The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica 6

by Jakubowski Maxim

  Every time her skirt lifted, I caught a glimpse of a tattoo high on one firm ass cheek, and I was determined to examine it up close.

  We ran in circles through the bazaar for another hour until I staggered to keep up. The only time she stopped was to accept some chits from different xenos. My hair got pet, I was sniffed, and at one point Minat cocked her head to the side and asked me if I could possibly belch on cue. She was serious. She had me scratch, do armpit farts, even pick my nose. Finally, I was out of weird male human tricks and she seemed to sense that I was getting pissed off.

  She threw her arm over my shoulder and ruffled my hair. “I think I’m warming up to you. You got some potential, laddie. You know what? I’m going to buy you a drink. Come on.”

  She hurried on again. This time around we sidled into a shaded alleyway. The second door down was cerulean blue. She kicked it open and dropped inside. It was so dark I couldn’t see anything but glowing green eyes in a corner. Cool air rolled up to my face. Minat reached outside for me, yanked me down the huge first step, and slammed the door shut. It was so dark inside I could barely see, but I would have bet a million chits that we were in the seediest bar in the universe.

  The place smelled musty and sweet in an unhealthy way. I tried to hold my breath. Minat shoved me down at a table. Clicking her tongue in what sounded like a grandmother scolding, she addressed a shadowy figure at the bar. It clicked back. Minat clicked some more.

  Creatures laughed.

  “What’s funny?” I asked.

  “My accent. Shut up.”

  Two drinks plopped in front of us. I waited to see what she’d do. Minat quaffed it, leaned back in her chair, disappeared under the fall of her hair, and sighed forever.

  A hulking black xeno bristling with hair came over to our table. Minat pointed to me. It stood close enough that the coarse hairs on its belly rasped my arm above my gloves. I tried to ignore it. I sniffed at my drink. It smelled okay. I took a small sip. Very minty, so sweet it was almost syrup, but it was cold, and it was wet, so I drank more.

  Minat seemed to be waiting for something. I took a big sip.

  “Wanna fuck?”

  I did a classic spit-take, spraying the hulking black xeno. As I looked up at the hairy beast, I decided that I was going to die. It sure looked pissed. It stared at the glistening droplets on its fur with fixed concentration, and then threw back its head and gave out a yowl that made my nuts pull up into my body. I closed my eyes.

  Nothing happened, so I opened one, then the other, eye. The creature was next to Minat. It dropped chits into her cupped hand. She fanned them and then dropped them somewhere into her tiny outfit. I held my breath until the xeno oozed away, leaving a tart scent like orange peels in its wake.

  Minat leaned on the table. Her face rested on her gloved hands. “You’re a natural.”

  “Natural what?”

  She seemed to change her mind. “Nothing. So, how about that fuck?”

  I scrunched down in my chair. “Quiet!”

  She seemed to notice the others in the dark bar for the first time. The alcoves were so shadowy that I could barely see the red velvet curtains pulled over recessed couches. I shuddered.

  Minat pointed to the other bar patrons. “Them? They don’t give a rat’s ass, doofus. Xenos could be wanking off right in front of you, and you’re such an offworlder, you’d never know it.”

  I tried to look very sophisticated. “I think that I could tell. Some things are obvious.”

  Her smile told me that she knew a hell of a lot more than I did. She spread her legs. I couldn’t see under her skirt, but I could smell her again. The heat of her body infected mine. “Do you want it?” She peeled off her top to reveal the most perfect small mounds of natural breasts I’d ever seen.

  I covered my eyes. “Put your shirt on.”

  “They’re just glorified sweat glands. Don’t get your panties in a twist. Other xenos don’t get turned on by them. They don’t even notice tits. You, however, like them.” She pinched her nipples and ran her pink tongue over her pale lips.

  My dick pressed against my pants.

  “You want to touch them.”

  I went five shades of red.

  “You want to squeeze them and name them and smear your come over them.” She flicked her tongue out. It didn’t quite reach her nipple, but man, did that visual ever work for me.

  I cupped my hand beside my mouth and leaned close to the table. “Are you always so open about it?”

  She put her thighs together. “Okay. Maybe I’ve been away from humans too long, and I don’t lift my pinky anymore to show how much class I’ve got, but I can see your hard-on, and I need it, so do you want it?”

  Yes! God, yes! ”Um, sure.”

  She pushed our drinks onto the floor and patted the tabletop. “Hop on up, cowboy.”

  “You aren’t serious.”

  “Sure. Like I said, they won’t even equate it with sex, and they won’t get off, and they probably won’t even watch. Come on,” she pleaded. “I haven’t been with a human in two years. I’m so fucking horny I’d screw a videoscreen with a picture of a human on it. Male, female, doesn’t matter. I just want the taste of human flesh in my mouth.” She flipped back her hair.

  I glanced around the dark bar. No one seemed to care about us. “Okay.”

  “Great. Sign this.” She shoved a handheld computer in my face. “Lick the strip at the bottom. It’s a DNA signature.”

  “What am I signing?”

  “Consent form for the exchange of bodily fluids.”

  I was going to read it, but she came around the table, leaned over, and squeezed my dick. Her tongue lapped the sweat off the back of my neck.

  “How long since you bathed?” she asked, breathless.

  “Couple days.”

  “Deodorant?”

  “No.”

  “Perfect.” She yanked off my shirt, lifted my arm, and tasted my armpit. Her snorts felt good against my skin. No girl was ever so wild about my body before. “Do you shave?” She grasped my nuts through my pants, so I was pretty sure I knew what she meant.

  “No.” Oh man, did her fingers know how to work it.

  “Good. I like a hairy guy.” She ran her gloved fingers down my chest. “You smell so human,” she said in wonder, as if my travel stink were a good thing.

  Next thing I knew, I was on the table with my pants bundled at my ankles. She insisted that I keep my grip on my backpack even though the bazaar zone was supposedly magpie safe.

  Minat didn’t so much fuck me as devour my body.

  Shoving me harshly onto my belly, she buried her tongue in my ass while her padded fingernails clawed at my butt. She sucked my balls until I cried for mercy. When she finally climbed over me and surrounded my hard-on in her unrelenting, wet grasp, she covered my mouth with hers and forced her tongue down to my tonsils. I could smell my scent smeared all over her face. My head banged against the table as she lifted her slim body up and slammed back down to engulf my dick as I came.

  She bent over my mouth again and forced what I thought was a mint between my lips. A rush went down to my groin and the need to fuck seized me.

  “Come on, doofus.” She dragged me over her prone body.

  “Call me Matt,” I begged as her fingernails raked flesh off my back.

  “Shut up and fuck.”

  Hours later, I was drained. She’d taken every last drop from me. My dick was raw. No matter how wet she was, there was only so much glorious friction I could take. I rolled off the table, clutched my groin, and held up a hand to ward her off.

  “Okay. Just . . . No more.” I kept my eyes on her while I pulled up my pants.

  Her eyes glistened and she panted, but even she looked a little worn out. Smiling one of those know-it-all woman smiles, she pulled on her blouse, shook her hair out, slipped back into her chair, and calmly ordered another round of drinks.

  “Whew! Needed that!”

  “You’re insane.”r />
  “No, I’m sated.” She nestled back into her chair. “Seven times! I’m proud of you, boy. You’re going to do well here.”

  I was pretty damn proud of myself too. I wondered what was in that pill she gave me. Not that I needed it or anything. Still . . . “That last time, I don’t think I so much came as surrendered.”

  “Like I fucking care.” She accepted the drinks and paid for them with a single chit.

  A slim xeno waded into the bar. Others gave it room. Minat sat up straighter and moved her chair just a bit to the left where there was more light. Her hair glowed. I saw her finger the buttons at the wrist of her glove.

  I lunged over the table and grabbed her wrist, squeezing harder than I meant to. “You’re not supposed to take your gloves off here, ever.”

  Minat shoved my hand away and regarded me with a sip of her drink.

  “Xenos are watching.”

  She played more with the button. We fucked on the tabletop for a couple hours non-stop and didn’t get the quiet, watchful surveillance she got just by her touching her wrist. Minat seemed to be looking over my head. “I’ll be back.” She rose from the table and drifted off into an alcove with the slim xeno.

  I had to follow. My curiosity was killing me. They’d drawn the heavy curtains around their couch but I could see a sliver of light. I peeked through the slit.

  Minat sat on the red velveteen couch with her legs primly together. An overhead spotlight focused tight on her hand. Slowly, she ran her hand down the length of the other arm. It was weird, almost hypnotizing. The slim xeno was certainly transfixed. For at least five minutes, Minat ran her hands down her arm, teasing her fingers over the buttons at her wrist, and then trailed them away.

  Whatever. It was doing it for the xeno though. Minat flicked open a button, exposing the barest sliver of her skin. The xeno shuddered. She yanked open the middle button. He started making noises. With agonizingly slow motions, she unfastened the third button of her glove and showed the xeno her naked wrist. He bent down to sniff her skin and shot a wad of blue glue on the upholstery. He trickled chits into Minat’s hand. She pocketed them. They exchanged a few words in a language I recognized but they spoke too fast for me to follow the conversation.

  I forgot to pretend I’d been waiting at the table the entire time. She brushed past me as she stepped out of the alcove.

  Horrible understanding was followed quickly by an accusation. “You’re a prostitute!”

  “Hey! Sex worker. Please.”

  “How could you?”

  She fixed those hard-ass blue eyes on me. “You’re one to talk.”

  “What do you mean?” My raised voice got the attention of a few xenos, but I didn’t care.

  She put her boots up on the table and leaned back on the back legs of the chair. “You’ve been putting out all day, bitch-boy. Peddling your ass through the alleyways of the bazaar.”

  “What!” My voice hadn’t broken like that in years.

  “The LeGuin Precept, baby. You’re a pervert to every xenophylum except your own.”

  I almost choked on my words. “You mean I–”

  “Mama’s little ’ho.” She clapped her hands as she laughed at me.

  I sank down into my chair. Humiliated. She humiliated me, and she was glad to let me know it. I hid my face in my hands. “What have I done?”

  “Things so filthy to their cultures that even their crack whores refuse to commit those acts. By the way, the dragons are totally into you. Can you blow bubbles with the gum? I think I could charge extra for that.”

  I groaned. “Is this revenge for taking your job? It’s not my fault you turned into a local.”

  “The dirt of this planet will creep into every pore in your skin, and then get under it. I defy you to live here as long as I have and not turn into a local. Yeah, I’m assimilated. Completely. I probably couldn’t survive in a purely human environment anymore even if I wanted to. The worst part isn’t that I can’t go back; it’s that I can’t move forward. Do you have any idea how many planets don’t have guidebooks? Why should I update the latest edition for this planet when I could be writing the fucking Bible for a new one? Am I jealous of you? Only because it’s all new to you. I haven’t had anything new in years. It’s all just rehash.”

  “You’re a terrible person.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Talk to me in a couple years.”

  Firmly grasping my bag, I staggered out into the super-heated afternoon air in the bazaar. I never wanted to see her again. I was a big boy. If she could survive the planet, so could I. After all, I had the definitive Backpacker’s guidebook to show me the way.

  Three years later, I leaned against the wall at customs and lazily scratched my arm. The dust of the planet dried out my skin so I was always scratching.

  A human waited nervously in customs. He smelled like sex. I had such a hard-on for him. Minat was right about one thing. Male or female was too limited a way of thinking for a planet like the one I was stuck on. Okay, she was right about a lot of things. I had yet to see a paycheck. I almost resorted to eating my shoes. And the dragons totally dug my gum chewing act.

  I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Human. I wanted a taste of that in my mouth. Fuck. I was going to come just watching his big man titties swinging under his loose purple T-shirt. From the way he pulled at his clothes, he was uncomfortable about his size. If he only knew how incredibly sexy he looked to me. Once I got him under my control, I was gonna shove those fleshy mounds together and fuck them until I sprayed come over his wide, hairless chest.

  When I opened my eyes, I saw that he was about to crack under the strain of immigration bureaucracy. I could see him about to speak. If he did, his ass would get thrown back onto the spaceship and I’d never get my hands on all those lovely flesh.

  “CiHuWan!” I screamed in frustration.

  I caught the furtive movement of magpies out of the corner of my eye. My eyelid twitched. One thing Minat and I differed on: I thought magpies were useful. If they did steal a human’s bag, and they nearly always did, rescuing the bag was the best pickup line in the universe. Minat didn’t want to be anyone’s hero.

  Sure enough, a moment of relaxation, and a magpie swooped in for the bag. I crushed the fucker under my boot and waited for my new friend to come to me. Man, was he going to be grateful, and I was going to let him show it.

  Ignoring the squealing magpie under my boot, I gave the human a long, slow head-to-toe look. My shorts were painted on and my shirt was cut off to show the hard muscles on my stomach. I turned to let him get a good look at my ass as I led him out of the port building. He followed, mesmerized.

  After I jogged my new buddy around the bazaar a few times, I pocketed enough chits to buy him a drink. I didn’t have a place to live anymore, so taking him back to my bed for an uninterrupted fuckfest was out of the question. Luckily, I knew a cool, quiet bar with sturdy tables and a no questions asked policy towards human mating rituals.

  The guy – he had a name, but what the fuck did I care – stumbled into the darkness with me. I’d been playing brush and grope through the day with him, so I knew that he was worked up for a bit of the nasty. I’d gotten lean and mean in the past few years and made sure that every move I made was an invitation to the rutting ball. The way he licked his thin bottom lip when he watched my ass, I knew he was no vegan in the meat market.

  I got him tucked away in a dark alcove, in case he was shy about his clunky body. As if it mattered. Another two hundred pounds wouldn’t have stopped me from sucking on his toes like they were sweet grapes and running my tongue across his forehead. I needed a human touch more than I needed oxygen. He was absolutely beautiful. It was hard to stay cool and chat when I needed him so bad.

  Then I saw her. Occasionally, I ran into Minat at dank bars or in the spaceport. Sometimes I bumped into her a couple hundred times over the course of an hour until we both crawled away clutching our smoking groins. Other than that, we kept cle
ar of each other.

  Minat fumbled with the buttons at her wrist, seemingly lost in thought behind her blue veil of hair. I yanked a chair over to her table and plopped down.

  “I can smell him,” she told me. Minat never bothered with small talk.

  “We might not care male or female, but he does. You don’t have a prayer.”

  She took a deep breath and shook back her hair so that I could see the wicked smile on her face. “Shipping out.”

  So she finally earned her ticket money. Good. I didn’t need the competition. Maybe I could pick up a few of her clients. There were things she did that were so esoteric that no matter how hard I tried to steal away her customer base, I never caught the subtle xeno fetish out of her everyday human moves. If she was pissed off that I took the dragon trade from her, she didn’t mention it.

  “Earth?”

  Minat snorted. “Fuck no. I heard of a place . . .” She fumbled with her buttons again. “I got a contract for a new guide. I’m forgiven. Sprung. Bail’s been set.”

  I caught the eye of my new friend and gave him a sign that I’d be over to service him soon. He happily sipped his mint drink, thinking he was the lucky one. I checked to make sure I had two pills, one for each of us.

  “A new planet guide. Good luck, Minat. Hope you don’t have to lie through your teeth next time.”

  She smiled that way that made me want to scream.

  Slowly, she worked her glove down her arm. I grasped her wrist. “What the fuck are you doing?”

  “Retiring, rent-boy.”

  “But the gloves! The guide said —.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Like I needed other humans running around and giving it away for free when wrist striptease was my best paying trick. Seventy credit chits.”

  In awe, I let out a low whistle. Seventy. No wonder she rigged the game. That was food for a couple days. That was a bath and socks. That was one hour closer to home.

  I glanced over at my friend and waved to him. He lifted a gloved hand and waved back. They always had on their gloves. The guidebook said so. It said it in all caps. It said it with flashing skulls and crossbones. Everyone knew not to fuck with a warning like that. I wondered what other little bits of ritual we followed blindly on planets just to suit Minat’s humor or her ends. I leaned back in the chair and simply laughed.