Blurred Lines

by Tamsyn Bester

  “Thought you might be out here,” he said, sticking his hands in his pockets. His eyes probed my face but he knew as well as I did that he wouldn’t find anything. I’d perfected the art of hiding the chaos going on in my head, careful not to reveal anything from the inside.

  “Yeah,” – I checked my watch – “But I can’t chat. I have class in a little over thirty minutes.”

  I walked past him, and grimaced when he fell into step beside me.

  “There a reason you tracked me down?” I asked, unable to mask the hostility in my voice. I didn’t want to be rude, but I wanted to be left alone, and I had a feeling Dane wanted to have a heart-to-heart.

  He sighed as I walked through the gym and straight into the locker room. I looked up as I started taking my sweaty clothes off and Dane rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what happened between you and Jade, or you and Stella, but I’m worried about you, Reid, you haven’t been yourself this past week.”

  “Jesus,” I muttered, shaking my head. “Can’t you just give me some fucking breathing room?” Slamming the locker shut, I stalked towards the shower and didn’t care that I was butt ass fucking naked.

  “I’ve been treading on fucking eggshells around you all week,” replied Dane. “Forgive me for wanting to make sure you’re okay!”

  I turned on the hot water, hissing when it scalded my skin, and turned to face him. “I’m not fucking okay, Dane. I lost my best friend, and the girl I love. There’s nothing fucking okay with that!”

  “Then talk to me, Reid, Goddammit. Let me help you.”

  I screwed my eyes shut, and turned away, pressing my hands against the tiled wall and allowing the hot water to thaw the ever-present chill in my bones.

  “There’s nothing you can do,” I said. “I just need some time and space to deal. Alone.”

  “It doesn’t have to be this way.” Dane’s voice was filled with understanding, and sympathy, and neither had place with me. Aside from Jade, Dane had been my best friend growing up. I didn’t have siblings growing up, and I’d come to consider him more of a brother, than a friend. But even brother’s overstepped.

  “Trust me when I say it does.”

  I shut the water off, and dried off. “Look, I appreciate the concern, but nothing you say will change how I feel.” – I changed into a fresh set of clothes, and fished my car keys from my gym bag – “I appreciate your concern, but when I’m ready to talk, I will. Until then, leave me be.”

  I exited the gym, leaving Dane behind, and made my way towards my car. When I saw Stella leaning against the driver’s side I groaned and almost decided to walk to class instead.

  “Hey Reid.” She smiled, and my stomach twisted at the smug look on her face. She was up to something.

  “Stella.” I threw my bag on the back seat, and opened my car door. “What do you want?”

  “Oh nothing.” Stella looked down, fiddling with her nails. “I just have some information I thought you’d want to know.”

  “I don’t care about whatever gossip you’ve heard.”

  Her head whipped up, and she cocked a hip to the side. “Not even if it has to do with your beloved Jade?”

  I froze and looked at Stella over my shoulder.

  “My friend Desiree works as a part-time receptionist at Dr. Burkes consulting rooms,” she started. “She told me Jade made a very interesting phone call yesterday - ”

  “Is there an end to this story?”

  “Let me finish,” huffed Stella, rolling her eyes. “So Jade phoned, and wanted to reschedule an appointment for an ultrasound.”

  My jaw tensed. I had no idea why she felt the need to draw out whatever she had to tell me. “Spit it out, Stella. Now.”

  “I was her twenty week ultrasound, Reid. Jade’s pregnant.”

  If it were possible for the ground to fall out from under me, it would have just then. Not only did my heart stop, but my lungs stopped too.

  Stella rounded my side, and placed her hands on my chest. “I told you she was no good for you, Reid.”

  “You’re lying.”

  It couldn’t be true. Jade would have told me, unless...

  “Now that she’s having some other guys baby,” – Stella’s voice sounded far away, like I was underwater. Quite fitting considering I felt like I was drowning. – “There’s nothing stopping us from being together.”

  I pushed her away from me and started stalking towards the buildings that housed the lecture halls. Stella called after me, but all I could hear was the blood rushing to my ears, and my heavy breathing.

  I broke out into a jog, mentally recalling where I was most likely to find Jade at this time of day. I gave no thought to what I was going to say, but I had to see her, talk to her, before my mind ran away with me. I wanted it to be a lie, because the thought of her carrying another man’s baby was far more devastating than thinking she’d been with someone else after me. I didn’t want that to be the reason she didn’t want me.

  I found the building where she had her classes, and pushed through the throng of students who had just exited class. Jade was standing outside in the crowded hallway, talking to some preppy looking douche, and the way he smiled at her had me clenching my jaw and my fists.

  “Reid.” Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw me, and her ‘friend’ stepped back, watching with wary eyes.

  Yeah dickwad, touch her again, and I’ll rip your insides out.

  “Is it true?” I blurted out, my chest heaving.

  Jade’s brows furrowed, and she gripped the strap of her messenger bag tighter. “Is what true?”

  The alarm in her voice told me she knew what I was asking her, but if she insisted on playing dumb, then I would have to just say it.

  “Are you pregnant?”

  All other activity around us stopped, and I felt every set of eyes in the vicinity as they turned on us. It wasn’t a small hallway, but with the high ceiling my voice travelled and sounded louder than I’d intended.

  Jade looked around frantically, her expression panicked. I waited for her to deny it, only she didn’t.

  “It’s true isn’t it?” I asked incredulously.

  “Reid, I - ”

  “No,” I said brusquely. “Your hesitation said it all. I thought you didn’t want to be with me because you didn’t love me, but now I understand. You’re pregnant with someone else’s baby.”

  “No,” she started, but I shook my head.

  “Don’t bother, Jade. I just wanted to know if it’s true.”

  I backed away, bumping onto the nosey fuckers who had stopped to listen in, and as soon as I stepped outside, I heard Jade scream my name from behind. I spun around, and she was stomping her way towards me, indignation making her brown eyes darker.

  That was my Jade.

  My fighter.

  Chapter 9

  Jade

  You stupid man

  I followed Reid outside, blinking when the raindrops started hitting my face. After our last encounter, I’d given myself exactly one day to mope, and feel sorry for myself. After that I’d packed up my stuff at my parents’ house and come back to campus with a new sense of determination. Everything had fallen apart between Reid and me, but I wasn’t going to allow it to change me anymore that it already had.

  “We’re not done talking,” I said, rushing to where he was standing. He looked so damn sexy in his dark jeans, black sneakers, and a plain grey Henley with a black knitted zip sweater. That combined with the scent of his cologne, and the rain, made every nerve ending in my body spark to life.

  No!

  Bad Jade!

  The rain started falling harder, but I was too livid to notice and shot him a glare. His green eyes were bright, and the raindrops caught his long lashes, making them look darker.

  “I think we are,” he said. “I found out all I need to know.”

  I threw my messenger bag onto the wet concrete, aware that we’d garnered an audience, and pointed a finger at Reid’s chest.<
br />
  “No, you heard what you wanted to hear, without giving me a chance to explain!”

  I dropped my eyes for a split second, and watched Reid’s chest move up and down with every ragged inhalation. He also happened to be really sexy when he was mad, which, judging by his stormy expression, he very much was.

  “What is there to explain when I can put the pieces together myself? You fucked me twice, and then left me, and I thought it was because of something I did. But now I know it was because you had someone else, and are now carrying his kid!”

  My head snapped back, and my body reacted as if he’d physically struck me. That’s what he thought? I had no idea how he’d found out, but I was more upset over how he thought I’d been with someone else. The jerk!

  I felt my throat closing, and had to grind my jaw to stop myself from crying. Fucking hormones. I’d been doing so well this week, and all it took was seeing Reid to mess it up.

  I shoved his shoulder, and he took a step back. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!” I yelled, not caring who heard me. It was bound to be campus news anyway, so everyone might as well have gotten the scoop straight from me. “This baby,” – I pointed at my stomach – “is yours, you stupid man!”

  He frowned, as if confused – because really, what I said was so fucking confusing – and looked down to where I had rested my hand. Sure, I was on the brink of losing my grip on our situation, but after this little stunt, Reid Cole didn’t deserve to see me cry.

  I threw my arms out, and did a turn, looking at everyone watching us. “There you have it folks! I’m pregnant, and this ass” – I pointed at Reid – “is going to be a dad!”

  When I faced him again the glower he’d been sporting was gone. “Are you happy now?” I asked. My body shook, both from the cold, and the furious adrenaline pumping through my veins. Reid opened his mouth, and then shut it. He was clearly at a loss for words.

  “Great,” I muttered, slapping my hands on my soaked jean-clad thighs. My hair stuck to my face, and I bet I looked like a drowned rat.

  Snatching my bag off the floor, I proceeded to walk past him, and when he made a grab for my arm, I pulled it away. “Don’t fucking touch me, Reid.”

  We had a silent stare off, and when he lifted his hands and stepped back, I turned around and walked away.

  ASHLEY WAS WATCHING television when I blew through the front door. I was seething, and decided to give the remainder of my classes a skip. I needed a hot shower, dry clothes, and a moment or two alone.

  “Hey,” said Ashley. “You’re home early.”

  I wiped my wet hair from my face, and threw my bag on to the kitchen counter. “I’m tired,” I replied. “Decided to come home early.”

  “Are you okay?” She asked, frowning. “You look upset.”

  “I’m - ” My words got caught in my throat when a sharp pain shot through my stomach. I bent forward, and cried out.

  “Jade.” Ashley was at my side before I could blink. “What’s wrong?”

  Another pain hit me, and sent me crumbling to the floor. Ashley caught me, but not quickly enough. We both fell, and I winced.

  “Something’s wrong,” I said, trying to breathe through the cramps. “Can you take me to the hospital, please?”

  “Sure, let me grab my purse and my keys.”

  Ashley slid out from under me, and gathered her things before helping me to my feet. “Will you be able to walk?” She asked, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. Ashley and I had grown distant after she’d gone out with Dane towards the end of last year – long story – but I’d never been more grateful to have her in the apartment. I was terrified, and couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to the baby.

  “Yes – Oh God.”

  Ashley managed to help me downstairs to her black Lexus, and got me buckled in before running over to the driver’s side. She started the car, and hit the gas, sending asphalt flying behind us.

  “Did you eat something strange?” She asked, darting her head back and forth between me and the road ahead.

  I shook my head. “I’m pregnant,” I said. “And I think something is happening to the baby.”

  I saw Ashley’s eyes widen, but she didn’t say anything as we drove to Dr. Burke’s. By the time she stopped in the lot, the cramps had intensified slightly, and I was starting to really panic.

  “Excuse me,” she said to the receptionist when we walked through the door. “We need to see - ” she looked at me.

  “Dr. Burke.”

  “It’s an emergency,” she continued. The receptionist was on the phone, but didn’t seem too eager to help us. Ashley surprised me by reaching over the front desk, and pulling the telephone cord from the wall. I had to hand it to her, she was fiery.

  “Look lady, my friend here is pregnant, and in a lot of pain. I suggest you get someone to help us before I climb over here, and - ”

  “Ms. Matthews?”

  I looked up and saw the nurse, Sirenda, from my first visit approaching. “Is everything alright?”

  “She’s cramping,” replied Ashley. “Please, help her.”

  Sirenda took me from Ashley’s grasp, and I smiled weakly at her. “Thanks, Ash.”

  “I’ll be here,” she replied.

  Sirenda led me to the same room as last time, and helped me onto the bed.

  “When did your cramping start?” She asked, squirting the cold gel onto my stomach.

  “About forty five minutes ago.” I squeezed my eyes closed, inhaling deeply, and exhaling slowly.

  “Let’s see...” She moved the wand around, and when the steady thump-thump of baby’s heartbeat filled the room, I cried out in elation. “Oh thank God.”

  “The heartbeat is normal, but I need to see if you’re bleeding.”

  My relief was short-lived, and replaced by icy dread.

  “Don’t worry.” Sirenda squeezed my hand and handed me a gown. “I’m sure everything is just fine.”

  I changed quickly, and Sirenda walked in just as I hopped back up onto the bed. She instructed me to remove my panties, commenting how it was a good sign that they were free of any spotting, and asked me to scoot down lower on the bed with my knees bent. I didn’t even care that another woman was fiddling with my cooch. I just wanted my baby to be healthy.

  She snapped her gloves off, and gave me a reassuring smile. “You and your baby are both fine. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?”

  I sat up, took my first proper breath in what felt like hours. “Yes,” I replied, without going into much detail. “This week, especially.”

  “Sometimes when you’re stressed out, you may experience some abdominal discomfort, and that’s normal, but if you notice any blood, you need to call us immediately, okay? This can be very scary for first time moms, but you’re doing great. Be sure to take it easy for the next forty-eight hours.”

  I nodded. “I will, thank you.”

  “My pleasure. You can get dressed now, and we’ll see you in three weeks for your check-up.”

  Sirenda left, and I slowly started putting my clothes back on. I was exhausted, and ready to put this entire day behind me.

  ** ** ** ** **

  The car ride home was filled with an awkward silence, and I wasn’t sure how to thank Ashley after the past few weeks had been so tense between us. I understood that she’d simply been a pawn in the game Dane played to hurt Kennedy, but I was having a hard time trusting her again.

  I shifted in my seat when Ashley brought the car to a stand-still outside our dorm building, and stopped her before she could climb out.

  “Thanks for taking me to the doctor, Ash. I’m really grateful you were there.”

  She gave me a sad smile, and replied, “That’s what friends are for, right? I’m glad everything’s okay, although I do wish you’d told me about the baby. I want us to go back to how things were before, Jade. I miss you, and I miss Kennedy too.”

  Guilt threaded through my chest, and squeezed my ribs. Kenn
edy had forgiven her months ago, but it was me who had a hard time letting go. Perhaps it was time I tried. I was going to need my friends in the coming months, and after today, I realized Ashley was one of those friends.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been a total bitch lately,” I said quietly. Shame colored my cheeks, and I looked out of the car window. “You don’t deserve the way I’ve been treating you.”

  Ashley laughed lightly and it surprised me that she could be so understanding when I couldn’t. “It’s okay. I was a bit of a bitch about all of it too. I don’t blame you for being loyal to your friend.”

  “You’re my friend too,” I said, clasping her hand.

  “C’mon,” she giggled, climbing from the car, “Enough mushy shit. I bet we can convince Kennedy to have a girls’ night in tonight.”

  Back in our apartment, it looked as if Kennedy had already started our girls’ night, expect she looked angry rather than excited. We shut the door quietly, and watched her banging pots and pans around the kitchen, completely amused. She was grumbling profanities under her breath, and when she turned to find us smiling at her, she threw a pan into the sink in frustration.

  “I would ask if everything’s okay,” said Ashley, “but by the looks of it, I’m guessing you’re ready to kill someone.”

  “Ha!” laughed Kennedy, “I do want to kill someone, and his name happens to be Dane fucking Winters.”

  “What did lover boy do now?” I asked, leaning against the counter.

  “He asked me to move in with him,” she replied indignantly, still banging the pots and pans. What on earth was she doing that for?

  Ashley and I traded looks of surprise. It was a little soon for Dane and Kennedy to live together, wasn’t it? They’d only been dating a few months, and they were still working through their family drama.

  “What did you say?” I asked carefully.

  “What do you think I said?” Kennedy turned, and I could see in by the expression on her face that it was really bothering her.