Were-

by Seanan McGuire

  “I’m not here to bug you.”

  He just stared at her, and Mara gave in.

  “You don’t look like a whale,” she said.

  “I think whales are sexy, so fuck you, too.” Genuine amusement made his grin wide enough to show imperfect teeth.

  “How do you do it? I knew an elephant once. He made it to fourteen.” She didn’t need to say the rest. Understanding made Herman’s next blink slow, denting his humor but not removing it.

  “Yoga,” he said. At Mara’s look, he amended, “Work helps. Exercise. People.” He paused but Mara couldn’t determine what in his eyes had made him stop. “Surprisingly,” he said, “drugs are counterproductive. I gave them up two years ago. Alcohol is still a problem. How do you cope?”

  He’d been so frank, the least Mara could do was be honest. “Rehab. All through high school.” She forced her fingers to stop fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “It took a while to accept the fact that no matter how much weight I lost, I would never be small enough to equalize my weights and make my other form easy.” Or take away the anxiety that her human form left her with.

  “I tried to gain for a while,” Herman said. “But it actually added to my depression. And it’s hard to keep weight on when your only interest is milk and powder.” His smile was lazy, amused rather than bitter. “I have a boat,” he said abruptly, “but the docks are closed. The FBI is checking the islands, but that could take forever.”

  “Could the kidnappers’ boat be sitting out there?”

  Herman nodded. “That’s what I would do. Wait.”

  “They would need supplies,” Mara mused. “It’s a long shot but if the boat originated here, they could have stocked up in town. I need to know where the boat came from.”

  “I have a friend who can help,” Herman said. “And these people love gossip. It shouldn’t be too hard to find out if they bought their supplies here.”

  * * *

  The walk down was mildly less terrifying than the drive up. The ocean was still too close, but the fresh air brought calm to Mara’s heart. Herman didn’t talk much and Mara encouraged the silence, though she spent much of her time focused on him. His legs seemed in a constant state of nearly giving out, and she had to watch her step to make sure it didn’t surpass his slow trek. Despite his unnatural movements, he kept his head up.

  He’d been quiet so long, Mara nearly jumped when he did speak.

  “We’re bound to get some stares in town. My pasty white ass next to your chocolate brown, they’ll wonder why you’re bothering with me. What’s your cover?”

  Mara rolled her eyes, fighting a smile. “Private investigator. Being the friendly guy you are, you’re showing me around.”

  “Well, that’s boring.”

  Eyes found them as soon as they entered town, but most rolled off Mara to settle on Herman. Her back ached with suddenly tense muscles, anticipating the judgment Herman would feel. Her instinct was to meet the stares with a glare, but it proved unnecessary. Smiles followed the eyes and often a greeting.

  Herman stopped outside a rustic little convenience store and pointed to the sign over the door. “‘We Got It,’” he said cheerfully.

  “This town loves you,” Mara said abruptly. It didn’t sound like a compliment, though it actually was. Human connection didn’t often agree with the side-effects of weight.

  “Yeah,” Herman agreed. He entered the shop and Mara caught the door behind him.

  “Herman!” the woman behind the register raised her hand high in greeting. She leaned against the counter and smiled at Mara. “Who’s your friend?”

  “Detective Kendell, Shelly.”

  Mara shook her hand and the woman let the touch linger.

  “You investigating that missing girl?” Shelly asked.

  “Yes,” Mara said. “I’m not with the FBI.”

  Shelly nodded wisely. “Private investigation. Gotcha.”

  Herman said, “We were wondering if your cousin had heard anything.” To Mara, he added, “Dock security.”

  “Yeah!” Shelly straightened with excitement before leaning down again, close and conspiratorial. “He said the suits were really interested in a boat that arrived a couple weeks ago and left two days before that girl was taken. It was a white fishing boat named Surprise. Ironic, huh?”

  Herman grinned his appreciation and Mara said, “I don’t suppose your cousin knows who it belongs to?”

  Shelly shook her head. “I don’t think so. Things are really shut down now.”

  “We’re also looking for anyone who might have bought a lot of merchandise recently,” Mara said. “Have you heard anything odd?”

  Shelly shook her head. “Tackle, energy bars, the usual.”

  “Thank you,” Mara said. She gave her a smile to counteract the dark thoughts that were probably showing on her face. This was definitely premeditated. But there was no proof it had anything to do with Katherine’s identity.

  “So,” Shelly said to Herman, “you mentioned yesterday you had a number for me?”

  Herman pulled a slip of paper from his pocket. “You know,” he said, “I think you might have a shot with this one. Lawyer, out of town. Barely looked at me.”

  Shelly rolled her eyes. “You can’t determine if a woman is gay based on whether she finds you attractive.”

  “I have some lawyer jokes lined up,” Herman told Shelly as he followed Mara from the shop, “just in case.” When the bells over the door chimed its closing, Herman jerked his thumb toward the shop. “The Youngs’ lawyer is pretty cute. For a lawyer.”

  Mara hardly heard him. Her thoughts were with the missing girl.

  “Did Katherine tell you what she was?” Mara asked.

  “A bird.” Herman’s face fell and for the first time Mara thought she saw the weight. “She didn’t specify.”

  Mara took a deep breath as an ache settled in her chest. Birds tended to have the greatest difference between animal and human weight. Katherine had a hard future ahead of her. “It’s a long shot, but if she was taken for what she is, maybe that’s all the kidnappers knew too. They could be keeping her in that form. I need the numbers of anyone here who might sell bird food.”

  * * *

  From a small restaurant overlooking the sea, Mara used Herman’s phone to call the few relevant shops in town. They were all in his contacts, grouped helpfully together. He also seemed to have the number of every local and many tourists. Their home state was in parentheses next to their names.

  “Yes, hello. My kid brought an injured bird home, and I was wondering if you had any bird food?” Mara narrowed her eyes at Herman’s grin. “No? Okay, thank you. I’ll tell him. Yeah. Bye.” The call ended. “What?” she demanded.

  “You do this often?” he asked.

  “No.” Mara ran her hand over her hair, still snug, and went to the next number. She didn’t do this often. She shouldn’t have been chosen for this. The tremors in her stomach had made her food go cold long ago. The phone trilled and, out of the corner of her eye, her plate shifted closer to her. Herman had the decency to be looking away.

  “Hello? I’m looking for bird food. I’m not sure, my kid brought it home. That many?” Mara stabbed a piece of fish with her fork. She faked a laugh. “Wow, I wouldn’t think you’d sell much of that here. Really? My grandma has one of those. Uh-huh.” Mara smiled as her shoulders relaxed. “Thank you.” She hung up and took the bite of fish.

  “Good news?” Herman asked.

  “That was the owner of Pets N’ Cats. Last week two men bought a bag of every brand she had.”

  * * *

  As they left the pet store, Herman said, “This is bad, isn’t it?”

  “It implies they knew what she was,” Mara said. “Which is not good. We’re stretched thin, but the agency will try to get more people involved now.” Despite what it meant, Mara felt lighter. At least they had a definite answer now.

  “You haven’t asked me the obvious.”

  Mara raise
d her eyebrows at him.

  “If I could change and find her.” He stared at her and the serious set to his eyes revealed the darkness humor had covered up.

  “I wouldn’t do that,” Mara said. “If you haven’t done it already, you must have a reason.”

  He didn’t answer.

  Mara ventured, “I do wonder why you choose to live this way. Most heavyweights try to stay away from their human forms.”

  “When I change, the weight is gone. But it’s worse.” He swallowed and Mara’s gaze was drawn to his hand. The shake had increased. “I am alone. The other whales won’t have anything to do with me. At least here, there are people. Even some who care. It’s easier if I pick a shape and stay in it.”

  The memory of Caleb returned to Mara. He couldn’t go more than an hour without changing, his other shape tearing through him without warning, but he never stayed long as an elephant. He’d said it was lonely, an unbearable loneliness that no one could fix, not even Mara. He avoided going out, avoided people, but accidents happened. He killed himself a week after two people died. Mara swallowed the old pain and tried not to think about how much damage a whale could do.

  Herman entered the inn with Mara but stayed by the front desk, his voice following her as he exclaimed over some change the owner had made.

  Mara settled herself on her bed and called her captain. When she’d finished giving her report, he heaved a sigh that made Mara lean away from the phone. Some enthusiasm entered his voice as he asked, “How’s the Whale?”

  Mara hesitated, at a loss for words that could explain Herman. “Stable,” she said simply. “Helpful.”

  “Impressive,” he mused. He said something else but Mara moved the phone from her ear. The murmur of voices outside her room had changed.

  “Excuse me,” she said, and hung up.

  Mara straightened her back as she walked down the hall and allowed herself two deep breaths to bury the jitters in her gut. The voices were too calm. Training kept them that way, and something else. A measured threat.

  Two men stood in the entrance with Herman and the owner of the inn. Their posture made Mara want to bite her tongue.

  “Herman would never do anything to hurt a child!” the woman objected.

  “Ma’am, this doesn’t concern you,” one agent said while the other asked Herman, “Why did the Youngs meet with you?”

  “The girl was interested in learning how to sail. They got my number from someone in town.” Something was wrong with Herman’s voice.

  The suit who had addressed the innkeeper caught sight of Mara. “Nothing to see here, ma’am.”

  Mara held her badge up. “Really?”

  “This is a federal investigation. What is LAPD doing here?”

  “Vacation,” Mara said.

  “Really,” the man drawled. “That’s quite the coincidence, don’t you think? A girl goes missing and you decide this is the spot to relax?”

  “Funny world,” Mara said. She stopped at Herman’s side, and only then realized how uncomfortably close the suit had been. She kept the awkward distance and smiled up at him. He stepped back.

  “Where were you Wednesday night?” the other man asked Herman.

  “AA,” Herman said, and snorted a laugh that was anything but stable. “It’s not exactly anonymous here. You shouldn’t have too hard a time finding someone who will admit to being there.” He hugged his arms to his sides and didn’t meet the man’s eyes. Not good. He was considerably taller than the agent but his posture determined who controlled the situation. The tremors owning his body had changed to something Mara recognized. The elephant’s screams echoed in her ears.

  “Unless you’re charging him,” Mara said, “this man is showing me the town.”

  “You keep strange company, Detective.”

  “So that’s a no? Nice to meet you.” Mara grabbed Herman’s elbow and led him from the inn. The Whale leaned into her as they walked. “It’s okay,” she said. “Hang in there.”

  “Get me to the water,” he said between his teeth.

  “The harbor’s closed.”

  “Why do you think I live on a cliff?”

  “I’ll get a cab,” Mara said, knowing it was hopeless the moment she said it. The town was too small.

  Herman laughed, a high, broken sound. “You don’t want me in a box.”

  “What was the trigger?” Anger gave the words an accusatory edge, but the hatred was directed at the men who had started this.

  “Confrontation,” he said. He was panting now. “You can imagine how fun family reunions were.”

  Mara nearly laughed from the stress of it all. But she felt eyes on her back. A few people approached them, worry written all over their faces, but when Herman cringed into Mara, she rebuffed them with an excuse about bad shrimp.

  The walk to his house was the longest of her life. When he had to stop to curl in on himself, he tried to get her to leave. She refused, even as her heart threatened to run from her chest.

  When they arrived, Herman went to the edge of the cliff and stood there. Mara stayed by the porch steps, close enough, with her arms crossed. She was trying very hard not to think about how much weight it would take to send the cliff into the ocean, and the house with it.

  After a few minutes of tense silence, Herman called, “How the heck did they know I’d met with Katherine?”

  “I’ve been trying to figure that out. Who knew about the meetings?”

  “Her parents. If they were involved in this—” Herman bit off the end and ran his hand through his hair. “Shit.”

  “I’m sorry,” Mara said. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

  “No,” Herman agreed. He didn’t look at her. “I’ve seen how you watch the water. Heavyweights fear themselves, and lightweights fear everything else. If you had to change, would you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It’s not your fault the feds showed up.”

  Mara shook her head and stifled a sigh. She shouldn’t be here. “I’ll go,” she said. “I need to think. Try and figure out who set the feds on you.”

  “I still want to help.” He looked back at her this time. “If you need me, don’t hesitate.”

  Mara nodded a lie and left.

  She’d reached the town, covered in that strange pastel light of dusk, when her phone rang with her station’s number. She bit back a curse and pressed answer. “Yes, sir?”

  “What the hell, Kendell?” Overseer Gemma’s voice, level, but harsh enough that it was only a matter of time before the volume rose. “Get back home. Immediately.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “When I gave you the Whale’s contact information it was not so you could introduce him to the FBI!” Definitely a yell now. “Half the town saw him as a wreck. He was on the verge of changing. That entire town could have died. He could have died. You almost lost us the only Blue Whale in existence!”

  The grief of what that loss would mean made Mara swallow, but she bristled at the accusation. “There is someone in this town who knows about the abduction. And they set the feds on Herman because they knew we were asking questions. This was a premeditated kidnapping, and they knew what she was. I can’t leave now.”

  “That’s exactly what you’ll do. We’ll take it from here, Detective.” She spoke the title with belittlement. It was clear she believed Mara didn’t deserve the rank, and that it had been a mistake to send her here.

  “Who told you?” Mara demanded.

  “What?”

  “Who told you what happened? How did you know about the feds?”

  “The Youngs’ lawyer. She heard you’d been openly questioning the town with Herman and then the FBI happened. She was concerned about your treatment of this case and how it might affect our people. She rightly assumed Herman was one of ours.”

  Mara stilled, her stomach turning. “And you confirmed it?”

  “What does that matter? You nearly outed—”

  Mara hung up and
ran back the way she had come. She pulled her gun from her lower back and took the safety off without pausing. The lack of light made her squint and her breath came too loud in her ears, making the bushes on either side of the road hold countless dangers that she couldn’t hear.

  By the time Mara reached Herman’s driveway, a layer of sweat separated her skin from her gun. She calmed her breathing and listened.

  Steps in the grass. Hushed voices. She crept up the hill, keeping close to the ground. At the top she peeked out from behind a bush, hardly caring when it poked her cheek.

  Two men stalked into Herman’s yard. The Whale stood by his door, hands up and chin high. They were too far away for an accurate shot. So was Mara. But if they got any closer to Herman, she wouldn’t be able to risk it.

  She fired three shots. They hit by the men’s feet, causing them to dance backward. One nearly lost his gun. Not professionals. Mara started over the top of the hill and prayed she wouldn’t trip.

  She shot again before they could compose themselves, a warning only. They threw themselves to the ground, but bullets broke the air, flying by Mara’s cheek.

  “Run!” she yelled to Herman at the same time wood exploded across his front door. Something brushed her shoulder, like a wet hand. Probably a graze. The pain would come later. She kept running, toward Herman. If she could get between the shooter and him—

  Herman’s gait was wrong, stilted, and when he jumped, still twenty feet from the cliff edge, for one horrified moment Mara thought he’d been shot.

  The Whale tore through his body with a ripping sound like the heavens splitting. His enormous belly brushed the grass but didn’t settle. His tail flew over Mara’s head and she threw herself to the ground as it met his house with a shattering crash. Mara covered her head, curling herself into the grass, an animal’s certainty of death owning her heart. She forced herself up on shaky legs, turning a scramble into a run.

  The Whale vanished as abruptly as he had appeared and Herman rolled on the ground. “Mara!” he shouted. It was command and plea. To follow. Without elegance, he threw himself toward the cliff and the Whale appeared again, arching over the ridge but tail smashing into the earth and severely shortening the distance between the house and the sea. Between Mara and the sea.