For Keeps (Aggie's Inheritance)

by Havig, Chautona

  I deliberately chose not to tell you about our plans for their care, because I knew you’d fret over it. You’d make decisions for your life based on “what ifs” that might never happen. I look forward to burning these letters the day our older children are old enough to take over this responsibility for us.

  It is unfair of me not to have given you a choice. For that, I am so very sorry. Leaving my children motherless is a horrible thought, but not providing for their welfare in that event is worse. I’ve rewritten this letter three times now. The day you turned eighteen, after Cari and Lorna were born, and then now as Ian is here. I had to have a plan in place that provided for their welfare immediately in order to prevent Mother Stuart from gaining access to them. While Doug and I have made sure it is clear that she is unfit to take them, she is capable of causing more grief on top of an already terrible time for the children, so we wanted some way to keep their lives steady during those first few months.

  Losing their parents is going to be difficult enough without them losing their home, their church, their friends, and each other. We have named alternate guardians in a codicil to the will which is filed at Mr. Moss’ office. These couples have willingly agreed to take the children and raise them for us in the event that this year has been too much for you, or you do not believe God wants you to continue. All I hoped for was a year of stability before changing up their lives further. They’ve always been so close. I hate the idea of splitting them up, but I realize that sometimes that can’t be helped.

  I did consider telling you up front about these other couples, but I confess, I was afraid you wouldn’t allow yourself to embrace your role as their mother if you knew that you only had a year to invest in it. If that was too unkind of me, I beg your forgiveness. I’m not very good at this dying thing. Unfortunately, it’s not something we get to practice.

  If you choose to relinquish your guardianship of our children, all you need to do is go to Mr. Moss’ office and sign papers he will have prepared for you. Please keep the children until after that first anniversary of our death, and then arrange for the transfer if that is what you decide to do. Remember, the other couples have been in a state of limbo for a year, wondering if you’ll keep them or if they now have more responsibility, so please do make your decision quickly. The longer you take, the more likely something is to happen that will make one or more unable to do as they’d planned and then the children would be at the mercy of the courts. I can’t stand the thought of my children in foster care.

  Aggie, I love you. I have never been very good at telling you that, but you are always such a bright spot in my memories. If you can find it in your heart to continue to love and care for my children so that they can stay together, I know it would mean the world to them. But please, Aggie, please do not give up your life for this if you are not absolutely certain that it is what you and the Lord wants you to do.

  Waiting with Jesus to welcome you,

  Allie

  Watching the emotions flicker over Luke’s face unleashed Aggie’s feelings, and tears began pouring down her face. Luke fluctuated between empathy for Aggie’s loss and raw anger at Allie for not seeing the impossible situation her letter would create for Aggie. He couldn’t imagine the turmoil in Aggie’s heart as she’d read that letter.

  “Come on, Mibs. Let’s find somewhere a little more private. We can go to Mom’s house, the church office, even the park--”

  “Your mom’s house. I think I’m going to need her advice.”

  All the way to his mother’s house, Luke prayed. Hearing Aggie admit she needed advice worried him. Would she really consider giving up the children? He’d been certain she wouldn’t, but now he wasn’t sure.

  The moment they entered Libby’s living room, Aggie collapsed in tears in the woman’s arms. Libby led her to the couch, patted her knee, passed her Kleenex, and then slipped from the room so Luke and Aggie could talk. Each wave of tears was less intense, until at last, she was able to speak. “What did Allie think I’d do? Did she really think I’d tear up their lives again?”

  Relief washed over him, but Luke tried not to show it. “I think she had to at least try to give you an out for her own peace of mind. Deep down, she probably knew you’d never give them up.”

  “I don’t know, Luke. Allie has never been the kind of person to play those kinds of games. She put this in here because some part of her thought that I might actually do it. I keep wondering why she thought it was possible when I can’t imagine it. What am I missing?”

  “I assume you’ll talk it over with your parents before you decide?” Something in Luke’s tone made her forget his question.

  “What’s wrong, Luke?”

  Aggie heard the raw emotion in Luke’s voice as he asked about her conferring with her parents, and her heart sank. Did he hope she’d turn the children over to the other families mentioned in the letters in order for her to be free to begin a fresh new life with him? As much as she didn’t believe it possible, a niggling doubt created new tears that threatened to overtake her. She’d give up all hope of becoming Luke’s wife before even considering handing over her children to strangers.

  “I--” His characteristic trouble with expressing himself was oddly comforting. “I can’t help but fear that someone will convince you that you need to release the children. I don’t know what I’d do if you did that.” Though Luke’s conversational pauses were longer than usual, they did manage to give Aggie’s heart time to heal from the beating she’d given it. “I love your kids, Aggie. I know it’s still presumptive, but I have dreams of taking the boys camping, sitting on that wonderful porch with a shotgun, keeping away the droves of boys who will descend on us someday, seeing the little ones give their hearts to Jesus…” He sagged against the cushions. “I’ve been premature, haven’t I?”

  In the kitchen, Libby overheard snippets of the conversation, her heart growing heavier as each minute passed. Hearing her son’s love and dreams for the children made her heart break for him, and she began praying in earnest. So lost was she in her prayers, that she jumped when Luke’s voice spoke from her elbow. “Well, Mom, it appears that Aggie has the option of rescinding her guardianship of the children if she chooses.”

  Though she’d heard enough of the conversation to know about the codicil to the will, Libby was stunned at the matter-of-fact tone in her son’s voice. “You won’t do it, will you, Aggie?” Overcome by the thought of the loss of the children in her life, Libby excused herself and fled.

  Luke glanced at the stove, making sure that nothing would ruin in his mother’s absence saying, “Go to her, Mibs. Mom needs you right now.” He wrapped his arms around her for a moment, swallowing her in a bear hug that left her breathless. “I love you. We’ll get through this.”

  Libby sat in a rocking chair in her bedroom, struggling to staunch the flow of tears. Seeing Aggie in the doorway, she beckoned for her to enter. “I’m sorry, Aggie. I know this isn’t about me and what I want, but I couldn’t help myself.”

  “I know. It’s exactly how I felt.”

  “What are you going to do? I assume you’ll talk with your parents?”

  The young woman shook her head. “I can’t, Libby. It’d kill mom to think that I’d do it, and it’d kill her to see me ‘give up so much.’ It’s best to take care of it, and then tell her about it when it’s all settled.”

  “So you’ve decided?”

  “It’s so weird. I feel as if I’m supposed to feel like a prisoner who has been pardoned, but I didn’t feel like a prisoner, and I don’t want that pardon.”

  “You know the family will do anything to help you and Luke raise those children. If it gets to be too much at times, we’ll take them for a week or three. That’s what family does.”

  Aggie’s heart swelled at the sound of her name coupled with Luke’s. She didn’t have to run the mothering race alone. “It’s so strange. I’ve felt so often as if I was running a marathon all alone, but it’s more like a relay race, is
n’t it?”

  Libby’s face showed that she didn’t understand. “Why a relay?”

  “Well, I just realized that sometimes I pass the baton to someone else while I rest. Is that what marriage is like? One person carrying the load while the other rests sometimes?”

  “That’s a good way of putting it. Sometimes you carry it together, others you take turns so the other can rest.”

  “If that’s marriage,” Aggie said smiling, “then I look forward to it. That’s a beautiful picture.”

  “I recommend it, Aggie. I’ve never been happier than I was married to my Steven.”

  “I’d say I can’t wait, but I guess I’ll have to. Luke says he wants to join our little clan sometime, but he’s so cautious about not pressuring me and ‘letting things run their course,’ that I don’t know how to encourage him.”

  “You haven’t told him that you love him yet, have you?”

  Aggie’s head shook slowly. “It’s not something you just blurt out, and we’re almost never alone. I don’t want him to hear it from me over the computer or in a room full of noisy nosey children, so I keep waiting and assuming God has a reason for it.”

  “Well, I’m sure of one thing. Luke will treasure your love no matter when, where, or how you tell him, but I do see your dilemma. Just don’t wait too long. I’ve never thought it wise not to share what’s on your heart. We aren’t promised tomorrow, you know.”

  Sunday, November 16th

  Aggie crept out of the little girls’ room, peeked in on Ian, and then jogged downstairs. The children were still playing Uno while waiting for her to return. It was time to have a family meeting. That thought sent waves of panic over her. Times like that reminded her that she indeed had a family that she was responsible to lead. For a split second, the temptation to tell the children that they were going to new homes settled around her shoulders, but in the next, she shivered. Life without her children was unthinkable.

  “Ok, when the game is done, I want everyone in the living room. We need to talk.”

  Laird tossed his cards in the discard pile and rose. “We can come now.” Tavish, Ellie, and Kenzie followed suit.

  “Vannie was winning?” The question was moot. Vannie had the same ‘luck’ with Uno that Kenzie had with Go Fish.

  “It was my turn and I was going out. They knew it. I won regardless of default,” the girl insisted.

  “Ok, everyone needs to sit down and listen to me.” Five pairs of earnest eyes, Vannie’s clouded with concern as well, stared back at her from the couches. “Mr. Moss sent me a letter that your mother wrote me before she died.”

  “Can we read it?” The question stunned Aggie. She hadn’t considered that they’d want to read it.

  “I don’t know. I’ll think about it. Anyway, your mother was a very well prepared woman.”

  “Dad used to call her a better boy scout than the boy scouts.” The choke in Laird’s voice nearly tore at her heart.

  “That sounds about right. Did you all know that your parents set up a few families that you know who agreed to become your guardians?”

  “I thought you were our guardian?” Ellie’s eyes widened-- afraid.

  “I am, but your parents set it up so that if I couldn’t do it, there were other people ready to step in.”

  “You said families. So we’d have to go to different homes?” Vannie’s face was as expressive as Aggie’s usually was.

  “Yes. They couldn’t find anyone who felt confident to take on eight children, but there were three families that were ready to take you in groups. They’d planned to make sure you saw each other often.”

  “Oh, I am so glad you came, Aunt Aggie. I can’t stand that. Losing Mommy and Daddy and then everyone else.” As unofficial spokesperson, it was clear that Vannie spoke for all of them.

  “Well, that’s what I have to tell you. I almost didn’t. I don’t want to, but it’s better that you hear this from me than from someone else. The letter I got from your mom last week releases me as your guardian if I want that. Do you understand what that means?”

  “You don’t have to be our mom anymore?” Kenzie’s grasp of the situation was surprisingly simple and accurate.

  “That’s right. I don’t have to do it if I don’t want to.”

  The child burst into tears. “I don’t want another mommy. I just want you!”

  Aggie’s arms opened to wrap around the little girl as Kenzie flung herself at her. “I’m not going anywhere, Kenzie. I just wanted you to know that it was something your parents provided for. I wanted you to hear it from me and know that I am not going to do it. The story is going to get around a little town like this, and I didn’t want you to think for a second that I would sign away my guardianship rights. I’m not going to do it.”

  Cheers erupted from all but Vannie. The young girl sat, silent, her brow furrowed and her eyes lost in thought. “Vannie? What’s wrong, sweetie?”

  “If you let the other families take us, you can have a regular life. You don’t have to marry Luke unless you want to, and you could still see us. I think you need to think about it more. It’s a long time, Aunt Aggie. Seventeen years of your life taking care of us.”

  “Ok, whoa. Listen to me, all of you. First, I’m not going to marry anyone unless I want to. If I marry Luke, it’s going to be because that’s what I want to do more than anything. Just like I’m not giving up guardianship of you guys because that is what I want to do more than anything. Do you understand that?”

  All heads nodded, but Vannie’s expression told Aggie that the girl wasn’t convinced. “Were the Kovaks one of the families?”

  “Yes.” Aggie hadn’t considered that the children would guess who had offered.

  Laird spoke up eagerly. “Oh, I bet the Chessneys were one. He looked at Aggie for confirmation, and then guessed again. “So, the Kovaks, Chessneys, and maybe the Torres’?”

  “Good guesses guys.”

  Vannie’s head shot up. “Can we go play now?”

  “Sure. I just wanted you to hear it from me first so you’d know the facts. You could have gone to live with other families, but you won’t. You’re staying here with me. Does everyone understand?”

  As expected, Vannie didn’t leave with the rest of the children as they rushed out the door in search of rakes for leaf piles. The timelessness of jumping in leaves tugged at Aggie’s heartstrings. She’d seen children growing up much too quickly, but somehow, her children seemed to have missed most of it. Lost in thought over the cause, Aggie almost forgot that Vannie hadn’t left the room.

  “Aunt Aggie?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Don’t you think you’ll regret it?”

  She tore her eyes from the window and forced herself to give Vannie all her attention. “Regret what?”

  “Taking us all in.” She rushed to continue before Aggie could answer. “I know we’re family, and I know you love us, but it’s a lot of work for a long time. You didn’t choose to get married and have lots of kids. You just got it dumped on you.”

  “Vannie, listen to me. I prayed about this. Did you hear that? I prayed about this. I talked to Mr. Vaughn, Libby Sullivan, Luke, William, and Tina. I asked Mrs. Dyke what she thought. I prayed some more. I tried to imagine my life without you guys, and I can’t do it. It’d break my heart to lose you now. Do you understand that?”

  The young girl practically threw herself across the room and into Aggie’s arms. “I’m so happy. I didn’t want to go anywhere else, but it’s so much--”

  “It’s just where I want to be.”

  “And what did Luke say? Is he ok with it now that he knows he doesn’t have to have all of us to marry you?”

  A small secret smile stole over Aggie’s face. “Vannie, I think he’d have begged me to reconsider. He loves you guys like his own children.”

  “No wonder you love him so much.”

  “No wonder is right.”

  Luke says: Aggie? Are you there?

  Mibs says: Hey!
Sure am. Took the kids longer to get in bed tonight.

  Luke says: Any particular reason?

  Mibs says: Lots of prayers thanking the Lord for their wonder-aunt for keeping them and not splitting them up. Their prayers made me sound like a saint.

  Luke says: Saint Aggie. Did saints get to marry or were only priests and nuns disqualified?

  Mibs says: Who knows?

  Luke says: I wasn’t sure you’d tell them. Did it go ok?

  Mibs says: I didn’t want them to hear it from someone else. You know? Better that they get the facts straight up front.

  Luke says: That’s a very wise decision.

  Mibs says: I wish they didn’t have to know.

  Luke says: How did they take it?

  Mibs says: Well, Vannie is old enough to see what I have to give up to do it, and she really thinks I should consider it.

  Luke says: That girl is wise beyond her years sometimes.

  Mibs says: It just makes me even more determined to stay right where I am.

  Luke says: So you’ve made a definite decision? There’s no doubt at all?

  Mibs says: No doubt. I made myself really look at how my life would be. I forced myself to imagine epidemics of flu, possible rebellion, years of fighting Geraldine Stuart, but when I imagined them gone, it felt horrible to be all alone. I missed them. Not seeing Vannie grow into the amazing woman I know she’ll be, not being the first one to see Ian climb a tree, not having that daily lesson in how Cari and Lorna are identical opposites… it broke my heart.

  Mibs says: I just saw myself sitting there as an old maid and it was horrible!

  Luke says: I see.

  Aggie says: What do you see? I thought you supported me keeping things the way they are.

  Luke says: It sounds as though you’ve decided that I am not something you plan to have in your future. I think I need to go, Mibs.

  Mibs says: That’s not what I meant at all!

  Luke says: Aggie, you spoke of being alone-- being an old maid.