A New Resolution: A Modern Match-Maker Romance

by Ryder, Rocklyn

  Courtney

  "You know that's her real name?"

  "Yeah, I know. I was really surprised."

  "She told me it's a complete coincidence, can you imagine?"

  Mom and Kelly have been going on like this for what seems like ever.

  Norma Wilkerson sits on the other side of Mom, across from Kelly, poking at her mixed greens salad like it might bite back.

  "I don't know," Kelly shrugs, "I think I'd have kept my maiden name or something, the whole black swan image seems like it would turn clients off."

  "It doesn't seem to be negatively impacting her business," Norma states so quietly that I'm not sure Mom and Kelly even noticed she spoke.

  I watch my middle school nurse stab a piece of radicchio as if it was about to get away. She raises it to her mouth and tastes it hesitantly, then lays it-- still on her fork-- back on the salad plate and looks up at the rest of us like she just noticed we're here.

  Norma appears to be in her late 40s. She's a mousy brunette with cat-eye glasses that have rhinestones on the rims.

  I'm surprised she's so young. If she's in her 40s now, she would have only been in her 20s when I started school. In my mind's eye, she was always an old woman, which seems contrary to the petite woman sporting a classic pin up girl image now.

  She pushes her salad plate away from her on the table by a fraction of an inch with one finger. I scrutinize the 1930s style almond nail with the dark red polish and ponder the woman that makes up the third member of my team.

  A woman who is helping choose my husband.

  A woman who hasn't seen me since I was 12 years old-- crying hysterically in her office while she calmly tries to sooth a terrified and mortally embarrassed 6th grader who just started her period in the middle of math class into believing that life will still be worth living.

  My eyes fall down on my own salad, except I'm far less intimidated by the mix of lettuces and baby spinach on my plate. I spear some of it and take a bite.

  The first memory of Norma that comes to mind isn't my favorite so I try to think of all the other times I ended up in the nurse's office.

  I remember getting violently ill and puking on Tammy Levine in kindergarten. That was the last time I was invited to sit at the popular girls' table.

  In 1st grade, I got sent to the nurse's office because Mrs. Bailey found a tiny little sore on my arm. Turned out to be chicken pox and Nurse Wilkerson had to keep me quarantined in her office all day till Mom was able to come pick me up.

  Sliding my fork into a grape tomato, I peek up at Norma and smile a little. That's a good memory, she stayed in the little sick room with me all day, teaching me how to play Go Fish with a regular deck of cards.

  I was so excited to find out you don't need the special cards, I made Dad play it with me every day when he got home from work the entire time I was out of school. Since no one else in the family could be around me because they hadn't had chicken pox.

  Austin got it anyway.

  Norma is visibly relieved when our server removes the salad from in front of her and replaces it with a bowl of pasta bathed in creamy tomato sauce.

  When Mom told me Norma was her pick for a third member of the team, I thought it was a pretty good idea. I mean, Norma does know me. She was a part of my life for several years and Mom and her both volunteer at the senior center in town so while they aren't exactly bosom buddies, they are friends.

  She seems like a good choice. She knows me and my family, but she's not likely to be opinionated enough to get in Mom and Kelly's way.

  I watch her eating her lunch quietly beside me. She's not unpleasant company but she hasn't been real vocal since her and Mom got into town. Mostly she's just tagged along with Mom while she meets with Kelly and whenever I'm around, she nods and smiles but doesn't seem to have much to contribute to the conversation.

  With a little shrug, I turn my attention to my own lunch while Mom and Kelly continue to banter back and forth about Raven's name, Whether they think her hair color is natural or not, how nice her assistant is and how they can't believe Jessica's not married herself, and pretty much anything but what I want to hear about.

  "Do you remember coming into my office when you were in Mrs. Sloe's class?" Norma's voice is so soft beside me that at first I don't realize she's speaking to me.

  "Mrs. Sloe?" The name means nothing to me.

  Norma smiles at me.

  It takes me off guard. She's wearing a bold, red, lipstick that's actually quite flattering on her but it seems so contrary to her mousy demeanor that I find it distracting. I'm also fascinated by her ability to wear it without it ever seeming to fade or smudge. Even my best lipsticks seem to fade away after a few hours.

  A side voice in my head tells me to ask her what brand it is while the rest of my stares cluelessly at her as she reminds me who my 7th grade science teacher was.

  "No," I finally answer her original question, shaking my head to back up my answer, "No, I don't remember that visit."

  Norma looks at me a little curiously but doesn't say anything. She just sort of half nods and takes another bite of her pasta, carefully chews and swallows it, washes it down with a dainty sip of white wine-- and then says, "I'm surprised you don't remember that one," without exactly looking back up at me.

  She doesn't expand on it and I don't get to ask before Kelly is breaking into my thoughts with a list of questions that my team apparently has come up with for me before they feel they can continue their mission.

  "Kelz," I finally butt in, "you know all this, I don't understand why you're asking this stuff?"

  "Honey, it's just that--" Mom bites her lip and shoots a glance at Kelly with a raised eyebrow.

  "Might as well," Kelly answers her unasked question.

  "It's just that we wanted to meet with you in person and double check a few things before we confirm our choice with Raven." Mom breaks into a cheesy grin like she just can't hold it back anymore.

  Kelly bounces in her chair, and grins along with Mom while they stare at me.

  "Confirm your choice?" I ask, afraid to get my hopes up, "does that mean what I think it means?"

  Mom and Kelly both nod their heads in unison, grins in tact.

  "You found him? You guys really found my husband?"

  Saying it aloud feels weird. I notice I'm not joining Mom and Kelly in their ecstatic grins and seat bouncing.

  I also notice that Norma has rested her fork against the side of her bowl and is watching me intently, if slightly blankly.

  "We haven't given Raven our final decision yet," Kelly warns me.

  "We're supposed to have a video call with her tonight," Mom says, "and we don't know exactly what happens after that yet."

  "Raven has to verify the match with the gentleman's team, make sure their choice is reciprocal, and do an exit interview with both teams before we move to the initial introductions."

  Everyone looks at Norma like she just spouted off the formula for nuclear fission off the top of her head.

  "It's all in the policies and procedures guidelines she sent with our contracts," she tells us nonchalantly.

  "Well," Kelly says, "there you go then, that's what we have to do."

  It's been nice having Mom around for a couple of days, but it's weird that she's here to see Kelly and not me.

  After lunch I give everyone my tightest hugs and my most sincere thank yous. Except Norma. I shake Norma's hand and notice with surprise how confident her grip is and how warm her hands are.

  "If you have anything you want to add before we send Raven our final choice, don't hesitate to call," she tells me before we part.

  Something about the way she says it sends my brain spinning to recollect the trip to the nurse's office she referenced earlier.

  I assure her I will, but I can't think of any reason I'd need to.

  Mom and Norma find their Lyft driver waiting for them at the corner and I watch their car disappear into traffic.

  Kelly bounces in
her heels and business suit, plants a quick kiss on my cheek and tells me how excited she is about the video call with Raven tonight and then she rushes off to get back to the office.

  As I turn and head back to work myself it occurs to me that the next time I see them, I'll be engaged.

  Well...close enough anyway.

  After 4 months of waiting impatiently for this day, I'm surprised that I'm not more excited about it.

  Blake

  "What the fuck are you telling me right now?"

  I've been trying to hold it in and keep from exploding but I finally can't control my temper anymore.

  "This was supposed to be a done deal?"

  The woman has a way of calming me down, that's for sure. I find myself breathing evenly again and run my hand through my hair while I listen to Raven's soothing voice sympathetically explaining the problem.

  "The other team didn't agree with yours, Blake. I understand your frustration but when this happens it's for the best, I promise."

  She says it like it's a good thing. Like I just dodge a bullet. Like we just dodged a bullet, she makes me feel like we're in this together and that's probably why I start to relax.

  Raven goes on to explain what went wrong and what happens next. Of course, according to her, nothing went wrong. In her view, everything went fine and my case is perfectly on track.

  She's sympathetic to my disappointment and she puts some effort into calming me down about what I consider to be a major set back, but I barely hear her explain that it's not as simple as just going with the first runner up.

  "Your team chose your best match from the original set of possibilities," she's saying, "that means that their second choice will always be second best. Not the right match. You'd be settling. She'd be settling. That's not what I do for my clients, Blake.

  "Settling is not what I believe in. It's not what fulfilling relationships are based on. It's not what my clients pay me for, and it's not what my clients deserve."

  I grumble a reluctant agreement that isn't exactly an agreement at all. More like a begrudging acknowledgment that I'm not in control.

  "You're focusing on the timeline." Raven's voice is a soft observation. It's not a question or an accusation, she's just stating a fact that she's picking up on. She says it quietly and gently. "I understand you're impatience, Blake, and I know you hired me because my record shows a high success rate in a very short time frame. Am I correct?"

  Her tone takes me out of my own head and redirects my focus on what she's saying.

  "Pretty much," I answer.

  "What's more important to you? Would you rather get married quickly or would you rather stay married for the rest of your life?"

  "Shit, Rave, when you put it like that--"

  Raven laughs softly. She's good at dealing with people. At least, she's good at dealing with me. She always finds a way to get me to focus and see things clearly. She's right, I'm not looking for some short term marriage of convenience to tide me over.

  "I deal in marriages, not divorces, Mr. McAllistar," she admonishes me playfully. "I'm so sorry the first try didn't work out, but that gives me some very important information about you that I need to factor into my process in order to narrow down a new set of potential matches."

  "About me?" How does some woman's team not thinking I'm the right man for their friend reveal something new about me? "I don't get it? How is that a reflection on me? I mean, doesn't that mean you skipped something about the women you chose for me?"

  This time Raven's laugh lacks the playful friendliness from before and sounds more like she's genuinely amused that I don't see how it's about me.

  "Well, yes and no," she says. "Yes, obviously I chose matches for you that were missing on an important level, but that turns out to be because I was missing something about you that I didn't notice from your application or in our interviews.

  "My job now is to go back and readdress your case with a more complete profile in mind so I can make new connections based on that information."

  Huh?

  How the hell did she miss something-- anything-- about me? The woman's application process is more intimate than a prostate exam and more thorough than an IRS audit.

  "How the hell did you miss something in our interviews?"

  "I know it sounds incredulous," her laugh sounds a little apologetic, "believe me, it happens. I'm only human, and I'm only one person. That's why I use people from your personal life to finalize the decision. Your closest friends and relatives know you better than I ever will. They've known you longer and they will continue their relationships with you long after you and I have concluded our business."

  "So, like, you forgot to ask me something? Or one of the guys told you something about me that you and Jess didn't think to ask?"

  I'm thinking either my team or my match-maker dropped the ball here.

  "No, Blake, you and your team are doing an excellent job. And, as far as I'm aware, Jessica and I are also on task here. But it's not just us that's involved in your match, there's a whole other team and another client behind them.

  "All those interviews you've been going through with the womens'steams?"

  I hrmph to show I'm still with her.

  "Those people act like secondary teams for you too. They bring me new information about you and the people you've chosen to represent you that reveal how you're perceived from their point of view. Sometimes that turns out to be very enlightening."

  So Raven's telling me that the woman my guys thought should be my wife isn't right for me because her people saw something about me that no one else noticed?

  I don't even want to think about this anymore. All this psychology bullshit is more than I have patience for. I'm paying Raven to find me a wife. The right wife, true enough. That much, at least, is easy for me to get through my thick skull.

  "So now what?" I ask, finally concentrating on the real goal.

  "Now I go over my notes with the new observations and draw new parallels, connections and contradictions between you and the potential matches I have available."

  "And then?"

  "And then we start over, Blake," she says like it's just that simple.

  Yeah, I guess it is that simple. But just because it's simple doesn't mean I like it.

  Courtney

  "Huh?"

  Nothing makes any sense here.

  "So they didn't make a decision after all?"

  Kelly's been trying to straighten it out all day. Between me and Mom and Raven's office, it's been nothing but phone calls and emails for the last week.

  Right now I'm on the phone with Jessica, Raven's assistant, trying to figure out what happened to my Mr. Right.

  "Well, initially, yes," Jessica says, "Raven did what we thought was the final interview with your team last Tuesday evening, but then we got an email from one of your team members that changed things."

  Jessica is not like Raven at all. Raven has almost supernatural people skills. Like she can read your soul just from asking a few questions about you. But not in a creepy way. She has a way of making you feel super comfortable and you can't help but trust her.

  Jess is more business, less intuition. She's super cool, but she's not as open with her thoughts and she doesn't have the same way of making you feel like you've known her all your life.

  I can see how she balances out Raven really well though, together they're a great team that's been easy to work with.

  Until now.

  "What do you mean, you heard from a member of my team?" I ask, "I thought my team had agreed on my match? That's why they did the final interview with Raven to begin with, right?"

  Jessica sighs heavily. Not like she's exasperated with me, more like this is making her as tired as it's making me.

  "Yeah, we thought so too, but it turns out that your team wasn't unanimous."

  "Do they have to be?" I don't remember that being a stipulation.

  "Not necessarily. That's why Raven prefers teams of 3 o
r 5, so there's always a majority rules scenario or a someone to act as a tie breaker, but in this case, the information didn't get presented till after the interview."

  This just doesn't make sense. Mom and Kelly were totally on the same page when I saw them last week. What could have come up that would have made one of them change their mind after they already talked to Raven?

  Which is pretty much what I ask Jessica.

  On the other end of the line, Jessica is quiet for a long time and I think she must be looking up notes on the computer or something. Finally she clears her throat and hesitantly stammers out an apology while she puts me on hold.

  After a brief moment of silence, Raven greets me warmly and asks how much her assistant has gotten me caught up.

  I try to answer her without hysterically demanding an explanation for the hold up.

  "Okay," Raven says more to herself than to me. I hear her typing and then I hear her humming quietly to herself, finally, "The thing is, your team isn't all together on their choice. Normally that's not that big a deal, but this didn't come to our attention until after the final decision was submitted so it threw up a red flag that made me go back and reconsider some things."

  "But Mom and Kelly were totally on the same page when they told me they'd made a decision," I tell her, "I don't know who changed their mind but I can't imagine why they wouldn't have discussed with each other before getting ahold of you?"

  "Your mother and best friend aren't the only members of your team, though," Raven reminds me.

  * * *

  It was Norma.

  After an hour and a half on the phone with Raven, listening to her tell me about her conversation with my supposedly silent third team member that made my match-maker totally veto the decision that the two people I actually trusted to find my husband for me made after months of interviews, I'm seething mad.