I had looked at the calendar and realized that I was more than two weeks late, which wasn’t unusual because I had gone as long as two months without having a period. But I still wasn’t particularly worried because even though Ed and I didn’t use a condom that first time, according to the information pamphlet stapled to the bag of my birth control pills, if taken as directed they had a 99.7 percent effective rate against conception. I knew I couldn’t be that unlucky. My mother had died, I had moved to a new city where I only knew a handful of people, I had started sleeping with another woman’s husband, I was lying to my best friend, and I was placing undue blame on an innocent man in another state to cover up my deception. Events in my life had taken such a twisted turn, I didn’t think they could get any worse.
But, just to be on the safe side, I went to CVS after I left work and bought a pregnancy test. I came home, sat on the toilet, and peed on the white stick. I placed it to the side of the sink and started reading my Essence magazine. Several minutes passed before I even remembered to check the test. I looked at it and couldn’t remember if the bright pink line staring back at me meant I was pregnant or not, so I reread the instructions for clarification and then proceeded to shit right there on the toilet.
My mouth went dry and my head started to spin. After several deep breaths I quickly removed the other test from the box, believing that the first one had given me a false positive reading. But after taking the second test, the hauntingly pink line appeared again. I wiped myself, grabbed my keys, and headed back to CVS. I purchased two different brands just to be on the safe side, because again, they could read false positive, too. I knew my rationale was a huge stretch, but it was the only hope I had to cling to.
I hurried back home and went straight to my bathroom. After the two tests in the first box verified the results, I didn’t bother with the other one. I shoved the unopened package back into the bag and waited for Ed to come over later that evening.
We had settled into a routine of seeing each other every day, even if for only an hour. He had met with his divorce attorney, and upon Longfellow’s counsel, he wouldn’t serve Brenda with divorce papers for a few more weeks. This would allow everything to be tied up with a neat bow, or as neatly as it could be considering our circumstances.
I had wanted to tell Ed as soon as he walked through the door, but I wasn’t sure of how to break the news, especially since I was still in shock and hadn’t confirmed it with a doctor. I wanted to be absolutely certain before I gave the man I loved a heart attack, so I decided to wait for a professional medical diagnosis before I opened my mouth.
I woke up this morning and called the doctor that Samantha had referred me to at Georgetown Hospital. Luckily, she had a cancellation at noon, and it worked out perfectly because I had planned to leave work early so I could take Samantha to the airport.
After the preliminary questions, urinalysis, and blood work were complete, Dr. Shepherd smiled at me with her rosy cheeks and said, “Congratulations, Ms. Snow . . .”
I didn’t remember the rest. For all I knew she could’ve been giving me the recipe for homemade cookies. I really couldn’t say because I blanked out for a short while. Her words floated over the room but not into my ears. It wasn’t until I felt something warm against my skin, looked down, and realized that she was holding my hand that the world came back into focus. This was real. I was pregnant!
I told Dr. Shepherd the first day of my last period, which had ironically been on time, and she estimated that I was about six weeks along. I set up an appointment for my first prenatal visit and then left her office feeling numb. I didn’t remember driving home. I just knew I made it by the grace of God. I’d only been in the house for a short time when Samantha called. She sounded extra hyper and edgy, and she wanted me to come over right away. I could hear some sort of devilment brewing in her voice. Normally, I didn’t look forward to her drama, but today I needed something to temporarily take my mind off my own troubles, so I jumped into my car and headed to her condo.
After ten minutes of talking with Samantha, I thought I was going to need an oxygen tank and a stiff drink. Hearing her talk about her father’s affair was the most uncomfortable conversation I’d ever had in my life. I tried my best not to tell too many direct lies.When she asked what I thought about Ed, I either agreed with her observations or remained silent, being careful not to offer unsolicited comments of my own. When she made the statement about having a kindergartner and a husband on Medicare, I literally felt a small leak in my bladder, so I crossed my legs and tried to remain neutral. And when she asked me about Bradley, I simply told her that we weren’t together anymore, which was true. But I was fading fast, and I finally broke down and cried. I wept for all the mistakes I had made and for the consequences that I knew were sure to follow.
I was sitting on the couch when Ed arrived.This weekend was supposed to be special. It was the first time since our trip to Atlanta, when he’d flown down a few weeks ago to join me during my teacher’s conference, that we’d be able to spend the entire night together. Brenda had a museum function out of town and would be gone until Monday, leaving us three days to ourselves.
Suddenly, I was nervous and unsure. I didn’t know how Ed was going to react to the news. My mind raced to wild and crazy places. Would he fly into a rage? Would he question the baby’s paternity, still holding on to the suspicions he had in the beginning of our relationship? Or would he tell me that he was too old for fatherhood and I should handle this on my own?
I didn’t move when I heard him walk through the back door. I’d given him a spare key and an extra garage remote a few weeks ago so he could let himself in and out with ease. He strolled into the living room looking painfully handsome in his tailored suit. His overnight bag hung from his right arm while he held a Neiman Marcus bag in one hand and a large box of Godiva chocolates in the other.
He walked over to me, bent down, and kissed me full on my lips. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey,” I offered back in a weak voice.
He handed me the chocolates and set the bags to the side. “Emily, what’s wrong?”
I looked down at the gold-colored box of sweets and tried to form a smile. “Thanks.”
“Emily, are you okay?”
I leaned into him, buried my head in his chest, and burst into tears. This was only the second time I had cried since my mother’s funeral. The first was today with Samantha, and I could only attribute the raw emotions to my budding pregnancy.
Ed held me in his arms and stroked my back just as his daughter had done a few hours ago. “Shh, shh,” he whispered in a soothing voice. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Everything,” I squeaked out. I wiped my eyes and sucked up my tears. I needed to pull it together and prepare myself before I delivered the news.
Ed looked worried out of his mind. “Emily, baby . . . tell me what’s wrong.”
I took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m pregnant. I went to the doctor today and confirmed it. I’m about six weeks along.” And anticipating his next thoughts, I said, “It was our first time.” I sat back and waited for his reaction.
Ed stared at me like I’d just spoken Japanese. I was glad, at least, that he was still breathing and hadn’t collapsed to the floor. He was in shock, sitting in silence. After a few moments he ran his hands across his curly black and silver waves of hair, let out a deep breath, and relaxed into the couch. “When are you due?” he asked, staring straight ahead at the pictures fanned out atop my mantel.
It was bad. He couldn’t even look at me. “Sometime next June. I have my first prenatal visit in three weeks, that’s when my doctor will be able to give me my EDD . . . my estimated delivery date.”
He nodded, still staring straight ahead. I was unsure of what else to say, so I simply sat next to him while he continued to concentrate his gaze on the mantel. He sat almost comatose for quite a long time. Even though his shock was understandable, I wanted him to say something. His silence was u
nbearable. Finally, he spoke as he pointed to the Neiman’s bag on the floor. “I got you a surprise, but I guess you’ve given me a bigger one.”
I couldn’t discern Ed’s mood, and it made me that much more anxious. But regardless of my nerves, I knew I had to tackle this head-on. “Tell me how you feel about this.”
For the first time since I broke the news to him, Ed turned and looked at me. “I was studying your pictures on the mantel, wondering if our baby will have your eyes or my mouth.We both have the same nose, so we know that’s a done deal.”
“You’re not upset?”
“No. I’m stunned, but I’m not upset. Are you?”
“Well, yes and no.”
Ed reached for my hand. “You don’t want to have my child?”
The moment he asked the question a light came on, and everything became crystal clear. My trepidation and fears had been rooted in the moral wrongs I had committed, for which I knew I’d have to pay a price, but they weren’t because of my unborn baby. When I thought about the man I loved, and the small pebble of a child growing inside me, my heart felt nothing but pure joy. I smiled, touching my hand to Ed’s face. “Thank you for being who you are. I can’t wait to have our baby.”
Ed pulled me into him and gave me a long, soft kiss. We knew there would be many obstacles in front of us, but for now, we were both happy. “This is a real celebration.” He smiled, handing me the Neiman’s bag.
“Thank you for my ivory teddy and red baby doll.”
Ed looked at me with surprise. “How did you know what I bought?”
“Samantha saw you this afternoon.”
I told Ed that Samantha had seen him purchase my gift and overheard his conversation with the saleswoman. He didn’t appear to be rattled by it at all. He removed his jacket and tie, kicked off his shoes, and got comfortable. I’d expected him to be as worried as I was, but instead his response was, “I told you she’d be able to deal with it.”
“Only because she doesn’t know that the woman in question is me,” I countered.
“You worry too much.” Ed brought me to the seat of his lap, one of our favorite positions. I lifted my skirt and straddled him, looking into his eyes as he held my face in both of his hands. His voice became a soft whisper, filled with intense heat. “I’ve never loved a woman the way I love you. You mean everything to me, Emily.”
Ed traced my mouth with the tip of his finger, gently grazing my lips back and forth. I sucked his index finger, applying gentle pressure as my tongue slid up and down his skin. He moaned, removed my blouse, unhooked my bra, and buried his head in my bare chest. My hips rotated as I felt him harden under me. My skirt came off, then his shirt. He slid my thong down my thighs as I tugged at his zipper, opening his pants as I rubbed my wetness against his satisfying thickness. I rose up from Ed’s lap, but he stopped me in midair. “We don’t need those anymore.” He smiled.
I moved because I automatically thought he was going to retrieve a condom from his overnight bag. But he was right, we no longer needed any barriers. He pulled me back down to his lap, and slowly and happily, I eased my way home.
Chapter 32
Ed . . .
Out in the Open Where It Belonged
I watched Emily as she slept beside me.This was the way I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I thought about tonight, and it was still hard for me to believe that I was going to be a father all over again.
When Emily told me she was pregnant, half of me felt panic, but the other half felt like I was king of the jungle.There’s a certain amount of bravado a man feels when he knows that he’s planted his seed, and even more so at my age. But aside from my ego’s satisfaction, and the initial shock, I could honestly say I was happy that Emily and I were going to have a baby.
We had a long discussion on the subject the night after her birthday. I was a practical, straightforward man. Once I knew the full details of a situation I approached it without second-guessing. My situation with Emily was simple. I wanted her, and having her meant having more children. End of discussion.
My mind drifted to the phone conversation I’d had with Ross several weeks ago.
“So, was it worth the wait?” he’d asked.
I shook my head when I thought about how good it had felt to finally be with Emily. I’d never been the kind of man to kiss and tell, but Ross and I got pretty graphic about things. After a few minutes of mildly scandalous conversation, I laid the heavy guns on him; the part about Emily and me being together and having kids.
“Shit, you’re really gonna do this?” Ross asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, man. I love her, and it comes with the territory.”
“More power to you, bruh.”
“Damn, is that all the advice and wisdom you have to offer?” I was surprised because Ross usually had an answer, rebuttal, or debate ready on the spot. I wanted his insight, and beyond that, a part of me wanted his blessing.
“Listen, man. No matter what I say, you’re gonna do what the hell you want anyway.”
“Yeah, but honestly, I want to know what you think.”
Deep down, Ross was a sensitive guy, and I knew the fact that I wanted his opinion meant a lot to him. “All right,” he said as he cleared his throat. “I think you’re in for a lot of bullshit and major drama. The situation is fucked up, no matter how you slice it. So you just gotta make sure you keep your head on straight and your money in your wallet so you can survive the storm ahead.”
I thought he was finished but he continued. “Ed, even though you’re in a situation that I wouldn’t wish on Satan . . . I’m happy for you. I saw the passion in your eyes when you talked about Emily, and after meeting her I could see why. She’s good for you. She’s allowed you to take a chance, step out on faith, and build a new life. That’s a rare opportunity at our age. But you’re doing it, and I’m with you all the way, my friend.”
“Thanks, Ross.”
“You know I got your back.”
Ross and I talked constantly since that conversation. I gave him updates while he gave me his typical, straight-no-chaser opinions and advice. So tonight when Emily told me that she was carrying my child, I didn’t flinch.
I remembered how I felt when I learned that Brenda was pregnant with our first child. Duty and obligation had dominated my feelings about our upcoming marriage and my impending fatherhood. But when Emily quietly told me her news this evening, my reaction was completely different. In spite of the fact that our relationship and circumstances were far more precarious than the one I was forced into long ago, all I felt was excitement about the baby growing inside Emily’s stomach. I wondered if we were having a boy or a girl.Would the baby look like her or me? Would our child want to follow in my footsteps and build a career in law, or go into education like their mother?
Those were questions that would be answered in time, but right now I knew one thing for certain—as soon as Brenda discovered that Emily was pregnant, all hell would break loose. I knew her, so I had to act fast. I planned to call Longfellow first thing Monday morning and inform him that things had changed. I needed to divorce Brenda right away and get everything out in the open where it belonged.
Chapter 33
Samantha . . .
Wow, That’s Crazy
My flight to Atlanta was going smoothly, but the thoughts in my head were making for a bumpy ride. I’d just found out that my father was having an affair and that my best friend had been dumped and was now heartbroken. Daddy had found a new love, and Emily had lost one. I didn’t know which one had me more on edge, but if I was honest, I’d have to say Emily’s situation trumped Daddy’s . . . and I’ll explain why.
I knew that my father had engaged in affairs in the past, so it really wasn’t a surprise. And actually, I was happy for Daddy. As long as his new woman wasn’t some gold-digging, hot young thing who was after his money, she and I would get along just fine. But poor Emily. It nearly broke my heart to see her cry. To know that Bradley had used her rea
lly pissed me off.When she broke up with him she handled it with class and kindness. Not once did she lead him on or play games. Sure, she accepted his phone calls, but she put the brakes on things by telling him the deal from the jump. She never called him, it was his fingers that dialed her number. And to think that he persuaded me to help him in his plan to woo her back made my blood boil.
What Bradley did was vicious, and it reminded me of some devious shit my mother would pull. He reeled Emily back in so he could make her feel the hurt he had endured. I understood the desire to teach people a lesson, but only if they deserved it—Emily didn’t!
I felt awful that I had been a part of bringing him back into Emily’s life, because now, he was the reason why she was no doubt sitting alone on her couch at this very minute, crying her eyes out. I couldn’t wait until this plane landed. I knew where Bradley lived, and I had his home and cell phone numbers. I was supposed to be making better choices in my life, so I hadn’t quite decided what I was going to do, but there was one thing I knew for sure . . . when I finished with his deceitful ass, he was going to be sorry that he ever made my best friend cry. And I meant that!
I grinned like a little kid when I saw Tyler waiting for me at baggage claim. I’d spent the last hour of my flight trying to formulate a plan for the best way to deal with Bradley, so I was fuming when I stomped off the plane. But when I saw my man, all my anger melted away. I ran up to Tyler and planted a long, wet kiss on his soft lips. There was no greater feeling than having someone to love.
After Tyler and I gathered my things we walked out of the terminal and into the dark, cool Georgia night. Tyler put my bags in the back of his Navigator and headed down Highway 400. “What do you want to eat tonight?” he asked.
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