Knotted Roots

by Kight, Ruthi

  * * * *

  “Well...this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind,” I said as the truck came to a stop at the edge of a wooded area a few miles away from the house. I looked over at him and found him grinning.

  “You’re in the middle of nowhere. Where did you think I was taking ya? To the mall?” he asked as he shut off the engine and climbed out of the truck. I followed suit, swinging my legs down to the ground, and straightened out my dress.

  I trailed behind him as we walked down a well-worn path. I had no idea where he was taking me, but for once I was grateful that I had worn flats. Visions of twisted ankles and bruised egos swirled through my mind as we walked through the canopy of trees. He didn’t speak another word as walked. I was beginning to get nervous when we reached an open area, buried deep in the woods, closed off from the rest of the world.

  My breath caught in my throat as I took in the sight in front of me. The sun sparkled on the surface of the natural pond as the breeze casually pushed the water around. The sounds of birds chirped overhead, while the smell of honeysuckle invaded my nose, the perfect picture of serenity. It was absolutely amazing. I had never experienced something so natural, completely untouched by human hands. This was created by nature and it was enchanting.

  “What do ya think?” he asked as he raised his hand to my chin, playfully closing my gaping mouth.

  “It’s...beautiful. I’ve never seen something so...damn,” I said as I continued to stare at the shimmering water. It looked so inviting. I had no idea how clean it was, but the urge to jump in and become one with nature threatened to overcome my city-girl sensibilities.

  “My dad used to bring us here to fish every weekend. I know it’s not exactly the excitement you were hoping for...” I glanced over as his words trailed off. His eyes were closed as he lost himself in his memories.

  “It’s perfect,” I said, smiling at him. “Thank you.”

  He nodded and walked closer to the water’s edge. He sat down and then looked over at me, motioning for me to join him. I sat down beside him, careful to keep some distance between us. The hem of my dress rode up, showing off my firm, tanned thighs. I caught him taking a quick peek before he averted his eyes. Evidently he liked what he saw, which gave me a thrill. So, he wasn’t quite the good guy he wanted everyone to think he was, indulging in his carnal side occasionally.

  “Can I ask ya something?” We had been quiet until then and his question caught me off guard. I nodded in encouragement. “Why are ya really here? I mean, why did your parents send ya to Betty?”

  “You mean Betty didn’t tell you all the sordid details?” I quipped. I couldn’t let him know that it was a sore subject with me. I wasn’t ready to open up that much yet.

  “It’s not her story to tell. It’s yours. That’s why I asked you,” he replied, ignoring my tone and pushing ahead.

  “My parents said that they didn’t want me around for the nasty divorce. Something about keeping me neutral during the whole thing. But I’m not so sure,” I replied, my body deflating with each passing moment. It hurt every time I thought about it. Speaking about it was ten times worse and I could feel my heart shatter yet again. I was slightly shocked that I had even said anything to him about it at all, considering I had just vowed not to open up to him, at least not that much.

  “Would they have a reason to lie to you?”

  “I never thought so before. They tried to hide what was going on,” I replied. “If I hadn’t stumbled on them during a weak moment, I’m not sure they would have told me until after the whole debacle was over.”

  “Divorce can be hard on everyone involved. Sounds like they were only trying to look out for you,” he said as he picked at the grass between us.

  “And this culture shock isn’t hard on me? It’s like I’ve been thrust into a whole new world where I can never fit in!” I jumped up as anger began to grow again. This time I wasn’t stopping it. It was time to let it out. “I’ve only met my grandmother once before this week. Once! How could they possibly think this was a good idea?”

  He stood up slowly, his hands raised in an act of defense. He tried to walk towards me but I backed away, unable to deal with his close proximity right then. His hands fell to his side as he spoke. “I think you’re doing a great job adjusting, all things considered.”

  “Ha! Nice try, but I know what all of you think of me. All you see is a spoiled princess. A brat. I see it in everyone’s eyes when they look at me, so don’t even try to deny it!”

  “That’s what ya want people to see when they look at ya!” he yelled, snapping my attention to his face. I couldn’t believe he yelled at me. He was supposed to be the calm one, the one who didn’t fly off the handle. “When ya aren’t trying to pull one over on everyone, I see those glimpses of the girl ya really are. The sweet girl who is scared to death of being alone. The girl who would rather keep someone at arm’s length so she didn’t get hurt.”

  His voice echoed around us. It bounced off of the surrounding trees and caused birds to become silent. I stared at the fierce expression on his face, no hint of compassion remaining. Crap. I felt tears begin to threaten. If I didn’t get away now he would see me cry. I couldn’t let him see that his words had hit home. I remembered Amber accusing me of the same thing a few years ago, right after I broke up with Kevin Walker. She had spent months getting us together, and I threw it away after a week.

  I hadn’t had the heart to tell her what he had done to me. Why I broke up with him. If I had told her that he had touched my breasts, even after I told him to stop, would she have believed me? All signs pointed to no, because she had never told a boy no. I wasn’t like her. That was how I had ended up with the reputation of a cold fish. And that was why she accused me of always pushing people away.

  I raised my chin and spun on my heel, preparing to storm off, but his hand caught my arm before I could take a step. “Not this time Roxie. Ya can’t keep running from everything.” His tone was gentler this time, but the frustration was still there. He was trying to calm down too. Both of us were failing miserably.

  “I’m not running from anything, Chase,” I spat his name at him, hoping my words would make him release me. “You need to let me go.”

  “I can’t do that. Ya need a friend right now, and it seems I’m the only one volunteering for the job.” I have friends! Lots of them! Well...I had friends. Before I came down here. I hadn’t actually heard from anyone from back home since my last “chat” with Amber.

  I jerked my arm out of his grasp and tried to stare him down, but he was better at this game than I was. “You think you’ve got me all figured out, don’t you? You’ve known me all of a couple of weeks, but you know me better than I know myself, right?” I wrapped my arms around my midsection, trying to hold the pain I was feeling inside. “What’s the point of all of this? Why the hell do you care?”

  He shook his head, completely exasperated with my dramatics. I wanted to open up to him. A part of me was screaming to grab hold of him and tell him everything, but that damn wall I had built around my heart just wouldn’t let me. Even after all these years, Kevin was still winning. “Maybe one day you’ll get it Roxie. Maybe one day you’ll see that there are genuinely good people out there. People who aren’t out to screw ya over or hurt ya. But until then, you’re going to be one very lonely young woman.”

  He walked away from me, his hands fisted at his sides. I wasn’t about to let him get the last word, even though the rational part of my brain was yelling at me to shut up. “You don’t know shit Chase Matthews! Not a damn thing!” I yelled to him, but he ignored me, continuing on his path. I kicked at a rock on the ground, sending it skittering across the dirt. It should have made me feel better, but it didn’t.

  The only thing that would make me feel better right then would have been grabbing that infuriating boy and holding him to me. Even after everything that had just happened, all I could think about was kissing him. I let out a frustrated growl and then stalked off in
the direction he had gone. I didn’t need him at all. I just wanted him, and that was so much worse.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The drive home from the pond was quiet. Neither of us spoke, the air heavy with tension. He dropped me off in the driveway and immediately left. No goodbyes. No assurance that we would see each other again. While I still had the urge to taste him, I knew it was for the best. Nothing could ever happen between us, right? But that didn’t mean that he was any less enticing.

  I noticed Grandma’s truck parked out front, but it wasn’t until I made it closer to the house that I saw her sitting in one of the rocking chairs, watching me. I walked up the stairs slowly, watching her carefully. Could she tell that Chase and I had a fight? If she launched into another lecture about staying away from him I would scream. Now I knew she had been right to tell me to stay away, but there was no way I was going to admit that to her.

  “Did ya have a nice day honey?” she asked, her chair no longer rocking. I looked over at her and she looked relatively calm, so I decided to sit with her.

  “It was fine,” I said as I sat down gently in the rocking chair next to her.

  “Just fine?” She chuckled. “Where did y’all go?”

  “The tattoo parlor in town. We decided to cement our love with ink,” I smiled at the snark in my tone. The scandalized look on her face made me laugh. “I was just kidding you know. We went to the pond.”

  “He took ya to the pond? Brennan’s Pond?” she asked incredulously.

  “I guess that’s the one. It’s close by, surrounded by trees. Very secluded,” I replied as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I could already feel the headache building behind my eyes. How could I tell her that I had done exactly what she had told me not to do? I had somehow managed to screw up the budding friendship between us in one short afternoon.

  “Yep, that’s Brennan’s Pond. I’m shocked he took ya there,” she paused, glancing over at me. “Do ya know what that place means to him? He has never taken anyone there.”

  “I get it Grandma, I do. It’s a special place for him and his dad. Fishing and all that stuff.” I stopped rocking and stood up.

  “Did he tell ya anything else? About his dad, I mean?” she asked as she gazed up at me, her eyes turning glassy with each passing second. I shook my head and took a few steps away from her, making my way to the front door. “Then ya don’t really get it. But maybe one day you will.”

  I stared at her for a moment as tears welled up in her eyes. A few escaped, and she quickly wiped them away, but the pain in her eyes was harder to hide from me. I wanted to comfort her, to ask her what was wrong, but instead I left her there on the porch and retreated to my room. I literally ran away from her overflowing emotions. I couldn’t tell you why I did it. All I knew was that my heart refused to budge, refused to stutter for her in that moment. It was a useless organ in that moment, only able to pump life through my veins. It should have been able to deal with sadness and desolation, but no. It was useless.

  Amber used to tell me that I was socially inept, but I had never really understood what she meant when she said that. Now I knew. She had been right about me. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to show that I cared; it was that I just couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to get attached. But without those attachments, how could I relate to what someone is feeling? I couldn’t, so I didn’t even bother to try anymore. I should have stayed with Grandma. I should have dried her tears and gave her a hug, promising that everything would be fine. I should have been the person she needed me to be, but I wasn’t. I avoided her sadness like it was a disease.

  What kind of human being was I that I couldn’t empathize with someone that I was supposed to love? I felt utterly useless, which seemed to be a recurring theme since I’d come to Perry Point. When I was in New York, life seemed to be simpler, easier. My friends didn’t expect much from me, we were just happy to be in the same social circle. We could spend hours, days, weeks together and never truly know each other. That may sound lonely, but it was the norm. We didn’t cry for a friend’s loss, at least not outwardly. We stood by them physically, our bodies present, while our hearts were hidden behind an enormous brick wall. There was no depth to our relationships, and that seemed to work for everyone involved.

  It had always been easier to keep people at arm’s length. They couldn’t hurt you if they couldn’t get a grip on your heart. They couldn’t make you feel things that would make you squirm. You were safe within your own walls, protected from the harsh realities of life. It was a protective measure and it had worked so far. I was still shocked that Chase had been able to see it for what it was. I was more concerned about him finding out why than trying to figure out how he had known. We all had secrets, but some of them were harder to deal with than others. Mine belonged to me, unfit for other’s consumption.

  A light knock at my door drew me out of my thoughts. “Come in.” I waited for the door to open. Katy, of course. She walked in, her hands clasped behind her back and a nervous smile on her face.

  “Ms. Betty told me I could find you up here. I saw Chase leave. He didn’t look too happy. Everything okay?” She walked over to my desk and took a seat, swiveling the chair to face me.

  Why did everyone insist on asking me if things were okay? If I wanted them to know, I would tell them. I let out a big sigh and flopped down on my bed. “Everything is great. Just wonderful. Don’t I look happy?” I didn’t bother to look at her when I answered, closing my eyes instead to ward off the gnawing headache.

  “I bet you’re wondering why I’m here.” Not really, I thought to myself. “I was hoping you’d be interested in going to a party with me tonight.”

  I sat up and looked at her. She was still smiling at me, but the sparkle in her eyes had diminished, leaving a look of uncertainty in its wake. “A party? Where?” My interest was fully aroused. I had been craving some excitement since I arrived in town. A small part of me wondered what kind of fun these country kids had in mind, while another part didn’t give a shit. I was ready for some fun.

  “Max Lewis is throwing his annual summer party tonight. It’s very exclusive. The location of the party isn’t known until about an hour before it starts.” I could tell from the look on her face that this was not part of her normal routine. I would even venture to say that she had never been to a party before. Ever.

  “And you think that you can find out where it is?” I was unable to hide the skepticism in my voice. This party sounded like some of the raves that Amber and I used to go to back home. The invites were very exclusive and only the best of the best were invited. I couldn’t imagine Katy ever being considered part of “the best.”

  “I’m positive. My brother goes every year and he’s promised to bring me with him. I didn’t feel right going with just him, ya know? That’s why I was hoping you would come with me.”

  While I still didn’t think this girl knew what a real party was, I was desperate for some fun. Even if we ended up in an empty field, surrounded by oversized trucks and blaring country music, anything was better than sitting on my bed all night. “I’ll go with you. On one condition.” She looked at me and nodded enthusiastically. “You can’t bring up Chase for the entire night. Not one single mention or I’ll leave. Deal?”

  She squealed loudly and jumped out of the chair. She bounded over to me and threw her arms around me, both of us falling backward onto my bed. “Yay! I’m so glad you’re going! And don’t worry. Chase’s name will be mud tonight. Girl Scout’s promise.”

  Great. My first party down South and I was going with a former Girl Scout. Hopefully former. What had my life come to?

  * * * *

  I spent the afternoon getting ready for the party. I made sure to straighten my unruly hair, carefully applied my makeup, taking great care to highlight my emerald green eyes, and picked out one of my nicest outfits. I settled on a slim pair of black capris with a one shouldered white top. Cute, but casual. I didn’t want them to think I was trying
too hard, after all.

  I walked downstairs to wait for Katy and found Grandma watching television in the living room. I knew she had heard me come down the stairs, but she didn’t acknowledge my presence. I walked over to her and sat down on the couch beside her. Still, she didn’t divert her attention from the television.

  “I’m going out with Katy tonight,” I said nonchalantly as I picked at the nonexistent lint on my shirt.

  “She told me. I don’t have to tell you to be careful, do I?” She never looked at me, but the tense set of her jaw told me she was not happy about my plans for the evening.

  “I’ll be with Katy all night. I’m sure she’ll keep me out of trouble.” I stood up and walked to the window that faced the front yard. Headlights were bouncing down the dirt road, approaching the house at a snail’s pace. I willed them to hurry up, eager to get away from Grandma and begin my night of fun.

  “Katy’s a good girl, but it’s her brother I worry about. Dan is a troublemaker. So please, be careful tonight,” she spoke as she turned off the TV and looked at me for the first time tonight.

  “I’ll keep my distance from him, don’t worry. Ending up in jail is not on my schedule for tonight.” I walked over and placed a hand on Grandma’s shoulder. I gave her a gentle squeeze before stepping back once again.

  A knock at the door startled me. In that brief moment, when she warned me away from danger, it seemed that she genuinely cared about me. She may not have said it in so many words, but with her simple words she had shown that she was also worried about me. It was a novel idea. She had seemed so detached and distant so far, spending her time treating me as only the hired help, but tonight it felt different. It felt real.

  “Be home by one Roxie. No excuses. And if you need me, call me. No questions asked,” she said as she walked to the stairs. I opened the front door and found Katy standing there. She looked incredible! Her hair was no longer a mass of broken curls. She had obviously taken great care to curl each and every one of them. Her face wasn’t covered in makeup, which suited her, and her clothes weren’t fancy, but they looked amazing. Was this the same girl who had been here only a few hours before?