The Renegades

by P. R. Paige

  Too much in a frenzy to drive, I am still parked in Momma Nicki's driveway with the AC going full blast. Again I try my sister Kirby on her phone and thank God, she's available this time because I am about to die if I don't talk to someone.

  Right away, I share with her that Rome is possibly still married, and instead of her being as infuriated as I am, she's more concerned about less trivial matters.

  "How's the book coming?" she asks me.

  "What? Who cares about that book? I'm in the middle of a crisis, don't you understand that?"

  "I thought the whole purpose of you moving in there was research for your book," she reminds me.

  It's obvious my sister is not yet ready to let up about this book.

  "My novel is on hold right now and has been for some time."

  "That's too bad. I was looking forward to seeing how it would turn out."

  At the top of my lungs, I scream at her. "WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT FREAKING BOOK?"

  "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had totally lost it."

  "Well, I have totally lost it," I say to her.

  "So? What's the plan?"

  "I'm thinking about leaving--"

  Before I can finish my thought, my sister cuts me off. "Don't do it."

  "What? Why?"

  "Because, that's where you want to be. Think back to the time you thought about leaving before. How long did that last?"

  "This is different," I say with conviction.

  "No, it's not."

  "Yes, it is."

  "No, it's not."

  "What about the mind-blowing sex? How are you going to do without that?"

  Her words halt my train of thought. Maybe she's right, then again, maybe not. "He's stingy with the sex anyway. You would think that with the three of us there, he would want it all the time, and maybe he does, but he seldom gives it up, at least not to me anyway."

  "I know what I'm talking about," Kirby says. "Leaving is a big mistake."

  My sister knows me well, but this time she's wrong. Knowing what I know now, I absolutely cannot and will not stay in the House of Rome one more night.

  "Maybe it is a mistake to leave, but it's a chance I'm willing to take," I say.

  "Will you at least think about it?" she asks me.

  I ponder my sister's words for all of thirty seconds. "There. I thought about it. I'm leaving."

  On that note, I end the call with my sister and finally cruise out of Momma Nicki's driveway. I am not exactly sure where I am going at this time. What I do know is that I am NOT returning to the House of Rome. I'm tempted to return for my things but decide against it. I can always have them shipped to me later.

  I rehearse my departure in my head, and I know exactly how it will play out. Upon telling Rome of my decision, as usual, he will attempt to change my mind. But this time, I'm ready for him. I plan to check into an undisclosed hotel, a place where he can't tempt me with his pleas.

  Thirty minutes later, I do just that. I check into a suite at the White Carpet Inn Hotel on Michigan Avenue. I'm not exactly sure how long I will be here, and inform Perrin of my whereabouts, but not without first telling him that Rome has a wife.

  As soon as I shower and brew a cup of calming chamomile tea, I situate myself and call Rome, ready to let him know that I know what he knows.

  "Hey, sexy," Rome says to me. "Where are you?"

  "Somewhere where you can't get to me."

  "Why would you do that?"

  "Where's your wife, Rome?"

  The phone goes silent. I cannot tell if he has ended the call or if he's now in as much shock as I was earlier, then--

  "What?" he asks me as if he didn't hear me the first time.

  "I think you heard me," I say. "Where's your wife? I know everything, Rome."

  "Thursday," he says, "I'm sorry, but Storm and I used to be married, but we're not anymore."

  "Your mother seems to think otherwise."

  "My mother also thinks that women who drink alcohol can't get pregnant."

  "Were you ever going to tell me, that you and Storm were once married?"

  Silence. Silence. And more silence. And it's well noted.

  "Do me a favor, Rome. Don't contact me and don't come to see me. Tell the girls I will miss them and whatever else you want to add to that."

  Before Rome can insert another word in, I interject fast. "Goodbye, Rome."

  With a heavy heart, I'm stretched out on the sofa, half watching a rerun of one of my favorite TV shows, Drugs Inc.

  Two hours later, I am jolted awake after having fallen asleep still wearing my leggings and t-shirt. I still myself and listen. There's a knock on my door.

  I glance over at my phone. The time is a little after midnight. I slide off the sofa, groggy and not completely awake, and before I can reach the door, the knocking continues.

  I step to the door, an uneasiness permeating through me. "Who is it?"

  "It's Rome."

  Now, I'm fully awake.

  Is he freaking kidding me? Didn't I tell him I didn't want to talk to him?

  This hotel was supposed to be my haven. However, it seems Mr. Nicki is determined to track me down no matter where I am.

  In a huff, I snatch the door open. "What? I don't want to talk to you."

  "Well, that's too bad, isn't it, because I want to talk to you." He pushes his way in and closes the door behind him.

  "I came here to tell you something, and I'm going to do just that," he insists.

  In no mood to fret with him, I flop down on the sofa and wait for the bull crap to shoot from his mouth.

  He stands before me, not as confident as I am accustomed but more so disheartened. "Listen, I know that I messed up, but it doesn't change how I feel about you." He benches down next to me. "And I know you still have feelings for me regardless of how much you might want to deny it at this moment."

  "I don't deny it."

  He peers at me with his beautiful brown eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Storm."

  "I assume India knows."

  "She knows."

  "What is it exactly that you want from me? I mean you have a wife and a girlfriend. What do you need from me?"

  "I need your love," he says to me, inching his way closer to me on the sofa. "And I need you to return to your family, where you belong."

  I am now shaking my head. "Sorry, but it's not going to work this time. I'm no longer available to be a part of your family, and my love is no longer on the table."

  "Well, can you put your love back on the table?"

  "No, I can't."

  "We'll see about that," he says, half mumbling underneath his breath.

  I rise up from the sofa and move towards the door and swing it open. "If you don't mind."

  "Can I stay here with you tonight so that we can talk about it some more in the morning?"

  "Absolutely not."

  Rome hasn't budged once. He's still sitting on the sofa as if he's oblivious to my suggestion that he leave.

  "May I have a kiss?" he asks me.

  "No."

  "What about a hug?"

  "No."

  "A glass of water?"

  "No."

  After a short silence, he sits forward. "You know I'm not the only one with a secret in all of this."

  "What's that supposed to mean?" I question him, certain that the apprehension in my eyes is showing.

  "It means that I know about you and India."

  Episode Twenty-Four

  His words surprise me, and my thoughts run amuck. Surely, he can't be referring to what I think he is referring to, but I am a master at hiding my true feelings. I shut the door and ease my way towards him. I am calm and still.

  "What exactly do you know?" I ask him.

  "I know that she kissed you one night for a long time, and you didn't stop her."

  "Yeah, so. Big deal. What of it?"

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "It seems I didn't have to," I say, "I
ndia told you for the both of us. Besides, women kiss all the time. You know that."

  His eyes widen. "No, I don't know that."

  "Well, if you're grasping at the possibility of either of us being a lesbian, let me save you the embarrassment. We were just fooling around one night and had a moment. That is all."

  I suppose I could have told Rome about the encounter, but what for? It's not like the experience meant anything.

  Again, I sweep towards the front door and swing it open. "Now, if you don't mind?"

  Finally, Rome takes the hint, rises to his feet and travels towards the front door, staring down at the floor. "What am I supposed to tell Storm and India?"

  "You'll figure something out."

  "You're going to miss out on Storm's birthday bash," he reminds me.

  "I know it's going to be awesome for sure."

  "Did I tell you Storm is returning to school to be a hypnotist?"

  "No, you didn't."

  "Well, she is, and, did I tell you India is going to open a single's bar for dog lovers?"

  "No, you didn't tell me that either."

  "Well, she is."

  Rome is dead set on doing whatever he can to lengthen his stay in my hotel room, but unfortunately, his time is running out.

  "For the record," I say to him. "Those things you just shared with me about Storm and India, I think it's great that they're moving forward with their lives. Please know that."

  "The house won't be the same without you."

  "I have a feeling that you will be just fine. You have Storm, and you have India."

  "But I don't have you." He is almost out the door. His back is to me when he stops in his tracks and turns to me. "Do you remember the first time that we went to Paradise Ice Cream?"

  "Of course," I say exhaling a long, stress-filled breath.

  "Do you remember the question came up about who was my favorite? Do you remember that?"

  "Yes, I remember," I say, "I think it was India who asked the question."

  "Of course, I couldn't say anything at the time but… it was you… It's always been you. You're my favorite, Thursday."

  If Rome had disclosed that tidbit to me at any other time, my heart would have soared to the nearest star, but somehow hearing it today, knowing what I know, it just doesn't have the same magical effect. Does that mean that I am not flattered that I am his favorite? OMG! Flattered to the core, but I'm not about to let him know that. So, I look at him, smile and say nothing.

  "Goodbye, Thursday."

  "Goodbye."

  And Rome is gone.

  I stand with my back against the door and do not move for a long time. I reminisce about my last encounter with Rome Nicki. With my emotions all revved up in a bunch, I can no longer sleep.

  There is just too much to think about.

  Why did he choose now to tell me that I was his favorite, something that I desperately wanted to hear from the start?

  But at last, it doesn't really matter at this point. Whatever I had with Rome, is now just a great big fantastic memory.

  Having not eaten for several hours, my growling stomach awakens me at 3:00 o'clock in the morning. The good news is, while I was asleep, I wasn't thinking about Rome. The bad news is, now that I am awake, he's all I can think about. I try to ignore my rumbling stomach and return to sleep, but it's not happening. I am fully awake and nothing can knock me out now, except maybe a hammer to the head. Unable to stay sleep longer than five-minute intervals, I checkout of the White Carpet Inn Hotel. Perhaps sleeping in my own bed will do me some good.

  Less than thirty minutes later, I saunter through the front door of my apartment, and inevitably Rome is still top, bottom, right and left of my mind. As angry as I am at him for not disclosing to me that he was once married to Storm, I still miss him, and I miss the girls just as much. Storm and India are my friends and always will be, and even though it was always my wish to have Rome all to myself, I always had warm feelings for both of them.

  How could I not?

  They are both good people who know how to have a good time on a daily basis, something I find rare in most people, including myself. Up until I moved into the House of Rome, I was just like the rest of the world. I worked Monday through Friday, counting the minutes to the weekend so that I could let loose and live. All that soon changed when I met two beautiful women by the name of Storm and India. They taught me the true meaning of the phrase live life to the fullest. Because of that, my life will always be better for it.

  Still wearing my clothes from the day before, I dive into my bed and stare at the wall, tears coursing down my cheeks. I have been away from my place for so long that it no longer feels like home anymore.

  The enormity of what I have done is slowly creeping upon me.

  I have done it now.

  I have left Rome and the girls. The rambling butterflies in my stomach alarms me that perhaps I have made a mistake, but I'm not listening. I never liked those butterflies anyway. I roll over on my side, unable to think of anything but Rome. This ache in my soul is too much to bear, and all I can do is curl up into a ball and cry like a baby.

  The beaming sunlight seeping through the corners of my mini-blinds awakens me the next morning, after tossing and turning most of the night. In one big swoop, I roll over and fall down on the carpeted floor. Accustomed to the king-sized double bed, I have forgotten where I am.

  It's been less than twenty-four hours since I last set eyes on Rome, and I'm doing okay. I mean, I haven't done anything stupid like eating a gallon of vanilla ice cream or coloring my hair blonde or going on a $5,000 shopping spree. But then again, there's still time for all of that. The day has just begun.

  For some strange reason this morning, I'm feeling not as happy as usual.

  Then it hits me.

  Maybe it has something to do with my breakup from Rome. I am missing him and the girls in a major way.

  I consider calling Perrin for the second time this week to inform him that I won't be in today, but I force myself to go in anyway. There's no sense in punishing him because my life is in shambles.

  After my one-minute shower, I slap on a pair of light-wash jeans and a sweatshirt and slip on my flip flops. Totally unconcerned with my appearance, I stuff my hair underneath my baseball cap. My grumbling stomach continually reminds me to eat, but I'm not listening. Eating is overrated anyway. I am now on a white tea diet. My goal is to drink white tea and nothing else until there's nothing left of me.

  I ride up on the elevator to Perrin's penthouse, leaning against the wall. I can barely stand up. It's as if I haven't had much sleep.

  Then it hits me.

  I haven't had much sleep.

  Inch by inch, I creep my way towards Perrin's apartment. One would think I just had major surgery.

  Why am I moving so slowly?

  Then it hits me.

  My world is crumbling, and I no longer have purpose.

  I waltz into Perrin's unit and find him in his bedroom, wearing a towel after having just come from the shower. For good reason, I am suddenly energized.

  "You sold me out," I say to him. "I know it was you who told Rome where I was hiding out."

  "No need to thank me," Perrin says to me. "Would you mind stepping into the next room so that I can drop my towel?"

  "How about I just turn around?"

  I do a quick about face, wait several seconds, then. "May I turn around now?"

  "You may," he says. "If I may be so bold, why are you wearing a sweatshirt when it's over a hundred degrees outside?"

  I glance down at the heavy sweatshirt. "I was wondering why I was so hot." I then fling the sweatshirt over my hand and toss it to the floor, revealing my ivory colored bra. "So, tell me, why would I thank you for selling me out?" I ask him, my hands on my hips.

  "Uh. Hello. The moment you called to inform me where you were staying, it was obvious you wanted me to know so that when Rome came looking for you, I could tell him."

  "You t
hink you know me so well, don't you?"

  "Well, was I right?" Perrin pulls a black t-shirt over his head and slips into a pair of summer shorts.

  Covered in shame, I throw my head back and laugh. "Yeah, you were right."

  I am now sitting on the edge of his bed, my legs open and hands on my knees. I still my eyes on the ceiling fan above me. I am mysteriously entranced in deep thought. My spontaneous life, filled with laughter and adventure as I once knew it, is gone. Still in a state of never-never land, Perrin taps me on the shoulder and I am transported back into real time.

  "Thursday, are you still with me?"

  Every emotionally upsetting thing that has happened to me in the last 48 hours comes crashing into my psyche, and I kneel over and drop to the floor, throwing myself into the fetal position. "Life has no meaning for me anymore," I utter to Perrin.

  "Are you just now figuring that out?" Perrin asks me. "I figured that out a long time ago."

  "I see no reason to continue," I say to him.

  "Continue what?"

  "Continue living. Continue with the journey."

  Perrin kneels down on the floor next to me and strokes my back. "Oh, I see you're missing your boyfriend."

  "I am, but my problems are much bigger than that."

  "How so?" he asks me.

  "I told you. My life has no meaning."

  "Did your life have any meaning when you and Rome and the women were living together in unholy matrimony?"

  "That's good question." I lift my head and ponder his words, but I come up empty.

  "What is so terrible about your life?" Perrin asks me.

  "I hardly have any money saved for my retirement."

  "That would get anyone down," Perrin says to me.

  I lift my head and peer into Perrin's eyes. "You know, I was thinking of locking myself in the bathroom and never coming out."

  "As long as you have a plan."

  "There's just so much wrong with my life. I'm short and need to lose at least ten pounds."

  "What are you talking about?" Perrin asks me, "If you were any skinnier, you would disappear."

  "And then there's something much worse." I shake my head and do not speak right away, then I say it. "I'm not married. I have no children and I have no one to grow old with."