Tuyo

by Neumeier, Rachel

  He looked at me when I thought that, and his eyebrows rose.

  His name was Lorellan. I remembered that now. That was the name.

  When I remembered his name, he smiled. I could not prevent myself from flinching, and his smile widened. His teeth were very even and white in his brown face. “How did you come here?” he asked me. That was too broad a question, and he knew it and asked instead, “How did an Ugaro warrior come to be a possession of Gaur?”

  That was perhaps phrased impolitely, but it was not incorrect. I thought involuntarily of kneeling bound in the snow, waiting for the Lau. I said nothing. He did not hit me for my silence, but turned his shoulder to me in disdain and considered Lord Aras.

  Lord Aras was standing quietly, his back straight, his hands clasped lightly together. The hard set of his mouth betrayed his emotion, but if I had not known him, I might have believed he hardly cared about anything that had happened.

  “What did you dispose of so urgently when you saw me?” Lord Lorellan asked him.

  Lord Aras answered without hesitation, “A note to my uncle.”

  “Of course. And what did you write to your uncle?”

  “Nothing quite as specific as I would write now, unfortunately.”

  “My men will come up with yours before dusk, and all your efforts will go for nothing.”

  “Perhaps.”

  “I’ve met you before, at court. Several times.”

  Lord Aras nodded. “I remember. I had no idea you were a sorcerer. You hid that from me completely.”

  “I knew you were a sorcerer.”

  “Yes, that’s clear to me, now. Erinet wasn’t a mistake on your part. He was bait. I didn’t guess that at all. How did you find out I was coming up and around? You had a spy? Not someone in your thrall; I couldn’t have missed that.” His eyes widened slightly. “It was someone suborned by more ordinary means. That, I missed. Who was it? Someone I didn’t notice, obviously. I should have ... well.” He looked carefully at Lord Lorellan. “Did you suborn Lord Marotau through some ordinary human weakness as well, or did you take him in thrall? I thought at first he was our sorcerer, but certain details made that seem less likely. Is he dead, or have you made it seem so as part of a ruse?”

  Lord Lorellan said incredulously, “Do you think you are questioning me?”

  “You’ve hardly asked me anything yet.”

  For an instant, I thought Lord Lorellan would strike him. Instead, he laughed. He asked “Well, then, tell me, does Soretes suspect me? Was I on your list at all?”

  “Yes,” Lord Aras answered without hesitation. “You were fourth from the top, after Lord Amara. You had the power and connections and knowledge a man would need, to do what you seemed to be doing. You were a man who had reason to spend considerable time in the borderlands. But you weren’t connected to Prince Taranis, or we didn’t think you were. And you were so much in Avaras two years ago. I thought a sorcerer would have avoided me much more carefully.” Lord Aras hesitated. Then he said, “It never crossed my mind that my enemy might be so much more powerful than I am.”

  Lord Lorellan smiled. “You realize it now. Would you care to surrender?”

  Lord Aras glanced pointedly at the soldiers that surrounded us. He raised his hands slightly to show they were empty. “I have surrendered, Lord Lorellan. Plainly I have no choice.”

  “You haven’t opened your mind to me. You may do that now.”

  “I can’t see into your mind either, except for thoughts you practically shout at me. I’ve never been able to reliably see into the minds of even moderately powerful sorcerers. I’ve always believed this to be a natural limitation. Haven’t you found that to be the case? Or am I the first sorcerer you’ve encountered? Or the first who begins to approach your strength?”

  Lord Lorellan stared at him. Lord Aras met his eyes steadily. Lorellan said after a little while, “Open your mind to me, or your people will suffer for your refusal. Your young Ugaro trusts you, doesn’t he? That’s real trust, not anything you put in his mind.” He lowered his voice. “When I break that trust, it will really be broken.”

  Lord Aras turned his hands palm up, in the gesture of asking for mercy. “Please don’t hurt him. Please don’t hurt any of my people. There’s no reason for you to do it. It won’t help you. I swear I am not blocking you deliberately.”

  I had no idea whether he was lying. If it was a lie, I did not think anything Lorellan did would break it. I breathed slowly and carefully, settling my weight. I could see I might die a tuyo’s death after all. It had been long delayed. I should be grateful for that. I was grateful for it. I would meet my death now with courage as long as I could. Certainly I would not flinch before I saw the knife.

  Lord Aras asked, “What is it you want to accomplish?” He paused for a heartbeat. Then he said, “Prince Taranis would be easier to control than his father, I expect. Or than his younger brother. But if you put Taranis on the throne, how would you intend to deal with the Lakasha-erra? He has no chance of managing that situation, no matter how much good advice you might give him ... ah. You think he might be persuaded to appoint Inatet-sa to manage problems there for him? He might, though Taranis isn’t always as easily led as you might expect.” He smiled suddenly. “Do you imagine you can handle Inatet-sa?”

  Lord Lorellan held out his hand. One of his soldiers came up and put a short whip into it, and he struck Lord Aras across the face with this. Lord Aras barely flinched, though the blow left a narrow welt across his cheek. An Ugaro could hardly have taken the blow with any greater indifference. I was proud of him. Lord Lorellan ordered him, “Keep silent unless I ask you a question. Then answer it, and nothing else. A blow for every word you speak to me without permission. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” said Lord Aras.

  Lord Lorellan reined back, but too sharply. The stallion jigged sideways, tossing his head. I was sorry for the beast. My brothers would have scorned a man with such hard hands on the reins.

  Thinking about my brothers’ opinion of a man who would ride like that kept my heart calm—somewhat calm—when the soldiers took me apart from Lord Aras. I did not know what they did with him. They took me to the rear of the column and bound my wrists to a tall stake driven into the soil. They left me there while they went about their own tasks. There were their own wounded to see to; that was mostly what I think occupied them. I hoped they had many wounded, many dead.

  The stake had been placed in the full, driving light of the Sun. Other men were bound in the same way, each to his own stake. I counted eight and guessed the others must have died of their wounds. I did not know the names of those men, and I was ashamed of that, although there had been so many men in the half-talon, I would not have known them all.

  While I watched, two of the eight also died. I thought they were probably well out of it. I was deeply grateful that Lord Aras had sent my own guards away, though I knew very well that all the dead men also had friends and comrades and families.

  If Lord Aras had given me permission to kill myself, I also would have been beyond the pleasure of enemies. I turned my face to the fierce light of the Sun and prayed for the heat sickness to come upon me. But we Ugaro are not the people of the Sun, and he did not hear my prayer. I only had a small headache when Lord Lorellan came to find me. My heart beat fast, but that probably was not the heat.

  Lorellan gave me a long look. Then he told his soldiers, “Give him water. Put up a canopy.” He paused, looking at me steadily. Then he said, “If he won’t drink, hold his nose and pour it down his throat.” He went to look at the other captives while his men brought me water and put up shade to keep the Sun’s ferocity away from me. I did not refuse to drink. I poured some of the water over my head as well, and leaned against the stake because the thongs were not long enough to let me sit down. I asked the nearest soldier to take water to the other prisoners as well, but he ignored me. When I asked again, he hit me, a stinging blow across the face, as a man might strike a boy who is
behaving foolishly. I asked him again, very politely, and when he raised his hand to hit me a second time, I first swayed away and then, as he stepped closer, pivoted and kicked him in the knee as hard as I could. He collapsed, crying out in shocked pain.

  I thought they would beat me; or if I were lucky, kill me. But Lord Lorellan looked toward us and the soldiers left me alone, taking the injured one with them. He could not walk. If I had kicked him accurately, he would not be walking for a long time, and he might well be lame for the rest of his life.

  A worthless gesture. It helped nothing except my pride. But I could not regret it.

  I could not hear what Lorellan said to the other prisoners, but I knew he was asking them questions. He paused often, and I knew that though they kept silent, he was taking answers out of their minds. I doubted they knew anything very useful. I had already understood why Lord Aras kept his own counsel. Now I understood that better still.

  After some time, the soldiers cut the thongs that bound me to the stake and brought me to a horse. After I had mounted, they bound my hands again, this time to the saddle; and my feet to the stirrups. Most of Lord Lorellan’s men were already on the road, riding north. I did not see Lord Aras anywhere, but the column was long and I supposed he was here somewhere.

  Lorellan’s men did not take the other prisoners. They left them behind, tied to those stakes, in the hard light of the Sun. No one had given them water, and no one cut their throats when they left them. I had already realized this was a bitter enmity. Because my tribe had never during my lifetime been involved in such an enmity, I had not realized what it would feel like, to see men who had been companions left to die slowly. Perhaps it might seem different later, but at that moment, it seemed worse to me to leave those Lau soldiers to die that way than to see them taken as slaves of an enemy sorcerer. I did not look back at them as I rode away. I should have looked back, to remember them. But the act was beyond my strength.

  -18-

  We rode through the long afternoon of the summer lands. My head pounded and my heart raced and I felt dizzy. I pretended to be perfectly well, but before I collapsed, the soldiers took me aside, to a place where a tent had been put up. The air in the tent was cool. Not merely endurable, but comfortable. I had not known any cantrip could cool air as much as that. I thought perhaps such strength with cantrips might also mark a powerful sorcerer. If that were so, then Lord Lorellan must indeed be far more powerful than Lord Aras.

  Lord Lorellan waited in the tent, sitting in a chair by a little table. He watched as his men forced me to my knees before his chair. I would have knelt without being forced. It was his due as the victor. But he did not speak to me or tell me what he wanted, only waited for his men to shove me down.

  He did not speak to me after I was kneeling, either. He only sat in his chair, leaning his elbow on the table, and looked at me. He asked me nothing. I knew he must be looking into my mind. I did not want to show him anything, but it was more difficult with an enemy than it had been with Lord Aras. I could not help but think of my family, my mother. I could not help but think of my brother, of how he had left me for the Lau. I was bitterly ashamed that my angry words had been the last between us.

  I could not help but think of Hokino inKera, of Lord Aras asking him questions, as Lorellan had asked questions of the prisoners bound to the stakes.

  I could not help but think of Lord Aras. I thought of my terror when I realized he must be a sorcerer. Now I was ashamed of that fear. I had known all the time Lord Aras was a generous man. I could not believe I had ever imagined he could be like Lorellan.

  He chuckled at that.

  “What have you done to him?” I asked.

  “You actually care.” He sounded pleased, but not surprised. I doubted very many things surprised him. He added, “Nothing. Soon enough he’ll be useful to me. So will you. I think he’ll be very useful in giving me a way to get a hold on that little army of his. You actually swore to obey him? Freely? Tell me about that.”

  I tried not to think of that day, that moment, but it was impossible.

  After some time, when Lord Lorellan was satisfied, his men took me back to my horse and tied me to the saddle again, and we went on. It was not yet dusk, but long shadows stretched out through the heavy light. The summer country rolled out before us, tawny gold and dusty green and silvery blue, with here and there bright flowers among the grasses. At intervals, one or another of the soldiers gave me water to drink, with honey and salt in it. Whatever use Lorellan had for me, he did not intend to let the heat sickness come on me.

  We rode into the night. The Moon rose pale, thin, her face turned mostly away. I tried to pray to her, but I knew she was too far away to hear me. At last I gave up the effort and closed my eyes again. When we halted at last, I was so stiff that when I dismounted, I had to catch at the stirrup leathers to prevent myself from falling. They took me aside from the road, to a tent. Again, Lord Lorellan was waiting there.

  There was food. I meant to refuse it, but Lorellan glanced at me and said, “If you don’t eat that, Aras will be given nothing.”

  I picked up the bowl, awkward because my wrists were still bound, and began to eat. It was grain with meat. It tasted like nothing. But I ate it.

  “Remarkable,” said Lorellan. He went back to what he had been doing. Now and then he asked me a question, mostly about the places Lord Aras had been, the movements of his talons. I did not answer, but I knew that did not matter. I was too tired to think coherently about anything. That probably helped more. In the end, Lorellan sent me away, and the soldiers took me somewhere else and made me lie down, and I slept.

  In the morning, Lorellan had me beaten. He brought Lord Aras to the place to watch it done, so I learned that he had not, so far as I could tell, been harmed. Lorellan watched him, not me. Lorellan smiled. That was what I noticed of him.

  Lord Aras did not look at him, but only at me. His calm remained impenetrable, even when they stripped me and bound me between the posts. I kept my face still and my muscles relaxed while they bound me and while Lorellan’s man, Markas, took up the whip. I looked into the distance, past all the Lau, and thought of what I had told Suyet: that the pain of a beating was not important. I breathed slowly and set myself to stand. But even before it began, I knew that this would be different. No one who had ever raised his hand to me had wished to break my pride, only correct my disrespect or carelessness. I knew this would not be like that.

  I was right. It was not at all the same. Markas began at the top of my shoulders and laid one stroke below another almost to my knees. He laid each stroke evenly, directly below the one before, all the way down. Then he began again at the top and did it again. And a third time. And a fourth. After that I did not know how much more he did.

  For some part of it, I kept silent and stood firmly, but my pride broke long before it ended. Eventually I flinched, and some while after that I could not prevent myself from crying out, first between my teeth and then aloud. Later I fought the bonds, and finally I sobbed like a child. It went on even after that, for a long time, until I had no more strength to struggle and only hung from my bonds, utterly helpless, without breath even to sob aloud.

  They carried me on a litter that day, and for two days afterward as well. After that I could ride, though I could not mount the tall horse by myself, and then fell when I dismounted. Nor could I get up after I had fallen, so that the soldiers had to pull me to my feet. But I could walk, after a fashion, once I was up.

  The next day I was better, and the day after that I was almost strong again. I still found it difficult to bear the touch of even the lightest shirt against my skin, but blood no longer soiled the cloth. By the next day after that, I was able to notice the country through which we passed. We rode more directly north now, and a little west.

  I expected every day that Lord Lorellan would have me beaten again, or do something worse to me. When he had me brought to him at last, I thought it would come then. When I knew the soldier
s were taking me to him, I almost could not walk. The fear was much worse now. I had not realized that fear of pain would be so much worse after the first time.

  I looked up, at the flawless sky, where the uncountable stars glittered. The Moon had not yet risen. I was sorry for that, though I knew she could not help me here.

  Lorellan was alone in his tent. I was glad of that. I thought if he meant to torture me, Lord Aras would be present. Lorellan did not speak, only glanced at the soldiers, and they forced me to my knees. This time I would have refused to kneel to him, but I was given no choice.

  Then Lorellan looked at me, and I felt my memory begin to change.

  It took a long time, what he did to me. I felt it happen, but I could not tell what he did. It hurt. I wept from the pain, from the grief of it ... when Lord Aras had done this to me, he had not hurt me ... that was a strange thought. I could not remember any time when he had done anything of the kind, but if he had done it, he would have made certain it hurt me. He had shown his cruelty to me so often, in so many ways.

  “You will soon have your vengeance,” Lord Lorellan told me gently.

  “Yes,” I said. I looked up at him, blinking through shameful tears. I rubbed a hand across my face and hardened my expression because it was not seemly to show grief to a man who was not of my tribe, even if he was my benefactor.

  All my tribe was gone. Vengeance was all I had left. I would seize it with both hands and wring from it every drop of satisfaction it could give me. It would not be enough. But it would be something.

  I bowed my head to Lord Lorellan. “Yes,” I said. “You are generous to give him to me. I know you also have a claim.”