I nodded. “Yeah, blame it on God.”
And I didn't mean that in a bad way. I only meant that God really has made us all differently. And that's cool. It'd be pretty boring if we were all alike. And I'm sure our music would sound awful.
BLAKE IT ON GOD
none of us are the same
guess it's God who gets the blame
creatively, He made each one
no two alike beneath the sun
all our gifts are different
each of them is heaven sent
and yet He fits us all together
so we'll glorify Him forever
cm
Monday, December 6
(THE PITS IN PITTSBURGH)
Something is wrong with Laura. I can feel it in my bones. But no one else seems to be noticing. So today I decided to ask her what's up. We're staying at a hotel until our concert on Wednesday. So after practice today, since Allie had promised to watch Davie while Elise went to get a haircut, I invited Laura to get some lunch with me. We made sure we had a good supply of Mickey D-bucks in our pockets since I felt fairly certain we'd get sp'anged within a few feet of the hotel. And we did. Laura got to do the giving, but I got to tell the girl that Jesus loved her and had a better plan for her life.
We decided to go to a sushi bar. Thanks to the influence of Iron Cross, all three of us have acquired a taste for sushi lately. And believe me, it's an acquired taste. It took Allie three times before she could eat raw fish without gagging. Ifow she acts as if she's been eating sushi since infancy.
After we finished our food, I requested a refill on my iced tea and then asked Laura how she was feeling.
“Huh?” She looked at me funny. “What do you mean?”
I stirred the ice with my straw. “I mean, how are you feeling? Everything okay?”
She frowned. “Yeah. Why?.”
“I don't know, Laura. You just seem different.”
“Different, like how?”
I took a deep breath and prayed a silent prayer. I wasn't quite sure how to say what I wanted to say. “Well, you seem more moody than you used to be.”
She shrugged. “Like Willy says, touring can bring out the worst in people.”
I nodded. “I know. It's not easy for any of us.”
“It seems to be easy for you and Allie. You guys always appear to be on top of things. Looks like I'm the one who's always messing stuff up.”
“You don't mess stuff up.”
“Then why are you sitting here telling me I'm moody?”
“Because I think something is wrong, Laura.”
Now she looked directly at me. “What do you think is wrong?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah, honestly. What do you think is wrong, Chloe?”
“Okay, I know this might sound silly. But I've wondered if you might be, uh, well…” Suddenly I didn't think I could say the words aloud. I mean, it would sound perfectly ridiculous.
“What?” she demanded.
I sighed deeply. “Okay, let me explain something.”
“l'ine,” she said with obvious exasperation. “Go ahead and explain.”
“Well, right before Thanksgiving, after we got home, I accidentally knocked Allie's prescription bottle, the one for her Ritalin, out of the medicine cabinet in the bus.” I paused to study Laura's reaction, and I'm certain I saw a flash of something in her eyes. Was it fear or simply indignation? I'm still not entirely sure.
“Anyway,” I continued. “I noticed the bottle was empty, and I just figured that Allie had been taking her Ritalin pills again.”
Laura had a blank expression now, as if she'd pulled a curtain over her face. “And?”
“But Allie said she hadn't.”
“So?”
“So, I thought it was odd that the bottle was empty.”
“What are you saying, Chloe? Are you accusing me of taking Allie's Ritalin pills?”
“Nooo.” I looked out the window, suddenly wishing I'd never brought this up. “But it occurred to me that you've been acting differently. You don't seem like you used to be.”
“Hey, we've all changed. You can't do something like this concert tour without changing, Chloe.”
“Yeah, I know. But you seem more changed than anyone, Laura. And I just thought it was possible that-”.
“That I've become a drug addict? That I would steal Allie's pills?” She stood up now and fumbled to find money for the bill. “I can't believe you. I thought you were my friend.”
“I am your friend. That's why I'm having this conversation with you.” I set a ten on the table and followed Laura to the exit.
She paused with her hand on the door, then turned to me with a hurt expression. “You know how I feel about drugs.”
“I know; I know.”
“Then why are you doing this to me?”
“I'm just worried about you.”
“Am I messing up when we perform?”
“Ifo.”
“Am I falling apart?”
I shook my head.
“Then why?”
I put my hand on her shoulder. “Look, I'm sorry, Laura. I know it was stupid of me to think that. But you know what happened to my brother, and even your sister. I know that drugs are real and they can really mess you up.” I noticed a group of kids hanging on the corner across the Street. I don't like to judge, but just the way they were huddled together, looking sort of down and out and basically burnt, just seemed to suggest drugs. “Look at those guys over there.”
She glanced across the street, then turned back to me with a sour scowl. “Are you suggesting that I'm like them?”
“Ifo, that's not what I mean. I'm just saying that it can happen to anyone. I'm guessing every one of those kids used to be a normal kid like us, like my brother Caleb and your sister. But I'm guessing that somewhere along the line they might've got hooked on dope. And now it's probably destroying their whole lives.”
“What makes you such an expert, Chloe?”
“I'm not. But I guess I'm trying to understand it better, and Willy has explained some things…” But I quit talking when I realized she was tuning me out.
Laura had already started walking back toward the hotel. “You can believe whatever you want,” she called over her shoulder. “But I am not like them. I am not an addict. And I am hurt that you would think that of me.”
I hurried to catch her and apologized all the way back to the hotel. By the time we reached the lobby, I felt lower than the snuf fed-out cigarette butt that the doorman was removing from the entryway carpet.
“l'ine. G11 forgive you, Chloe.” Laura pushed the floor number in the elevator without looking at me. “As long as you never bring this up again.”
I looked down at the floor. “Believe me, I won't.”
So now I not only feel like a total jerk but a complete fool as well. I can't believe that I actually thought I was doing the right thing to ask her about this. And maybe I was, since the Bible tells us to go directly to anyone we have a problem with. Pastor Tony has taught this numerous times. But somehow it just didn't work today.
THE RIGHT THING
what first seemed right
just turned out wrong
the road seemed short
but now it's long
what started good
quickly turned bad
became a mess
and now she's mad
when will i learn
to hold my peace
to wait on God
for His release
when will i see
my right is wrong
i need God's help
to get along
i think i'ra big
then see i'ra small
to You, ray Lord,
i give it all
cm
Seventeen
Sunday, December 12
(BUFFALO BLAHS)
Okay, even Willy said he thinks something was missing in our performance last
night. I know I was feeling down and consequently not playing my best. It's like there's a wall between Laura and me now. And Allie is sort of stuck in the middle, so I'm sure she's not doing her best either. Fortunately, the crowd didrft seem to notice anything. But then they've never heard us when we're really hot. Besides, Iron Gross is supposed to be the star of the show. Believe me, they were last night. A huge relief. I almost think they do better when we play badly, but that could just be me.
Anyway, after Willy took us to church this morning, he asked if he could have a meeting after our practice this afternoon. I should mention that we don't usually practice on Sundays since it's supposed to be our day of rest. But sometimes, like if we've played badly or have a big concert coming up, we go ahead and practice and try to make sure we have some downtime later.
So after practice, Willy set some bags of chips and some cans of sodas on the table in the practice room. “So how do you girls think you sounded last night?”
I just groaned and grabbed a soda.
“Pretty cruddy,” said Allie.
Laura didn't say anything.
“I don't like to criticize, but it feels as though something isn't working,” he continued as he pulled up a chair. “Like something is missing.” His eyes moved over the three of us, as if looking for clues.
“Well, I agree,” I said. “Something is definitely missing.”
“What is it?” He leaned back in his chair and waited for someone to respond, but no one did.
“Are you girls getting along all right?” he finally asked.
“I don't know…” I glanced over at Laura who seemed to be having a silent vigil.
“It's been kinda different lately.” Allie looked at me and then Laura. “I think something's bugging those two.”
Willy nodded. “You wanna talk about it?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I'm sure not enjoying the way things are going right now.”
“How about you, Laura?” he asked. “Willing to talk?”
She shrugged. “I guess.”
I decided to lay my cards on the table, “First of all,” I began slowly. “I guess I should say that this is probably all ray fault.” Although, to be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure that's completely true. Still, it seemed a good place for me to start. And hopefully it would put Laura at ease.
“How's that?” asked Willy.
“Well, I sort of hurt Laura's feelings last week. I told her I was sorry and everything, but I think she might still be feeling bad about it.” I said this without looking at Laura.
“What'd you do?” asked Allie with her typical wide-eyed curiosity, which some might mistake for nosiness. But when you know Allie, you can be fairly certain that it's really just concern.
I glanced at Laura, and she was doing her stone impression again. Just staring at the chips and sodas splayed across the table as if they were really fascinating.
I took in a deep breath, unsure of how much I should say. “I made sort of an accusation.” I could tell by the sharp glint in Laura's eyes that she didn't want to go there.
“What kind of accusation?” asked Willy. Then he cleared his throat. “The only reason I'm asking is because you girls are like a family, and there's no point in keeping secrets from anyone. We need to get stuff out into the open, you know what I mean?”
I nodded. “I guess so. I just don't want to make Laura feel bad all over again.”
Willy turned to Laura. “Are you okay with this?”
She just rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
So I repeated pretty much what I'd said to Laura about how she seemed different and how Allie's Ritalin pills were gone.
“Oh, yeah,” said Allie. “I remember you mentioned that at Thanksgiving. I meant to ask Mom about it, but everything got so busy.”
“So you didrft take the pills, Allie?” Willy asked.
“Ito, Tve told you how much I hate taking them. And I thought I'd been doing better at keeping myself calm.” She frowned. “Don't you think I've been doing better?”
Willy laughed. “Yeah, mostly.”
“Anyway, I told Chloe that my mom probably just threw them out.”
“Did you ask your mom?” I asked.
“No. But she and Davie are probably still upstairs. I could call and ask her now,” suggested Allie. “Would that help clear things up?”
Laura folded her arms across her chest. “You might as well call her if we're going to finish up our little Spanish Inquisition.”
“Is that how you really feel, Laura?” asked Willy. “I only want to help you girls clear this up—whatever it is.”
“Fine,” Laura sighed in exasperation. And I could feel myself squirming in my chair. Why hadn't I just kept my big mouth shut?
But Allie was already on the phone. We could hear her asking Elise the question, followed by a long pause as she listened to the response.
“Thanks, Mom.'” Then she hung up and turned back to face us. “Uh, my mom said she didn't do anything with my pills. In fact, she actually thought that Ga been taking them.” Allie sort of smiled. “I guess that's kind of a compliment to me.”
“But not to me.” Laura stood now. “I suppose you all think I'm some sort of drug addict because Allie's stupid pills are missing. So just like that I'm charged as guilty. Right?”
“We're not saying that,” Willy said in a calm voice. “But stranger things have been known to happen on concert tours.”
Laura was pacing now. “Well, it just figures. You guys have ganged up on me before. I'm used to being the minority—”
“What?” I said. “When have we ever ganged up—?”
“You and Allie!” She pointed her finger at us. “You two are always pairing up, and then I get pushed out—”
“Just a minute,” I said. “If anyone's been pushed aside lately, it's been me.”
“Or me,” said Allie. “You and Laura went to lunch the other day and left me behind, and you guys always—”
“Hold on.” Willy held up his hands. “I think we're getting off track here.”
Laura stopped pacing and just stared at us. “I think you're all against me.”
“No one's against anyone,” said Willy. “We're just trying to figure out what's wrong here because something is very definitely wrong.”
“And everyone's pointing the finger at me.” Laura had tears in her eyes now.
“Not really, Laura,” I said. “I actually started this whole thing by saying that I thought I may be the one to blame. I never should've made that accusation. And I told you then that I was sorry. And I'm still sorry.”
Laura was crying now. I went over and put my arm around her shoulders. “I wouldn't have said anything except that you seem so different to me. You used to be like the Rock of Gibraltar. Sometimes Allie or I could be a little flaky, but we could always count on you to be the even-keeled one. But it seems as though you've been moodier than ever. And when I saw those pills missing, well, I just wondered…”
“It's a fairly natural conclusion,” said Willy.
“Thanks a lot!” snapped Laura.
“Although that doesn't make it true,” he continued without even reacting to her barb. I really admire how Willy can keep his cool in every situation. It's a good quality for a manager. “It's only circumstantial evidence, Laura.”
“So I AM on trial!”
“Ifo one is on trial here.” Willy stood and went over to where Laura and I were already standing. “I think we need to pray.”
Then Allie joined us, and the three of us surrounded Laura as Willy led a prayer. “Dear Heavenly i'ather,” he prayed. “Please, bring Your truth to light. Heal our broken relationships and comfort our hearts as only You can. And finally, we ask that You would bind us together in Your gracious love.”
Then we all said, “Amen.”
“I told my mom I'd call her this afternoon.” Laura wiped her nose. “Are we done here?”
“I guess so,” said Willy. But I could tell by his e
xpression that he was still concerned.
After Laura left, I asked Willy if he thought I'd been wrong to confront Laura last week.
“That's between you and God, Chloe.”
“I know. But what do you really think? Would you have done it?”
He slowly nodded. “Under the circumstances and knowing the pressure that you girls are under, I'm sure I would've.”
“Do you think Laura has actually been taking my Ritalin?”
“It's possible, Allie,” said Willy. “And in Laura's defense, you need to understand that these things can and do happen. We all know she's had a really hard time on this trip. First it was the sleeping problem, and then she couldn't get herself going…” He sighed and shook his head. “I think there's a possibility that Ghloe is right on.”
Allie looked troubled. “But what do we do now?”
“There's not much we can do unless Laura actually admits to it. There's always the chance that we're all wrong. She may be telling the truth. Ibr her sake I hope so.”
“But where did the Ritalin go?”
Willy studied us both then grinned. “Who knows? Maybe I took it. Or Rosy. Or Elise.”
“Yeah, sure,” said Allie. “And maybe Davie took it, and that's why he's so wired. Although they might not work like that on him since he doesn't have ADD. It's funny how that drug works one way on one person and completely the opposite on the other.”
Willy went over to the table and started cleaning up our snack mess. “I've heard the street value on uppers like that could be up to thirty dollars a pop.”
“Wow, good thing I didn't know that back during my godless, rebellious period,” Allie said as she threw the empty soda cans in the trash. “I might've become a drug dealer.”
“Yeah, I can just see you pushing pills back in middle school,”I teased.
“Hey, we all know it happens.”
“But getting back to the problem,” I said. “What should we do now?”
“Well, until we can figure this out, I'd suggest you girls keep a close eye on Laura without her feeling as if she's being spied on. And try not to treat her differently. She's already feeling very sensitive, and the last thing she needs is to feel like we're all against her. Because we're not. She needs to know that we love her regardless of anything that may or may not be going on.”
Road Trip Page 10
