Haunted Honeymoon

by Marta Acosta

  I maneuvered him into an armchair and said, “I intend to lick you all over.” I started with his excellent jaw and moved down to his warm throat. I pressed my tongue against the pulse there and then I nipped gently, making him groan and grab my hips.

  I moved my lips to his ear and whispered, “Tell me something we liked to do.”

  When I looked in his face, his eyes focused on mine.

  “Milagro, you know how you like our savory cocktails? We liked to taste each other’s blood. Small cuts,” he said. “I dream of the way your blood tastes.”

  It was complimentary, yet disturbing, and I leaned away from him. “If you or anyone tried to cut me, I’d slap the bloodlust right out of your mouth.”

  “You asked what we liked. I would never do anything you didn’t want to do.”

  I relaxed somewhat. “I’m sure you adore me for other reasons, Oswald, including my seriousness and sincerity.”

  “Sure,” he said, while his clever fingers slipped under my wretched smock and ran up and down my back, sending ripples of pleasure through my body. “This time we won’t let anyone interfere with our wedding.”

  I closed my eyes and rocked against him, saying, “We’ll do what I’ve always wanted, a wedding with friends and a kick-ass band in Mercedes’s club. Lots of fizzy drinks with tiny parasols and dancing, and I want to wear a slinky retro dress.”

  “Or we could have a quiet formal event.” He moved me off his lap and stood up. “Your friend Nancy can arrange it. She’s a ditz, but she has good taste.”

  “Nancy’s not actually ditzy, and her taste is excellent, but too ritzy. Ritzy as in booking the Ritz.”

  “Don’t worry about the cost.”

  “I’m worried about the glitz.” I had the ooky feeling that we’d had this conversation before. “I think we should avoid anything ending in itz.”

  “Would you please be serious, Mil?”

  “I am being serious.” We’d left the bedroom door open, and we heard footsteps coming up the stairs. A few seconds later, AG, Edna, and Gabriel appeared, talking over one another and asking if it was true, were we engaged, what was going on?

  Distracted from my disagreement with Oswald, I showed them the giant, glittering ring. They reacted with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

  AG seemed the happiest about our news and looked at my hips and said, “Those are child-bearing hips. I’ll finally get some grandsons who can go out in the sun.”

  “We haven’t discussed children,” I said.

  Gabriel said, “I guess congratulations are in order,” and Edna just frowned.

  Nevertheless, we went to the living room and Oswald opened a bottle of champagne. The conversation was awkward because we were all aware of Lily’s absence and disapproval.

  AG sat beside me and asked, “Have you set a date?”

  “We’re not deciding anything until Milagro recovers,” Oswald said.

  AG looked meaningfully at his ex. “It could be a double ceremony.”

  Edna stood up and said, “Not so fast, AG. And, Oswald, I can’t believe you asked the Young Lady when she doesn’t even remember why you broke up.”

  “It’s all right, Edna,” I said. “He apologized.”

  “You’re incapable of accepting reality,” she said. “We’re vampires.”

  The others froze at the word, but I laughed. “There’s no such thing as vampires. Please. You have a recessive genetic autosomal condition. A medical condition.”

  Edna raised one eyebrow so high that I thought it would float away from her forehead like a helium balloon. “We drink blood and can’t tolerate the sun. The transmission of our blood into a normal person’s system is usually fatal, you being the exception to the rule. AG is hoping you’ll bear children who will have our genetic advantages, without the disadvantages we vampires suffer.”

  I smiled and explained patiently, “Your so-called vampirism is a condition. Photosensitivity is part of it, as is a craving for high-protein foods and drinks.”

  “I give up,” Edna said. “I’m going to my cottage.”

  “I’ll come with you, dear,” AG said.

  “No, you won’t.” Edna walked off, her heels clicking on the floor.

  I watched her tidy figure leave and felt a little deflated. I said, “It’s been very exciting and I haven’t even had my breakfast yet.” I headed toward the kitchen.

  Oswald began to follow me, but Gabriel said, “Cuz, I’d like a word with you.”

  “Not now, Gabe.”

  The smaller man put his arm on Oswald’s. “Goddamn it, Oz—”

  “That’s enough, Gabriel!” AG snapped.

  “This is between Oswald and me, Granddad.”

  “Don’t you talk back to me, young man. I’m trying to be tolerant of your lifestyle as it is.”

  Gabriel’s face went cold. “Not as much as I’m trying to be tolerant of yours, old man. Don’t think I don’t know how you’ve kept from being lonesome all these years.”

  I didn’t know what was going on between them and I didn’t really care. “It’s okay, Oswald. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”

  I could already see what Oswald meant about people interfering. I also remembered his comment about puppy fat, so my breakfast consisted of a glass of tomato juice.

  The thought of Lily being upset bothered me, so I took off the ring, pulled the glove back on, and went to find her.

  She was in the small parlor, tapping away on her laptop. She barely glanced at me as I came in and sat on the plum-colored sofa.

  “Hey, Doc, I thought you wanted a session before the Council director arrived.”

  She stopped working and said, “You shouldn’t even be here. You should be in a professional treatment center. Our family has a place in Geneva where you could get the best care to resolve not only your amnesia but your long-term behavioral disorders.”

  “Lily, I’m sure if I did some digging around your psyche, I’d find some unpleasant little corpses. Why can’t we just accept each other as we are?”

  She looked annoyed and said, “You have amnesia, Milagro. Now if you don’t mind, I have to get this report done. I’m leaving as soon as my meeting is over.”

  “Don’t go away mad, Lily! People come from all over the world to vacation here.”

  “I was brought here to help you. You’re fighting your treatment, and Oswald has put his own interests ahead of your well-being.”

  I moved to the chair next to hers, took off my gloves, and took her hands in mine. “Oswald is looking after my well-being by offering marriage. The engagement will prove to the Council director that Oswald believes in my innocence. Even though I don’t intend to marry him until I fall in love with him, or when I remember my love, I appreciate how gallant and noble he is to make this offer.”

  She was taken aback “That’s the reason he asked you to marry him?”

  “Yes, I think so. That’s the kind of man he is. How could any woman resist a man like that? Especially one as sexy as Oswald.”

  She dropped her head and looked down at our hands. “I don’t know. He’s wonderful, isn’t he?”

  “He’s certifiably fabulous.”

  She raised her hazel green eyes to mine. “And you promise me that you won’t marry him until you’re better and only if you both love each other?”

  “I promise.” I had a feeling that the falling-in-love process could be expedited with some hot sex, but I didn’t need to share that with Lily.

  My psychiatrist said, “All right. I’ll work with you through the rest of my vacation and try to find someone to take over your treatment.”

  It was an odd day. Oswald and Gabriel made phone calls in the study, and AG took off to meet with his assistant, Nettie, at the rental house in town.

  While Lily was finishing her report, I went to visit Edna in her cottage.

  She didn’t answer the door at first, so I knocked again. After another five minutes, I shouted, “I hope you haven’t fallen and can’t get
up!”

  The door opened wide and she gave me a look so derisive it was practically exfoliating. “Young Lady, what do you want?”

  “Edna, I was concerned about you. I thought you might have developed agoraphobia, in which case I would offer to escort you across to the Big House.”

  “Isn’t ‘Big House’ a colloquial term for a prison?”

  “Lily’s staying for the rest of her vacation. She reconciled herself to my engagement when I explained that I won’t be running off to Vegas with Oswald until I am better and/or in love with him.”

  “You seem very confident that your feelings for him will develop into love.”

  “As Wil Shakes says, ‘What’s past is prologue.’ I don’t doubt that my personal feelings will follow the same path as before.”

  “Yes, I had that thought as well, Young Lady,” she said. “How is your fauxoir going? Don’t you have a deadline?”

  “Yes, but I don’t know what it is. I’m tearing through the pages like, what is that called, spirit writing? Yes, channeling thoughts from somewhere else. I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written.”

  “Better than your llama story?”

  “Ha, ha, and ha. That is so funny, not,” I said. I noticed that the studio photo of Thomas Cook had been replaced by a photo of AG. “Edna?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you think I’ll be happy with Oswald?”

  “Young Lady, if I knew the secret to a happy marriage, you’re the first person I would tell.”

  “Do you love Mr. Grant? He seems infatuated with you.”

  “AG is infatuated with carrying on traditions, but there are good traditions and bad traditions. Now go back to the Big House, Young Lady, and stop prying into my life.”

  * * *

  I was in my bedroom when Oswald came in to check on me just before the Council director was supposed to arrive.

  My fiancé, fiancé! gave me a long, warm kiss and said, “Everything will be better once this is over.”

  “Should I change into something nicer for the interview?”

  “No, stay exactly as you are. We want him to see that you’re, well, sincere and serious.”

  “I am. I’m überserious. I’m megaserious. I’m somber to the nth degree.”

  “I know you are, babe. How did you convince Lily to stay?”

  Smiling, I said, “I had a reasonable and serious conversation with her, although she does seem a little cranky today. I think she’s worried about me.”

  “Milagro, I’m so happy that we’re engaged.” Oswald reached into his pocket and took out a gold chain. “I borrowed this from my grandmother so you can wear your ring as a necklace.”

  “I can take off these gloves and wear it on my finger.”

  “I think it’s best if you don’t have physical sensations confusing you tonight.”

  “I guess you’re right.”

  He smiled and said, “Come to the study in an hour. You can meet my cousin Sam again, and then you’ll be interviewed by the Council director. He’s brought his longtime girlfriend, who’ll visit with my grandmother. They’ll stay for dinner and once they leave, we can relax.”

  “I’m looking forward to that, the relaxing part,” I said. “Maybe we can have some serious and sincere naked relaxation time.”

  “We will when you’re well.” He reached into his pocket again and took out something silver. “This was yours.”

  He’d given me such wonderful things that I didn’t know why I hesitated before taking the object. It was a small sterling penknife engraved with “To MDLS with Love. OKG.”

  Suddenly I saw a hotel room, all creams and browns, and the windows outside showed the city skyline. I felt my love for Oswald, and I saw my hand holding the knife that I now held. And now I knew that I had truly loved him, but I hadn’t liked the knife.

  “Milagro?”

  “What? Thank you.” I didn’t want this gift. “It’s lovely.”

  “I hope you’ll want to use it … eventually.”

  I smiled, which seemed enough for him, and he said, “You’re going to do great.”

  When Oswald left, I put the knife in the desk drawer. Then I took a look in the bathroom mirror. My chi-chis were tragically flattened in the yoga bra, so I changed into a red lace number that had amazing perking properties.

  The ostentatious engagement ring needed to be dressed down. I looped a length of green gardening twine through it and wore it around my neck.

  Still, I felt plain. I remembered the disco ball earrings. No one could object to such inexpensive trinkets. I put them on and when I moved my head, they swung amusingly.

  I used such infinitesimal smidges of makeup that they were practically theoretical.

  I knew the guests had arrived when I heard cars, dogs barking, and then faint voices.

  I walked to the study, where Oswald was waiting with another man, who was wearing a brown suit and a pink shirt. He resembled Oswald, but with lighter brown hair and gentler features, like a kind accountant who calculates your taxes from a collection of crumpled receipts.

  “Young Lady.” He held out his hands and took mine. He glanced down at my gloves and then back at my face. He smiled so warmly that I grinned, too, and said, “Hi.”

  Oswald said, “Milagro, this is Sam Grant, our cousin and our legal counsel.”

  “We’re old friends,” Sam said in a slow, moderated voice. “I wish I could have come earlier, but Dr. Harrison thought that too much activity would interfere with your recovery. You really don’t remember me?”

  “If I’d remember anyone, it would be you, Sam,” I said, and winked.

  Oswald said, “Milagro, the Council director is with Gabriel and Lily now.”

  “Will you be with me for the interview, Ozzy?”

  “No, it’s a private interview, and the goddamn director better not stray from the guidelines.”

  Sam blinked his large brown eyes and said, “Milagro, just tell him what you remember or don’t. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, ask for a break and come see us.”

  Oswald took a breath and said, “Ready?”

  “Absolutely, I can’t wait to be done with this.”

  Oswald and I went to the living room, where Gabriel and Lily were sitting on a sofa, a bottle of red wine and glasses on the cocktail table in front of them.

  Across from them in a leather club chair was a man with dark curly hair, wearing a flawless black suit and an immaculate white shirt. His dark eyes had hooded lids, his nose was aquiline, and he had a full, sensual mouth.

  I thought he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.

  Oswald’s expression grew tight and he said, “Let me introduce you. Milagro, this is the director from our family’s organization, the Council, Ian Ducharme.”

  The man stood up and gave me a languid look, as intimate as a caress, that made all my girl parts clench and throb in a flight-or-flirt instinct.

  He smiled slightly when he saw my earrings. As he came close to shake hands, I smelled his fragrance … like leather, spice, old books, a wood fire.

  He said “Hello, Milagro” in a low, rich voice that made me think sex, sex, sex.

  Then Oswald glared at him and said, “Ian, you’re just in time to hear the good news. Milagro and I are engaged.”

  sixteen

  Zombies and Vamps, Oh, Please

  Even though Ian Ducharme didn’t react to Oswald’s announcement, the room seemed to grow cold and I felt a shiver run down my spine.

  Ian smiled, showing white teeth, teeth that made me think about biting into flesh, and said, “Congratulations, Oswald. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to begin.” He spoke English like someone who had learned it from his British tutor.

  Gabriel said, “We’ll be in the study.” He gave his cousin a sharp look, and Oswald said, “Yes, in the study. Come on, Lily.”

  After they left, Ian went to the sofa and said, “Come sit close to me so I can see you.”

  “Said
the wolf to Little Red Riding Hood.”

  His laugh was a seductive rumble, and I sat at the other end of the sofa. He poured red wine into glasses and when he handed one to me, I saw something that looked like sorrow in his deep brown eyes.

  We clinked glasses and he said, “Sanatate.”

  “Back atcha.”

  “Dr. Harrison’s given me a quite disturbing report of your condition.”

  “Don’t quote me, but Lily’s a bit of a drama queen. She takes things too seriously. I keep trying to emphasize the importance of fun to her.”

  “That’s a noble endeavor,” he said, and a smile flashed across his face, making me feel as if I’d dedicated myself to curing a putrifying disease.

  “It’s the least I can do for her.”

  “I’m sure she’s appreciative. She believes that your childhood history has made you susceptible to memory suppression.”

  “Lily has shared that opinion with me, but I disagree that I’m damaged goods. I’m more like those books on the discount table. Perhaps there’s a smudge on the cover, or someone has dog-eared a page, but otherwise the book is perfectly fine, Mr. Ducharme.”

  “Do call me Ian.”

  “Ian,” I said, and looked into his eyes. It made me feel more exposed than one of those dreams when you’re caught naked in public, so I acted as if it was normal. “Ian.”

  “I’ve talked to Mercedes and Gabriel, too, as well as Pepper, and Gabriel’s given me the forensic investigator’s report from your loft.”

  “Who’s Pepper?”

  “Ernest Culpepper, a trusted friend,” he said. “Wilcox was involved in an activist movement, but no one took his dabbling seriously, so we doubt that was a motive. We thought it more likely that a jealous ex-lover had killed him, since he was a popular fellow, but Wilcox had a talent for staying on good terms with most.”

  “What about me? Did I have any enemies or jealous ex-lovers?”

  Ian hesitated and said, “Yes, but they’ve been cleared.”

  “It’s so strange to think that anyone would care that passionately about me anyway.”

  “You’re alone in that opinion.”

  I laughed. “You make me sound like a notorious femme fatale.”