“Would you feel any less guilty?” she whispered.
His hand nearly crushed hers as he tightened his fingers around hers. “I went into the Navy to escape. Not because I was brave or wanted to be a hero. I ran from my guilt.”
“And you became a SEAL.” She angled her head upward. “Why?”
He shrugged. “Fastest way to die.”
The way his voice rasped, tightened the knot at the back of her throat. “Things didn’t work out that way.”
His breaths were coming faster, and his expression was growing harsh and bleak. “I saw plenty of dying. Insurgents, innocents, friends. And every time, I asked God why…why it wasn’t me.”
And at last she understood that hint of bleakness that was always there in his eyes. She understood why he held himself apart—aloof and cold. Carter carried around enough pain; he didn’t want any more.
But Melanie wanted to be closer; she needed to comfort him. Her desire was instinctual. Not a mother’s wanting to soothe a scraped knee—but a woman’s to ease a man’s loss, to fill his emptiness. She withdrew her hand then moved in front of him.
When he glanced upward, she had to fight tears because his gaze was stark and haunted.
Melanie did the only thing she could think of doing that he wouldn’t reject. She pushed at his shoulders to force him to sit straighter. Then she climbed over his lap, straddling his thighs to press her breasts against his hard chest and bring their faces nearer.
His gaze locked with hers. Moisture from tears he’d never shed shimmered in his blue eyes.
Melanie let go of her vow to protect herself from hurt, to cloak her heart from being broken. Carter needed her. He needed connection. Comfort. He needed sweet distraction, too.
The kiss she gave him was filled with forgiveness—hers for the pain and complication he’d left her with. But the moment her mouth touched his, the urge to comfort dissipated as that old familiar spark ignited—and five years might as well have been a minute. Desire fanned an ember that exploded like wildfire consuming bone-dry brush. Heat swept over her skin and settled between her thighs. She couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t draw a deep breath. And in her mind, she chanted, Yes, yes, yes…
Carter gripped her hips to hold her away. He didn’t want a pity fuck—if that was what she was offering. He tried not to read too much into the eager press of her lips. It’s only a kiss. Just a kiss…
But to him, it was so much more. She knew what he’d done to his mother. How he’d failed her and Emmy. And still, she was here in his arms. He didn’t deserve her, but he couldn’t refuse. She was warm and fragrant, all her soft curves mashing against his hard edges. He let go of her hips and wound his arms around her back, bringing her body closer.
And then he returned her kiss, groaning as he opened his mouth and prodded the seam of her closed lips until she let him inside. Their tongues dueled and stroked, and then she began moving, grinding down on his cock, which was quickly filling and strangling inside his jeans.
She pulled away, gasping, her gaze searching his.
Carter forced himself to do the right thing. Offer her an out. “Sure you want this, Mel?”
In answer, she leaned away, tugged her tee free of her jeans, and drew it over her head.
His hands closed over the cups of her lacy bra, squeezing them, watching as her tanned flesh overfilled the top of her bra. She reached behind her and unhooked the bra, and he slid his hands beneath the cups to palm her full breasts. Her tips were tightly beaded. The soft mounds quivered. He bent and nosed beneath the lace to fasten his mouth over one spiked tip and pulled it into his mouth.
Her breath caught. Her fingers dug into his scalp.
He pulled off her breast, tongued the rigid tip, then slicked his mouth across her skin to the other breast.
Melanie drew away the bra and tossed it to the ground. While he nibbled and sucked, she opened her belt, thumbed open the button, and slid down her zipper. She pushed at the waistband, but her spread thighs prevented her from exposing herself.
He slid his fingers into the opening and dove between her legs, finding her wet slit. Gathering moisture, he used it to toggle her clit while she ground against his hand, her fingers once again pulling at his hair.
Her cries were soft with jagged edges. The tension in her soft frame wound tighter and tighter as he fingered her and bit down on her breasts. She was coming apart, trembling against him, and he was hard and desperate to be inside her, but he’d give her this. No matter how painful his need.
At last, she gave a shattered cry, and her head fell back as she went limp in his embrace.
Carter withdrew his fingers, gave her rosy nipples kisses then straightened away, still holding her with one arm to keep her steady on his lap.
When her breaths grew even and deep, she leaned toward him and kissed his brow, his nose, gave his mouth a quick press. Then she simply sat there, half-nude, her face flushed and her lips swollen. “Wow,” she whispered.
Carter gave her small tight smile. “You’ll want to shake out your clothes before you dress.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Way to kill the moment.”
He rasped the center of one breast with his thumb. “Didn’t mean to. But I’d hate for a tick or a scorpion to find its way inside your shirt.”
“Again, I didn’t need a dose of reality.” Her eyebrows drew together. “I kind of hoped this wouldn’t be as good as I remembered.”
Carter wasn’t insulted. He understood what she meant. He was feeling pretty blown away himself, despite the fact he was still as hard as a cedar fencepost.
Which was why he’d tried the distraction tactic. He didn’t want to deal with the mini-seismic ripples that were still shuddering through his body. He grimaced. “You have to move.”
Her confusion showed in the wrinkling of her brow, but then she glanced downward. “Oh.” She scooted backward and stood.
He knew his expression was still strained, so he turned and adjusted his cock, relieved to push his erection down one pant leg to give it some room while it relaxed. When he turned toward her, Melanie’s bra was back in place, and she was sliding hands inside the cups to adjust her breasts. Something he wished he could do.
“I was willing.”
Her quiet tone struck him. Did she think he hadn’t wanted to be inside her? “I know.” He reached to cup one side of her cheek. “It’s my penance.”
“Sex is penance?”
He shrugged. “Self-denial…” His gaze darted up the walls of the ravine. “And I didn’t want you embarrassed. If I’d taken you, we’d both still be on that rock—and I promise neither of us would have been quiet.”
He bent and swiped her tee from the ground and gave it a quick shake before handing it to her. When she grabbed for it, he tugged, pulling her closer. When her chest snuggled against his, he lowered his head, forcing hers backward. Her lips parted. Her gaze held his.
“What are we doing?” he whispered.
“Making a mistake…?”
“Doesn’t feel like it.” He lazily rubbed his mouth side to side over hers.
Her fingers dug into his shoulders. “I have to know something.”
Carter forced himself not to stiffen, because he was unaccustomed to explaining himself and his actions. “Shoot.”
Melanie swallowed. “Are you going back to your unit?”
He spread his fingers, wanting to capture as much of her curvy waist and hips as he could. When she was in his arms, the sting of his loss wasn’t quite so painful. “Probably not.”
“Lee said something about you talking to some spec ops companies. That you’d be back in some desert hellhole, looking for another bullet or bomb.”
“It’s what I do.”
Her brows drew together. Her breath caught and held. And then slowly, she straightened inside his embrace. When she pushed against his chest, he let her go. “I won’t disappear this time, Melanie. This would be home base for me.”
“That�
�s great for you. Probably would suit Lee just fine as well. He needs help.”
But she was turning away, and he could tell by the squared set of her shoulders, she wasn’t happy. “I’d be here more than I’m gone.”
She shot a glance over her shoulder. “Emmy will like that.”
“Would you like that?”
Her smile was tight. “Sure. We can have sex when you’re here. Lots of it.”
Her tone had him frowning. The fact she was willing to have sex should have made him feel like crowing like a rooster. “Is that all you want from me?”
“It’s all I have to give. I won’t commit to more with someone who’s bent on getting himself blown up.” She touched her scarred cheek. “I know there are no guarantees in this life, but I can’t let myself give a damn about a man who doesn’t give a goddamn about his own life.” Her glance slid away. “If that ever changes…”
Carter’s jaw tightened. He gave her a swift nod. “Sure about the sex?” he ground out.
Her eyes filled for just a second, but she blinked away the moisture. “Yeah. Until we’ve had our fill.”
He narrowed his gaze. Anger flushed through his body. Did she think screwing would help work him out of her system? He grunted. She didn’t know it, but she’d just thrown down a gauntlet—issued a challenge he couldn’t refuse. He stuck out his hand.
She wasn’t as quick to lay her palm against his. But when she did, he felt a tingle the moment their skin touched. That electrical charge he’d felt the first night they’d shared a bed. He raised then lowered their joined hands. “Deal.”
She had to have felt it, too. He could tell from the way her eyes rounded for just a second. But then she slowly dragged her hand from inside his. “This is no one’s business but ours.”
“I don’t kiss and tell, sweetheart.”
“Emmy would be confused. And your dad—well, he doesn’t need any added stress.”
“Got it. What happens in my bed, stays there.”
The corners of her mouth twitched. And he realized what he’d said. They stood with grins stretching.
“Does bring up a point. Your sheets…”
He remembered what she’d interrupted that morning. He cleared his throat. “I already put them in the washing machine.”
She pursed her lips then stared up the side of the ravine. “Didn’t look so steep coming down.”
“I won’t let you fall,” he whispered, then bent closer to give her mouth a kiss.
The sting left by her words faded. When her soft mouth gave beneath his, he couldn’t think about the fact she’d already written him off. Hell, he should have been happy she had no expectations beyond their mutual pleasure. But standing close to her, breathing in her scent, kissing her soft mouth, he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather be doing or any place he wanted to be more. His heart steadied. Calm centered in his chest.
Kissing Melanie and drinking in her soft sighs of pleasure was confusing as hell. On one hand, he couldn’t help but ache to be inside her. On the other, he didn’t want to mess up the moment. It was kind of…magical. Birds chirping, water lapping…their hearts beating like one.
Carter didn’t understand what was happening, but he couldn’t resist. He drew her closer.
Chapter Seven
‡
Carter straightened in his saddle as they approached the ranch house. A shiny black Hummer was parked in the drive. Since Hummers weren’t exactly ranch-friendly vehicles, he knew the driver was there to see him.
He glanced toward Melanie. Her mouth was tightening. He nudged his horse forward and dismounted, tying the reins over a hitching post.
Melanie dismounted, but held out her hand. “I’ll see about putting the horses out to pasture.”
“Thanks,” he said, hating to leave her on a sour note, but he was curious about who had come. He stepped onto the porch, and immediately, one very familiar figure, impossible not to recognize because he was so damn big, came into view.
Big Mac pushed up from the spindly rocker he’d perched on and strode toward him, his arms wide. The hug he gave Carter was only slightly less breath stealing than the pounding he gave Carter’s shoulders. When they both stood back, they grinned.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Carter asked. The last time he’d seen Mac was at the farewell party the team had given him in Little Creek when he’d left the Navy a year ago. He tapped Mac’s rock-hard belly with the back of his hand. “Thought you’d be working on a beer belly on some Mexican beach.”
Mac snorted. “Didn’t get a week into my bender before I had a dude standing at my cabana door, givin’ me the same sales pitch I’m about to give you.”
Carter narrowed his eyes. “Is that right?”
Mac blew out a breath, and then glanced down at Carter’s legs. “Heard about the bomb. Also heard you were in rehab…”
Carter grimaced. He thought he’d hidden his limp pretty well. “It’s still healing. Might never be back a hundred percent.”
“Heard you might be leaving the SEALs…”
Carter’s gaze cut to the barn just as Melanie walked into the sunlight, a hand raised to shield her eyes as she stared across the distance. “Looks like…”
“Well, I’m here to see how you are, and to let you know you’ve got alternatives, bro. We need people like you.”
“We?”
“I work for an outfit called the Charter Group. Spec ops. Commander Martir is the head of special operations, and he’s always on the lookout for a good man.”
Carter blew out a breath, not looking away from Melanie who was walking their way now. “We can talk. But like I said. I may never fully heal.”
“Won’t matter. Fifty percent of a SEAL is still better than anyone else we could hire. Like I said, you have options.”
As Melanie drew nearer, he could see a frown darkening her face. “How about we table the pitch until later?” he murmured. “I have someone I want you to meet.”
Mac glanced toward Melanie, and a slow smile stretched his mouth. “I see you already have some alternatives,” he said softly.
Carter grunted. When Melanie began to climb, he stepped toward her, reaching for her hand, which surprised her; he could tell by the way one red-gold brow arched. “Mel, I’d like you to meet John McLane. No Die Hard jokes. We call him Mac.”
Melanie pulled her hand free, offered Mac a smile, and then reached to shake his hand. Carter nearly smirked at her bemused expression as his friend’s large hand engulfed hers.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“Melanie,” she said, glancing at Carter. “Did you offer him something to drink?”
“Haven’t gotten that far.” Carter removed his cowboy hat and waved toward the door. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll see about getting you something. Want a beer or a whiskey?”
“Have to work on that gut, don’t I?”
Carter grinned. “I’ll see about a beer.”
“I will,” Melanie said. “You stay with your friend. You visiting for a while, Mac? I’ll let Tilda know to set another place for lunch.”
Mac nodded. “If you don’t mind. It’s a long drive back to Dallas.”
Carter knew that was where Charter was headquartered. He’d already received an offer from them—while he’d been laid up in the hospital, and later, a former SEAL he’d never met had visited him in rehab to talk to him about the company.
Big Mac was just one of his old buddies who’d drifted to the company once they’d left active service, but it was nice knowing that if he accepted their very generous offer, he’d see familiar faces.
The two men settled onto the large sectional couch in the living room.
Mac glanced around, his gaze going to the large beams in the vaulted ceiling. “Nice place.”
Carter shrugged. “It’s my dad’s.”
Mac shot him a sharpened stare. “I was a little surprised to hear you’d come home.”
Mac had been privy to Carter’s
refusal to come home for his brother’s funeral, but didn’t know why there’d been bad blood between him and his father. “My dad’s heart is giving out. I thought it was time…”
Mac nodded. “Didn’t say I wasn’t glad to hear it. Just surprised. You’re a stubborn son-of-a-bitch. And how’s that goin’?”
Before Carter could answer, a flurry of clomps preceded a small tornado whirling into the room, Melanie in her wake. Emmy paused in front of Mac, her gaze growing large as she glanced upward. “You a giant?”
Mac’s mouth twitched. “Reckon, I am.”
Carter laughed. “Emmy, this is my friend Mac.”
“Mr. McLane,” Melanie corrected.
“Everyone calls me Mac,” the big man said as he glanced down at the little girl who was inching closer.
“You Unca Carter’s friend?”
“I am.”
She chewed her bottom lip. “You from that stinkin’ desert?”
Mac’s eyes widened. “I was.”
Melanie cleared her throat. “She really does need to spend less time with Lee.” She handed beers to Mac and Carter.
“Gonna take Unca Carter away?”
This time, her voice was smaller, and Carter felt an unfamiliar twinge in the region of his heart.
Mac’s glance went to Carter.
Carter reached across to snag the little girl’s hand. She came, her heels dragging, and her gaze still glued to Mac. When he had her closer, he went with his gut and picked her up by the waist to set her on his knee. He bent closer to bring her gaze back to his. “If I go, I won’t be gone long. I’ll be back.”
Again, she narrowed her eyes and chewed her bottom lip.
He was really growing fond of her little frown.
“You bring me back a present?”
“Every time.”
“Guess you can go.”
Carter’s glance went to Melanie whose expression was set. He wished she was as easy to reassure. “I’d bring you something better than a Barbie horse.”
“Better than a ’Merica Girl doll?
He squinted his eyes. “As soon as I figure out what that is, I’ll say yes.”
She pushed off his knee. “I show you.” She rushed to the stairs.
Baby, It's You (Uncharted SEALs Book 5) Page 5
