LARP Night on Union Station

by E. M. Foner

  “What about the urgent party you said we have to plan?” Affie asked.

  “Right. It’s just for our friends and I want it to be really memorable. And it can’t be too close to the wedding, so we have to hurry up and sell tickets.”

  “Oh, Dorothy,” Flazint said. “Do you have money problems? I know Jeeves keeps threatening to withhold your pay unless you stop buying whatever you want on the company’s programmable cred, but do we really need to do a fundraiser for your wedding?”

  “It’s not like that, though I guess back on Earth some people raised money for their honeymoon that way. We take the cash upfront so nobody has to spend anything at the party.”

  “Oh, maybe we can rent a dance club with an open bar,” Affie said. “But how many people are you going to invite?”

  “Not that many, though you’re welcome to ask your friends. We go to dance parties all the time, though, and the guys don’t really like it. I want everybody to have a good time.”

  “How about bowling?” Flazint suggested.

  “No, no, I’ve got it,” Affie said. “Have either of you been watching the new fantasy role-playing league? They do really cool adventures with magical creatures and treasures.”

  “People watch that?” Dorothy asked doubtfully.

  “Sure, but that’s not the point. We could figure out a time that everybody is free and reserve studio space for our own adventure.”

  “Military training was part of your royal upbringing,” the Frunge girl objected. “Some of Dorothy’s friends would be sitting ducks.”

  “It’s not just warriors, you can play all sorts of characters. You could be a healer, Flazz, and Dorothy could be a mage or a minstrel.”

  “Can we get my brother and Vivian on our team?” Dorothy asked. “They’re both really good fencers.”

  “I only know about this stuff from watching a couple of league LARPs with Stick, but they don’t always have teams play against each other. Some adventures are all about defeating pre-programmed characters, so the teams get ranked on the time it takes them to complete the quest.”

  “Would we need to buy a lot of gear?”

  “Stick said they do rentals, and he’s been pestering me to try it with him.”

  “I guess that would be different, at least, I’ve never been invited to one before,” Dorothy mused. “Libby? Is there a time in the next month when I can schedule my Jack-and-Jill party without making my friends get up in the middle of their night or miss work?”

  “Three weeks from Tuesday, though you’ll have to eat dinner early,” the station librarian replied without hesitation. “I think it’s an excellent idea.”

  Seven

  “Good morning, Donna,” Kelly announced herself and deposited the box of Friday donuts on the embassy manager’s display desk. “Do we have another pair of stranded travelers?” she added in an undertone, nodding at the nervous-looking couple who were sitting on a pile of luggage near the kitchenette sink, engrossed in something on their tabs.

  “You’ll never guess in a million years.”

  The ambassador studied her friend’s excited face and tried to come up with the most outlandish explanation for the waiting couple she could imagine.

  “More lost relatives for Clive? Vergallian face dancers defecting to EarthCent intelligence? Another new species that looks exactly like humans?”

  “They’re our replacements, Kelly. Both of our sabbatical proposals were accepted!”

  “What? Nobody notified me.”

  “Janice is the replacement embassy manager and Phillip is filling in for you. Daniel barely had time to greet them before he had to run into his office to take a call from Flower, but he said he wouldn’t be long.”

  Kelly stared for a moment while the embassy manager’s words sank in, and then her face lit up with a smile as big as her friend’s. She strode over to the replacement staffers, both of whom appeared to be in their mid-thirties, and offered her hand.

  “I’m Ambassador McAllister, but please call me Kelly. If you’ll just give me a minute to grab a few personal items from my display desk, the embassy is yours.”

  The newcomers froze for a moment, and then they burst out laughing. “The president warned us that you were a great kidder,” Phillip said. “I’m Bench Ambassador Hartley and my associate is Bench Embassy Manager Smitts. Reporting for spring training.”

  “Spring training?” Kelly’s smile slipped a bit at the corners. “I’ve never heard the ‘Bench’ designation before. What does it mean?”

  “The president told us that we’re your creation, or at least, it was your idea. The two of us are the first replacement team for ambassadors and embassy managers who go out on sabbatical together. The idea is that we come in off the bench to replace the first-stringers. It’s a sports analogy.”

  “I see. The president’s office didn’t bother keeping us in the loop, so could you tell me a little about your backgrounds? No, wait. Let me see if Daniel is off his conference call and then the five of us can sit down together and you won’t have to repeat yourselves.”

  Kelly turned to approach the associate ambassador’s office but the door slid open before she could take a single step.

  “Lynx sends her regards,” Daniel said. “Did you remember that today was your turn to bring donuts?”

  “I did. Let’s grab some chairs and all go in my office where we can talk. Do you want to hang the ‘Out to lunch’ sign on the door, Donna?”

  “I’ll just ask Libby to interrupt us if anybody comes in,” the office manager said.

  Five people with three extra chairs filed into the ambassador’s office and parked themselves in a loose circle around the display desk.

  “There’s not much to tell,” Phillip said in response to Kelly’s question. “I’ve been the consul at Sharf Prime for the last three years, but EarthCent decided to downgrade the post from a consulate to a business office.”

  “I never knew we had a diplomatic presence in Sharf space.”

  “Neither did they, at least not officially. I think it might have gone better if our primary mission hadn’t been so diametrically opposed to their interests.”

  “Establishing formal relations?” Kelly guessed.

  “Representing warranty claims,” Janice said. “The Sharf have sold tens of thousands of second-hand spacecraft to humans, mainly two-man traders and small prospecting vessels, and a lot of them came with what the buyers thought were generous warranties. But the fine print makes clear that claims have to be filed on Sharf Prime, and when you consider the cost of going there and providing all the necessary documentation from a certified repair facility, most ship owners who get stuck with a lemon don’t bother.”

  “We were able to get compensation for some of the more spectacular failures, but it didn’t make us any friends in the Sharf establishment,” Phillip picked up the thread. “The Drazens tipped us off that second-hand ship warranties are funded by a small percentage of the purchase price that is paid up front to punters who take on the risk. There’s a single agency that’s responsible, and every cred they pay out is a cred less profit for the investors.”

  “I’m glad to hear that you have experience with the Drazens as they’re our closest allies on the station. Where were you posted before Sharf Prime?”

  “I ran a construction crew for the Dollnicks before EarthCent tapped me for the consul job. I grew up on a Dolly ag world where my parents were in a labor contract.”

  “So EarthCent has finally started recruiting diplomatic staff from humans who weren’t born on Earth,” Kelly observed. “That’s good news, and I’m glad to hear that they gave you credit for your professional experience rather than starting you at the bottom.”

  “I took a big pay cut, but I want to be part of the solution, and they assured me that the benefits are improving.”

  “I was employed as a counselor in a Verlock academy on Earth when I was recruited,” Janice added. “It was tough giving up working with children
, but the principal promised she’d hire me back if I didn’t like the EarthCent job. They were very supportive.”

  “Do you have any secretarial experience?” Donna asked.

  “I’m a whiz at anything involving warranties,” the woman said with a shy smile. “When this opportunity came up and they explained the job, the main thing that worried me was planning functions.”

  “That’s perfect. Event planning is the only reason I’m still working, so I’ll be happy to come in and help,” Donna offered.

  “About your training,” Kelly said. “Do we have any guidelines or are we just going to wing it?”

  “The president’s office sent us this,” Janice said, and passed Donna her tab.

  “Training instructions for EarthCent bench personnel,” the embassy manager read out loud. “Your training will be spent researching the best practices of EarthCent diplomatic support staff through shadowing employees at our embassy. In addition to retooling your skill set, you will work with the EarthCent Embassies Employee Union to disseminate the results of your experience, to include a conference for embassy managers if funding can be found.” She looked up, bemused. “They stole my sabbatical proposal and changed the pronouns.”

  “How about yours?” Kelly asked her replacement. “I don’t see how my proposal could have been repurposed that way.”

  “Mine is the same as Janice’s, except for the stuff about the union,” Phillip said. “Sometimes I’m not sure whether to take EarthCent seriously. We thought we were just transferring at Union Station—me on my way to an assistant ambassador gig at Middle Station, and Janice heading back to Earth for additional training. All of a sudden, a steward escorts us up to the bridge for a holoconference call from the president’s office, and a robot shows up with our checked baggage that was pulled out of the hold. The Dollnicks sure didn’t do business this way.”

  “Shadowing us for a few weeks really isn’t a bad idea,” Donna told Kelly. “That’s enough time for Janice to see most of what happens in the office, except for the special events, and you can take Phillip around to meet all the other ambassadors.”

  “You’re welcome to sit in on one of my conference calls with the Sovereign Human Communities Conference members any time,” Daniel offered the bench ambassador. “We do one every time Flower arrives at and departs from each stop on her circuit, to review the mission’s progress.”

  “Are there any alien functions coming up where I can introduce Phillip to the other ambassadors?” Kelly asked.

  “Lynx never turned down an invitation to anything,” Donna said, activating the ambassador’s display desk from the opposite side and flipping the calendar orientation with a gesture. “There’s a Horten open meeting this afternoon seeking community input on their upcoming Gortunda revival. Have you ever been to one of those?”

  “The religious revival or the planning meeting?”

  “The meeting. I remember Lynx accepting this invitation when it was extended last year, but I guess the Hortens kept putting it off for some reason. I don’t understand why they’re open to input from the other species.”

  “It’s probably an excuse for proselytizing,” Daniel said. “There’s a human colony on one of the few Horten open worlds where half of the people have joined up. I heard that the local revival offered a fifty-year remission on tithing for new converts, and with our lifespans, that’s like getting something for nothing.”

  “I’m sure we can make it through one meeting without succumbing,” Kelly said, giving Phillip a playful smile. “But I should have asked if the two of you are tired. With all that luggage, I assume you came straight here from the passenger liner.”

  “We both did stasis for the first leg of the trip so we’re fine,” Phillip said. “We would have dropped our luggage off at our quarters if we knew where they were.”

  “Didn’t you ask?”

  “Ask who?”

  “Libby. Our Stryx librarian.”

  “I’ve never spent time on a Stryx station before. Do I make contact through my implant?”

  “You can, but most of us just talk unless we want privacy. Libby. I’d like to introduce my sabbatical replacement, Phillip, uh…”

  “Hartley,” the Stryx prompted her.

  “Right. And Janice Smith.”

  “Smitts,” Donna’s replacement and Libby said at the same time.

  “I’m very pleased to meet you both,” the station librarian said, causing Phillip and Janice to look around the office for a hidden speaker. “I often use field projections to create interference patterns that produce localized speech at an appropriate volume. I hope the two of you will feel free to ask me anything.”

  “Do you know where our quarters are?” Phillip inquired.

  “The ambassador has a budget for temporary lodging of replacement staff,” Libby replied. “It was applied to the embassy account when you arrived.”

  “Donna?” Kelly asked.

  The office manager pulled up an accounting display on Kelly’s desk and whistled. “This will cover two weeks in a luxury hotel or six weeks in a bed and breakfast.”

  “If it’s alright with Phillip, why don’t you and Janice pick a place?” Kelly suggested. “It will give you a chance to get her started on learning your display desk’s reservation system.”

  “Good idea,” Donna said, getting to her feet. “Bring your chair, Janice. It’s the one that goes next to my desk.”

  “I should get back to work myself,” Daniel said. He stood up and lifted his own chair while offering his free hand to the newcomers. “Nice to meet you both, I’m sure we’ll enjoy working together.”

  As soon as he was alone in the office with Kelly, Phillip lowered his voice to a loud whisper and said, “I have an ears-only communication from the president.”

  “I thought there might be something,” the ambassador said, and moved to the door. “My standard procedure is to engage the security lock when discussing confidential business. You can ask Libby to do it, but I think that locking it myself helps me to keep track of what’s on and off the record. With the home office of the Galactic Free Press on the station, we get reporters in and out of the embassy all the time.”

  “I thought the job was going to be complicated enough just with EarthCent Intelligence. You’re sure you’ll be available on the station if I need to consult?”

  “I’m not going anywhere, and to be perfectly honest, Daniel is more than capable of replacing me if he wasn’t so busy building a network of commercial trade agreements for his sovereign communities.”

  “That’s one of the things that the president told me. He said that even though I’ll be officially batting for you, Associate Ambassador Cohan will be the team captain during your sabbatical. He also said that you’ll be continuing as the Minister of Intelligence, so you might kick me out of your office from time to time for secure conferences.”

  “More sports analogies?”

  “Sorry. We played a lot of baseball on the ag world where I grew up because it was the closest we could come to paddle-cup-mitt-ball.”

  “I understand. Did you have a display desk on Sharf Prime?”

  “No, but we had something similar in the Dolly construction trailer for scheduling and checking the holographic blueprints. May I?”

  “Please,” the ambassador said, rolling her chair to the side to make room for Phillip to slide his in. Her replacement swiped his hand down the desk’s surface to clear the calendar Donna had brought up, but nothing happened.

  “Is it ignoring me?” he asked.

  “Libby?”

  “You need to authorize Phillip to access your desk,” the Stryx librarian informed her. “The current user list is limited to Donna, Daniel, and Lynx.”

  “How do I do that?”

  “You ask me to register him.”

  “I remember now. It’s just that it’s been years since we added Daniel. Please register Bench Ambassador Hartley for my display desk and any other embassy controls, like
the door locks.”

  “Could you place both of your hands on the desk, Phillip?” Libby requested. A hologram full of geometric shapes appeared over the desk as soon as he complied. “Initiating the calibration process. Please begin by moving all of the blue spheres into the centers of the red cubes, alternating hands after each.”

  Phillip reached out and pinched a blue sphere between his right thumb and forefinger. “It’s hard to tell where the edges are,” he commented. “The Dollnick desk had a modeling function that worked with special gloves.”

  “I could provide you with tactile feedback, but the point of the calibration process is to allow the desk to align your spatial perception with your fine motor control.”

  “I get it,” Phillip said, and after placing the first blue sphere, switched to his left hand for the next. “How’s that?”

  “You have a good eye and excellent depth perception,” the station librarian complimented him. “One more time with each hand should do it.”

  “I don’t remember going through this,” Kelly said.

  “You initially chose to postpone completing the calibration process as you were satisfied with the default settings, and then you asked me to hide the weekly reminders generated by the desk,” Libby told her.

  “I did? When did it stop generating them?”

  “It never stops. You have over a thousand reminders, which I believe is a record for a tunnel network ambassador. You never completed the eye-tracking calibration for your heads-up display, either.”

  “Oh. It’s always worked really well without it.”

  “What’s next?” Phillip asked.

  “Tie a square knot in the yellow line segment,” Libby instructed him. “That’s very good. Now, do you see the green isosceles triangle?”

  Kelly’s replacement said “Yes,” at the same time she asked, “The what?”

  “Using both hands, stretch the base until it becomes an equilateral triangle.”

  “Now I remember why I postponed it,” Kelly said. “I had to keep asking about which shapes you meant.”