How To Bring Your Love Life Back From The Dead

by Wendy Sparrow

  He smiled. “It’s a shame you cancelled our date. I might have enjoyed getting to know you.”

  She was regretting it too. It had been a knee jerk reaction to Roger and Jerry standing on top of her economy car and screaming while pummeling the crap out of it.

  “I’m sorry about that,” she said again. This was how karma repaid you for cancelling a date in a text. You got slammed into him in a situation with no possible recovery, and you found out you were wrong…so wrong.

  Well, maybe she could recover. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe….

  Shrugging, he pointed ahead of her. “You were headed that way, I believe. I’ll go the other way and hopefully find my dog. If not, I suppose you can expect to see ‘unwanted’ posters up.”

  “Unwanted?” Her voice sounded squeaky. She felt a little unwanted. It was too late. She was cancelling her phone’s texting plan. With great power came great responsibility, and she’d blown it. Totally.

  “He’s the most worthless dog I’ve ever owned. He still refuses to do a thing I say, and I’ve had him for three years.”

  She could tell from his voice that it didn’t matter. She’d always had a soft spot for guys who liked animals. “You’re still crazy about him, though, I can tell.”

  His grin looked reluctant. “Possibly. After running off and leaving you injured, he won’t get any treats today.”

  “Way to take a firm stance.”

  “You’re sure you’ll be okay?”

  Self-esteem bruised. Body battered. Love life dead. Lauren nodded. “I’m hardcore these days. I’ve faced down two blind dates and lived.”

  “Three if you count Jerry.”

  “Three if you count Jerry.” This was all really Jerry’s fault. If only karma went after imaginary people because that bastard Jerry deserved what was coming to him.

  “It was nice to meet you, Lauren.” He looked sincere as he said it, but then he turned and ran off in the other direction and left her there.

  She watched him until the fog swallowed him up, and then she listened to the pound of his shoes. He’d pointed her in the opposite direction from him. Go that way!

  Damn you, unlimited texts!

  Maybe this was the surest sign that her dating life was dead beyond revival; she’d broken off a date with the only guy of the three who hadn’t been a freak. Well, of the four…if you counted Jerry.

  “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Daniel said behind her.

  Lauren spun to face him and smiled. Her heart picked up its pace, and she was nearly as out of breath as she had been that morning when they’d run into each other.

  Daniel was there with two boys who looked the same age as her ten year old nieces, give or take a couple years. The boys immediately began shoving each other. Her nieces started giggling.

  Daniel looked good all cleaned up. He looked as yummy as the apple pies they’d just passed at the pumpkin patch.

  Her niece cleared her throat…loudly.

  “Oh, yeah. These are my nieces, Amanda and Jillian. Girls, this is Daniel. He lives near me.” She sounded so flustered. She tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before willing her hands back to her sides. Don’t act nervous. Act confident. Men liked confidence…or something.

  He pointed down at the boys. “These are my nephews, Xavier and Tony. This is Lauren. Say hello.”

  The boys muttered something under their breaths and resumed shoving each other.

  “Did you find your dog?” she asked.

  He sighed and shook his head slightly while running a hand through his short hair. “He was sitting on my front porch, chewing on someone’s shoe. I don’t know where he got it.”

  “Oh.” A moment of silence stretched between them. Think of something. Think of anything. Don’t let him walk away again. “We were about to go through the corn maze.” She gestured behind her.

  “We were too.” One of the boys, tugged on Daniel’s sleeve, and he leaned down for the boy to whisper something in his ear. He added, “Only we were going to do it faster because we’re boys.” His eyebrows raised in a dare. He wasn’t walking away again. Yet.

  One of his nephews muttered, “Boys rule. Girls drool.”

  Her niece Amanda sniffed and said, “You wish.”

  Lauren shook her head at Daniel. “That was the most worthless trash talk I’ve ever heard. Besides, everyone knows girls are better at maneuvering in small areas like in this maze.”

  Daniel tsked. “It sounds like we’ve been challenged, boys.”

  “Don’t worry, girls, they won’t be much of a challenge.”

  Motioning toward the maze, he said, “Ladies first.”

  Lauren grinned. “Go right ahead.”

  “You’re much better at trash-talking.”

  “I’m a coach at the community college. I majored in phys-ed and minored in trash talk.”

  “That explains it. I’m a medieval history scholar,” he said. “I’d be much better at trash talk if it included thee and hence.” Medieval history scholar? Her twenty-one year old self would have been giddy. It was nearly off-putting, but she’d never backed down from a challenge.

  “Well, then, get thee hence, fair fools, and prepare to be trounced in yonder maze,” she said.

  “Well done.”

  She bowed. Her nieces grabbed her hands and pulled her into the tall corn maze, and she looked over her shoulder and caught Daniel watching her with a smile.

  The maze was styled in the shape of a ghost according to a taunting aerial photo on the outside, but the paths weaved and ended. They ran up and down paths only to end up back at markers where they started. After twenty minutes of running, she stopped at marker eight…out of thirty. “We need to think this through,” she said.

  Her nieces grabbed both her hands and hauled her around a corner and straight into Daniel.

  He managed to catch her around the waist and slow their momentum before they toppled over.

  “We really should stop bumping into each other like this,” Daniel said.

  Lauren laughed and pulled out of his arms much more slowly than she had earlier that day in the fog. Her cheeks felt pink with heat—and it wasn’t only embarrassment. She was starting to like him—a lot. He sent tingles through her stomach that felt like soda fizz.

  “We’re lost,” Lauren admitted. “We’ve seen this same marker four times now. I think we’re running in circles.” They were still standing really close for just having that morning. She didn’t step back.

  He didn’t step back either. “I’m not sure that we’re doing much better. How about an alliance so we don’t die here in the maze?”

  Lauren looked at her nieces who were smiling and giggling at his nephews. “I think we’ll accept.”

  His nephews rolled their eyes and shrugged. They shoved each other for the chance to walk beside her nieces, bragging about how they’d been doing fine on their own, and they didn’t really need help.

  Their pace was much less frantic as they wandered this time.

  “So, tell me what you do,” Lauren said. “Something with medieval history?”

  “No, that qualifies me to flip burgers. I was young and idealistic when I got that.”

  “And now?”

  “I’m jaded. Two weeks ago, a girl cancelled a date with me, and I didn’t even try to get her to reschedule.” He glanced over at her. His gaze warmed her up even more—as did the half-smile that accompanied it. “I should have.”

  Lauren put her hands in her pockets and tried not to grin like an idiot. She was too old and jaded for that. Though, the fact that he fit so many of her younger version’s qualifications was starting to freak her out. He liked animals and kids. He was smart, funny, and, wow, he had a great body. He definitely kept in shape. She liked his shape.

  “I run a bookstore,” he said. “It’s small and, I’m sure, eventually we’ll be swallowed up by the big chains. Hopefully, by then, I’ll have a book published.”

  “You’re a writer?”


  “Yes, I do some freelance pieces right now, but I want to eventually get a novel out. That’s the goal. Right now, the freelancing is enough, I suppose. It’s good practice, and someone has to write all that stuff online, right?”

  She nodded. “What are your freelance pieces about?”

  “I write whatever they tell me to. Sometimes it’s just a mish-mash of information they want written out into a cohesive article they can post all over the internet. I cover a lot of environmental impact issues for an online journal, but it’s not always that intellectual or even helpful. Sometimes I get a byline, but mostly not, and sometimes they use a vague reference like a concerned citizen. It’s not very interesting—mostly filler for in-between other articles. I think it would probably put you to sleep. I’ve written a few health pieces lately. It’s really varied.”

  “You’re interested in health and the environment?” Twenty-one year old Lauren would have loved Daniel—he was everything she’d wanted.

  He grinned. “I’m fanatical about recycling, and I go on a few benefit runs, but I’ve never made anything by recycling human hair if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Actually, that’s something I never thought I’d have to ask.”

  “Perhaps that’s where you went wrong.”

  “Eleven!” one of the boys shouted, pointing out a marker.

  “Yes! Progress!” Daniel said. He turned back to her. “So, coaching?”

  “Yes. Mostly track and soccer.”

  “Do you enjoy it?”

  “I do. It’s fun to still be on campus. I liked college, and I get to sit in classes sometimes still. It’s like being a professional student without any of the homework.”

  They were silent for a few turns of the maze before he asked, “What would you say about trying again?”

  “Trying what again?”

  “This. Us. A date. I swear I have no fascination with human hair, and I don’t even know anyone named Jerry.”

  She stopped and pretended to think it over while biting her lower lip. “Are you crazy?”

  “Yes. Most definitely.”

  “Okay, we should date.”

  A few minutes later, while they were talking, he slipped his hand into hers. It froze her brain so completely that she stopped talking and looked down at their linked hands.

  “It’s so you don’t get lost,” he said. “I’d hate for you to wander off and get lost now that we’re finally to marker twenty.”

  She didn’t believe him for a second. He was one of those old-fashioned guys who liked to hold hands, and she liked it—she liked it a lot. Maybe twenty-one year old Lauren wasn’t completely crazy in what was important to her. Maybe she did understand.

  They emerged from the corn maze ten minutes later, and he slipped his hand from hers just as the kids turned to them in excitement.

  “There’s cider and hot chocolate over in that haunted barn,” Daniel said, pointing at a big red barn on the property. “We were going to collect some pumpkins from the pumpkin patch.”

  “We were too.” Okay, so maybe it wasn’t karma back-handing her earlier. She wasn’t quite ready to crouch down and kiss his dog for smacking them together, but she was close to it.

  “Okay then.”

  An hour later, she shepherded her nieces back to her car.

  “So, I’ll call you?” Daniel asked.

  “Sure.”

  “I swear I’m as crazy as they come.”

  “That’s just how I like them,” she said.

  The one thing they’d exchanged besides first names and headshots on the website was phone numbers. So, she had his phone number, and she kept staring at it. She went back to the dating website but, true to his word, he’d gotten out. She then did a few internet searches on him before she decided she was acting like a crazy person.

  At seven p.m., she called him. “Hey, let’s go to a haunted house tonight.”

  “Lauren?” he answered.

  “Yes.” Oh. Nice. She hadn’t even waited for him to answer properly. She’d just blurted it out. Her cheeks flamed hot, and she was regretting this mad impulse.

  “Like an actual haunted house?”

  “No, I mean one of the ones that are set-up with actors in them. Not an actual haunted house like on a dare or something. That only happens in the movies. I think.”

  She could hear the smile in his voice. “You sound nervous.”

  “I don’t usually call guys. I wait for them to call.”

  “I was going to call you.”

  “I was going to wait for you to call.”

  “I like this better,” he said.

  “Of course you do. It’s me putting myself out here—just waiting to be rejected.”

  “I have a history of not rejecting you.” She didn’t like the amused implication in the words.

  “It was the one time. I only cancelled the one time.” And now she was feeling stupid. He hadn’t exactly jumped on her offer.

  “So, a haunted house? I can pick you up or we can meet there.”

  She huffed out a breath of relief. “Or I could pick you up in like…an hour.”

  “Oh, bold. I like that.”

  She’d called him, after the article had suggested to quit being a wimp and go for it. Bold was a good feeling. She was in control of her destiny. She was grabbing life by the horns. The article was right—this was better.

  He gave her his address, and she wrote it down. It turned out he only lived three miles away, and they’d met in the middle this morning—like it was fate—it felt like fate. She and Daniel could be fated to be together, and they’d needed to bump, well, slam into each other twice for them to take the hint.

  Exactly one hour later, she was knocking on his door. From the barking and scrambling on the other side she could tell the dog had made it there first.

  He answered the door, and then stood there, staring.

  “What?” she asked, embarrassed. He was staring at her as if he’d never seen her before.

  “Nothing. You’re just…beautiful. Hang on. Let me go throw Sherlock in the back.” He dragged the dog through the house while the dog resisted and howled the whole way.

  It gave her time to press a hand over her heart and convince it that his opinion on her looks didn’t matter. Much. She wasn’t going to get all gooey because he said she was beautiful. Much.

  Roger had said she looked “great”—though, Jerry may have disagreed.

  Still, it was not a big deal. Don’t make it a big deal.

  Then, he was back with a jacket thrown over his arm.

  Even though it was October and Portland, the weather had turned early this year, and the air had a bite to it. While they were standing in line for the haunted house, she scooted closer to him to be warm. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, he put his arm around her and kept talking.

  Just like that.

  No drama. No hair shirts. No Jerry. It almost felt too easy. A relationship should feel more awkward, shouldn’t it? He was too nice and perfect. She was too comfortable and happy. This was magic, the giddy feeling in her heart seemed to agree with that. It had never felt this good to be with a guy.

  “What?” he asked, seeing her smile.

  “Nothing. Just you. I think a twenty-one year old version of me would have really liked you is all.”

  He looked perplexed, not that she could blame him. “Does this other version of you have a different name…and is it Jerry?”

  She laughed and snuggled closer to his side.

  The line moved, and they inched along with it, but he kept his arm around her. “How does this current version of you feel about me?” he asked.

  “This current version of me thinks you’re pretty great.”

  It took another fifteen minutes of standing in line for them to get to the entrance. He’d put both arms around her and was rubbing a circle on her lower back in a slow, sensual rhythm that had her almost closing her eyes and purring. Hard to believe t
hey’d met only that morning in the fog. When they did hit the beginning of the line, he dropped his arms from around her and only held her hand. If only the line had been longer. They should have let people cut ahead.

  They went into the haunted house and someone reached out of the first corner to grab her. She bit back a scream.

  Daniel laughed. “This is fantastic. I haven’t been in one of these in years.”

  They were chased through a graveyard by a horde of zombies growling with their chainsaws buzzing.

  “I would never give a zombie a chainsaw!” Daniel shouted over his shoulder.

  “I don’t think someone gives them a chainsaw—they take it along with your brain.” One had chased them clear to the edge of the room. For a mad second, she’d thought he was actually after her, but apparently that roaring, rag-covered creature had a real dedication to the craft.

  From there, they entered rooms made to look like an insane asylum. People were strapped to tables in rooms covered in blood. There were mad doctors and monsters. Screams and flashing lights. She jumped at noises, even as she laughed. Her heart pounded, but she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

  They were holding hands.

  They were getting screamed at by a scientist holding a fake brain.

  His hand was in hers, and she was pressed tight against his side.

  “Do you feel at home?” she asked as they passed a man wearing a strait jacket who was strapped to a table. He jerked around on the table acting as if he was battling his own personal Jerry. It was insane how much energy bounced around the spook house and its actors. That was insane. They must go home exhausted.

  “What?” he asked, leaning down.

  “I asked….”

  He tilted his head, and it was most likely accidental in the dim hallway they’d moved into, but his mouth rubbed hers. His lips bumped slowly against hers—and all her nerve-endings went on high-alert.

  Oh. Wow. Just. Wow. Never had friction generated that much heat. His mouth was so soft and dry and…wow.