SEALs of Winter: A military romance superbundle

by Seton, Cora

  She shrugged. “They’re ours. We don’t have to like them. We have to deal with them, though.”

  “It would be nice to just cut them off, you know?”

  She shook her head. “It would just leave a bigger scar.”

  A shockwave of comprehension hit me. She knew her demons. She understood her demons. And she’d accepted them. In that regard, she was far ahead of me. I knew on a deep level that I couldn’t have fixed Jane. She was who she was, as was I. But the guilt inside me wouldn’t let go of it. My memory of Jane was pinned to my heart, keeping it shrouded from life.

  In another lifetime, I’d probably have already fallen in love with Charlie. But I couldn’t do that now. Given her demons, she deserved someone that could actually give her that love. Sitting there, watching this lovely girl drink her water and tear off a piece of bread to munch on, I realized I’d started something I couldn’t finish.

  Chapter Nine

  Charlene

  ‡

  I’d had some dreaded conversations in the past, but nothing as heavy as this one with Jesse felt. I’d poured out my past to him, knowing that he’d have found out from someone else if I didn’t. And then he’d opened his own heart to me. But dredging up all that history had come at a cost. My heart trembled in my chest as we ate and moved away from the conversation about our pasts.

  He drove us both home after dinner, and it felt like the temperature had lowered at least twenty degrees in the truck. Something had happened at dinner, and I didn’t think either of us understood it. In baring our souls to each other, we’d damaged our relationship with each other. I didn’t see that one coming at all.

  When he parked his truck in front of his house, I glanced at mine. It was dark. Hell it was late. Everyone in my house was probably asleep already. Jesse got out of the truck and walked around to the passenger’s side. I’d not had a chance to get out of the car before he opened the door. His large body blocked my escape from the truck. Heat emanated from him as he leaned over me, his arms trapping me. Then there was a click and the seatbelt slid away from me. My heart thudded to a stop, anticipating his next move.

  His eyes burned over my body as he pulled away and held out his hand to me. What was he looking for? What did he want from me? I’d already cut my wrist and bled for him. What else was there?

  Standing face to face, his free hand touched my face, and instinctively, I leaned into it. “I’ve been thinking…”

  Here it came. He was going to dump me for reals now.

  “I don’t care what Brent Sanders did. I don’t care what you did.”

  I stared at him. Really? This was it? He was going to stick around? I began to question his actual sanity. “I’m not a good person, Jesse.”

  “I don’t care.” He frowned. “I’ve been thinking about this the whole way home. You are good for me. Do you know how many people I’ve talked about Jane with?”

  “No,” I whispered.

  “None. People have for years tried to get me to talk about her, and I’d refused, but then you ask and I’m pouring out my guts to you.” His expression was one of wonder and confusion. “Do you know how amazing that is?”

  I gazed up, into his eyes, just as his lips crashed down on mine, taking and demanding. This wasn’t a man that asked permission. This was a man who knew what he wanted. I loved that about him. So when his hand slid up my bare thigh, I didn’t fight him. I didn’t want to. His thumb rested just below the apex between my thighs, stroking softly as he kissed me. It was infuriating and distracting and judging by the low chuckle that came from him, he knew what he was doing to me.

  So, I took the next step. I grabbed his wrist, and slid his hand up my body, to my breasts. He gasped into my mouth, and his kiss intensified, his tongue sliding along my lips. I parted for him, and he thrust inside my mouth, sealing his mouth over mine. He groaned, his hand kneading my breast roughly one second and the next, his thumb fluttering over my tightened nipple. I wanted the clothes gone. I wanted the barrier between us gone.

  I turned my body to face him, refusing to break that kiss and wrapped both legs around his waist. I pulled him close, so his pelvis was flush against mine. He lifted me up in his arms and the next second, I was on the hood of my Jeep, his hand palming my ass.

  His touch burned every part of me there was contact, a lingering pain of longing when the spot had grown cold. He broke the kiss, finally, and made his way down my neck, across my collarbone. I was so glad I’d worn a halter top blouse today. I didn’t want his lips to miss an inch of my skin.

  His hands were everywhere at once. I moaned. And then he stopped. His forehead rested against my shoulder, his breath hot and heavy against my skin.

  “Why did you stop?” I whispered, touching his head with my hand.

  He raised his head, so he could see me, and I felt torn open. His face had misery all over it.

  “I can’t. I mean, we can’t. Not now.” He stepped away, and a cool draft took his place, even though the sun was hot and beating down on us.

  “Did I do something wrong, Jesse?” I didn’t think I did. He’d seemed like he’d been enjoying it.

  “No!” he said, quickly. “You were… I mean, I… You were fine.”

  Fine. That was something a guy told a girl to get her to go away. I swallowed the humiliation that came bubbling up like bile, and slid off the hood. “You should go.” I kept my voice even, though there was an ocean churning inside me.

  “Charlie…”

  He reached for my hand, but I pulled it out of his reach just as quickly. “I said, you should go.”

  “Charlie, please, just let me explain.”

  “Explain what? That I disgust you?” I stepped back. “That now that you know the truth, you don’t want anything to do with me?”

  “No, that’s not it!”

  “Then what, Jesse? What’s so horrible about me that you can’t even kiss me without being miserable about it?”

  “I—” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, while his other hand rested on his hip. “It’s me, Charlie.”

  “Yeah, because I’ve never heard the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech.” I growled, incoherent and full of frustration. “Guess I’m not that good a substitute for Jane, am I?”

  “Charlie…” He sighed. “It’s not that. I’m not good enough for you, Charlie. I can’t be what you need.”

  “What I need?” I scoffed. “What the fuck do you know about what I need? I’ll tell you what I need.” I started to open my mouth, but the expression on his face, the one that said it wouldn’t matter had me clicking my mouth shut. “Forget it. I’m done. Good night, Jesse.”

  “Charlie!” he called, but I practically ran up the porch steps into the house. I shut the door behind me and flipped the lock. Leaning against the door, I rubbed my face with my palms. What had just happened? Why had he stopped? He seemed like he wanted me, and then the next second, he didn’t.

  I’d been a fool to believe that someone like him would ever settle for someone like me. He was good guy, a straight shooter who had been dealt something terrible in his life. Me, I was a girl who inherited her father’s mess. A moment later, a piece of paper flew in through the crack of the open window beside the door. It floated to the floor and then it was silent.

  I crawled over to where it was, and with shaking hands, picked it up. It wasn’t large, maybe an eighth of a sheet of notebook paper, probably torn from a notebook.

  Call me tomorrow. PLEASE.

  Jesse

  I crumbled the paper in my hand, and ran upstairs, taking care to not wake up anyone else. I tossed the paper in my wastepaper basket when I got in my room. It was better this way, breaking it off before it got messy. Because it would, I told myself as I got ready for bed. No Jesse meant no complications.

  Chapter Ten

  Jesse

  ‡

  I sipped the coffee, and ignored Kyle’s inane prattle. I didn’t know why I had shown up to breakfast at Bo’s this
morning. Socializing was the last thing I wanted to do. It had been two days since I’d seen Charlie last, and it sucked. She hadn’t called me back, and I was pretty sure she wasn’t going to. Not that I was really all that sure what her calling me would accomplish. Hadn’t I already decided that it wasn’t fair for her to be with me when I wasn’t capable of feeling what she needed me to feel? I had to be done.

  Not that I was acting like I was done, nor did I feel like I was done. The booth Kyle and I were in at Bo’s Diner had a clear view of the bank across the street and it hadn’t escaped my notice that Charlie had gone inside about thirty minutes earlier. Something was going on, and sadly, even though we were done before we’d even begun, she wasn’t truly gone. I couldn’t erase her from my thoughts. I just wasn’t sure what it was that tied her so directly in my thoughts.

  But Charlie didn’t deserve what I’d bring. I was cut off from my heart. That line had been cut since Jane died. I couldn’t bring any kind of happiness to her, and god knew, she deserved that happiness.

  “Dude. Dude!”

  I snapped out of my thoughts and glanced at Kyle. “What?”

  “You totally zoned on me,” he said. “What’s up with you lately?”

  “Sorry, was just thinking.”

  “About Charlie?”

  “We are so not talking about her,” I ground out. I couldn’t handle it. The thought of her made my chest ache.

  “So, yeah.” Kyle shook his head. “I thought you were the one that was done, man.”

  “I am,” I lied. It came so effortlessly from my lips. I was supposed to be the one that was done. Instead, I’d hurt her, probably made her feel like trash, and then let her run away.

  “Yeah, right.” Kyle dropped a couple bills on the table. “I gotta go anyway. Time for my shift at the hospital.” He stood up and went to the register to pay for his meal and left.

  After Kyle left, I sat there a while longer, watching the bank and wondering just what Charlie was doing in there. I supposed it wasn’t my business anymore, or maybe it never had been. But with Charlie, I just couldn’t help myself.

  I pulled out my cell and called Jason. He answered on the third ring. “Dude, I’m writing a ticket. What do you want?”

  “To who?” I asked.

  “Fucking Kyle. He keeps parking that monstrosity he calls a truck in front of the fire hydrant downtown.”

  “He’s going to beat the shit outta you.” I laughed wryly.

  “I told him like, eight times not to do it anymore. Fuckin’ moron.” He sighed. “So, what’s up?”

  “Tell me about Brent Sanders again.”

  Silence on the other side confirmed that Jason knew exactly who that was. “Why?”

  “Because I need to find him.”

  “Jesus.” Jason sighed heavily, his breath sifting over the microphone. “You need to stay out of it, Jesse. You can’t save everyone.”

  “I don’t want to. Just Charlie. There’s something going on there.”

  “Fuck, man. I wanted you to move on from Jane, but damn. You couldn’t find someone with less baggage?”

  “This is not about Jane.”

  “It’s not not about her, either.”

  I sighed. I couldn’t even tell him why I needed to figure out this thing with Charlie. I didn’t know. “Look, I just need to find him.” And then what, genius? I had no idea.

  “Why?” Cody’s questions were irritating me, mostly because I didn’t have the answers. I was going completely off my gut at this point.

  “Because I think Charlie might be in trouble and I think he’s the root of it.”

  “Charlie’s a big girl. Let her take care of her own life.”

  “Jason, are you going to help me or am I going to do it myself?”

  “You don’t have access to do it yourself.”

  “Oh, believe me, I have access to a lot more than you think.” All it would take was one phone call to Cadence Long, Lucky Thirteen’s resident computer expert. But I didn’t want to use Thirteen resources when I was dealing with a personal issue. Besides, Master Chief would have my hide if he found out, and then he’d want to know details I didn’t really want bleeding into work.

  Jason sighed again. He was doing that a lot around me. “You’re serious about this?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “You’re gonna get hurt, bro.”

  “It’s my choice.”

  “She’s not Jane.”

  “No, she’s not. She’s better.” It seemed almost sacrilegious to say that, but it was true. Jane and I had been close for years. I’d known Charlie for a handful of days, and yet, I felt things for Charlie I’d never felt for Jane.

  “Listen, there’s a couple places Sanders might be, if he happens to be in town.”

  “You already know.”

  “I told you, I’ve taken care of some shit for Charlie in the past. And I said places he might be. I have no idea if he’s in town.”

  I listened to Jason talk while I watched the outside world through the diner window. After we hung up, I saw Charlie leaving the bank. I couldn’t tell if she was happy or not. I dropped a couple dollars on the table and took off after her. I caught up with her down the street, half a block from the college.

  “Charlie!”

  She froze, and turned to face me. “What are you doing?”

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “That’s nice.” She turned away. “I’m not interested in talking.”

  “Wait!” I grabbed her arm and turned her back around. “Please.”

  “You want to let go,” she growled, her voice low and angry. I released her immediately. “What do you want from me, Jesse?”

  “I’m sorry I reacted so badly the other day.” I had to tell her the truth, but I couldn’t get it to come out my mouth. I knew she wasn’t Jane, but it didn’t stop the anxiety of actually being honest about how crazy my head had become.

  “I have to go.”

  “We didn’t… I mean, we should try again.”

  She frowned. “Are you mental? Is that why you’re doing this stupid flip flop thing?”

  “I’m not. I’m just dumb and doing idiotic things.”

  “Right. Not arguing there,” she replied. “What do you want?”

  “Dinner. That’s all.”

  “Right. Dinner. Like a kiss was all you wanted?”

  “I got carried away.”

  “Not carried away enough,” she replied. “I could have gotten whiplash from mood swings like that.”

  Frustrated, I ran my hand over my head, brushing the hairs on my head with my palm. “Let me explain.”

  She crossed her arms. “I’m waiting.”

  “Not here. Over dinner?” The look on her face said I was losing the battle here. “It’s… too personal to talk about here. In public.”

  Her face softened, but hardened almost immediately. “I don’t have time to deal with this. I have things I have to take care of.”

  “I love you!” The words tumbled right out of me. The silence that followed, as her eyes rounded, and her red lips parted, was deafening.

  Fuck. Did I really just say that? The funny part was… I didn’t regret saying it. And saying it had lightened the anvil resting on my chest.

  But Charlie didn’t look at all happy. “You’re fucking nuts. A goddamned lunatic.”

  “Please, Chuckles?”

  “Don’t call me that.”

  “Dinner, and I swear, I won’t be crazy, and after that, I’ll never bother you again.”

  Narrowing her eyes at me, long seconds of silence passed. Two cars passed by. A woman yelled to her children in the distance. Finally, she broke eye contact with me and said, “Fine. Dinner. Tonight. And then you leave me be. Or I’ll have you arrested.” And without another word, she did almost a perfect about-face and stalked off.

  *

  Charlene

  My breath hitched. There was a terrible pressure in my chest. After hitting up the bank for the
next payment, I was feeling a bit helpless, even hours after I’d left. Was this what my life was going to be like from now on? At five hundred a week, I’d never be able to keep up these payments. At twenty thousand in debt, and with criminal interest rates, Smith would be bleeding me dry my entire life.

  Of course, choice wasn’t something I had. Brent was gone, so I couldn’t even confirm that he owed this guy money, though knowing him, I didn’t doubt it. Smith wouldn’t ever stop. Even if he found Brent, he’d always come after me. Because I’d given him money, and like an evil stray puppy, he’d keep coming around as long as he got fed. I might as well say goodbye to college and boys and any other thing that might occur in normal life.

  I pulled out Brent’s necklace. The silver chain wasn’t Brent’s normal thing, but he’d never taken that necklace off. It had been part of him for as long as I remembered. He’d said my mother gave it to him. My birth mother.

  I could run, like Brent had. I knew enough nefarious skills to be able to fudge my identity. I could spend my entire life running. But I’d be leaving my parents, the ones who had taught me right from wrong and given me a chance at a normal life. And my little brother, who had the biggest screw up for a sister.

  Running was an option I didn’t want to think about. I didn’t want to leave this life behind. Brent had always told me not to get attached to any one place when I was growing up. I understood why now. Because it made picking up and leaving that much harder.

  The whole thing made me sick to my stomach.

  Night had fallen over the town, brilliant stars lighting a darkened world. The money I’d withdrawn sat in my purse, waiting for the moment when I would turn it over to Smith. I hugged my arms close to me as I walked, the chill in the air adding to the fear inside my blood.

  I glanced around, not seeing anyone. Sugar Falls pretty much shut down after dark. I slipped down the alley where I was supposed to meet Nick Smith, fear pulsing through me in tandem with my heart beat. I repressed a terrified shudder as I saw him, standing at the end, by the door to the bar.

  “Hello, Charlene,” he said, glancing up as I approached. “Good to see you.”