02 Outwitted

by Beth Solheim

Jane's head swiveled so fast she tilted sideways. "You mean someone cancelled a date with me? Why?"

  "Actually, I cancelled your date," Sadie said. "For one reason, he barely spoke English. Do you remember last week when you answered the phone and you couldn't understand what the caller wanted?"

  "You mean the Chinese man?"

  "That's the one. Every time he responded to my emails, all he talked about was sex."

  "Sadie. Not in front of Aanders."

  "I know all about sex. My friends told me." Aanders blushed and lowered his chin to his chest.

  "You made it sound like you had another reason to cancel." Jane shot a curious glance at her sister. "Are you going to tell me?"

  "He sounded too frisky for you. From what I understood, he kept talking about what he wanted to do with his toes. It was either his toes or a hose."

  A hearty laugh escaped from Jed before he covered his mouth with his fist.

  "What?" Aanders and Jane posed the question at the same time.

  "It had to do with fishing." Sadie rose and opened the fridge. "Ice tea anyone?"

  "He fishes with his toes?" Aanders directed his question toward Jed.

  Jed nodded at Sadie. "You're the one who brought it up. I'm not going to explain Kama Sutra to these two."

  "It doesn't matter. What matters is Jane's interested in Bernie Johnson."

  A commercial blared from the television as Sally dropped the remote and wandered over to the window. Pressing her nose against the screen, she said, "Bernie Johnson is that man's dad."

  "What?" Sadie crossed the floor and stood behind Sally. "What man?"

  "That man over there." Sally pointed to a man unloading his fishing gear from a pontoon.

  Jed lifted Sally off the floor after he joined Sadie at the window. "Did Mr. Johnson's family come with him?"

  "I don't think so." Sadie frowned. "No I'm sure they didn't. Why would he bring them on a weekend date? It's a one bedroom cabin."

  "He called him Dad when he got on the pontoon," Sally said.

  Jed kissed Sally's forehead. "I think you misunderstood. It must have sounded like Dad, but I'm sure it wasn't."

  "What are you looking at," Jane joined Sadie at the window.

  "That man on the pontoon," Sadie explained, pointing at the man.

  "What about him?"

  "Sally said he's Mr. Johnson's son."

  Jane stepped closer to the window and stared at the man. "No he isn't. Mr. Johnson told me he didn't have any children."

  "Yes he does," Sally said. "They talked about fishing. Then he shouted, 'Bye, Dad'."

  13

  "This would be Sadie," Sadie said, answering the phone. She jotted down directions to the retrieval site and handed the note to Nan.

  "I've asked you to say Harren Funeral Home when you answer the phone, not 'this would be Sadie'."

  "I forgot." Sadie pointed toward the embalming room. "I've finished with the other body, so I'll go with you."

  "Oh no you won't." Nan used her body to barricade the door. "You're not going anywhere looking like… like you look."

  Sadie grimaced. Nan drew a deep breath to repeat her favorite lecture for the umpteenth time. Sadie knew it by heart. If Nan would set aside her bias and appreciate a senior citizen's unique traits, it would be a tad easier to work for her. Just because the profession demanded protocol, didn't mean she couldn't tweak it now and then.

  Nan jingled the hearse keys. "Go change your clothes. Wear the black outfit I bought you. If you're not ready in ten minutes, I'm leaving without you."

  "What's wrong with this outfit? It's new. I got it yesterday."

  Nan calmly gave Sadie the once over. Her shoulders settled as she sighed, a calming sigh perfected by those in her profession. Cupping her hands in front of her chest, she blinked twice. She tilted her head to one side. "You're wearing an orange shirt and zebra leggings. You're supposed to be in black." She pointed at Sadie's hair. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

  Sadie patted her gelled spikes. "What's wrong with it? Big Leon said everyone's wearing their hair like this."

  "You've got orange glitter falling out of your hair. It's clinging to your lenses."

  Sadie squinted trying to look at the inside of her glasses. "The loose stuff will fall off before we get there."

  "Then there'll be glitter all over the front seat of the hearse."

  Sadie never dreamed anyone could one-up Jane when it came to cleanliness. Nan could. Sadie was convinced they both came into the world toting vacuum cleaners, dust rags, spritz bottles and a strong desire to rid the world of bacteria. She'd better ditch the glitter before they left on the retrieval. If she didn't, she'd get the evil eye. Nan's evil eye was a lot worse than Jane's piercing glare.

  Black clothes and depression mirrored one another. At least Sadie believed her theory held merit. Lime. Orange. Purple. Red. That's what people should wear. She'd never met anyone with a healthy disposition who wore black. Well maybe one. The more she looked at Nan, the more Sadie realized her boss looked darn spiffy in her black suit. Sadie had to give Nan credit for maintaining a positive nature.

  When an earlier retrieval call came in, Nan had changed from a pair of blue shorts and a T-shirt into her black suit. Her right leg peeked through a sexy slit in her midi-length skirt. Sadie watched her lift her blond bob from her neck, gather it in her hand, and slip a band around it. Blond curls sprung loose. The humidity raised havoc with Nan's wavy hair and she managed it by securing it at the nape of her neck. If Nan would only make an appointment with Big Leon. He could do wonders.

  "There you are," Jane announced as she walked through the funeral home door. Bernie Johnson ducked to avoid the top of the door frame as he followed Jane over the threshold.

  "You must be Bernie." Nan drew her gaze up and extended a hand.

  "Nice facility," Bernie said, looking around the lobby. "A lot cheerier than most."

  "Busy place." Lon followed Bernie in and closed the door behind him.

  A yelp pierced the air as Belly protested in pain. "Sorry fella." Lon patted Belly on the back after he straightened the zebra bandana. "I didn't know you were behind me." He walked over to Nan and kissed her cheek. "What's going on?"

  "We're getting ready to go on a retrieval."

  Lon leaned close to Nan. "You're letting Sadie go dressed like that?"

  Jane beamed up at Bernie. "I'm giving Bernie the grand tour. This is our last stop."

  "I've been in lots of funeral homes, but not any connected to a resort." Bernie chuckled and patted Jane's hand. "Kind of like the last resort."

  Jane screeched with laughter. "Stop it. I'm getting a sore side from laughing so much."

  Sadie squinted a one-eye, brow-lowering, you're too obvious squint.

  "Nan? Did Sadie tell you I met Bernie through an internet dating site? It's a website for seniors."

  "Sadie didn't tell me, but Aanders did. I'm glad you stopped by. I wanted to tell you about the fund Mr. Bakke established for Bakke Manor. I added to the balance this morning and we've got enough money to break ground this summer."

  Jane clasped her hands in front of her chest. "I can't believe it. Mr. Bakke would be so proud. It was his life dream to establish a home for the mentally challenged."

  "You're going to get calls from Social Services," Lon said. "They've already gotten wind of it. Our dispatcher took a few calls from outlying agencies this morning."

  "We've needed this for a long time. Thanks to Mr. Bakke, Pinecone Landing will benefit from his dream." Nan put an arm around Jane and pulled her close.

  "Thanks to you, too, Nan. You've worked hard to make sure it happened. I'm sure Mr. Bakke's smiling down on you."

  "Mr. Bakke was my friend." Jane looked up at Bernie. "He believed our mentally challenged would be better served in a mainstream setting than in an institution."

  "I agree," Bernie said. "We've got several similar homes in Minneapolis."

  Jane grabbed Bernie's hand and led him thro
ugh the viewing rooms, explaining as she went. They disappeared down the stairs to the prep area.

  "Wow," Lon whispered. "Jane's smitten. I never thought she'd experience romance again."

  "She's gone goofy." Sadie waved her hand in irritation. "It's only been a day and a half since she met him, but she's already bossing him around. I hope he doesn't regret responding to her singles ad."

  "At least she's got something go do." Lon's voice dropped as Jane reentered the lobby.

  "Well?" Jane walked toward Sadie.

  "Well what?"

  "Did you tell her yet?"

  Sadie's back stiffened. The surge of confidence Jane had gained from Bernie's constant attentions blared like a trumpet announcing a contest. The blame game had begun and Sadie had to make a move.

  "I thought you'd like to tell her," Sadie said.

  "Me? Why me?"

  "Tell who what?" Nan lowered a hip onto the desk and sat next to Lon. A gaze of concern locked on Jane.

  "Clay is living in Cabin 12."

  "What?" Nan shot to her feet.

  "Our manager rented Cabin 12 to Clay by mistake." Jane tugged at her collar points. "You tell her, Sadie."

  "You can't be serious." Lon stood and stepped toward Sadie. "What is she talking about? Clay hasn't been around for years."

  Sadie patted the air with her palms. "Just relax. I'll explain."

  Nan's ashen tone against her black suit concerned Sadie. "You need to sit down."

  Lon led Nan to the lobby sofa, turned her around, and backed her onto the cushion. "Is he really living at the resort? Why would you rent to him? Are you out of your mind?" The words tumbled from his lips in one angry stream.

  After listening to Sadie's explanation, Nan said, "You've got to get him out of there. I don't want Aanders anywhere near his father."

  "We can't. We already checked. Kimmer signed the lease and threatened to sue if we try to cancel."

  "Kimmer? What's Kimmer got to do with it?" Lon stared at Sadie.

  "Kimmer approached our manager and rented Cabin 12. He paid a year in advance. He told him he rented it for a friend. A year lease is rare and we need the money. Our manager had no idea Kimmer rented it for Clay."

  Nan grabbed Lon's arm. "Isn't there anything you can do to break the lease?"

  "I doubt it. I'm sure Kimmer would sue if Sadie tried to void the lease. I'll bet Kimmer thinks you'll sell the cabin if Clay is living there."

  "Over my rotting, shriveled, stinking body," Sadie said.

  Nan paced in front of the sofa. "Kimmer used Clay in the past to do his dirty deeds. He bartered for booze. Remember when Clay got caught breaking into Kimmer's folks' cabin after Sadie bought it? I never did understand why Kimmer bailed him out. Then Clay left town. I'll bet Kimmer had a hand in Clay's hasty departure." Nan stabbed the air with her index finger. "They acted like the episode was a drunken mistake, but I didn't believe it."

  "I didn't either," Lon said. "Sadie dropped the charges so we never found out what Clay was up to."

  "We didn't need more aggravation. Tourist season was at the summer peak and I wanted to forget the whole thing," Sadie replied.

  "Me too," Nan agreed. She turned toward Lon. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea Clay had moved back. This is devastating."

  "It's not your fault." Lon took Nan's hand. "We just need to figure out what Kimmer's up to."

  "How will I tell Aanders?" Lines of concern rimmed Nan's forehead.

  "He already knows. He caught a glimpse of Clay and tried to approach him." Taking a bracing breath, Sadie added, "Clay didn't recognize him."

  "Oh, no." Lon put his arm around Nan as she moaned in anguish. "I can't imagine how Aanders felt."

  "You better talk to your cousin, Lon. See if he'll tell you why he came back," Jane said.

  "That's exactly what I'm going to do. Nan's getting her life back together and I'm not going to let him ruin it. I don't like this. I don't like it one bit."

  14

  Pam set the baby bottle on the Adirondack chair as she took in the breathtaking view. A flock of Grosbeaks circled overhead before landing to vie for the limited number of morsels scattered under a tree. What began as sociable jabber rose to a frenzied pitch. Pam smiled. If everything went right, she and Dan would own their own lake home and she'd experience this same slice of heaven every day for the rest of her life.

  "Damn it, Pam," Dan mumbled under his breath. He dropped into the wooden chair next to her. "I told you to keep the baby in the cabin."

  Pam shifted the pink bundle in her arms and looked back toward the shore.

  "Did you hear me? Take her inside." Dan held a beer bottle out toward Pam. "Do you want this or not? I don't have all day."

  "You suggested we made sure everyone saw the baby. You said we needed to blend in."

  "I changed my mind. That ditzy broad has been snooping around. What if the wind blows the blanket again?" He turned sharply to the right at the sound of footsteps crunching gravel. "Oh shit. Here she comes. Now hurry up and take the baby inside."

  Pam straightened in her chair and grabbed the beer bottle. How an old woman could wear a hideous outfit in public amazed her. Talk about a warped hot-pink fashion sense. She still couldn't believe this outlandish creature owned the resort, or how her disgusting dog tagged along behind her.

  Dan stood and met Sadie as she stepped up onto the porch. Sally jerked her hand free from Sadie's grasp and ran over to the baby.

  Between tongue-hanging pants and slobbery snorts, Belly lumbered up the steps, sat in front of Pam's chair, and nudged the pink bundle with his nose.

  "Would you call your dog?" Pam grimaced and leaned away from Belly's head. "He's getting drool all over the blanket."

  Sadie tugged at Belly's collar. "He's just curious. Everybody loves babies. Even dogs." Sadie reached toward the pink blanket "Can I take a peek?"

  "Maybe later. She's sleeping and I don't want to wake her," Pam said.

  "She must be a good baby. I haven't heard a peep out of her." Sadie sat in the wooden chair next to Pam.

  "She is. We're blessed."

  The blanket's edge flipped sideways, exposing a bald head. Pam quickly tucked the fabric back into place. She shot Dan a look of alarm.

  Belly's jowls rose, releasing a puff of air as he let loose a muffled bark. Pam recoiled and wagged her wrist to motion him away. "Does your dog always follow you?"

  "He's not my dog."

  Pam didn't want to engage Sadie in conversation, but felt the words tumbling from her lips. "Whose dog is he?"

  "He belongs to the neighbor." Sadie reknotted the hot-pink bandanna around Belly's neck. "He thinks he belongs to us, but he doesn't. I don't have the heart to tell him he's homeless."

  Pam's forehead furrowed deeper as she raised her eyes and looked at Dan over the top of her sunglasses.

  "Can I hold her?" Sally lifted the blanket again.

  Dan's expression tightened as he glared at Pam. He licked his finger and held it up. "There must be a draft. You should take her in and put her in the crib. She might catch a cold."

  "It's those wind currents off the lake." Sadie hurried to grab Sally's outstretched hand. "We'll stop back when the baby's awake."

  "I want to hold her," Sally cried. "I want to hold her."

  Pam watched Sadie hurry down the steps. "That means you, too." She gave Belly a shove with her foot. His bulk shifted, but he refused to budge.

  Sadie crouched down and put her hands on Sally's shoulders. "I've told you before people can't hear you. They can't see you, either."

  Sally held out her hands. She turned them over. "I can see me." She held her hands up. "See?"

  "I know it's hard to understand, but the baby's mom can't see you."

  "Yes she can," Sally argued. She ran back up the steps. "You can see me, can't you?" She held her hand under Pam's nose.

  Sadie clomped back up the porch steps and grabbed Sally's arm with one hand and looped her fingers under Belly's collar with the other.
"See you later," she sang out.

  As Sadie rounded the cabin's corner with two stubborn customers in tow, Dan said, "That's one wacko broad. She keeps talking to herself."

  "You think I didn't notice? She did the same thing last time she came nosing around."

  "Do you think she's mental?"

  "Mental?" Pam shook her head in disgust. "You think everybody who doesn't act like you is mental. Sadie's eccentric. Not mental."

  "She's mental like your Aunt Perkie. For all we know Sadie's a clepto, just like Perkie. She'll probably walk off with Chelsie and get us in trouble." Dan dropped into the chair next to Pam. "That's why I don't want you bringing the doll out here anymore. You're taking a risk."

  "No I'm not. You're right about people needing to see us with a baby. If they don't, what will they think when we show up with a live one?" Pam tapped a finger sharply on the arm of Dan's chair. "You'd better start trusting my judgment. Remember, if it wasn't for me, this job wouldn't take place."

  Dan took a deep swig from his beer bottle. "Don't get too cocky. One little mistake is all it takes."

  "Don't worry. I know what I'm doing." She leaned her head back against the chair. Since Dan returned from town an hour ago, he'd done nothing but gripe. It wasn't like him to start drinking so early. If his tension rubbed off on her, she'd be a basket case. She needed to concentrate on her plan and keep the self-doubt at bay.

  Pam gestured toward Dan with the beer bottle. "Why the worry? You weren't this concerned yesterday."

  Dan drained his bottle. "I need another beer." As he returned to the porch, he leaned on the railing. "Guess who I talked to today."

  "Reggie?"

  "I talked to him, too, but that's not who I meant. Reggie's having one of his usual nervous breakdowns. He screamed so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear. His clients are getting antsy."

  "Did you tell him we need to complete our reservation after we get the kid? We don't want people getting suspicious."

  Pam had been more enthused about the abduction after Dan told her they'd cut out the middle man, but Dan had been too blasé. If they realized a house on Lake Minnetonka, she wasn't going to let Dan's careless arrogance get in the way.