Aggie stood. “Tell her I’m ready for my children. I could use some snuggles right now.”
“It’s going to be ok, Mibs. It is.” Luke turned away and flipped open his phone. “Mom? Aggie’s ready.” He waited until he saw her round the corner into the kitchen and added, “I think she could use a hug, Mom.” His ears grew red as he listened to his mother’s reply. “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
~*~*~*~
The door slammed shut behind him, but William didn’t notice. His neighbor glanced out the door in stunned disbelief, never having seen the deputy show anything but deliberate self-control. Inside his townhome, William tossed his keys onto the counter along with his hat and the newspaper, before collapsing into his chair. He grabbed the remote and snapped on his stereo system, anticipating the familiar sounds of his favorite Jazz ensemble. Instead, the instrumental hymn CD that he’d purchased on his trip to Seattle played an annoying tinkling piano rendition of “Just as I Am.” His plan to familiarize himself with Aggie’s constant hymn-speak had been precipitous.
He jumped from his chair, punched the open button on his CD player, and jerked the offensive disk from the tray. On his way to the garbage can, he snapped it in half, enjoying a sense of satisfaction as he did. Yes, it was a little immature, but considering his company that afternoon, it seemed fitting somehow. His hands gripped the edge of the counter as he leaned over the sink, trying to control his emotions. He wanted to call Aggie and blast her. The selfishness alone was inexcusable. Those children deserved better than a novice mother and no father.
Shoving himself away from the sink, William walked toward his bathroom, unbuttoning his shirt, unstrapping his belt and holster as he walked. He paused before the mirror, and stared at the reflection. Perhaps discussing marriage with a gun on his belt had been a bad idea. He shook his head. That was a ridiculous thought. Aggie knew his job, yet had never shown distaste for his job or the weapons that came with it.
He’d intended to take a shower, but his running clothes beckoned him. In minutes, his feet pounded against the asphalt as his mind whirled with all the things he should have said. She’d have to listen to reason. As he thought about it, he realized that maybe she just needed time to adjust to the idea. She was young. She probably had dreams of romance that she needed to relinquish before she could accept the necessary. If only Tina could--
His mind darted in a dozen directions. Tina. She wanted to talk to him, and that probably meant she was upset. Well, she could forget it. He wasn’t about to call her and let her lash out at him for being the voice of reason in the situation. Perhaps he should talk to Libby Sullivan. Maybe she could talk sense into Aggie--or maybe Luke could.
As a car peeled around the corner, William paused, hands resting on his knees, breathing heavily. “Buddy, if I had my car, you’d be busted,” he gasped.
Angrier than ever, he turned and jogged home, fighting the urge to call and demand that Aggie stop being so selfish. Once home, he strode through the house, peeling his clothes off on his way to the shower. Usually, the water felt comforting as if pounding away the stress and frustrations of the day, but that night, William felt every drop hit and each struck a new nerve as it did.
Frustrated, he snapped off the water, toweled dry, and pulled on his favorite sweats and t-shirt. All of his routines were out of whack. He hadn’t checked the mail, paid the bills, fed the fish, emptied his pockets--none of it. His pants lay draped over the end of the bed, so he started there. Inside the pocket, Tina’s number mocked him from the paper Aggie had given him. There was no way he’d call her and no way would he let her call and blast him for doing the right thing.
Seconds later, he fished the paper from the trash and smoothed the wrinkles from it on the counter. A glance at the clock told him it was after nine o’clock, but William didn’t care. In his experience, college students never went to bed before midnight. If he called and controlled the conversation, perhaps he could show Tina where Aggie was wrong. No one could talk more sense into Aggie than Tina-- except perhaps her parents. Maybe he’d get Tina to give him the Milliken’s number.
William pulled an enchilada dinner from the freezer, popped it in the oven, and then dialed Tina’s number. The woman sounded distracted as she answered. “Hmm?”
“Tina?”
“William?” Her voice squeaked, making him smile. Something about Tina was always a little refreshing.
“I need your help.”
“With what?” Tina sounded wary.
“Well, Aggie is being a little difficult about something--”
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“What?” Even as he asked, William mentally kicked himself. He couldn’t give her an opening. He tried to steer it back to his agenda, but he’d underestimated Tina’s determination and grit.
“Look, William. I talked to Aggie today. You really have some nerve--”
“Why am I the villain here? Don’t you think that Aggie needs help? Can you honestly say that you think she should have to do this job alone?”
“No, but--”
“So, when I step in and say, ‘Look, I’m ready to help you. Let me take some of the burden off your shoulders so you can look back on these years with fond memories instead of exhaustion, I’m somehow being a jerk. You girls make no sense.”
“Did you say those words, William? When you asked-- did you even ask? It sounds to me like you told her you guys were getting married. You didn’t even ask!”
He started to object and insist he had, but his own words came back to mock him. He had told her. “It wasn’t some romantic interlude, Tina. You know as well as I do that Aggie and I aren’t like that. We tried, but it didn’t work. Making it into a big deal would have made her furious.”
“But telling her what she has to do with her life is going to make her jump for joy? Seriously, William? I really had a lot of respect for you. I thought you were better than this.”
“She’s floundering, Tina. She’s going to burn out. I can’t stand to watch it. She needs help.” He hated how vulnerable he sounded.
“William, do you love Aggie?”
“Well, not like you mean, no. I think I could, but…”
“Look, Aggie isn’t like me. I’ve always wanted the full package. I want a guy who loves me, who will romance me, who will make me feel like I’m the only girl for him. Aggie has never been that way. She’s probably one of the few women I know who could take a situation like hers and agree to a proposal such as you devised.”
“I hardly believe that.” William began to believe he’d chosen the wrong person to help him. Obviously, Tina didn’t know her friend as well as she thought.
“But William, I don’t know a woman on the planet who would take well to, ‘You can’t handle your responsibility so you’re going to marry me so maybe you won’t fall flat on your face.’”
“I never said anything like that! That’s an absolute distortion of my words.”
He ran his hand through his hair as he heard her deep breath. “William, think carefully. Did you say or imply that she has too much on her plate?”
“Um…” He thought carefully. “Yeah, I said that she needed the kind of help and support that only a husband can give.”
“And why does she need help?”
“Because she can’t do this alone. All those trips to the clinic, she lost the baby that time, the kids haven’t started school…” William jumped as the timer went off on his meal. “You’ve lived there. You know how chaotic that house is! Can you imagine the state of her finances?” William seemed unaware that he was almost rehashing his original conversation.
“Ok, so if you were sheriff of Brant’s Corners, doing your job, having the normal speeders, domestic disturbances, etc., and a man came in and said, ‘I can see that you are having trouble in town, so I’m going to be your supervisor and help you get this mess whipped in shape,’ you wouldn’t mind? You’d consider that an offer of gracious help?”
/>
“I--”
“That’s how it sounds to me. What you just told me sounded exactly like that. Honestly, if you’d made the same kind of offer to me, I’d have slapped you. Aggie has better self-control than I do.”
William stabbed his enchilada and found the sensation quite cathartic. “She’s in over her head. I just want to help.”
“So take the boys hiking or fishing or on a ride-along or something. Push the little ones on swings or show up and grill for her. If you’re worried about school, offer to help rearrange the library or help Vannie with her math. Don’t tell Aggie how incompetent she is and try to rescue her from herself.”
“So, do you think she’d listen to reason if I apologized, showed her what advantages a man would bring to the family, and asked her to marry me?”
“No.” Silence hung between them for a few seconds before Tina sighed. “William, I’ll be blunt. Aggie isn’t the romantic that I am, but she’s a woman. She’s not going to enter into a relationship like marriage without being ready for everything that comes with it. Have you not thought about what that kind of marriage would mean to her? She doesn’t think of you that way, and she knows you don’t think of her like that. No woman wants to give herself to a relationship like that-- not even someone as practical as Aggie.”
“I didn’t think--” He cut off his sentence mid- thought. “Tina, we can’t think in terms of ourselves. We need to think about the children.”
“I’m thinking about the children. I’m thinking about what message this sends to them. I’m thinking about Vannie seeing her aunt sacrifice another piece of her for their family and the guilt it’ll add to that little girl’s heart. I’m thinking about what those boys will learn about marriage--it’s just something a guy has to do. Their wives will be a duty instead of a delight. Do you really want to teach an entire family--a large one at that--that marriage is nothing more than a duty? Do you really want those kids who have already been through so much to become a dysfunctional mess?”
“I don’t think--”
“Well,” Tina interrupted, “you’re wrong. I’ve studied enough about this kind of thing to know exactly what’d happen. You know what abnormal relationships do to children. You’ve seen it in your own life. From what you told me about your mother, you should understand this.”
“My mom is why I’m doing this! Do you think I want to see someone as sweet and gentle as Aggie reduced to lashing out at children because life is too overwhelming and she’s frazzled beyond endurance? I can’t take it. That house seems almost cursed. Maybe we can break it if she just has the help she needs.”
Soft sounds of crying reached him. “Tina?”
“I’m so sorry, William. I can’t imagine the hurt you went through. It’s criminal.”
“This isn’t about me, Tina.”
“Oh, but William, it is. Don’t you see? Your experiences skewed your perceptions, and you’ve applied that where it doesn’t belong.”
“I don’t think so--”
“Listen to me. Think about the GIL.”
“Who?”
“Geraldine Stuart. Aggie calls her the GIL. It stands for ‘grandmother-in-law” or ‘Geraldine is livid.’”
“Sounds like Aggie.”
Tina giggled, but a suspicious choke escaped at the end. “Geraldine had everything a woman could hope for--house, money, one child, position in society, the works. However, she was probably one of the most dysfunctional mothers you’d ever meet. On the other hand, you have Aggie’s parents. Martha Milliken has steadily grown worse over the years. She could never do things like other mothers, always had to take it easy, and yet, that woman never lets her weaknesses control her spirit.”
“I can’t imagine Martha Milliken ever losing her cool.”
“Well, she does, but only briefly. My point is that Aggie and Mrs. Milliken have something that people like Geraldine and your mother didn’t have.”
“What’s that?”
“Jesus.”
William squirmed. He hated it when people used Jesus’ name as if it was a talisman. In fact, he preferred that people not use the name Jesus at all. When speaking of the Lord, he preferred to say Christ. Something about people saying Jesus seemed very affected.
“William?”
“Hmm?”
“Why does that make you uncomfortable?”
“What?” He didn’t understand how she could possibly know how he felt.
“The fact that Jesus is the difference between Aggie and your mother. You’re a Christian.” She hesitated. “Aren’t you?”
“Sometimes I wonder, Tina.” He shoved his half-eaten plate of food across the counter and stepped into the living room, collapsing on the couch. “I don’t have the kind of relationship with the Lord that some people do, but I know He has washed me clean. I’m saved, but I don’t have that confidence that I see in people like you or Aggie or Luke.”
He heard her take a deep breath and steeled himself for a mini-sermon, but she surprised him. “William, I think this is more about your past than you think. You’re trying to create the perfect little--” She laughed at his chuckle. “Ok, not-so-little family in the place that was so horrible for you. You’re trying to redeem the past, but you can’t. It’s over. You can’t fix it.”
“I don’t think--”
“Ok, then don’t think. I don’t care. I do care about my friend, though, and you won’t do this to her. You won’t put her through this anymore. It’s cruel. She feels like she’s lost one of her best friends.”
“Well, it’s not like I’d never speak to her again unless she saw things my way!” The idea made him sick. He may not be in love with Aggie, but he did care about their friendship.
“But as things are, she’s uncomfortable. You put a wedge in the friendship by leaving her with the impression that you think so little of her. I know you didn’t mean to do that, but you did. That was what she got from you, and we both know that Aggie doesn’t go looking to be offended by things.”
This was true, and he had to admit it to himself. “If I tried again and was more careful how I did it, what are the odds that she’d reconsider?”
“Are you sure you’re not even a little in love with her? You’re really fixated on this.”
“I know it must seem like it, but no. I think I could be maybe… someday. I just can’t let the idea go.”
“Maybe you’re just more ready to settle down than you thought.”
The thought terrified him, but he didn’t want to admit it to Tina. “I thought about seeing what Sullivan had to say about it. Maybe he can talk to her.”
“William, don’t. Don’t do that to him.”
“Do what?”
“Are you really that blind? Come on, William.”
“What?” He felt dense, but he couldn’t understand Tina’s irritation.
“When Luke arrives, what’s the first thing he does?”
“Gets to work?”
Exasperation fairly crackled across the connection. “He looks for Aggie. When she enters a room, what does he do?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t been watching him, you know.”
“He looks up. No matter what he’s doing, he looks up when she enters. The only other person he does that with is Cari.”
“Probably to see what mischief the girl is in now.”
Giggling, Tina agreed. “Yep. Think about it.”
William felt like a fool. “He’s in love with her, isn’t he?”
“Yep. You’d have broken his heart if you convinced Aggie to marry you.”
“Does she know?” William swallowed hard. He hadn’t thought about someone else stepping in as husband and father. He’d decided Aggie’s family needed both and tried to install himself pronto.
“She does now. You kind of forced Luke to tell her how he feels about her before he thought she was ready to hear it.”
“He’s good for her.”
Tina agreed. “He understands her.” She cleared h
er throat. “William, the things about Aggie that drive you crazy are the very things that endear her to him.”
“Does she love him?” His voice was quiet-- pensive.
“Not yet, but given half a chance, I think she will.”
“Thank you, Tina. I’d better go.”
“William?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t hesitate to call to talk-- about anything.” She swallowed audibly. “I’d like to be a friend, William.”
“I just might. Thanks again. Goodnight.” He slid his phone shut and stared at the fish tank, unseeing. Aggie and Luke. If he were honest with himself, he’d have to admit it was perfect, but a small part of him still rejected the idea. He just didn’t know why. No matter how hard he tried to fabricate deep feelings for Aggie, they never materialized. She was a fun friend, but nothing more. Slowly, relief stole over him. He didn’t have to do it. Luke would give Aggie and the children the stability they needed, and his life would remain relatively unchanged.
“Lord, it really is pride, isn’t it?” he whispered raggedly. “I think I need some help with that.”
~*~*~*~
Tina stared at the phone, unsure if she’d left the conversation on a good note or not. Her roommate’s laptop lay unused on the desk while the girl slept. Thus far, she’d rejected offers to use it, but this seemed like a good time to chat with Aggie. She flipped open the lid, found the messenger program, and signed in with her user name. Her contacts list popped up, but Aggie was offline. Seeing Luke’s name gave her an idea.
Tina says: Luke, are you there?
Luke says: Hey, did you get your laptop fixed? Aggie said it was broken, so she wasn’t getting on tonight.
Tina says: I’m using my roommate’s.
Luke says: She’ll be disappointed that she missed you.
Tina says: I’ll just have to call. I want to tell her about my conversation with William.
Luke says: I hope it went well.
Tina says: I think he understands now, but I did have to tell him what I’ve observed about you before he could see the situation clearly.
For Keeps (Aggie's Inheritance) Page 25
