Highlander's Bride (Heart of the Highlander Series Book 1)

by Gafford, Deborah

  Perhaps he should give up. Maybe she didn't feel the love for him that he had thought. Deeply. Achingly. As he did for her. What a damn fool he'd been to lose her. And still he played the fool. But only for believing he could make her understand how he felt. She wanted naught from him. That much was clear.

  For days now, she had refused his requests for her company. And the nights were torture. Each night he tossed and turned in his bed, yearning for her warm body writhing beneath him. He feared he would go mad knowing she was so close yet not be able to touch her.

  But there was something worse than mere unfulfilled lust. He found himself wishing fervently just for the chance to talk with her. See her smile. Hear her laugh. Always, she sent some excuse to decline his companionship.

  He closed his eyes, trying to block out the painful ache in his head. His heart waged its daily battle between anger and guilt for her turning away from him. The long days and nights apart had shown him how very much he did care. But how could he convince her when she wouldn't even speak with him? 'Twas all he could do not to break down her door. How could he mend their love if he couldn't get near her?

  The pounding in his brain made him wince. He clenched his throbbing head in his hands, but the pounding only got louder.

  Suddenly his door swung open and Malcolm strode in, frowning. "Och, mon, have ye gone deaf? I have been knockin' o'er long."

  Alexander quickly dropped his hands to the ledger and looked up. "Ah, Malcolm, did you knock? I was engrossed in the accounts. What do you want?"

  The older man looked from him to the open book and slowly back to him again.

  The drawn out silence prodded his frustration and he growled, "Well, don't just stand there. I have work to do."

  Malcolm snorted. "Aye, I can see that. 'Tis a travelin' tinker at the gates seekin' admittance. Do ye wish to give him leave to enter? Mayhap yer lady would wish to see his wares on the morrow."

  "Aye, let him in. I will send word to Katherine in the morn." A spark of hope began to glimmer. A tinker's wares would surely coax her from her chamber. Perhaps he could buy her something that would please her and he might speak with her.

  Malcolm nodded silently and leaned back against the doorframe as if he planned to stay there.

  Alexander frowned at him. "Is there anything else? I told you, I'm busy."

  Malcolm walked over, leaned on the desk and faced him. "Aye, so ye did. 'Tis just one wee thing more—"

  "Well, spit it out. I do not wish to spend the night talking when there's work to be done."

  Malcolm's arm flashed out, grabbed the ledger, and spun it around in the opposite direction. "Ye will have better luck readin' if 'tisna upside down." Grinning, he walked out of the chamber and shut the door.

  Alexander looked down at the pages in front of him. Bloody hell.

  **

  Alexander was awake long before the light of dawn streamed through his bedroom window. The thought of spending time with Katherine had left him tossing and turning throughout the night. Looking below, he saw a few people begin to mill about the bailey. A tinker's wain stood not far from his window. He longed to escort Katherine there and buy her anything she desired. But if he were there, she would decline to leave her chamber. Of that he was sure. He'd have to use strategy if he hoped to see her today. Long before the chambermaid came in to stir up the fire, he was dressed and ready to set his plan into motion.

  "Good morrow, lass. I have tended to that already. Pray go to Lady MacGregor and tell her there's a traveling tinker in the bailey with wares to sell. Tell her I regret that I will be too occupied with affairs of the castle to accompany her, but she is welcome to seek out the tinker if she wishes."

  The maid smiled and hurried to the door. "Aye, m'lord and dinna fash, I'll be happy to go with yer lady."

  Hopefully, Katherine would be just as interested.

  He waited and observed as the tinker set up his wares. The man's plaid was worn and faded as if he spent all his profit on things other than his person. Eventually, her voice rose through the morning air. There she was. God, he missed her so. Her laugh at her kitten's antics brought a smile to his lips; the first in over a sennight.

  Katherine handed the kitten to the chambermaid saying, "Jeanne, please take him back to my chamber and keep him out of trouble. Later, you can come back and pick out something you like and I will pay for it."

  "Aye, m'lady, thank ye."

  Jealousy bit at Alexander as he watched Katherine greet the merchant with a smile. "Good morrow, tinker. Have I viewed your wares before? Your face seems familiar."

  A slight frown crossed the tinker's face and he shook his head. "Och, nay, m'lady. I would remember someone as lovely as yerself. There are many tinkers that do ply their trade. I fear we all appear the same. But I have the finest goods of them all. Come, see fer yerself."

  Alexander gazed down at her as she looked at bolts of cloth and ribbons. He wanted desperately to atone for his actions. Perhaps after her outing, she would feel well enough to dine with him tonight.

  Aye, he'd order a festive meal for the two of them to be sent to her chambers later this eve. Then he would go to her, tell her how wrong he'd been and beg her forgiveness.

  "I vow ye are deaf."

  Alexander jumped, startled by Malcolm's gruff voice. Red-faced, he turned toward him. "'Tis naught wrong with my hearing. I was simply lost in thought. What do you want?"

  Malcolm grinned and nodded. "Aye, so I see. The men are waitin' below. Ye said to have them ready to train early this morn."

  The older man glanced out the window and back at Alexander. "Or are ye too busy to train just now?"

  "Wipe that smirk off your face. If I said I would train this morn, I shall." Darting one final glance out his window, he followed Malcolm out of his chamber.

  **

  Katherine picked up a length of brilliant green velvet from the tinker's cart. It was the same color as Alexander's eyes and as soft as the kitten he'd given her. She tried to speak, but her voice caught. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "I haven't seen such lovely color since I visited Edinburgh, years ago. Not many fine goods come so far this way."

  The tinker waved his hand toward the pathway beyond the castle. "Ah, m'lady, I leave fer Edinburgh on the morrow. Ships have arrived with wares fer me to peddle. Ye should see what wonders they bring. I dinna dare tarry here fer fear they leave me with naught else to peddle 'til they return."

  She spoke, as if awakening from a dream. "Ships are in harbor, now, that are soon to be bound away? Where do they head?"

  "There are many ships, bound fer many places, m'lady. I am but a poor tinker. I dinna ken much of them, but I have heard one leaves near here in a few days time. 'Tis what causes me haste."

  She replied quickly, before her heart could question her actions. "Good tinker, if you would guide me to a ship leaving here soon, I would pay you well. I… I must leave here. 'Tis a matter of great urgency!"

  "Fie, m'lady, why dinna ye travel under escort of the laird of the castle? My travels take me through rough countryside, to be sure. I dinna bide in the comfort of inns and such. Ye would have to travel alone with me."

  "I cannot ask the laird of the castle for his leave, for surely he wouldn't grant it. But, I must leave. Please help me."

  The tinker stood silent for a moment, rubbing his chin. "M'lady, after I finish here I will bide beside the wee burn beyond the castle wall, beneath an old oaken tree. If ye were to meet me there by moonrise this eve, I could lead ye to a ship, fer payment in silver. But ye must come alone and let none ken of it."

  A shiver passed through her at the thought of leaving, but she couldn't bear to live under the same roof with Alexander, yearning for his love and knowing he would betray her trust. Nodding, she bought a length of gray wool and some black ribbon. After pressing many silver coins into the tinker's hand, she whispered, "Look for me," and returned to the castle.

  The sounds of Alexander training with his men filled her sma
ll chamber as she sorted through her belongings and packed a few pieces of clothing and goods for her journey. She pinned the brooch her mother had given her on her dress, but her hands trembled so badly, it took several attempts to close the clasp.

  Glancing about the room, she spied the beautiful tartan sash Alexander had given her on their wedding day. Tears filled her eyes as she walked over and held it to her cheek. 'Twould only bring her more heartache to take it with her. Gently, she folded it and placed it in the chest at the foot of her bed.

  She touched her brooch for strength. Perhaps in future years she would find a way to let her parents know where she was and that she was well. For now, she had only this brooch to hold them close in her heart.

  The hours dragged by as she waited. 'Twould be dark soon. She sat near the fireplace trying to read, but the words only blurred before her watery eyes. The smoke from the blaze must be worse than usual. No, 'twas no use trying to blame the fire. Her throat tightened and heaviness in her chest made it difficult to draw a steady breath.

  The iron hinges on her chamber door creaked loudly as it opened. Her head jerked up as her maid walked in, her arms filled with fresh linen. Carrying her load to the wooden chest at the foot of the bed, the maid asked, "Are ye hungry, m'lady? I can fetch ye a wee bite to eat if ye wish. 'Twill be some time yet before yer dinner arrives."

  Frowning, Katherine shook her head. She needed to be left alone. No servants delivering food then returning later to take away the dishes. "Don't bring anything. I… I'm not feeling well and wish to retire early. Please see that I am not disturbed for any reason tonight."

  "Aye, m'lady."

  After the maid left, Katherine glanced at the heavy wooden bar leaning against the wall. Tonight she would use it. She must make sure no one found her gone too soon. Her hands trembled as she lifted it and placed it across the door, securing her privacy. Then walking to the middle of her chamber, she looked about her one last time.

  She would never live here with Alexander as she'd dreamed. Never hear the halls ring with their children's laughter. Never again wake to see his smile, know his touch. A burning lump rose in her throat. She stifled a sob and bent to retrieve her small bundle from its hiding place beneath her bed.

  The kitten ran over and latched its claws into the parcel, tugging playfully. Then it let go and scampered across the room for the ball of spun wool she'd given it days ago. She watched it cavort about her chamber and pounce on the ball. It jumped away only to run back and jump on it again, sliding across the bare wood floor.

  A bittersweet smile touched Katherine's lips. The kitten had made her lonely isolation bearable. She remembered Alexander's teasing prank when he'd surprised her with the wee creature. His thoughtfulness had pleased her so. And then later, when they made love, she had been sure, so sure. No one else in the world would ever hold her heart.

  Sweet Mary, 'twas all too much. She sank to the floor and sobbed.

  The kitten perked up its small ears at the sound, scurried over and nuzzled against her, purring. Cradling the animal in her arms, she stroked its silky fur until her tears finally ceased. "I will miss you, little one. Watch over Alexander for me."

  She kissed the kitten, carried it to its basket and tucked it in. Then picking up her bundle once again and gazing around her, she descended the private stairway from her chamber that led to Castle Ironwood's chapel and out to the castle grounds.

  The rising moon gave scant light as she picked her way carefully across the bailey. The wind moaned and caught at her cloak as if it, too, grieved for the lost love she'd hoped to build her life around. Silently, she let herself out of the postern gate and quickly headed for the burn.

  The tinker stepped out of the shadows as she approached. "O'er here, m'lady. I am prepared to leave."

  She joined him without a word. Looking back, her tears blurred the image of the castle walls. She didn't speak as she climbed onto the wain. She couldn't. The wind whipped her hair back from her face and Katherine nodded. She was ready. But would the painful heartache end with leaving everything behind? Perhaps one day.

  "Hold to the seat, m'lady. 'Twill be a rough ride."

  She gripped the edge of the coarse wooden plank. Her fingers squeezed tightly, matching the painful pressure in her heart.

  The tinker called to the ox, slapping it with the end of his reins. She took one last look at the castle then forced her gaze ahead of her as the wain slowly lumbered away.

  **

  Faint moonlight shone through Alexander's window as he finished dressing. The soapy water in the large wooden tub was still warm from his bath. He would have it cleared away before he went to Katherine's chamber. If dinner went well tonight, perhaps he wouldn't return there alone.

  Humming happily for the first time in weeks, he walked down the corridor to her chamber, knocked on the door and waited. When several moments went by and no one responded to his knock, he tried to enter, only to find the door barred against him. Sensing something amiss, he called out Katherine's name and pounded on the door.

  The noise brought her maid from a pallet, further down the corridor.

  Frowning, he turned to the girl. "What are you doing out here? You should be attending Lady MacGregor. Why is her door barred?"

  "Forgive me, Laird MacGregor. Yer lady bid me leave her alone and let naught disturb her this night. She said she was weary and wished nay food or company."

  Angered that Katherine had closeted herself away from him again, he scowled at the maid. "God's wrath. Go to the kitchen and tell cook to feed the hounds with tonight's fare. I will return to speak with my wife on the morrow, whether she wills it or not!"

  Thoughts of breaking down the door to Katherine's chamber crossed his mind. Alas, it would surely convince her he meant her ill, and that he was determined not to do. Angrily, he strode back to his chamber and slammed the door shut behind him.

  He dropped into the chair by the fire and stared into the flames. The golden dance only reminded him of her long shimmering tresses. How he'd hoped to feel it cover him as he held her in his arms tonight. By the saints, how much more could he stand before he did indeed break down her door?

  Time dragged by at a snail's pace and the wind moaned eerily. It echoed the lonely cry of his heart. Aye, alone, but not after tonight. With the dawn, he would change all that. No Highland warrior had ever besieged a castle as surely as he would her. Come the morrow, he would scale the walls of her indifference and win her heart.

  "Laird MacGregor!"

  The urgent voice outside his chamber roused him from his thoughts. Hurriedly opening his door, he saw Lewis, the castle steward, standing before him. From the man's grim expression, something was very wrong. "What is it?"

  Lewis yanked his head in the direction of the end of the corridor. "M'laird, strange noises have been heard from within yer lady's chamber and the door is barred."

  Alexander rushed past his steward and ran to Katherine's room.

  Her maid stood outside the entrance, wringing her hands. "Oh, Laird MacGregor, I heard the wee kitten crying. Then something sounded like it fell. Now the animal cries all the louder. I canna get the door open and yer lady doesna answer."

  A feeling of unease prickled along his skin. Alexander grabbed a pike from where it hung on the corridor wall. "Stand aside!"

  Stepping back, he rammed it into the door. The impact nearly jarred his shoulder from its socket. Ignoring the pain, he repeated the movement again and again. The door splintered leaving an opening large enough for him to force his hand through and dislodge the bar.

  He flung the door open and rushed into the chamber. "Katherine!" His voice echoed across the stillness of the room, mocking his concern. Nothing but emptiness met his gaze.

  A slight noise caught his attention. He whirled around and hurried over to the hearth.

  The small kitten lay partially pinned by a large pile of belongings. Its dark eyes stared up at him from beneath the corner of a small wooden chest. His wife
's jewelry lay scattered about the floor.

  Alexander knelt and pulled the animal loose from its prison. He quickly surveyed the rest of the room. Naught else was disturbed. But where was Katherine? As the kitten nuzzled in the crook of his arm, he strode over to her bed.

  The linen sheets and wool blanket lay flat and smooth across its surface. No indentation marred the fullness of the pillow. Alexander reached out and gently touched it, seeking her warmth, her fragrance. The pillow was cold. Without her presence, the room felt as lifeless as the pale moonlight shining through the window. He hurried to it and looked out but saw no one in the bailey. God, where could she be?

  As he cast his gaze about, the kitten squirmed in his arms. "Och, laddie, I would give much if you could tell me where she is." He gently rubbed the kitten's head. "I vow I'll find her and bring her back to us."

  Striding quickly toward the doorway, he handed the kitten to the maid who stood silent and wide-eyed, just inside the room. "Lass, see that the wee lad is fed and cared for until Lady MacGregor returns." His voice turned gruff as he faced his steward. "Lewis, call out the men! My wife is not here. Tell them we ride as soon as the horses are saddled!"

  As the steward hurried to do his bidding, he turned his gaze back to his wife's room. The foreboding silence chilled him like a winter's blast. He hadn't been this cold since he'd been ill and wracked with fever. Katherine had pulled him through it with her healing touch and her love. He knew it as surely as he drew breath. And, just as surely, he knew that without her, he would never be whole again.

  Chapter Twenty

  Thick Highland mist rolled in, enveloping everything in its path. It created a chill, eerie silence broken only by the creak of the wain's large wooden wheels and the ox's hooves thudding dully over the leaf-covered forest floor. Katherine shifted once again beside the tinker on the hard plank seat of the wagon.