Leaving Liberty

by Virginia Carmichael

  “I know.” He felt suddenly tired, and restless, all at the same time. He wanted to be on the riverbank, pole sticking out over the water, sitting in the shade of a scrawny pine. The cabin used to be a peaceful place for him, but not anymore.

  Rocky was almost at the end of the row, sweat beading his forehead. “She may be a little abrasive, but she’s got a good heart.”

  He snorted. She was abrasive like sandpaper. Getting to the bottom of everything. She sure wasn’t one to gloss over the bumps and blemishes of this town.

  Reaching the end, Rocky paused, wiping his face on his sleeve. “So why can’t you two get along?”

  Lane shook his head. “It’s not what you’re thinking.”

  “Then explain it.” His tone was soft, encouraging. Rocky really was a good friend, had been ever since they’d made a terrible mistake that had cost them both.

  “I do like her, Rocky.” He met the old man’s eyes. “I like her a little too much.” It was probably a rule that you shouldn’t tell a girl’s dad that kind of thing, especially standing near the woods holding shovels.

  At first Rocky waited for Lane to finish his thought, but it hung there, filled with meaning. His blue eyes widened and he seemed lost for words. “Well, then.”

  “Yup.”

  Lane stepped to the next row and sunk the shovel deep in the dirt. It felt good to stomp the blade, pulling the handle until his shoulder muscles protested and the dirt released from its winter sleeping spot.

  “Does she know?”

  “I would say so.” Lane felt warmth rise up his neck and hope Rocky wouldn’t notice. He didn’t want to explain exactly how she knew. He’d been so careful, so respectful. Keeping the flirtatious smiles to a minimum and his gaze to himself, when all he’d wanted to do was follow her around. Every time they met in town, he fought to stay indifferent. One dumb tag and he’d been too close, breathing in the smell of her shampoo, wishing he could tell her how beautiful she was, reaching out to touch her.

  “She’s going back home soon.” Rocky’s tone was cautious.

  Lane stomped the shovel into the ground. “True.”

  “She never liked this town.”

  They were almost even with each other now, working hard in the afternoon sun. “So she says.”

  “But knowing that doesn’t help what you feel, does it?” Rocky paused, catching his breath.

  Lane didn’t want to answer, didn’t want to face the fact that his heart liked to make decisions without his head. “Apparently not.” He paused across from Rocky, staring up at the trees. He shrugged. “Not a big deal. I’ll get over it.”

  Rocky was quiet, watching Lane’s face. “Did I ever tell you about Daisy’s mom?”

  In all their years of friendship, the old man hadn’t said much about the woman who’d left him to raise a baby. He shook his head.

  “She was beautiful. Smart, pretty, funny. All the good things you look for in a girl.” He had a faraway look in his eyes. “But I didn’t listen to her. She wanted more than this town, more than working at the bakery, serving doughnuts to the five AM crowd.”

  “Like Daisy.” He couldn’t help adding it. She’d left right out of high school and never looked back.

  “Her mom never got the chance to spread her wings and to explore the world.” He looked up. “I’m not saying everybody’s the same. Nita’s never been very far away from this town and she’s been happy. But I knew Daisy’s mom wanted to leave even before we got married.” He shook his head, eyes shadowed with old regrets. “I just didn’t listen.”

  Lane stared at the dark earth, tilled and ready for planting.

  Rocky put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a better man than I was, a better man than I am. I sure wish I could go back in time and make difference choices. In fact, if I had that kind of power, I’d make things different for you.”

  “No use in wishing, Rocky. We all know that.” He shrugged, half smiling. Rocky always said there was no use in wishing, and here he was, wishing for Lane. Funny how life got turned around sometimes.

  Rocky’s gaze snapped to somewhere behind Lane and he straightened up. Lane turned slowly, knowing who was standing there before he even saw her.

  Daisy stepped forward, arms wrapped around her middle. Her expression was closed tight. She didn’t look from one to the other but her gaze was locked on Rocky. She stopped a few feet away and said nothing.

  Lane met Rocky’s gaze. This was it. Who knew why Daisy picked this moment, this day, but she was here and ready to listen.

  He turned and started toward the shed but Daisy stopped him in his tracks. “Lane, please stay.”

  He looked to Rocky and the old man nodded. Lane wasn’t sure why Daisy needed a witness, but maybe she just didn’t want to be alone with her father. They had so far to go, these two, to repair the relationship that was broken. Maybe it never would be repaired. Lord, help us now. We need Your counsel.

  The older man stepped forward and Daisy’s lips went tight. Her whole body was saying she didn’t want to hear what he had to say and he better make it fast.

  “I’m sorry.” Rocky took a deep breath.

  Daisy said nothing, her gaze fixed on him.

  “I’m sorry for not taking care of you like you needed. I’m sorry for not being the kind of dad you could be proud of. I’ve always loved you but I didn’t show it. I was selfish and mean.” He swallowed hard. “Please forgive me.”

  For a few awful moments Lane wondered if Daisy had come all the way out to the garden to stand in front of her father just to deny him her forgiveness. Her expression betrayed nothing. “Okay.”

  Lane felt joy flash through him and he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Rocky looked weak with relief. Then Daisy turned on her heel and went back to the cabin.

  The silence of the moment was punctuated only by the sound of the birds in the trees at the edge of the garden and the faint echo of the creek just over the rise. Daisy crossed the deck and went inside, shutting the back door firmly behind her.

  Rocky cleared his throat. “That went about as well as I could expect.”

  “I guess so.” For the briefest second, Lane wished that Daisy had given her whole forgiveness, wrapped her arms around Rocky and let herself become a part of a family again. But life wasn’t a Hallmark Channel movie. Sometimes the best you got was someone who looked you in the eye and heard the apology you needed to give.

  “Let’s get this garden started, my friend.” Rocky hefted the shovel in his hands and started to turn the soil at the end of the row. His face was bright, shoulders not as hunched as just minutes before.

  Lane followed, holding the moment in a quiet place inside. Something incredible had happened here, right in the dirt and mess of a summer vegetable garden, and he’d been a witness to it. His heart lifted at the way miracles came, with no announcement or fanfare. Just a simple meeting of two broken-hearted people who needed to make peace with each other. He didn’t know what had given Daisy the courage to walk out of the cabin, but he knew Who had blessed this moment. It was nothing short of miraculous.

  ***

  Daisy leaned her forehead against the kitchen door and tried to stop her legs from shaking. Her stomach churned and she sucked in deep breaths, willing herself to be calm. She’d faced down one of her greatest fears… and survived.

  Her father had apologized but she couldn’t recall a single word he’d said. She’d stood there, a buzzing in her head so loud she couldn’t hear anything but her own ragged breathing. She’d looked him in the eye and not been crushed by memories.

  Lane probably thought she’d done it out of love for Rocky, but she didn’t love him. Maybe there was some leftover biological urge to attach herself to the man who had given her life, but mostly there was anger and fear. She straightened up, wiping her eyes. Not fear, not anymore. Something hard and kinked around her heart was softening, straightening out. The constant ache in her chest had eased.

  As for
forgiveness, she knew what she should say but she couldn’t. Not yet and maybe not ever. Lord, help me. I’m trying. I don’t want to hold on to something that hurts so much.

  Marie had suffered a broken marriage and hadn’t let it define her. She had loved openly, fully. The words from the letter came back to Daisy in a rush. You were made to love, and be loved.

  Daisy ran to the bedroom, yanking open the top drawer of the old oak highboy dresser. Marie’s letter shook in her fingers as she read it again, now comprehending what she couldn’t only a month or so before.

  …your life will be full of great and wonderful things, if you can let them come to you. People may say you’re selfish but let them say it. They might say you’re uppity or stubborn or arrogant for leaving Liberty and making a life somewhere better. Let them say it. It was never about them. Don’t be afraid. Do what you were born to do and live where you want to live. And don’t ever forget to love and let yourself be loved.

  It’s always easier to be the one who leaves, rather than the one who stays. I’m sorry to leave you, my girl. You made my life happier than you can ever know. From the very first day you walked into the library, you were my gift from above. Now, I’m sure you’ll miss me but will you do something for old Marie? Will you take all the love you have for me and spread it around? The world needs it, Daisy.

  Goodbye for now but I’ll see you again.

  Daisy sank to the pine board floor and let hot tears flow down her cheeks unchecked. With a flash, she understood what Marie had told her so many times. She was not made to hold on to hurts and live her life curled up around them in a tight ball of anger. She, Daisy McConnell, had a higher purpose than bitterness and fear. She was made to live life with open arms, shrugging off the mantle of regret and the inheritance of abuse.

  She missed Marie so much the pain was almost unbearable. It wasn’t the ache of loss but the pain that came from trying to stuff oceans of love back into a place inside, a place it wasn’t meant to be. The idea of letting it go, of spreading her arms wide to the world, filled her with fear, but she understood now. She understood that forcing all that love back inside wasn’t an option. It never had been.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lane jogged up the foyer stairs to the first floor of the library. He knew Nita was the only person at the desk because he’d timed his visit for Daisy’s lunch hour. He wasn’t avoiding her. He was just making sure to come to the library when she wasn’t around.

  Now that she’d made peace with Rocky, he didn’t have any reason to hang out. Everything was settled and they could all focus on the library now. At least, that’s what he told himself every time he caught a glimpse of her and turned the other way. His chest went tight at the way her brows drew down when she was thinking or way the sunlight glanced off that blond hair. Even the curve of her cheek made his mind flashback to that moment at the cabin. He knew how soft her skin was and how her lips tasted and he doubted he would ever forget. He needed to put a little distance between them and he was doing his very best to get it.

  “Hi there, Nita. How’s everything today?” Lane tossed out the greeting as he walked in. Nita stood at the front desk stamping books but she laid down the stamp, crossed her arms and gave him a steady look.

  “Having a bad day?” He threw her a winning smile and started toward the mystery section.

  A grunt came from the desk. It wasn’t the sound of a happy woman.

  Lane was tempted to keep walking, but since Nita and Rocky were good friends, he knew he’d hear about it one way or the other. Somehow he’d gotten on her bad side. Better to face the music.

  “Go ahead and say whatever it is you’re thinking.” He tugged on the brim of his cap and ambled up to the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. They were a matching pair of stubborn people.

  “You’re not being very friendly to Daisy, after all she’s done for this town.”

  Lane choked back a laugh. Oh, he’d been plenty friendly. That was the problem.

  Nita’s face went tight. “So, you think this is funny? The girl gives up her summer to help run this program, spends weeks writing grants, and you won’t say good morning when you pass her on the sidewalk?”

  “I always say good morning.” He just didn’t stop to chat and he tried not to look her in the eye because if he did, he wanted to stop and stay awhile.

  “Lane, you’re a nice guy. I don’t see why you can’t spend a little time helping Daisy with her projects.”

  He sighed. It was sort of funny to get a speech from Nita but he honestly didn’t know how to explain without making the situation worse. “She’s doesn’t really need my help, does she? That isn’t what this is about.”

  Nita’s eyes widened a fraction in surprise. “Well, maybe not exactly. I saw when you passed her at the bakery this morning. I think she appreciates your friendship and it hurts when you don’t take the time to say hello.”

  Lane rubbed a hand over his face. Awkward. “Maybe we have an agreement. Maybe it’s better if we don’t become best friends when she’s only here for the summer.”

  “An agreement? I can’t imagine it. I saw her face. She put on a bright little smile while you were talking to us, but the moment you passed, it was like someone ran over her dog.”

  He rolled his eyes. He knew what he would look like if Sammy ever got hit by a car. Daisy’s expression couldn’t have been anything close.

  “Maybe not quite that bad, but you know what I mean. The girl went pale.”

  “Daisy and I have already…” What? Gotten to know each other better than they should have? “I just think that it’s better for us not to spend a lot of time together.”

  He could hear the clock on the desk ticking as Nita worked through the implications of his words. “She likes you.” Nita’s lips turned up with a cat smile that had definite canary-eating elements.

  He tugged on his cap and sighed. “I don’t know. I’m not sure exactly what Daisy’s thinking.”

  “Oh, it takes about three seconds to see she’s sweet on you.” Nita poked a finger at the desk. “I knew she was your type. I knew it the first day I met her. All she needed was a little push in the right direction.”

  Excellent. Nita was working hard to get them together and he was doing everything he could to keep them apart. “Listen, Nita, I appreciate how much you want to make her feel at home here, but the truth of the matter is that Daisy is leaving. Not next week or the week after, but soon. You know what? I’ve seen that movie before and I didn’t like the way it ended.”

  She nodded slowly, as if working to catch up. “I’m sorry for what happened, but Daisy isn’t Tara. She’s different.”

  He knew that. She was so different that he couldn’t even remember what he’d seen in Tara. He leaned against the desk, feeling suddenly tired.

  Nita’s voice was soft, as if she didn’t want to hurt him any further, but still had something to say. “When you talk to her, it’s almost the only time I really see her smile. She looks so happy.”

  He knew that smile and missed it. “But sometimes what makes us happy right now won’t make us happy later.”

  Nita snorted. “True, but sometimes happy is happy. It’s up to us to work out the details.”

  “Officer Bennett!” A little voice caught his attention.

  “Hey, Jasmine.” Lane grinned as the young girl trotted toward him, black hair bouncing. She had a bright red plastic bag filled with picture books and it knocked against her legs.

  “You’re not wearing your gun. How will you catch the bad guys?” Jasmine tilted her head and gave him a sharp look.

  Lane crouched down to her level. “It’s my day off so I left the gun at home. The other police officers will watch out for bad guys today.”

  “Hm.” She didn’t look convinced, brown eyes narrowed. “Good guys never take the day off.”

  Forcing back a grin, he nodded. “True. We’re always on the look-out. But sometimes we have to run to the library and get a few more book
s. Good guys hate to run out of books.”

  Breezy rounded the corner and flicked a gaze in Lane’s direction. Her dark eyes were rimmed with deep blue eyeliner and her lower lip was newly pierced. The attitude said she was angry and just waiting for someone to pick a fight. He knew the older girl was Jasmine’s best bet at a stable home but he wished the teen was a little more affectionate toward her sister. Maybe at home, in private, she gave her hugs and read to her, but somehow he doubted it.

  “Do you ever find lost things, Officer Bennett?” Jasmine looked up at him with those dark eyes and his heart stuttered in his chest. What was she looking for? If she said her father, he wasn’t sure he would be able to hold it together.

  “Sometimes.” His throat felt tight and thick.

  “I lost my teddy bear. She was there and then she wasn’t. I think she’s exploring like Corduroy.”

  Lane let out a breath of relief. “I’ll keep an eye out.”

  “You’ll know it’s her because her name is Kayla, Warrior Princess. And one paw is kind of worn because that’s the paw she always uses when she holds my hand.”

  “I told you not to take it out but you didn’t listen.” Breezy’s voice was sharp. She jerked her chin at the desk. “Hurry and give back those books. I gotta get you to the sitters before work.”

  Jasmine trudged toward the desk. “I didn’t even get to pick anything out. And Kayla was on my bed and when I woke up she was gone.”

  She rolled her eyes and grunted. “You carried her everywhere. Who knows where she is.”

  Nita took the books from Jasmine and said, “I’ll check these in while you run grab a few more.”

  The little girl didn’t need to be told twice. She scooted past her sister and ran down the stairs, her little footsteps echoing through the foyer. Breezy sighed and pecked at her cell phone.

  “I should go find-” Lane’s words trailed off as the front door swung open and Daisy walked through. A khaki skirt belted with a woven leather cord and a simple peasant blouse should have looked like casual, but on her it was stunning. Her expression was joyous. He sucked in a breath at the sight, feeling the ache in his chest harden into something sharper, more painful.