Knotted Roots

by Kight, Ruthi

  Drunken teens scattered like roaches when the search lights were turned on. No one seemed to know the quickest route out, causing collisions and pile ups, their bodies connecting at awkward angles. If this wasn’t such a serious situation I might have found the humor in it. I glanced back down at Katy, and then focused my attention on the EMTs as they climbed out of their vehicle.

  “Over here!” I waved my arms over my head, trying to get their attention. I didn’t want to leave Katy alone, but the noise level all around us was deafening. There was no way they would hear me.

  I ran over to the ambulance, grabbing hold of a young woman who had just climbed out of the front seat. “Please! Come with me.” I tried to pull her along behind me. She didn’t seem happy about being forced to comply, snatching her hand out of mine. I took a quick look at her face and she looked more irritated than angry. I wanted to yell if you didn’t want the job, why the hell are you here?! I contained myself and kept going.

  I ran ahead of her, reaching Katy only moments before she did. I looked behind her and noticed the other EMT following closely. At least he looked more concerned than his partner did. I needed to be sure Katy was in good hands, and this woman didn’t seem very enthused about her night’s activities. Once the male reached us, they started chattering back and forth, checking her vitals as they spoke.

  They kept asking me what happened, but I had no idea. All I could do was shake my head and tell them what I knew. I felt helpless as I watched them work. Utterly and completely useless. I was a nuisance, constantly getting in the way. I don’t know how long I stood there, but the sound of Chase’s voice pulled me out of my stupor.

  “Roxie, can ya go grab a cop? Please?”

  I looked over to where he and Jackson still stood. Jackson’s face no longer looked enraged. Instead he looked utterly defeated. I nodded and ran to get an officer to help him. The first one I found was a tall man with a shaved head. He was talking to a group of drunken teenagers who could barely stand up. I tapped him on his shoulder to get his attention. He turned to look at me, his dark brown eyes held an accusatory glare.

  “Please, I need your help,” I said as I struggled to get the words out. I explained to him who I was, that I had called 911, and then told him why I needed him. He nodded and followed me to where Jackson was pinned.

  When the officer approached, Chase slowly backed away from Jackson, leaving the cop to deal with the situation. I backed away from the commotion and shaking, sat down on the ground. I couldn’t stop the tears this time, even if I had wanted to. Katy was hurt. Jackson had hurt her and all I could feel at that moment was dread and pity. I could imagine what Grandma would say when she found out that I had deserted her out here.

  I pulled my knees up to my chest and started sobbing. My body started shaking even harder from the release of my emotions. I didn’t hear anyone approach, so when I felt two strong arms pull me into an awkward hug, I flinched and tried to get away.

  “Shhh, it’s me. It’s okay,” Chase’s voice soothed as he rubbed his hands down my back. I relaxed in his arms, my body weary from everything that had happened. I let him hold me until they loaded Katy into the ambulance. I stood up and tried to follow, but there were now officers crowding around us, waiting to find out what exactly had happened.

  Chase held my hand as they asked the same questions over and over. Did we know the boy who Katy had snuck off with? Did Katy have a history of running off with boys she didn’t know? Were they drinking tonight? I started to get mad. More than mad, I was furious. I was about to release my pent up rage on the unsuspecting officers. From the sound of their questions, they were blaming Katy for what happened. I had no idea what lie Jackson had told them, but when Katy woke up I was sure that she would set the record straight.

  I answered their questions and gave them my contact information, as did Chase, and they finally told us we could go home. As we walked back toward the area where everyone had parked, I finally realized that I had no way home. Dan had left when the cops first showed up, completely unconcerned with his sister’s whereabouts, leaving me stranded. I stopped abruptly, causing Chase to stumble, but he caught himself quickly.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked as he took a step closer to me.

  “Dan left. He was my ride,” I spoke in a hushed tone. “Shit...he left her here. He left his own sister. What kind of person does that?”

  “I don’t have the answer you need Roxie,” he sighed. “Dan has always been a...piece of work.” He reached for my hand and interlaced our fingers. “Come on. I’ll give you a ride home.”

  I nodded and followed him to his truck. I didn’t have much choice in who took me home, but a small part of me was happy that it was Chase I was leaving with. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t such a small part.

  * * * *

  We had barely made it onto the main road when Chase reached over and grabbed my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I could feel that squeeze around my heart, and as much as I wanted to hold his hand at that moment, I couldn’t. I pulled my hand away and placed it in my lap. I stared straight ahead, devouring the dark that surrounded the truck. I could feel his eyes on me, questioning, but I couldn’t bear to look at him.

  “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he spoke quietly and placed his hand back on the steering wheel.

  “It’s okay,” I said as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

  A tense silence engulfed us. I could feel the hurt pouring off of him. It seemed that I was destined to keep screwing up and hurting him. “I suck at this. Friendship, I mean.”

  “How can you suck at friendship? Either you care about someone, or you don’t.” He glanced at me, barely taking his eyes off of the road.

  “It’s not always that simple. At least not for me.” I barely spoke the words out loud, but I was certain that he had heard me.

  “It could be, if you let it,” he tapped his fingers on the wheel. “I could help you, if you want. I’ve been told I make a pretty good friend.”

  I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face. “Are you propositioning me?”

  He laughed and the sound eased some of the tension between us. “I guess I am. But just so you know, no other friend will ever compare to me. I’m that good.”

  “I’d like that. A lot,” I said quietly. When I glanced over at him I noticed that he had a huge smile on his face. “But just so you know, I will probably screw it up. Repeatedly.”

  The rest of the drive went by quickly. We kept conversation light, never really addressing what had just happened, even though both of us were thinking about it. When we pulled up in front of the house I began to feel queasy. I was scared to tell Grandma what had happened with Katy and Jackson. I didn’t even know what actually happened, so how could I explain it to her?

  A loud slam echoed through the air, snapping my head up. I looked at the front porch and found Grandma standing there, one hand on her hip, and an angry look plastered on her face.

  “Shit,” I muttered, grabbing my purse and opening the truck’s door.

  “Hey, let me do the talking, okay?” said Chase as he opened his door as well.

  We both walked up to the porch, our heads down and our feet dragging. When I looked up at Grandma I knew that I would never be allowed out of the house again. I could practically see the smoke streaming from her ears.

  “What happened? Do ya know how much I despise getting a call from the police chief that my granddaughter was at an illegal field party in the middle of the night? What were ya thinking?” She was spitting mad. And she was right. I had to own up to what happened.

  “I’m sor-” I began, but was immediately cut off.

  “It was my fault Ms. Betty. I asked her and Katy to meet me there. I just thought that it would be good for her to get to know others her own age. It was stupid, I realize that now. I shouldn’t have taken them there,” Chase said, the lie rolling easily off of his tongue.

  She jerked her head as if she had been slapped a
nd focused her attention on Chase. “It was your idea to take my granddaughter out there? I thought ya knew better Chase. Especially after everything that happened-” Grandma slapped a hand over her mouth, cutting off her own words. The stricken look of panic on her face couldn’t be hidden by her small hand.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked. I looked over at Chase. His face had turned chalky white in color and his eyes were fierce. I put my hand on his arm, but he jerked away from me. “What’s going on?”

  “Chase, I’m so sorry. I...I don’t know...it just slipped...” she stammered along, the apology becoming broken and unintelligible.

  “I’ll always be blamed for that, won’t I?” he whispered as he stared up at Grandma. I looked between the two of them, unsure what to say or do. There was a secret being bounced around between them, but evidently I wasn’t meant to know what it was.

  “I never blamed you. Never. What happened was out of your control,” she said as she came down the steps to stand in front of him. She tried to reach out and hug him, but he quickly took a step back, distancing himself from her.

  “Everyone blames me. Hell, I blame me! If it weren’t for me, he would still be here!” His voice got louder and I flinched from the volume.

  “That’s not true! He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself for what happened. You aren’t the one who-”

  “Yes I am!” he screamed. “If I hadn’t been out there that night, he never would have needed to come get me! If I had stayed home, like he asked, he wouldn’t have been on that dark road! He would be here! Right now!” As he yelled, tears began to stream down his cheeks. He didn’t bother to wipe them away. They flowed freely as his hands fisted at his sides.

  “Who? Who are you two talking about?” I questioned, still confused as to what was going on. I had a general idea that something bad happened, and that Chase blamed himself. The pain pouring from his eyes was immense, threatening to pull him under.

  Neither one of them looked at me, continuing to stare each other down. They were both crying, neither of them moving towards the other, and their chests heaved as sobs wracked their bodies.

  “Can someone please tell-”

  “No. Not like this,” Chase cut me off, finally turning his attention to my face. “Tomorrow.” He paused, a look of fear flitting across his face. “I’ll tell you everything. Tomorrow.”

  He spun on his heel and stormed away, leaving me feeling a thousand times worse. I could feel his pain as if it were my own. It clutched at my heart and gave a violent squeeze. I watched as he fled to his truck and peeled out of our yard, making his way down the dirt road, until I couldn’t see his tail lights any more. I turned to face Grandma and found her sitting on the steps with her head hanging in what I imagined was shame. I sat down beside her and leaned forward.

  “I have no idea what is going on, and I won’t push the issue. You’ll just tell me to ask Chase about it tomorrow, which I will. But,” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I want you to know that all of these secrets between us...I don’t know what to do.”

  Grandma’s head slowly rose and our eyes met. I could see the hurt and despair churning in hers, threatening to boil over again. I reached over and hugged her. From this angle it was a little bit awkward, but I hoped she would get the sentiment behind it. She patted me on the back and then leaned away.

  “I don’t want to keep things from ya. I don’t. But this one is huge. And not mine to tell,” she replied as the tears began to fall again, slower this time.

  “This is why you told me to stay away from him, isn’t it?” I questioned.

  She nodded. “He has been through so much. He carries the pain around with him. I know he needs the feeling of normalcy, and I have no right to keep that from him, but it’s hard. I just want to protect him.”

  “And you think so little of me that you thought I would rip his heart out.” It wasn’t a question. I was an unknown to her. We didn’t know each other, regardless of the fact that we were family.

  “No. But there’s always that chance,” she said. “When you love someone you want to protect them. You want to keep the world from completely crushing them. But sometimes the world has other plans, and you’re powerless to stop them. That’s what I am. Powerless.”

  “I didn’t come here to mess everything up...” I spoke gently as I felt the first tears slip free.

  “Oh baby, I know that,” she pulled me into a fierce hug as she spoke. “I was so focused on protecting Chase, that I hurt you in the process.” She pulled away and looked me in the eye. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to make ya feel like that.”

  As we sat together, crying and hugging, I got the strangest feeling in my chest. It started as a dull throb, slowly growing into a light fluttering feeling. It wasn’t painful, but it sure was attention grabbing. I had never felt something so strong, yet gentle. I decided to ignore it and continue hugging Grandma. I could worry about the weird feeling another time. For now, I was surrounded by warmth and love, and there was no way I was letting go.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  The next morning I crawled out of bed slowly. I hadn’t slept very well as thoughts of Katy kept me from resting peacefully. I had tried to call her parents last night, once Grandma went to bed, but they refused to tell me anything. Evidently Dan had told them some crazy story that it was my fault that Katy had been hurt. I tried to tell them what really happened, but they hung up before I could even complete a sentence.

  I could care less what others thought of me most of the time, but these were Katy’s parents. Katy and I were friends, right? It was normal to care what your friend’s parents thought about you. At least, I thought it was normal.

  I threw on some clean clothes and pulled my hair into a messy knot. The last thing on my mind was my appearance as I rushed downstairs. I flew into the kitchen and found Grandma sitting at the table, coffee in hand, while she read the Sunday paper. When she heard me come in she lowered the paper and smiled.

  “Good morning baby. Breakfast is on the stove. Hope ya like biscuits and gravy,” she said before she took a big gulp of her coffee.

  “Um...never had it, but thanks.” I pulled a plate out of the cabinet and piled some food on it. I sat down across from her at the table and began to eat. It was like heaven in my mouth. The little chunks of sausage mixed in with the gravy were the perfect complement to the warm, flaky biscuits. I felt no shame as a groan escaped from my lips.

  “Should I come back later? Do ya need a moment alone?” Grandma laughed and I scowled at her. But I couldn’t hold it for very long. I swallowed my food and wiped my mouth.

  “I’m going to be nice and plump when I go home,” I replied. The light in her eyes dimmed slightly.

  “Speaking of home, your mother called this morning. Your father moved out of the condo this morning,” she spoke without making eye contact.

  “Really? That was fast,” I replied. I stabbed at a piece of biscuit and shoved it in my mouth. I finished chewing and looked up at her. The pinched look on her face told me she was hiding something. “What else?”

  “You should call your mother,” she said as she stood up and walked to the sink. I was about to question her more, but a loud knock at the front door grabbed our attention. She walked out to find out who was here. A few minutes later she returned, followed closely by Chase and Brian.

  “Did you get the parts on the list I left for you?” asked Brian as he helped himself to breakfast. He sat down beside me and started shoveling food into his mouth.

  “Yeah, they’re all out back. Hopefully I got everything right this time,” replied Grandma as she sat down to put her work boots on.

  Chase stood by the door, not making a sound, almost as if he was trying to disappear into the wood. I smiled at him and he tried to return the gesture, but it appeared forced. I stood up from the table and walked over to him. His gaze flickered between me and Grandma, finally settling on me after a moment’s hesitation.

  “I’m guessing yo
u’re here to talk,” I said, and he nodded his head slowly. “Let me grab my shoes and we can get out of here.”

  Five minutes later we were walking towards the woods at the back of the house. The silence hung between us, taunting me. I looked over at Chase as we walked and my heart sputtered. The sun caught the highlights in his hair perfectly, causing a halo to form around his head. He must have felt me staring, but his smile told me he didn’t mind all that much. Or at all.

  “Are you going to start talking?” I asked as we kept walking.

  “I don’t honestly know where to start. This isn’t something I normally talk about with...anyone,” he replied, his shoulders sagging.

  “Start at the beginning,” I said as I gently smiled at him, hoping to put him at ease.

  He blew the hair out of his eyes and stared ahead. “It happened almost a year ago. Next week will make it a year. Brian was invited to one of Max’s field parties for the first time, ever. We had both been dying to go, but if you aren’t invited, you don’t go.”

  I nodded, urging him to continue. “Well, the party was epic. Better than what I had imagined it would be. There was this girl, Amanda that I had been crushing on for months, she was there too. We spent the entire party together. We danced and drank a little bit, just enjoying each other’s company. We even kissed.” The look of awe was plastered on his face, as if he couldn’t believe he had kissed her.

  I stopped walking and looked at him. “Was that your first kiss?” I tried to keep the shock out of my voice, but considering how absolutely gorgeous he was, I found it hard to believe.

  “Don’t look so shocked,” he chuckled before continuing. “Yes, that was my first kiss. And let me just say, it definitely lived up to my expectations. We spent the night just enjoying each other, making out, dancing. By the time the party died down we were all pretty drunk. Brian included. He knew he couldn’t drive us home, but Amanda insisted that she was fine to drive. I shouldn’t have listened to her. She ended up wrapping her car around a tree that night.”