“What about Iron Cross?” I asked. “Should we let them know what's up?”
“I think it's only fair. But first I'd like to call Eric Green and let him know what's going on. Are you okay with that, Laura?”
She stiffened slightly, and I could tell she was still beating herself up about everything. “Yeah, it seems only fair. But I hate to think that I'm going to be the cause of a canceled contract.” She choked up again. “I'm just so sorry about everything, you guys. Really, I am.”
“We know, Laura,” Willy said in an even voice. “And you've got to believe that we all forgive you. Now as your manager, I want you to take it easy today. Just rest up and eat right and take those vitamins that Slise got for you girls. We'll just have to cross that next bridge when we get there.”
So that's what Laura did on the road today. She took a couple of naps, and I noticed she was reading her Bible a lot. Then she sat up with Rosy for a while, and the two of them appeared to have a good chat. Already, she seems a little more like the old Laura—in a very fragile sort of way. Will she ever be that strong, resilient Laura that I used to know? I sure hope so. And that's what I'm praying for.
RESTORATION
You made us and shaped us
we're formed by Your hand
You breathed Your life in us
a life that You've planned
You knew that we'd blow it
and fall on our face
and that we'd need Jesus
and Your loving grace
You remake, reshape us
with care You restore
our hearts and our spirits
till we're something more
till we're something bigger
and better—like new
till we reflect Your love
and look just like You
cm
Nineteen
Sunday, December 19
(HEADING TO PHILLY)
Somehow, by the grace of God, Redemption managed to pull it off in Hartford last night. Laura, although not in perfect form, handled herself in a professional and dignified manner. As a result, Michael White was not forced to jump in and rescue us.
Our practice yesterday morning had gone smoothly, and we'd met with Iron Cross in the afternoon to come clean on our “little problem,” which really isn't little. Amazingly, a cool and composed Laura did most of the speaking.
“I'm sure you guys suspected that all was not well with Redemption,” she said after she'd finished explaining everything' to them. “And believe me, I take 100 percent of the blame for that. I've already told my band how sorry I am, and now I'm telling you guys. I am really, really sorry. I doubt if I'll ever be able to express how much regret I feel. And I hope and pray that you guys can forgive me. But I wouldn't blame you if you don't want us to open for you anymore.”
Laura glanced over to where Allie and I were sitting and sighed sadly. “Anyway, Willy has already told Eric Green about the whole thing, and he's supposed to get back to us later today. Right, Willy?”
“That's right. Eric's been calling the bigwigs to find out what they want us to do. Naturally, it” s difficult reaching everyone on a Sunday. The girls are more than willing to open for you tonight, but they'll understand if you're concerned.”
Allie grabbed ray hand and squeezed it hard. I could tell she was as nervous as I was as we waited for Iron Gross to respond to Laura's confession. Laura went over and sat by herself in a corner. She sat up straight and watched the rest of the group, but the expression on her face was truly tragic. Right then and there I wanted to tell her how rauch I admired how brave she'd been in admitting her problem to these guys, and I could tell she felt absolutely rotten, but I also knew it wasn't the right time and place yet. It was that moment when' it occurred to me that no matter how badly she had hurt our band—maybe to the point of dissolution—she had hurt herself far more. Ky heart really went out to her.
Willy continued in a solemn voice. “But I have to reassure you guys that the girls' practice sounded just fine this morning, and I don't believe they'll have any problems tonight. Still, you guys have a definite say in all this.”
Now the room got so quiet that I could hear myself breathing. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for God to have mercy on Laura…and our band.
Then Jeremy cleared his throat. “Well, this is interesting. We didn't want to say anything, but we did have our suspicions about Laura.” He glanced over to his brother before he continued.” Actually, it was Isaiah who felt something was wrong. The rest of us weren't too sure, well, until that last performance. Then we figured Isaiah was probably right.” Jeremy put his hand - on his brother's shoulder. “Okay, bro, why don't you say a few words. I'm sure you can speak for Iron Gross.” The other guys nodded, so it seemed unanimous that Isaiah was the spokesman. This struck me as slightly odd since Jeremy is really the leader of the band, but I leaned forward in my chair to listen.
Isaiah stood up now and looked around the room, then finally stopped his gaze where Laura was still sitting by herself in the corner. Poor Laura. I could almost feel her cringing in her skin, and I'm sure she wished that she could just vanish about then. But I must respect the way she returned his gaze. Wot in a cocky way, but just openly—as if she was waiting for him to really lay into her. As if she thought she deserved it. And maybe she did.
“Laura,” Isaiah said in a gentle I'mI'm?. “I sus-_ pected you were using at least a month ago. But at the same time, I wasn't absolutely certain. I guess I couldn't quite believe a level-headed person like yourself could fall into that pit of deception. I should've known better.”
Laura nodded, and I could tell she was holding back tears. “Hang in there,” I wanted to tell her.
Isaiah continued. “But the reason I could tell you were using is because I've been in the very same boat myself.”
Laura's big brown eyes got even bigger, and I'm sure I saw her jaw drop just slightly, but she remained silent.
“But you're lucky, Laura—I should probably say blessed—that you realized what a trap you'd fallen into after only three months. It took me nearly a year. These guys can attest to that.” Isaiah sighed as if even the memory was painful. “I really messed up big-time. Kan, I thought I was such a pro at covering it up, and maybe I was at first, but it started to show up in my performance, not to mention my attitude. The worst was how it totally devoured my spiritual life. I felt dead for most of that year.” He shook his head. “It was a cruddy way to live. But finally these guys figured out what was going on and confronted me. At first I denied everything, but it didn't take long for God to get hold of my heart again. And then I confessed, and these guys stood by me and helped me to get and stay clean. In a way I owe my life to them almost as much as I owe it to God.”
Laura still looked stunned. “Really, Isaiah? ' That's really true?”
He smiled as he walked over to her. “That's right. So, if you're expecting us to judge or condemn you, well, you can just forget about it. Believe me, I would be the last one to cast a stone at anyone messed up by drugs.” He took her hand now and made her stand up. “It took a lot of guts for you to come clean like this, Laura. And believe me, we respect you for it.1. He glanced back at his band. “Right, guys?”
Naturally, they all agreed. Then Isaiah gave Laura a big hug that was followed up by the rest of the guys in the band.
“Okay,” said Jeremy. “Let's do a quick vote. Everyone in favor of having Redemption open for us tonight say ‘amen.’” A resounding “amen” reverberated through the room, and then they launched into the old “Lilies of the Valley” amen song. Happy and relieved and tearful, we all joined in.
It wasn't until it was almost time to go onstage that Eric finally called Willy on his cell phone. Apparently he'd been unable to get a complete consensus from the bigwigs, but he told Willy that we'd better go ahead and perform as planned and that we'd sort it all out on Monday.
So, while our performance probably wouldn't get the m
ost stunning review in the music critics' columns, it was solid and professional. Jeremy said that we sounded better than ever, but that was probably a kind exaggeration on his part. Still, it's a relief to have this night behind us. Ifow we need to hear Omega's opinion on this whole thing. Needless to say, we are all praying. Including Iron Gross. After the concert they made a special point to tell us that they hoped we'd get to continue opening for them.
“You girls are the most talented band we've ever toured with,” said Jeremy.
“Besides that, you're cute,” Brett added with a wink.
“Yeah, and I think we really get each other.” Isaiah gave Laura a sideways, brotherly hug. “We understand that we're not perfect but are being perfected by God.”
“Yeah,” said Kichael. “And thanks to you, I can say that I actually played in a chick band once.”
We all laughed at that.
“Well, it's in God's hands,” I told them.
“We'll be praying that Omega sees it that way,” said Jeremy.
So now it's the waiting game again. But I'm starting to think that this is just the way life is—always something to wait for. I guess mostly I need to be waiting on God.
WAITING GAME
flying along at a breakneck pace
running like crazy in this rat race
thinking you're early and finding you're late
before you know it, it's time to wait…
the waiting game
always the same
rules don't bend
will it ever end?
sitting for days with heads hung low
time stands still and clocks are slow
answerless questions hang in the air
don't you move, don't you dare
the waiting game
always the same
rules don't bend
will it ever end?
come to God, just fall on your face
beg for mercy and plead for grace
wait on Him with an honest heart
and soon He'll give a fresh start
the waiting game
God's always the same
don't curse the wait
the end is great
cm
Twenty
Tuesday, December 21
(C0NFESSIONS IN PHILADELPHIA)
As it turned out, Omega was willing to give Redemption a second chance. I'm sure this had a lot to do with Iron Gross pleading on our behalf. And of course, God's great mercy.
But they had two conditions: 1) that Laura goes into some sort of drug rehab therapy after we go back home for our much needed break, and 2) that Allie and I also attend some support group meetings for friends and family members of addicts, like Al-Anon.
Since Willy is already involved in MA (Narcotics Anonymous), he'll help to get us all set up and make sure we faithfully attend our meetings. Mot that we'd try to bail on him. We all agree that this is important. Not only for the sake of the band, but also for our own personal health and welfare.
But I guess the real surprise in all this— okay, the most recent surprise—is what Laura did at tonights concert. It was a special Christmas concert that was actually being televised live on a Christian broadcasting network. Naturally, we'd already told our family and friends (when we were home for Thanksgiving) and, of course, encouraged everyone to tune in.
So just before the concert, right after we'd finished our regular PPP (preperformance prayer), it was time for the old rock-paper-scissors routine. But Laura asked if we'd mind if she gave her testimony tonight. Allie and I were both a little surprised, maybe even a little relieved since we knew we'd be on national TV, but we readily agreed. I didn't think much more about it since my focus was on delivering the best warm-up concert we've ever done. I really wanted to show Iron Gross as well as Omega that we could still do this. And so we did! Once again, Redemption rocked, and I think everyone was feeling pretty stoked.
It wasn't until the time came at the end of our performance that I realized how dicey this might get. I mean, it'd only been a week since Laura totally broke down onstage and had to be replaced by Michael. And despite her fantastic progress during the past few days, it occurred to me that this could happen again. In fact, when it was time to hand it over to Laura, I actually started to balk. But suddenly I got the strongest impression that God was behind this, so I introduced her.
“Now our bass player has something she'd like to say to everyone. Let's hear it for Laura Mitchell!” The crowd clapped, and I prayed as Laura stepped forward.
“Hey, everyone! Thanks for coming to hear us tonight.” Laura smiled a nervous smile. “I'm really thankful to be here with you all. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't even sure if I would be allowed onto the stage tonight.” She paused and the crowd got extra quiet. Clearly she'd gotten their attention. I glanced over to Allie, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was praying too. I prayed even harder now.
“I know you guys probably think that we've got it all together up here. I mean, here we are just singing about God and how He's touched our lives and everything. And believe me, that's all true. But we still have our problems.” She took a deep breath. “And tonight I want to tell you about a pretty big problem that I recently allowed into my life—a problem that got bigger and bigger. And all because I quit trusting God.”
She went on to dramatically explain how and why she first took the pills and how they slowly got a choke hold on her life until she couldn't even function without them. The crowd listened, spellbound. It was obvious they were shocked by her confession.
“The truth is, I had more faith in drugs than I did in God. And it was killing me. Slowly but surely it sucked the life right out of me. And I have no doubt that if I'd continued along that path, I would soon be dead. Mostly because I just couldn't live with myself.” She looked out over the crowd. “But here's the weirdest part about this whole thing. You see, I used to always be the one who sat in judgment against kids who messed with drugs. I mean, I had absolutely no tolerance, no grace, no mercy for anyone who was stupid enough to get involved with drugs. Can you believe that? And then it happened to me, and I came to realize that it could happen to anyone. And God showed me up close and personal that I had absolutely no right to judge anyone who gets caught in this kind of mess. My only responsibility is to love them and show them that God loves them even more. And so God, being kind and gracious, has really used a horrible part of my life to change me in an incredible way. I know I will never judge anyone for using again.”
And then Laura stunned us all by giving a special invitation to any kids who were struggling with any form of addiction or drug abuse to raise their hands and to pray with her. I just totally lost it as Laura led them in the most beautiful prayer.
“Dear heavenly Father, we come to You now knowing that You love us completely and unconditionally. And we confess to You that we are blowing it.” She paused, then directly addressed the crowd. “Whatever your particular problem is right now—whether it's drugs or alcohol or sex or even cigarettes or food—place that burden in your hands and lift it up to God.” Then she continued with her hands lifted high. “We lift our burdens to You now, Father God. We ask that You take them from us, that You heal and forgive us. We fall before You in humility and plead for Your gentle mercy.”
Then she paused for a couple of intense minutes before she finished. “We know that You're here, Father. We know that You're listening to our silent but heartfelt cries for help. We gratefully accept Your forgiveness and ask that You'Ll help us to forgive ourselves. And help us to follow You with all our hearts from this day forward. Thank You! Amen!”
The entire audience echoed her “amen,” and it felt as if God was right there in our midst. I fot that He isn't always here, but last night was an intensity that I've never experienced before. The crowd was hushed and obviously moved, and we were all in tears as we exited the stage.
“That was totally amazing,” Jeremy said as he led his ban
d out onto the stage. And instead of hyping the crowd up like they would usually do, Jeremy invited Isaiah to take a moment to speak as well. Isaiah backed up what Laura had said with his own brief testimony. And then they began their music with a moving worship song. They slowly built up into their regular rock-out style of concert in a crescendo that glorified God with every note.
I must say tonight was the most powerful thing I've ever participated in. Arid it seemed as if everyone felt the same way.
We were in the lobby until after midnight, signing CDs and posters as we encouraged and prayed with kids who had made a new commitment to God. And for the first time since our tour began, I don't recall being a bit uncomfortable or self-conscious with all of that intense one-on-one interaction. It felt perfectly normal. All in all, it was a truly awesome evening!
ALMIGHTY GOD
You've done it again
just blown us away
You've taken our darkness
and turned it to day
You transformed to good
what could've been bad
taken our misery
and made our hearts glad
You always amaze me
although You're the same
You redeemed us again, Lord
You remembered our names
Almighty God
we give You all praise
we give You our lives
for all of our days
amen!
Wednesday, December 22
(SHOPPING SPREE IN THE BIG APPLE!)
Mr. Sallinger's secretary from Omega surprised me with an early morning phone call today. Well, eight o'clock seemed pretty early because we'd been up so late the night before.
“Hello, Chloe,” she said in a crisp business voice. “Mr. Sallinger would like to talk to you girls this morning. Can you get Allie and Laura to join you in your room?”
“Sure,” I answered her in my froggy morning voice. “Give me a minute.”
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