Total Control

by Pamela Britton

  “I suppose,” she said with an attempt at a smile.

  “Relax. Believe me, you’ll feel better once we’re out on the lake.”

  She wouldn’t look at him, and Todd would have to have been born blind not to notice how uncomfortable she looked. Did she feel the tension, too? The slow burn that seemed to coil between them?

  He forced his gaze away. The boat’s engine roared to life. Water gurgled off the stern. Indi began pulling the rubber bumpers inside.

  So she remembered from last time. Good for her, Todd thought. How many weeks ago was that? Four? Five. He hadn’t even qualified for the championship yet.

  “Better hold on.”

  She knew him well enough by now to instantly take a seat. Todd almost laughed, the first time he’d felt like doing so in ages. He gunned the engine.

  “Todd,” she cried, because, even prepared, she tipped back.

  “I told you to hang on,” he cried.

  Speed was good. Speed made him forget. Plus, a couple of the kids playing near the shoreline cried out their approval. Todd could hear them hoot and holler over the rush of water against his bow.

  Wind tore at his eyes. Flecks of moisture stung his face. He didn’t care. When he glanced back, he saw that Indi didn’t, either. She had her eyes closed, her face tilted toward the sun’s remaining rays.

  He turned the boat. The horizon tipped. He leaned sideways, enjoying the way the boat responded to his touch. The fiberglass hull slapped the water, jarring his body. The shore slid by, faster and faster, then faster still. The trees that dotted Lake Norman’s pebbled beaches slipped farther away. He didn’t know where they were going, didn’t think Indi cared, either. All he knew was that the cool autumn air soothed his troubled soul. It also helped ease the tightening in his groin.

  He’d have kept going for miles if the setting sun hadn’t stopped him. This, he wanted Indi to see.

  “Look,” he said after cutting the engine. He pointed.

  Indi followed the direction of his finger. She gasped.

  Water and sky seemed to blend into each other—as if the sun had melted them and they all oozed together. Lake Norman reflected the colors. Or maybe the sky reflected the color of the water. It almost appeared that way. Over everything—their boat, the water, the shoreline not too far away—a neon orange set everything aglow.

  “It’s my favorite time of day.”

  “I can see why,” she said.

  “It’s especially pretty when viewed from here,” he added.

  The boat gently swayed. Their wake caught up to them and caused it to rock even more. Indi and Todd simply stared at the horizon, the two of them watching as orange turned to red, red to gold, the three colors fading until all that remained was a cool gray sky that was already dotted with stars.

  “And here I thought you had to go to the beach to see a sunset like this.”

  “You could see it every day if you lived here.”

  She glanced over at him.

  Was that what he wanted, he wondered, staring into her eyes. For her to be with him?

  Yes, he admitted. He wasn’t a fool, and he knew Indi was special. A heart as big as hers would be a precious gift to hold.

  “Where is your house from here?” she asked, deftly changing the subject.

  “Way over there,” he said, pointing to the east. “We’re in Iredell County. My home is in Mecklenburg County—in Huntersville.”

  “It looks the same,” she said, staring at the shoreline.

  He nodded. “If you don’t know the lake, you could get lost out here, that’s for sure. But the lake is shaped like a leaf with the tip pointing north. So as long as you head either north or south, it’s hard to get lost. Fortunately, this boat is equipped with GPS.”

  “Really?”

  “And a refrigerator. And a stereo system.” And a few other things down below. Such as a bed. But he didn’t mention that.

  “All the comforts of home,” she mused.

  “Do you want some wine?”

  “No, thanks,” she said. “It’ll make me sleepy.”

  Relaxed was good. Relaxed meant she might not mind if he kissed her.

  Todd. For God’s sake, get your mind out of the gutter. This isn’t the time or place to make a move on Indi.

  “How about a soda?”

  That she took, along with the cold cuts they’d packed, although Todd noticed she didn’t appear very hungry. He could understand why. He didn’t have much of appetite himself.

  “It’s getting cold,” he said after he saw her shiver.

  “I should have brought a jacket.”

  “I think there’s one down below. Let me go get it for you.”

  “No, that’s okay. I can find it. It’s down here, right?” she said, sliding past him and opening the door to the tiny cabin below.

  “Yeah, but the closet’s kind of hard to find if you don’t know where it is,” he said, starting to follow her and then stopping himself. He shouldn’t go down with her.

  “Where’s the light switch?” she asked.

  “On the right,” he answered, swiveling in his chair and scrubbing a hand over his face. Cripes. What was with him? All of a sudden he couldn’t get the image of Indi in his bed off his mind.

  “Oh, look,” she said. “How cute. Your bedspread looks like your race car.”

  “I didn’t buy that,” he said. “The boat was a gift from one of my sponsors.”

  “Some sponsor,” she muttered. And then louder, “Where’s the closet?”

  “It’s on the right.”

  “I can’t find it.

  “Just come on out. I’ll get it for you.”

  “You even have a bathroom in here,” she mumbled next. “What does a race boat need with a bathroom?”

  “It’s not a race boat,” Todd said.

  Indi jumped.

  Todd stood behind her.

  “Some Scarabs are built to race, but this one isn’t. It’s the luxury version. Sort of like a Ferrari compared to an F1 car. The closet’s over here,” he said, leaning toward her and reaching behind her.

  She couldn’t look at him.

  “Here,” he said a second later, handing her a sweat jacket.

  “You didn’t have to get it for me,” she said, taking a deep breath. The interior was teak, the lighting low, but she could still see into his eyes, still spot the intensity.

  He must look like that when he races.

  “I, ah…” Her suddenly sluggish mind struggled for words. “I could have gotten it myself.”

  “I wanted to get it for you.”

  “Thanks,” she said, ducking her head at the same time she grabbed the jacket.

  She caught his hand instead.

  She glanced up in surprise. She told herself to move, but the strength of his gaze held her down. She couldn’t breathe, the thump of her heart against her chest so hard she wondered if he could hear it.

  “Todd, I—”

  “Don’t,” he said softly. “Don’t say anything.” His head began to drop. “We always seem to ruin moments like this.”

  Yes, but that was intentional, she wanted to say. He’d been right. It was how she kept men at bay. She didn’t want any emotional entanglements. She didn’t have enough of herself to go around.

  He kissed her.

  The boat must have rocked, or perhaps her world tilted. Her knees lost all their strength.

  “Todd,” she tried to say, but he pressed her to him, his lips hard yet surprisingly gentle. And his touch made her whole body tremble. All he did was place his lips against her own. But that was all it took. She weakened even more. He must have sensed that because he held her up, but only for a moment, because in the next instant she sank toward the bed.

  Had he done that? Or her?

  She didn’t know, didn’t care. For once in her life she wanted to be impulsive. She wanted to forget for a moment that the world was a scary place, and that back at camp—

  Todd came into f
ocus, Indi realizing she’d closed her eyes somewhere along the way.

  “I’m going to kiss you, Indi, like you’ve never been kissed before.”

  His hand rested near her side lightly, but it felt like a ten-pound weight. Her abdomen felt tense, her whole body heavy. A sensation she didn’t recognize at first pulsed through her body.

  Desire.

  “But I’ve got to warn you,” he said, his focus darting between her eyes and her lips. “If you let me kiss you, I can’t promise I’m going to stop.”

  She didn’t want him to stop. She wanted…

  She wanted…

  “Kiss me,” she said softly.

  Because she just wanted.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  TODD WASTED no time. He feared she might pull away. He feared she might change her mind, so when she opened her mouth, he pounced.

  And nearly groaned aloud.

  He could taste her. Could feel her soft tongue against his own. But more than that.

  She kissed him back.

  For the first time she answered his thrusts with jabs of her own, the tip of her tongue entwining with his own and just about causing him to groan.

  He brushed a rib with his thumb, felt her arch against him in response.

  Yes.

  He lifted his hand higher, gently stroked the spot beneath the swell of her right breast.

  This time she moaned.

  Their kiss grew more desperate. Todd knew if he didn’t stop soon there’d be no turning back. He’d warned her of that, but still a part of him hesitated. He pulled his lips away.

  “Indi,” he warned.

  She wiggled against him, pressed the center of herself against him. There…right there, the sweet spot that made it his turn to moan.

  “Touch me,” she ordered.

  He needed no second invitation. She arched against him again and turned her head sideways. He kissed the side of her throat, sucked in the taste of her sweet flesh. A mark would be left there, but he didn’t care. It would be proof positive that this was no casual union. This would be an experience unlike any he’d experienced before.

  This would be his first time with Indi.

  HE WOKE UP LATER, much later. Sometime after their first time together he’d found a spot and dropped anchor. He’d called the camp and told them they were staying out longer than anticipated and not to worry. Then he’d gone back to Indi’s arms.

  He’d known she’d be a zealous lover. No woman could give herself to things like Indi did and not be passionate in other areas of her life. But the fervor of their union took even him by surprise.

  He lay there, Indi sleeping in his arms, her naked body pressed up against his own. Something had woken him, although he didn’t know what. He’d left the door to the tiny cabin open and a cool breeze washed over them both. Perhaps that’s what had disturbed their sleep.

  He smiled, pulled her closer to him. Her head rested beneath his chin, her hair tickling her nose. He’d never cuddled with a woman before. Usually sex was a means to an end. Not this time.

  No.

  Not this time.

  Her shoulders shook. He tensed, realizing in an instant what it was that woke him. She cried.

  “Indi,” he said gently, tipping up on an elbow. “What is it?”

  She gasped in a sob. He tenderly turned her toward him. Though the only light in the cabin came from the running lights near the buoy, he could still look into her eyes. Tears pooled near the rim of her bottom lashes.

  “Is it us?” he asked softly. “Do you regret what just happened?”

  She shook her head.

  Todd felt relief wash through him. “Then what is it?”

  He watched her swallow, heard her suck in a breath. “I…can’t,” she gasped. “I just can’t….”

  He waited, swiped a stray lock of hair from her mouth. “Can’t what?” he prompted.

  “I can’t stand to lose another one.”

  His throat tightened because at last he understood what she meant. “I don’t want to lose Benjamin, either.”

  She buried her head in his arms. He held her so tight he worried she couldn’t breathe. But she didn’t seem to mind, she just cried harder. His own eyes grew hot, his cheek nestled against her hair. He would do anything for this woman, he realized. Anything at all.

  “Sorry,” he heard her mumble.

  “Don’t be,” he said, kissing her silky strands. “You’re due a breakdown.”

  “I bet this is the first time you’ve moved a woman to tears.”

  And there she went trying to make a joke. He loved that about her. Loved her passion and her zeal for life. He loved that she’d never cared about who he was. He might have known her for just a few weeks, but she’d taught him something completely unexpected. She had taught him there was more to life than racing.

  “You go ahead and cry,” he said softly. “Cry all you want.”

  She did, Todd thinking she must have had years of tears stored inside.

  “I’m such a wreck,” she said a long time later.

  “No. What you are is human.”

  She looked into his eyes. Todd’s heart slipped further away from the matrimonial market when he caught sight of Indi’s misery. Could any other woman on the planet care as much as she did?

  “I’ve never broken down like that.”

  “Obviously, you needed to.”

  She smiled, and his heart tipped right off the edge. “I can’t help but think this must be a first for you.”

  She had no idea.

  “Let me hold you for a while.”

  She bit her lip and shook her head. “Not now,” she said, reaching up and pulling him toward her.

  Todd went willingly. When it came to Indi, he’d never been able to resist.

  THIS TIME THEY BOTH WOKE to the sound of a cell phone ringing. Todd was the first to sit up, his hand reaching out and grabbing it.

  “Hello,” he said groggily, and glanced out the window, which revealed it was early morning.

  “Todd, it’s Linda.”

  He snapped instantly awake. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  He heard her sniffle. His heart started to pound even more. “They took Benjamin to the hospital this morning.”

  “What happened?”

  By now Indi was sitting up, too. He watched her swipe her hair out of her face, her eyes searching his face for hints as to the news.

  It wasn’t good.

  “He started bleeding last night. That’s happened before. He’s on so much medication his blood doesn’t clot like it’s supposed to. But last night Lex scratched him. Nobody thought it a big deal. But it wouldn’t stop bleeding. The doctors on staff tried to control it, but when nothing worked they began to suspect something more was wrong.”

  “What’d they find out?”

  “They ran tests this morning. Todd, his blood counts are off the charts. Of course, we knew they weren’t good, but he’s deteriorated so quickly.” He heard more sniffs, knew Linda fought for control.

  “We’ll be right there.”

  “I didn’t want to interrupt you,” she sniffed. “I really didn’t. You and Indi deserve some time together, but Benjamin wants to see you. Todd, he’s so scared….”

  “We’ll head straight for my house,” Todd said, thinking out loud. “It’ll be faster than driving all the way around the lake. We can be there in less than an hour. Tell Benjamin we’re on our way.”

  “I’ll tell him,” was all Linda said, but the words were barely audible.

  “What’s wrong?” Indi asked when he snapped the phone closed.

  “Benjamin’s in the hospital,” he said, bending down and trying to find his pants.

  “I figured that much,” Indi said, getting dressed, too. “What’s wrong with him?”

  “Linda said his blood work is off the charts. What does that mean?” Damn it. Where was his shirt?

  “His counts must be down,” she said, going into clinical mode. He could t
ell. The face that’d been so full of passion last night looked as blank as a whiteboard.

  “But they just checked all that before he left,” Todd said, finding his shirt under the tussled covers and pulling it on. “How can he deteriorate so quickly?”

  “Easy,” Indi said, reaching up and pulling her hair back. She twisted it into a knot somehow, one with a ponytail hanging out the middle. “Some of the inhibitors he’s on could have stopped working. His body might have built up a resistance. Infection is a common side effect.”

  “Linda said last night Lex scratched him.”

  “Did he bleed?”

  “Linda mentioned that he did, but now I’m worried about infection.”

  “Bleeding is another sign his chronic myelogenous leukemia has gone into the blast crisis phase.”

  “Blast crisis?”

  She nodded, the look in her eyes grim. “It’s the final and most serious phase of the disease.”

  Todd bolted through the doorway and out into the cool gray morning. Chill air hit him square in the face.

  It didn’t help.

  He took deep breaths, told himself he needed to calm down if he were to get them safely to his home. His boat could do upward of a hundred miles per hour, far faster than he could ever drive on city streets. Plus, there were no traffic lights.

  “Sit down and hold on,” he ordered.

  It took him precious minutes to pull up anchor, and then a few more to stow it properly. By the time he twisted the key, his hands shook. Twin V-8s roared to life. It was still early morning and so a gauzelike mist hung over the surface of the lake. But he could see the shore. That was all that mattered.

  He glanced down at the gas gauge. Good to go there, too. He’d have just enough to reach his house.

  He hoped.

  With one last glance to ensure Indi was sitting—she was—he jammed the throttle forward, nearly pitching himself out of his seat.

  The cold air felt like ice crystals the faster they flew. And they flew. He made sure of it, a rooster tail shooting out from the back of the boat that was easily thirty feet long.

  “Are you sure we shouldn’t go back to camp?” she called out.

  “Not this time of morning. Traffic on 77 will be horrible. If we head straight for my house in Huntersville, we can avoid the freeway altogether.”