lips as I realize I really have let go of the bitterness that’s plagued me.

  When I told Serena I loved her last night, it felt like too much, too soon. It felt like a mistake to blurt it out like that, with no preamble. But as the hours stretch on and I settle into the feeling—into the honesty of it—it feels right.

  Finn can sense the change. His voice relaxes, and we chat like old times. Like the past few months never happened, and he’s my best friend once more.

  So, when Serena opens the door to the coffee shop an hour or so later and finds me on the phone, I finally tell Finn I have to go and hang up. She walks over to me, her hair a wild mass of curls and her eyes tinged with sadness. I gesture to the chair across from me.

  “How’s your grandma?”

  “Very ill,” Serena says, glancing at the counter. “I’m going to grab a coffee.” She gets up again, shedding her jacket and leaving it on the back of the chair. I watch her ass sway from side to side as she walks to the counter. She tugs the hem of her long-sleeved shirt, adjusting it over her curves as she stands at the counter and orders her coffee.

  I love everything about her. The way she moves, talks, walks, thinks. I see a future with Serena that I
didn’t know I could have. For the first time in a long, long time, I think I might be able to build the big family I’ve always wanted. I could have a stable relationship and a dog and a couple of kids. I could have the settled, happy life that has always seemed just out of reach for me.

  But when Serena sits back down, her shoulders round as she wraps her hands around her steaming cup. She flicks her eyes to me, giving me a tight smile. “Who was on the phone?”

  “Finn. They’re buying another plane, apparently.”

  Serena smiles wider, but the sadness in her eyes intensifies. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why that would make her sad. I pull out my phone, pushing away my confusion. Finn sent me a photo of the new bird, and I pull it up on the screen, smiling wide.

  “There she is. I’d love to fly that thing. Looks beautiful.” I stare at the screen until I realize Serena’s looking at me, not the photo I’ve tilted toward her. I frown. “What?”

  “Kit.” She sighs, dropping her eyes to her coffee. When she drags them back up to mine, my stomach drops. That’s not the look of someone who’s thinking about a new dog and a couple of kids. Then, Serena says words that send a jet of cold fear rushing through my veins. “We need to talk.”

  28

  Serena

  Last night, when Kit left, I was convinced it could work between us. He’s slipped in so easily with my family, accepted by them all in an instant. My mother likes him. Robbie loves him like a brother. After Thanksgiving, my sisters were all cooing about how handsome he was. They love him, too.

  And—he’s prepared to move here! How many guys would pick up their life and move across the country for a girl? Am I crazy to think it could work?

  Kit would fit right in. He basically already has, and I know I won’t meet another guy like him again. I mean, he brought the rest of my clothes over from the other side of the country in person, then told me he loved me! That got my lady parts roaring, and it’s hard to think about anything other than how incredible it feels to be with him.

  But then, I walked into the coffee shop and saw his face more animated than I’d ever seen it. He was talking to Finn. And when he showed me the picture of the new plane? I’ve never seen him so excited.

  Definitely not when he’s been in New Haven, that’s for sure. It’s like this city puts a damper on his spirit. Even with the chaos of my family around and how much he cares about me, he just doesn’t have that spark that he has in Woodvale. I’ve heard him talk about how much commercial flying bores him. I saw the energy coursing through him when he came back from the airfield in Woodvale.

  He might think he wants to move here, but it would kill him. And if he started hating me for it, that would kill me.

  So, as his smile fades and he looks at me with those big, unforgettable eyes, I know I can’t keep him here. I can’t drag him away from everything he loves just to be with me. It wouldn’t be fair to him, and it would sour our relationship before it even starts. Resentment is the death kiss of a relationship. It’s a poison, and I won’t be the one to inject him. What Kit and I have…I want it to stay sacred.

  Sighing, I chew the inside of my lip. I shouldn’t have leaned on him so heavily when I heard about Nonna’s stroke. I should have resisted calling him every day. I should have been strong on my own.

  Now, Kit thinks he wants to be with me. He thinks he’s ready to give up everything he has in Woodvale—which is so much more than he realizes—to come here just for me. It’s not enough to be worth the sacrifice. I’m not enough.

  This has to end. No matter how hard it is, how much it hurts, how much I don’t want it to be the case—I have to break things off with Kit.

  It’s the kindest thing to do.

  “What do you want to talk about?” His voice is husky. Low.

  I gulp. “I’ve been thinking,” I start.

  “That’s not good. Do less of that. Thinking is bad for you.”

  I can’t help myself from chuckling. Flicking my eyes up to his, I almost hate how good-looking he is. I hate how big his heart is, and most of all, I hate how much his love for me permeates everything he does.

  Breaking up with Angelo made me feel better. I knew in my heart that it was the right thing for me to do. I knew it would be worth it in the end.

  This? This just feels terrible all around.

  I think the Band-Aid approach is appropriate in this situation. Rip it off, it’ll hurt less. Right?

  Sucking in a breath, I meet Kit’s eye. “We can’t be together.”

  Shock flits across Kit’s face, chased by confusion. Horror then settles into his features, dropping his lips open and furrowing his brow. His eyes widen as he shakes his head from side to side. “No.”

  “No?”

  “I don’t agree.”

  “Kit.” I sigh. “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

  “I told you I loved you yesterday, and I think you’re lying to yourself if you think you don’t love me back.”

  My heart squeezes so hard, all the blood feels like it’s been drained from it. A chill wraps around the dying organ, freezing me from the inside out.

  He’s right. Of course he’s right. I love Kit more than I thought possible. I love him down to my core, with every cell in my body. Every part of me loves every part of him, and has from the day we met. From the moment he wrapped his arms around me in that old kitchen of mine, I knew he was different.

  Kit has shown me what it feels like to live again, just by being himself.

  And that’s exactly why I need to have this conversation. Kit thinks he loves me enough to leave everything behind, but he doesn’t realize what he’s sacrificing. He doesn’t realize how precious his friendships are in Woodvale. How rare it is to have someone beg you to come back to your dream business when you walked out on it six months prior. He doesn’t know how much he’s giving up, and I don’t want to be there when he realizes it.

  It’s precisely because I love him so much that I need to let him go.

  “Kit, I have to stay here to be with my family. I need to help my mother with the sale of my grandma’s house. I need to make sure Nonna is safe and secure and has everything she needs. I’m the only one who can do it.”

  “I’ll stay,” Kit says. “I told you this yesterday, Serena. I want to move here. A change will be good. I can be based in New Haven and get a new route. I can talk to my boss about a transfer—it happens all the time.”

  I shake my head, holding my hands up to silence him. “I don’t want that.”

  My words are like daggers to his heart. I can see them piercing his flesh and embedding themselves into his body, all the way to the hilt. Kit’s brows draw together as his breath grows shallower.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “It’s for the best, Kit.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  I smile sadly. “I do, though. I know how special Woodvale is. I know that leaving would be madness.”

  “You don’t know that it would be madness for me, though. How can you possibly know that?”

  I close my eyes, pressing the pads of my fingers into the hot mug between my hands. It burns, but at least it draws the ache away from my chest.

  “Kit,” I whisper. “I don’t want to be with you.”

  It’s a lie. A bold-faced, pants-on-fire, one-hundred-percent untruth. The only thing I truly want is to be with Kit. The only thing that makes my heart thump is his presence. The only light in my life is his smile.

  But I love Kit enough to know that moving here would kill him. I know that if we were together, he’d want a big family—what if I can’t give it to him? What if my miscarriage happens again, and again, and again? I’ll take him away from his home and his friends, and then I’ll strip him of the ability to have his own family. It’s too much. Kit has a big heart, but that will bleed it dry.

  Duty is keeping me here, but I won’t drag him down with me.

  I take a deep breath. “I know you want a fam
ily, but I don’t.” My words falter, but I push on. “I don’t want kids, and I’m not ready for a relationship. I don’t want to be with you.”

  Kit’s face crumples, his breath shallow. He reaches across the table for me, but I pull away. His touch holds too much power. If I feel his skin against mine, I know my resolve will weaken. Hurt etches itself on Kit’s face when I shy away from his touch, as if that one movement pained him more than any of my words. He straightens up, clearing his throat. His fingers rake through his hair as his eyes, unfocused and hazy, stare at something on the other side of the café.

  “You’re serious right now?”

  I nod. I can’t speak.

  His chest heaves, and my heart shatters. I close my eyes, telling myself over and over that it’s for the best. It’s the kinder thing to do. It’s what love really is—doing something for the other person when it sucks so fucking hard for yourself.

  Kit lets out a long breath, shifting in his seat. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

  I open my eyes to see him standing up. He takes a step toward the door, pausing beside me. For a moment, I think he might lean down and kiss me. I want him to lean down and kiss me. I want to unravel the conversation we just had and erase it from both our memories. Throw away thoughts of chivalry and doing the ‘right’ thing, and just wrap my arms around him and tell him he’s my whole world.

  But Kit only hesitates for a moment. His hand hovers over my shoulder, never touching me, and then drops back to his side. He stalks away from me, the bells on the café door jingling as he walks outside and out of my life.

  Dropping my chin to my chest, I let tears flow down my cheeks. I use scratchy, brown napkins to wipe the moisture off my face, but still more tears fall.

  Doing the right thing feels like the biggest mistake of my life.

  29

  Kit