The garden of dead thoughts

by Natasha A. Salnikova

  “Life’s full of surprises.”

  “Yeah. Tell me about your business,” Margo asked. “Do you like doing what you do? I think it’s very important for any person. I love to work with cosmetics and I love to make women beautiful, self-confident. I wake up every morning to make the world more beautiful.

  “So interesting,” Frank said with enthusiasm. “My work is much more boring. I just make money.” He knew how it sounded. For most women, money was an aphrodisiac.

  “But does it give you pleasure?” Margo asked, sipping her wine.

  “Oh, yeah. The more money the more pleasure.”

  “That’s the most important thing. We should enjoy life. We live only once and life is too short. Have fun with it!”

  They fell silent, looking into each other’s eyes. Frank wanted to blush again, but the wine hit some receptors in his system that didn’t let the bathroom story work its magic. Maybe he just used it too many times in the last days.

  When the waiter approached them again, they ordered their meals and Margo chose the most expensive one. Frank ordered the same, counting the final amount in his head and hoping he would take more from her in the future than he would pay now.

  “I don’t want to upset you,” Frank began when the waiter wrote the order and retired, “but it’s probably so hard for you now. I mean, your husband … I probably shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

  Margo stopped smiling and nodded.

  “It was so unexpected. Even if it was expected, it would still be hard.”

  “What happened to him? May I ask?”

  “We were hiking in the mountains and … It was a horrible accident.”

  Margo began to tell the story, starting from the moment they chose the place for a vacation and Frank lost the story line pretty fast. He didn’t think that he would find anything important for himself. His thoughts unfolded a further scenario, his possible steps. He realized in time that she had stopped, but pretended to digest what he just heard.

  “That’s horrible!” he exclaimed, noticing a tear on her cheek. Margo immediately wiped it with a napkin, pretending to be strong. “When my wife was killed in a car accident, I couldn’t believe it. I’d known her for most of my life. We met in high school. I thought I wouldn’t be able to live without her.”

  “It will be difficult for you to start a new relationship probably?” Margo asked.

  Frank shrugged.

  “Not easy, but life goes on,” he said, trying to be emotional enough, but not overplay. He studied emotions looking at other people, but rarely felt them. In this case, it became difficult to be real. “I’ve been alone for a long time, concentrated on my work, tried not to think about anything else, but now I’m ready to start living again.”

  Silence and gazing into each other’s eyes again.

  They talked about business, about things they loved to do with their spouses. Margo talked about her husband’s children and that they had never forgiven their father for getting married again.

  “I have no children,” Frank said. “Only two dogs. We wanted to have children, don’t get me wrong, but my wife couldn’t get pregnant. I still hope it will be possible for me. I mean, to have kids.”

  “Of course,” Margo said. “Everything is possible. My husband and I didn’t have time to have children, but it was always important for us. I mean, it was important for me to have a full family.”

  Frank never wanted children. Change diapers, wake up in the middle of the night, and have no idea who your child was going to become. The child could become the same ungrateful pig as he was. No, thank you very much.

  “I can’t believe we met in such funny circumstances and you agreed to see me.” Frank took Margo’s hand, ran a finger over her skin. There was a ring on her finger with a huge diamond. Did it remain from her dead husband? How much could this ring cost? He could easily sell it. Not necessarily in Florida, but he wasn’t going to stay in Florida for the rest of his life anyway, despite the fact that he loved the weather. Although, who knew? He had never had an arm candy, it could be cool. Who would he show her to though? He didn’t work, didn’t really have a family or friends and he didn’t feel a need for any of these. Sometimes, he wanted to have someone in his life to share everything, but was it possible to find such a person?

  They had no awkward pauses in the conversation; they had no pauses at all. Frank saw that his manners, not the most refined to say the least, affected her in a good way. She felt comfortable with him. He didn’t really care about her stories, especially the one about her first husband’s children, but he listened to her, so he could use it in the future.

  When their meals were finished and they leaned back in their chairs, the waiter came up again and asked if there was anything else they would like him to bring.

  “Dessert?” Frank asked.

  Margo shook her head. This was good. He was already afraid of getting sick after seeing the bill. They had almost finished a bottle of wine.

  “Just our check, please,” he said, trying not to sound happy.

  The waiter went to get what he needed and Frank took Margo’s hand. He watched her reaction when he did this, so he would understand what she felt. When the check was placed on the table, he looked at it briefly, took two hundred-dollar bills from his wallet, transferred them into the folder, and gave it back to the waiter. His real name was on all of his credit cards, not Michael as Margo knew him, so he had to pay with cash. In any case, she should love how easily he dealt with the payment. Now there was another question on the agenda. Would they go to her place to continue the party or was this it? Anyway, for today. He would prefer to see her house, sniff out, so to speak, the situation. It wouldn’t hurt to have sex either. She was hot.

  “Where did you park your car?” Margo asked as they walked to the garage, where her car was probably parked.

  “Right there, the silver one,” Frank pointed to his Mercedes and decided that Margo was pleased with his choice, although no emotion was reflected on her face. Of course, he wasn’t an idiot to go on dates with rich women in a cheap ride. This would lower his status below the plinth. He bought the Mercedes, which matched his image. It was beside the point though. He just liked nice cars.

  They walked slowly to her car, holding hands, and she allowed him to kiss her. All women were different, but he felt this one would say or show it right away if she didn’t like something.

  “Can I see you again?” Frank asked when she stepped back from him.

  “I’ll text you,” Margo said mysteriously and got into her car when Frank opened the door for her.

  Frank smiled when he went home, still in euphoria from his victory. This woman was in his hip pocket. He hoped for sex today, but it would become a part of their relationship soon, he didn’t doubt that. He just had to have patience. Maybe for the first time in his life he was going to be with a woman he actually liked. Tiffany was cute, but she was also boring and stupid. This Margaret woman was hot and she intrigued him. Of course, he wouldn’t fall in love with her, he didn’t love anyone, but she, at least, tickled something in him. There was something about her that seemed compatible to him.

  After returning to the boat, he sent Margo two messages, one after another. He told her how beautiful she was this evening and how he couldn’t wait to see her again.

  Both statements were true.

  CHAPTER 7

  Frank didn’t feel a trace of nervousness when he went to Margo’s place. He turned on the music in the car and sang along with all the modern pop stars that were on the radio. He remembered that it would be nice to stand out against the background of her other boyfriends and take an extra step toward his irresistibility. So, he stopped at the store and bought a standard bouquet of roses. He didn’t know much about flowers, but everyone liked roses and they cost more than other plants. He also chose one of the most expensive bottles of red wine. He didn’t find the one they drank in the restaurant, but came up with something similar. He drank wine, bu
t preferred whiskey or beer. Nothing compared to a jug of cold beer after a hard day at work.

  Frank chuckled at the thought. Margo was right, it was very important to love what you do. His work suited him perfectly.

  Something twisted in his stomach for a second when he was standing at her door. He was ready, but something could go wrong. He could forget something or drink too much and not be able to control himself and reveal too much. This had happened. He always found a way out and a good excuse, but this lady seemed to him more perspicacious than the others. He also hoped that she was the one he was looking for and he wouldn’t be wasting his time. On the other hand, free sex with a model was always time well spent.

  Her house was in the expensive area of Boca Raton, on the canal, and Frank, not without pleasure, walked along the neat path made of gray tiles before he stopped on the stone porch, in front of the double door. Well? So far everything was even better than he had expected.

  When Margo opened the door, he almost gasped. The bitch was beautiful. First he saw her red dress and red hair. Everything merged into one cloud of challenge, passion, insanity.

  While he was coming to, Margo took the flowers from him, kissed his cheek, and flung the door open wider, letting him in.

  “What a beautiful house!” Frank exclaimed as he walked into the living room. “I love the furnishings. Did you choose everything yourself or with the help of a designer?”

  The right words, he was sure. The house was furnished with expensive furniture, even he could see that, and he was often blind to that kind of thing.

  “I did it myself, of course.”

  “Everything is perfect! I wish I had your taste. I’ll be embarrassed by my house. No style, I just bought whatever I found expensive. What a view!”

  “It’s nice, isn’t it?”

  Frank didn’t change his image of an enthusiastic fool. He had seen better homes, like Tiffany’s, for example, but Margo should appreciate his compliments. He hurried to the French doors that led to the pool, examined the patio and canal, yachts near the neighboring houses. He could park his yacht here, but, he didn’t plan to tell Margo about what he had just yet.

  “You can go outside and wait there while I set the table,” Margo said.

  “I’ll help you!”

  “Oh, no, no. I want to surprise you.” Margo smiled. Was she also cooking? Frank hoped his head wouldn’t explode. How? Who was she? Who was he, really? She had to have some kind of problem that was for sure. He just hoped she wasn’t really a man. That would kill him.

  It was hot outside and he didn’t particularly want to bake under the sun, but he had to do it since his nice hostess asked him to do that. He began to rage and wanted to take a shower when she finally called him into the house and back under the air conditioners.

  His new woman (it was just crazy!) served food on the large table in the dining room, which was connected to the living room. There was a white tablecloth, candles, plates, and cloth napkins inside the freaking rings. The whole nine yards! There were all these stupid things women loved and men didn’t care about. Men just wanted to eat meat and have sex. And money. Meat, sex, and money in any order. Well, at least real men, like him.

  There were plates of meat, potatoes, and salad.

  What was wrong with her? Maybe she was sick? What if she planned to jump him and bang him on his head? It didn’t look like she was going to do that though.

  Frank thanked heaven for his luck, but after the first piece of meat he realized that she didn’t cook it herself, but rather ordered it. The check, which he saw on the bar counter separating the kitchen from the dining room when he turned his head, confirmed that. It was good, very good. Maybe she was normal after all. Beautiful, but normal.

  “This is so good,” he said as he cut off a second piece of the steak. “I can’t believe a woman so beautiful can also cook.”

  “Thank you.” Margo tasted the dish, but it didn’t appear that she liked it as much as he did. Her expression lasted for a second before she smiled. “I have lots of talents.”

  “Delicious. I’ve been so busy I have mostly been eating fast food. You can tell.”

  “Fast food is horrible. You have to take care of yourself.”

  “You’re right, but after my wife passed away ... It doesn’t matter.”

  “Don’t worry. You can say whatever you want.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Tell me about your business. What keeps you so busy?”

  Frank was ready to polish his medal of a liar and a presenter. He took a sip of wine, coughed for decency, and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

  “I’ve been investing for several years. At first I worked for a big corporation, but I got tired of it and had to make some changes. I had a friend who made a sudden fortune and he wanted to invest somewhere. My major is finance, so I knew what to do and I helped him. He doubled and tripled his investment and recommended me to his friends. They did the same and so it went.”

  “That’s great,” Margo said.

  “I want to dip my toes in real estate,” Frank said. “I received my license a long time ago, but then I got involved in consulting and it went so well, I didn’t want to stop.”

  “I agree. We need to try many things, but not by dropping what you’re already doing successfully.”

  “Of course. Stability is the most important thing. I don’t know what it’s like to live from paycheck to paycheck. I’m too old for that. A new business for me will be more like a hobby. I don’t want to have a boring life. I love to do new things, it inspires me. Then again, there’s never too much money.”

  “Of course,” Margo said. “You’re very smart.”

  “Thank you.” Frank even sat up straighter in the chair when his mental abilities were evaluated. Not that he doubted them. “You can’t stay in one place. You have to grow, look for new opportunities, learn, develop. We live only once. We don’t want to regret we didn’t try.”

  Well said, son of a bitch, he thought.

  “You’re absolutely right,” Margo nodded as she carefully cut off a piece of meat. He could see it in her eyes that she liked him more and more.

  They finished their meals and Margo suggested they go to the couch. Frank had been waiting for that invitation since he stepped in the house and didn’t hesitate for a second. They grabbed their glasses and settled on the couch that faced the doors leading to the pool. The lamps outside showcased the darkened terrace, their light dancing on the water of the swimming pool. All the windows in the houses on the other side of the canal were lit and shadows flashed on the closed blinds.

  “Just a week ago I only thought of my husband and I couldn’t even consider dating. I thought no one could make me feel anything and I would be alone all my life. Then suddenly I met you. I know it’s still very early, but I think Charles would understand. My happiness was more important to him than anything else. He even told me, I mean when he was still here, that I shouldn’t wait if something happened to him. You know? Like he knew.”

  “Maybe he did.”

  “I didn’t even look in the direction of other men until you ran into me. It was as if angels pushed you into my path.”

  “Yes.” Frank said, not believing how quickly everything moved. That angel line sounded stupid, but this beautiful idiot had a crush on him. “I thought the same thing. Sometimes fate is fate. You just can’t change it. The first time I saw you, I couldn’t move. It was as if I was waiting for you.”

  “I’m so glad I met you.”

  Margo paused, but didn’t take her eyes from Frank’s. She was waiting for him to make a move, but his image required a certain game, so he continued talking, stuttering and lowering his eyes. He hoped he looked like he wanted to respect her and not attack her. Like he wasn’t here only for sex, even if it was the truth.

  “You know how difficult it is to meet someone special in the modern world? Someone you want to wake up with the next morning, someone you would like to grow old with,�
�� he said. “It’s almost impossible in Florida. People here are superficial. They are not serious about relationships. They don’t even want a relationship! All they want is money. I understand, money is important, but what about connection? What about soul? How about love? How can you live without it?”

  He enjoyed his own wit and the ability to put a few words together to make a woman fall for it and for him, but Margo didn’t seem to buy it or she just really wanted to fuck. She just stared and him and he gave up (not like she had to twist his arm), he kissed her briefly on the lips, barely touching. She smiled and Frank decided he could talk any other day. This woman didn’t care about talking. At least not now. Maybe it was the wine, maybe the meat, maybe it was him and his silver-tongued words or a combination of all of that, but he no longer really cared what happened next. Nature took the upper hand, making him forget about rationality, his plans, and even his brain for that matter. He didn’t even notice when they moved from the couch to the bed, into Margo’s huge, beautiful bedroom.

  When everything was over, Frank felt like he was the king of the world. He was the king, as always. The girl was okay too, even though she wasn’t very zealous. He was just happy she was a woman. He started assuming she could be a dude because everything was too good to be true. But now he knew she wasn’t really a cook and she wasn’t a goddess in bed. She wasn’t bad, but he was the master fuckster.

  “It has been one of the most pleasant days since my husband died,” she said, buttoning her dress. He didn’t undress her, only unbuttoned the top of her dress, and pulled off his pants. She glanced at his deflated hero and Frank took it as a hint to hide it in his pants. He hauled on his underwear before settling again on the bed. Margo lay comfortably on his chest.

  “I didn’t see anyone after his death. So little time has passed. There were guys who wanted to date, but I couldn’t, I thought about him all the time. Something in you attracted me. You’re not like other men I’ve met before. They wanted only one thing from me, but I see that you are different. And you ... it doesn’t matter. I met you by accident and you didn’t disappoint me.”