Leaving Liberty

by Virginia Carmichael

  And she hated that. Marie wouldn’t want her to let the anxiety stand in her way. The old librarian had always been so good at the pep talks, the to-do lists, and the goal plotting. She needed Marie now. She’d never tried anything so big without her. Getting into college, moving away from home, graduating and getting a real job- it had all happened under Marie’s constant care and instruction. Daisy felt hot tears well up in her eyes and blinked them angrily away.

  Well, she wasn’t going to fall apart now. If Lane thought bringing Rocky over to the cabin every day was going to scare her back to Fresno, then he was wrong. He didn’t know a thing about her. She had never put up with Rocky’s behavior when she was a teenager and she sure wouldn’t let him run her life now.

  Daisy lifted her chin and squinted at the road, working at keeping the fierce anger burning despite a small, quiet shadow of doubt. The picture of Lane whispering a prayer in the driveway flashed before her eyes. Fury slipped away from her, leaving an aching sadness behind. This was not a man who delighted in drama. He didn’t look happy when she was shocked at his announcement. He looked… pained. As if he wished he could fix the situation and couldn’t. She would have laughed if it hadn’t been so awful. If there was anything she knew for certain, it was that she wasn’t going to be able to call that cabin home, no matter how short a time, as long as her alcoholic dad was wandering around.

  Of course that wasn’t anything new. She’d never felt at home in Liberty, never felt safe and comforted.

  Pulling into a spot beside the old library, Daisy cut the engine and glanced up at the red brick building. The windows were clean and sparkling, the door nicely polished. The pitched roof showed spots where the shingles were coming loose, but it was clean of debris and branches. Everything about the place was welcoming and homey. Nita’s figure appeared in silhouette passing through the lobby area, toward the children’s section. This place had been the only safe spot in her childhood, housing the only person who truly loved her. Her throat ached at the idea of walking away.

  There wasn’t anything she could do, except to follow her original plan. She would apply for grants, run the fundraisers, and try to get the community behind her. Saving the library from closing for the summer was possible, even though Mrs. Lindo wouldn’t pay her and barely let her keep the keys. As for getting it in the sort of shape that would keep the place open another fifty years, it seemed such a huge task, she felt like she could hardly breathe. But Marie had believed in her when no one else had. Saving Daisy McConnell when the town thought she was a lost cause and she was determined to fight every adult within a mile? Talk about mission impossible. She had to try, she owed Marie that much.

  As for feeling comfortable here, it wasn’t going to happen. No big deal. Just like last time, she’d do what she had to do and get out of town.

  Chapter Ten

  “That went well.” Lane put a fist to his forehead with a thunk.

  “Interesting.”

  He cracked an eye and gave Jamie a look.

  “Why do you feel responsible for her? It wasn’t as if you arranged the entire situation. In fact, if she’d taken your advice and stayed in town, none of this would matter.” She took a sip of coffee.

  Lane sat up. “I don’t feel responsible. I just feel bad.”

  “Why?”

  He groaned. “Now you sound like her.”

  “Well, whatever it is, I don’t get it. People who won’t take good advice drive you crazy but here you’re acting as if you understand where she’s coming from.” She shrugged. “She’s nice enough, but just let her do what she wants for the summer.”

  He stared at the old, scarred table top. It was made from planks from an ancient barn out on Interstate 25, repurposed by Jamie into something to treasure. She was always the one who saw the potential in what no one wanted but this time she wasn’t seeing clearly what good could come from Daisy’s unexpected stay in Liberty.

  “Life is too short to hold on to a grudge.”

  She sat up, frowning. “I don’t have anything against her.”

  “Not you, her.” He rubbed a hand over his face, wincing at the sudden pain behind his eye that signaled a tension headache coming on. “I believe she’s here for a reason, and it’s not to save the library. Rocky needs forgiveness and she needs to forgive him, before it’s too late.”

  His last words hung in the air between them, filling the space with silent misery.

  “Lane,” she said gently. “You can’t see every situation through the lens of Colt’s death.”

  “Why not?” He tried to make his voice even, but the crack in the last syllable gave him away. He still ached, still grieved. “I was wrong, Jamie. It was a stupid argument and I let it come between us. Two months later he was dead and I’ll never get to hear him say he forgives me.”

  Jamie’s mouth was pressed into a thin line, her eyes shone with tears. “He does, Lane, I’m sure of it.”

  “I know, but it’s not the same. I’ll regret it until the day I die.” He stopped, struggling to gather his composure. “Did I tell you he called me?”

  “When?” A deep line appeared between her brows.

  “A week before the accident. He left a message on the machine, joking around. Telling me to pull my head out of the ground and talk to him.” He sucked in a breath. Shame shadowed his every word. “I erased it and never called him back.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. “Oh, Lane.”

  “So, yes, it’s possible for me to view every situation through the lens of that failure. I don’t want her to live with that. And I don’t want Rocky to live with any more guilt than he really needs.”

  She squeezed his fingers with one hand and wiped her face with the other. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He’d thought about it. Every day for eight years, he’d thought about finally letting it all out. “I didn’t want you to hate me.” He could barely meet her eyes.

  “I would never-”

  “I know.” He studied his sister’s hand, so small compared to his own. “But I do.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of you.” Her words made him sit back in shock.

  “For failing Colt? For turning my back on my own brother when he reached out to me?”

  She leaned forward, eyes intent on him. “For not letting the story end here. For taking your pain and turning it into something worth fighting for.” Tears still shone on her cheeks, and her lashes were wet. “You’re right and I was wrong. Shrugging off their family troubles isn’t what Christians do. We’ve got to see if we can bring them both some peace.”

  Hope struggled up in his chest like a creature stirring from a deep sleep. He had fought despair for so long, throwing himself on God’s mercy, pleading for the grace to move forward. “It’s not going to be easy.”

  Jamie laughed, giving his fingers another squeeze. “I could have told you that after five minutes with the girl.”

  He felt his lips tug up in an involuntary smile, but his chest ached. He couldn’t imagine this pain ever leaving him. Regret was etched in his life so deep it would never be rubbed out, no matter how many hours he patrolled this city or how many kids he coached. But he couldn’t sit back and watch Daisy McConnell make the same terrible mistake, even if she hated him for it.

  ***

  Nita carried a stack of picture books to the desk, a little black-haired girl trailing behind her. Her messy ponytail and scuffed shoes made Daisy smile. She wished she could go back to a time when she didn’t notice how her hair looked or whether she was wearing nice things. Back when it was simple, easy. Then again, nothing had ever been really easy.

  “Nita, are you our summer teacher? Are we starting tomorrow? I’ve already got all my points. I just need to write them down.” Her little voice carried through the library. A young woman dressed in a halter top and shorts loitered at the bottom of the stairs, pecking at her cell phone, tan legs shifting restlessly.

  “Hurry, Jasmine. We got things to
do.” Her voice was too loud for the space but she didn’t seem to notice.

  “Can I help?” Daisy hadn’t been trained on the computer system yet, but she needed to learn everything as quickly as possible.

  Nita gave Daisy a smile as she came around the desk, setting the stack of papers on the counter. “Sure, why don’t you put due date stickers in the back after I scan them.” Nita shoved a stack of picture books toward her.

  “Oh, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. She’s great.” Daisy held it up for a better look. Plump Mrs. Piggle Wiggle always had a way to solve every problem she came across. She needed someone like that in her life right now.

  “She’s not real.” Jasmine’s voice cut through Daisy’s thoughts. Serious brown eyes stared up over the edge of the counter.

  “No?” Daisy put a sticker in the back of the book and reached for another.

  “Well,” Jasmine paused, big eyes shifting toward the door, “I thought she was. But my sister says nothing in books is real.”

  “Oh.” Daisy frowned. The book in her hand was a 3-D picture book on tigers, complete with folding glasses. “Not even this?”

  Jasmine hesitated. “Maybe some books are a little real.”

  “I think you’re right.” Another sticker in the back, another book in the plastic bag from under the counter. Most kids had a library bag, but Daisy had always been the kind who got the recycled grocery sack, too.

  “Like that one!” Her brown eyes went wide, small hand reaching over the counter and pointing.

  “This?” Daisy examined a well-loved copy of a brown bear in search of his button. “You think so?”

  “I had a teddy bear and she was always with me and then one night she was gone. I think she’s exploring.”

  Daisy glanced at Nita who said nothing, just smiled. Poor kid. The bear was probably thrown out by the teenage sister that didn’t believe anything in books was real.

  “You sure you didn’t leave her somewhere?”

  “Sure.” Jasmine nodded until a long strand came loose from her ponytail holder and floated around her face. “She’s out exploring and she’ll come back. Her name is Kayla, Warrior Princess.”

  Daisy put a sticker in the back and tried not to laugh out loud. The bear was a warrior princess and was out exploring, no doubt about it. She was used to kids, being a grade school teacher, but by 5th grade they’d all grown past the need for stuffed animals. They were more concerned with crushes and making the baseball team.

  “I had a stuffed bunny once and he rode in the front basket of my bicycle.”

  “Did he like it?”

  “Yeah, I think so. His ears would flap around like he was happy.”

  A little smile creased Jasmine’s face, like she was picturing it.

  The worn, long-limbed rabbit that had been Daisy’s constant companion until Rocky had thrown him in a bag with some junk and dropped it off at the thrift store. A brief sobriety gave her a week of cooked meals and a clean living room, but Bun-bun was never seen again.

  “Come on, Jazz, we gotta go.” The teen stomped up to the counter, still staring at her phone.

  “We’re almost done.” Daisy smiled at her, but there was no response, not even a glance.

  “I’ll get all my prizes next week when we come for reading program. Right, Nita?”

  “We’ll talk about it on Tuesday, dear.” Nita gave a wave and the disappointed girl followed her sister to the door.

  “You give all the prizes at once?”

  “Never. We log them week by week, level by level. And they have to start fresh, not counting the books they read before the program started. She knows that, but telling her now won’t help. It will probably just get Breezy in more of a snit.”

  Daisy figured the tan girl in the short shorts was Breezy. In Fresno, her own name was a little unusual but here it just reminded her how hick people named their kids. Jasmine, Daisy, Breezy. Ugh. She should be glad she wasn’t named after a car, or knowing her dad, a favorite beer. The thought made her snort.

  Nita raised an eyebrow. “Having a good day?”

  “Not really. Just… thinking.” She didn’t feel like she could really share her thoughts with Nita. Honestly, the woman was a little intimidating. Marie had been short and soft and round, all smiles and hugs. Nita was tall and thin and strong, quietly getting the job done without a lot of chatter.

  “Heard you’re renting Lane’s cabin.”

  News travels fast. “For the summer.”

  Nita focused on straightening the golf pencils in the plastic caddy on the desk. “It’s a nice place.”

  “You’ve been out there?”

  “Sure. Such a shame about Colt. His mother never really recovered. They sold their house and moved to Denver because they couldn’t stand being here any longer.”

  “It was an accident, right?” She didn’t want to pry, didn’t want to be the nosy newcomer, but she’d wondered. And it seemed a safe time to ask.

  “Sort of.” Nita shook her head, now stacking the small stack of slips.

  Daisy blinked. Not many fatal ‘sort of’ accidents she could think of, but either Nita was going to tell her or she wasn’t.

  “The bridge was under construction, out by Reeser Road, toward their cabin. Jason Postlewait was heading the crew over there. He forgot to set up the warning lights. The whole town knew the bridge was out and to take the long way. But Colt was away for his freshman year at Fort Collins and came home late one Friday. Thought he’d run out to his grandparent’s house first and say hi.”

  Nita’s voice trailed off. She stacked and restacked the little papers, her mind far away.

  With a sickening clarity, Daisy could envision the little bridge. A few signs in front would have seemed to be enough if everyone knew there was work going on. Enough for most everybody but a young kid cruising home in the dark. No flashing lights to give him any warning, probably hit the wooden road signs and went right through before he could stop. Her head started to swim, she sucked in air, blinking back the dark spots in her vision.

  “Sit down, you don’t look so good.” Nita was pressing her into a chair.

  She shook her head, trying to dislodge the cobwebs, get a grip. But her heart was thudding and the ringing in her ears got louder and louder.

  “Take a deep breath.” She was pushing Daisy’s head between her knees now, rubbing her shoulder. “You’ll be okay.”

  After a few more seconds the ringing faded away and her vision cleared. “I’m all right.” She sat up slowly, taking deep breaths. “Sorry, not sure what happened.”

  “You have any breakfast?”

  “Yes.” Hours ago. A cereal bar while packing. She’d been so worried about getting started on the applications.

  “Did you know Colt?”

  Daisy searched her memory and only came up with a few scenes, just the normal interactions in a small town. Tall kid, good at football, easy laugh. “Not really. So, is Jason in jail now?”

  “Oh, no.” Nita waved a hand, as if the idea was a pesky fly.

  “Wasn’t he guilty of manslaughter? Extreme negligence?”

  “He admitted guilt. I think there was a fine and three years of probation. It was an accident. Lane convinced his family to request the lightest sentence possible.”

  If Daisy hadn’t been sitting down, she would have had to find a chair. “Lane didn’t want him to go to jail? His brother died!”

  Nita gave her a sharp glance, black eyes flashing. “Yes, dear, I’m sure he realizes that. But Jason was a newlywed with a baby on the way. He didn’t murder Colt. He made a terrible mistake. He’ll live with that mistake the rest of his life.”

  She sat back, reeling. If anyone had been to blame for Marie’s death she would have had them prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. But Lane had asked for leniency. She couldn’t wrap her mind- or her heart- around the idea.

  There was a pause, then Nita gathered up some large craft books from the shelf under the counter. “I’m going to get
the lessons planned for next week’s program. What do you think of Tuesdays? Toddlers during the morning, elementary kids in the afternoon.”

  Daisy struggled to catch up, mind back with a broken bridge and a grieving family. “Any day is fine. Just let me know what you want me to do. While you plan, I’ll man the desk. I have some papers to work on.”

  “And we don’t have any budget for reading level prizes but I was thinking I could go to the dollar store in Denver and pick up a few things.”

  “I can help with that. I have the numbers for each class and we can calculate how much we can spend. Do you want me to come along?”

  The older woman tilted her head, as if searching for the right words. “That would be nice. Next Friday? The library doesn’t open until two. I could pick you up.”

  “Sounds good.” Daisy smiled. Well, it would be nice to get out of Liberty for the morning, even if it was just to hit the bargain stores. At least the woman wasn’t a nosy gossip. She had a feeling Nita didn’t think too much of her.

  Daisy eased out of her chair and stood up, checking to see if the edges of her vision stayed clear. The pain of the accident had stabbed her with a shocking ferocity that made her heart ache and her throat constrict.

  Gathering the papers, Daisy sifted through them for the easiest place to start. Her mind kept flashing back to Lane’s face in the driveway, his lips whispering prayers. What kind of man could forgive his brother’s killer? The word ‘accident’ didn’t cover what had happened, that was for fender benders and broken windows. Someone was to blame and someone should have paid the price for a life cut short but Lane had chosen mercy.

  She didn’t want to like him, and really didn’t want to admire him. He had an irritating way of pointing out all the flaws in her plans and there was the problem of that smile, the one that made her forget her angry retorts. Without her permission, she could feel her heart opening bit by bit, unable to keep guarded against him the way she wanted to be. Even with Rocky as his friend, she couldn’t write Lane off. Not completely. There was much more to the man than someone determined to close the old library for safety reasons.