Mixed Nuts

by Venita Louise

  For a moment the only sounds he focused on were bowls and plates being passed around the table politely with courteous responses.

  An odd look washed over Joan’s face as she stared past Frank. Susan and Matt screamed.

  Frank’s head snapped around to see Gene standing in the kitchen doorway. There was something different about him but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He was wearing regular clothes in place of the family Tartan kilt, which put Frank more at ease. Gene produced another broad smile. Frank gasped, the children screamed again, and Joan stood in preparation to run.

  “What the matter with you?” Gene asked. “You’re acting like you’ve never seen me before.” He shook his head and scooted a chair up to the table between Joan and Frank.

  “Yes, but it’s you’re…” Joan said as she pointed to his face and slowly sat back down.

  “I know, I know, you’ve never seen me wear my teeth.” He clicked his teeth together making snapping sounds and held his face in a grimace. He laughed. “I decided to keep them in a more conspicuous place.”

  “You mean in your mouth rather than your pocket?” Frank asked.

  “Exactly,” Gene said as he spread jam on a slice of toast. He glanced over at Frank. “So, are you convinced yet?”

  Frank’s eyebrows knitted. “Convinced?”

  Gene elbowed his arm. “Yeah, the new business I was talking to you about yesterday.” He lowered his voice. “Maybe that oil didn’t grow a new set of teeth but it sure as heck made it comfortable enough for me to wear the false ones.”

  “I don’t know Gene; I have to think about it.”

  Gene shook his head with a look of disbelief then took a large bite of his strawberry jam toast.

  “How’s your squishy, Daddy?” Melinda asked.

  “What the heck is a squishy?” Gene asked.

  Frank held up his sandwich. Several strips of bacon and an egg over easy. He took a bite and the yolk drooled onto his plate. He swabbed it up with and extra piece of toast.

  “Outstanding! Just like your mom makes,” Frank replied with a drip of yolk trickling down his chin.

  “What a mess,” Gene said. “It’s disgusting.”

  Frank smiled. “If it doesn’t get all over the place, it doesn’t belong in your face,” he said as he scrubbed his chin with his napkin. He took another bite and the yolk spilled over the top of his sandwich onto his fingers. “M’m, M’m, good.”

  Melinda watched him eat her sandwich with an expression of gratification. “Of course it tastes like Mom’s, I learned to cook by watching her. And I know all about her secret ingredient.”

  “What’s that?” Susan asked.

  “All you add is love,” Melinda grinned and looked at Joan.

  Joan smiled back warmly and rubbed Melinda’s back. “Thank you honey.”

  Frank shot to his feet. He threw his napkin on his plate. “That’s enough! I don’t know what you’re all up to, but it’s scaring the bejeebers out of me.” Frank turned to Matt. “Since when do you and Susan agree on anything? Why aren’t you laughing hysterically and spitting out your milk?” He paused. “And Susan, where’s your hard hat?” He pointed to her neatly combed hair. “You haven’t given me any kind of a violation warning this morning, aren’t you concerned about the family’s safety anymore?” Frank looked around at them with a sort of frantic expression the same one James Stewart had in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ when no one in his hometown knew who he was. “Melinda, where are those painted on raccoon eyes I’m so used to looking into?” His eyes assumed a suspicious squint. “Why are you cooking?” He reached down and snatched a glass of water from the table and drank it quickly as the water poured down the corners of his mouth. He coughed and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his robe. He hoped his harsh words were jarring them back into their true character. “And Joan, what’s all this business about working in the yard? Liking the Roberts’ new car? And what’s with all the praying for Gods sake?” He waited for answers in the prickly silence that followed.

  Gene reached up and patted him soothingly on the arm.

  “Frank, please stop; you’re scaring the children,” Joan said with tears in her eyes.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “What are you doing?”

  Frank watched as Gene stood on the top step of a six-foot folding ladder.

  “I’m doing what Tilly told me to do,” Gene explained. “For added insurance.”

  “What kind of insurance can a bunch of bananas provide?” Frank asked.

  Gene looked down over his shoulder. “How can you question these things after all you’ve seen?” He turned back and tied a black ribbon around the stems and hung them from the roof of the house. “There,” he said with a nod. He stepped down, each step squeaking from the ache of his weight as the ladder quivered.

  Frank shaded his eyes with his hand as he gazed up at the swinging fruit. “How long do they have to stay up there?”

  “Till they rot,” Gene said. “Then we have to take them to a crossroads and bury them.”

  Frank frowned. “What? Do you have any idea what rotten bananas smell like?”

  Gene grinned extremely big to show off his set of teeth. “Yeah but they will absorb any residue of the evil eye in the house.”

  “Speaking of evil eye, what am I going to do about my family’s odd behavior?” Frank asked.

  “The only odd behavior I noticed this morning was coming from you,” Gene said as he folded up the ladder and balanced it on top of his shoulder. “Are you wearing that charm Tilly gave you? She said it would calm you down.”

  “Calm me down?” Frank exclaimed.

  The front door opened and Susan and Matt stepped out onto the porch. “Daddy, can we go to the carnival in the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly?” Susan asked.

  “You want to go to the carnival?” Frank asked Susan.

  She nodded.

  “With Matt?”

  She nodded again.

  “Matt, you want to go to the carnival with your sister?”

  Matt smiled and slipped his hand into Susan’s. “Yep.”

  Frank flashed a see what I mean glance at Gene then reached into his pocket. “Here’s five dollars, make sure you’re back before dinner.”

  Susan plucked the bill from his fingers. “Thanks Daddy, and don’t worry, I’ll take good care of my little brother,” she said as she slipped an arm around Matt’s shoulders and used it to guide him down the street.

  “There.” Frank pointed after them. “That’s the odd behavior I’m talking about.”

  “That’s not odd, it’s nice,” Gene said as he headed toward the garage. “I’m going to look for a job; I’ll be back for dinner.”

  Frank stared stupidly as Gene got into his car and drove off. He ambled to the door gazing at the still swinging bananas hanging from the roof. Where would they find a suitable crossroads to bury the rotten bunch? Wasn’t the crossroads where Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil in exchange for guitar expertise? Frank stopped. Is that what the SP66 jingle was? The Devil’s music? Frank shook his head. No, Johnson came from Mississippi. This was California, what could the devil possibly want in California?

  Melinda opened the door and bounced out. “Bobby and I are going to the movies, Daddy.”

  “Be home for dinner,” Frank mumbled.

  Frank stepped inside the house and closed the door. He leaned against it, head tilted back with his eyes closed. Was all this really happening? Crazy. That was another possibility. He sensed it coming closer. Closer. It was like a ominous dark cloud floating over his head, ready to burst open and rain more crazy all over him.

  His eyes snapped open when he heard faint music coming from the upstairs. He held his breath to hear better and tried to make out the song. He slowly moved towards the staircase and took three steps up and stopped. The music was a little more audible, but he still couldn’t make out what it was. Cautiously he continued up the stairs at a snail’s pace. At the top of the sta
irs he could hear the song plainly coming from his bedroom. It was Etta James singing ‘At Last’. He began to hum along with it, he didn’t know how not to.

  The image that greeted him behind the bedroom door was one that would burn in his memory forever.

  “At last, my love has come along,” Joan said seductively as he entered.

  Frank stared, mouth agape with eyes widened. A vast number of feelings quickly swept through him ranging from paralyzing fear then weaving over and around confusion, lust, pride, concern for his personal safety, making a complete three sixty and ending up rendering him immobile.

  “What’s the matter darling? Cat got your tongue?” Joan was wearing a black satin and lace bustier corset complete with garters, black silk stockings and high heels. The bustier appeared to be a couple of sizes too small, which would explain why so much of her was threatening to spill over the top. She was holding a long black cigarette holder that embraced the filter of an unlit cigarette. Frank’s eyes scanned her auburn hair falling loosely around her shoulders, a stunning change from the French twist she usually wore.

  Frank found himself madly dueling between an absurdly Victorian response to toss his robe over her to cover her up and a stronger primitive response that ordered him to seize this voluptuous woman in his arms and ravage her.

  “I love the way you’re looking at me right now,” Joan said in a low sensual voice, “it’s been a long time since we’ve had the chance to be alone.” She moved slowly toward him rubbing her hand down her thigh then back up again. Frank’s eyes followed her hand over the curve of her hips then inched up her front, paused to rest then rose to her scarlet lips parted slightly divulging the tip of her tongue glossing languidly across her top lip.

  Frank shuddered. He hadn’t had butterflies in his stomach for a long time although these felt more like bats.

  “Did the kids go to the carnival?” she asked softly as she reached out and slid her hands across his chest before slipping them under his robe.

  Frank nodded anxiously.

  “And Melinda went off to the movies?”

  Frank leaned his head back and exhaled a trembling breath as Joan pushed his robe off his shoulders and let it drop to the floor.

  “Yes,” he whispered. He was powerless to move a single muscle. Frank began to take in shallow breaths when he felt her lips brush across his cheek and settle softly on his lips. Instantly every nerve in his body responded with the desire and longing that had seemed to have disappeared from their relationship. Desire that had become lost in the countless responsibilities and chores that took precedence over what they had deemed low priority activities.

  Frank’s face tingled everywhere her lips touched, hot and moist. She fastened her mouth to his throat, nibbled then kissed her way down the front of his chest as she unbuttoned his pajama top. Frank’s heart battered a fierce rhythm against his sternum causing his upper torso to vibrate against her lips. He felt her fingers slide up to massage his shoulders then she pushed the top of his pajamas off his bare shoulders until it joined his robe on the floor. She slipped her arms around his waist and crushed him to her breasts.

  “Are you ready to unveil the torch of cupid?” she asked lustfully between kisses.

  Frank was so excited at hearing her words; he barely heard the doorbell ring. His arms found their way around her, and he quickly lowered his head to feel his lips against her perfumed throat.

  “Frank, someone is at the door,” Joan whispered between gasps.

  He kissed her again; he was having way too much fun to stop. “They’ll go away,” he said as he continued to run his fingers through her hair and nuzzle his nose against her ear.

  “What if it’s one of the kids? They could be locked out,” Joan said as she nudged him back.

  Frank sighed and reluctantly stopped kissing Joan. Great. Just his luck. The first nooner he’s been offered in years and someone comes to the door. He squeezed her hand and turned allowing his hand to slide through hers until their fingertips separated.

  The doorbell rang again when he was halfway down the stairs.

  “I’m coming,” he called gruffly. “Keep your pants on.” At that moment he realized he was only wearing his pajama bottoms. He gripped the banister as he slid down the last three steps on the heel of his foot.

  Frank stood behind the door and opened it wide enough to see who was standing on the porch. “Oh, Mr. Gillis. Can I help you?” Frank’s voice cracked.

  His official voice was louder than it needed to be. “I am here to follow up on the Peacock incident.”

  Peacock incident? He made it sound as if it were some high-level espionage set up by the government.

  “Why yes,” Frank said and opened the door a little more. “The incident has been resolved, and I’m happy to report the bird was returned to its former residence which by the way, is zoned correctly for, as you put it, these types of animals.”

  Gillis’s eyes floated from Frank’s face to his neck and down his torso. He cracked a smile and shoved his clipboard forward. “Would you please sign this?” He grinned at Frank. “It’s your statement saying that the bird has been removed from the premises.”

  Frank’s expression went from restlessness to annoyance. He took the pen and scribbled his signature. He thwacked the pen down on top of the form. “There you go, and thanks for making our neighborhood a safer place to live in”

  Gillis chuckled. “You bet Mr. Beal, you have a fine afternoon.”

  Frank watched him step off the porch and frowned when he saw Gillis throw his head back and laugh out loud.

  After closing the door and double locking it, Frank ran into the downstairs bathroom to brush his teeth and put on some of that stinky cologne Joan bought him last Christmas. It didn’t do a thing for him but seemed to crank her up to lover level status. He could only wonder what it would do to her when she was already in red-hot lover mode.

  The moment he gazed into the mirror, he realized what Gillis had been laughing about. There were red lipstick prints patterning his forehead, cheeks and lips. The imprints marched all the way down his front and stopped just north of the border, the elastic on his pajama bottoms. He blushed for a moment then shrugged and brushed his teeth then patted on the cologne careful not to disturb Joan’s lip prints.

  He took the stairs two at a time back up to the bedroom. He was running for the border.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “What are you doing out here?”

  Frank rose from his crouched position from behind boxes of Christmas ornaments and turned to see Gene standing behind him.

  “The garage the only place that I can hide from Joan, she’s afraid of spiders,” Frank said. “She attacks me whenever we’re alone.” He rubbed a hand on the side of his neck. “She’s not herself. I haven’t played the piano for days.”

  “Shame on you for acting like this,” Gene snapped. “What man wouldn’t give his right arm for a woman who shows you love the way Joan does?”

  “I think I was happier when I wondered whether or not she loved me.” Frank yanked the waistband of his pants out. “Look! I’ve lost ten pounds. I think she’s trying to kill me with love.”

  Gene crooked an elbow around Frank’s neck and patted his chest. “Come on Goofus, I’ll protect you from the big bad sex fiend.” He walked him toward the house.

  “I think I need to pay Tilly another visit and find out why this stuff is happening.”

  Gene frowned. “What stuff?”

  “All this perfection is frightening me.”

  “Maybe you just need a good psychiatrist,” Gene said smiling.

  Frank shook his head. “No psychiatrist in the world would believe what’s been going on here. It’s driving me nuts.”

  “Isn’t that a requirement for seeing a psychiatrist? Being nuts?” Gene patted Frank on the back.

  “Look, I didn’t say I was nuts, I said this is driving me nuts. The truth is, sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don’t.”

>   “When don’t you feel like a nut?” Gene asked.

  Frank didn’t answer.

  Joan met them at the front door in her red satin embroidered robe. It was a gift from her bride’s maid but Joan hadn’t worn it since their wedding night. She smiled at Frank with half lidded eyes and stepped forward so he would have to brush up against her as he stepped through the door. Frank knew what was underneath her robe. He shuddered at the memory of the black satin and lace bustier corset, and Joan’s dance of Salome while taking it off. He had to admit her dance had improved but the thought of tangling with her one more time today made his shoulders slouch with exhaustion.

  “Gene’s going to go with me on an errand,” Frank said as he tried to untwine Joan’s arms from his neck.

  “Can’t it wait?” Joan ran her fingers up the back of his head causing his hair to stand on end. “I need you to help me with something.” She pressed against him, kissed his cheek and nuzzled his neck.

  “No, I don’t think so.” Frank turned his head toward Gene who was looking on wearing a goofy grin.

  “I have urgent business to take care of,” Frank said stepping back from Joan.

  She closed the space between them. “I have urgent business, too. Don’t you want to take care of me first?” she whispered in his ear.

  “I’m going to have to give you a rain check,” Frank said with an uncomfortable smile. He gave her a friendly kiss on the forehead.

  “But it isn’t raining,” Joan complained.

  “Yes, well you see this rain check is only redeemable when it is raining,” Frank explained and turned to push Gene out the door.

  “You’re right,” Gene said as they walked to the driveway. “You are nuts.”

  Tilly was wearing a similar peasant style blouse and ankle length skirt that she wore the first time they came to her shop. She smiled broadly from behind the counter when they walked through the door.