The Shadow's Heart

by K J Taylor

  Arenadd reached out to her, a little hesitantly. ‘Laela … I’ve missed you so much.’

  Laela didn’t hesitate. She rushed forward and embraced him fiercely. ‘Arenadd!’

  He held her, and even here he felt just the same as she remembered: cold, gaunt, but so strong. ‘Laela, my Laela.’

  Laela held him as if she would never let him go. ‘I thought yeh were gone forever. I thought …’

  ‘I can’t,’ Arenadd murmured back. ‘I can’t be gone. I can’t move on. She won’t let me. Laela, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘No.’ Laela let him go. ‘I know yeh think yeh used me … making me queen just to spit in the Night God’s eye. But I’d have done it anyhow. You taught me how important it all was, an’ I wasn’t just there to spite her an’ Saeddryn, was I? I was protectin’ the South, an’ I always would’ve wanted to do that. I oughta be apologising to you.’ She looked away. ‘I did my best, but it was all too much for an ignorant girl like me.’

  ‘No.’ Arenadd smiled. ‘You did as well as I would have done. I’m proud of you. Remember that, Laela. No matter what happens, remember that your father loves you and always will.’

  ‘I’ll remember,’ Laela promised.

  Arenadd began to shudder, and the coldness all about deepened and grew sharper and crueller. ‘I’m sorry … I did everything I could to protect you, but — but here …’

  But here I rule, and you do not, a voice whispered.

  The two of them turned and she was there, standing over them, tall and terrible.

  The Night God’s eye looked down on Laela, pitiless and full of hate. And now, at last, you are mine, she said, with awful calmness.

  Laela knew she should be afraid, but all she felt now was a calmness of her own, deep and strong. She stared back without flinching.

  ‘I ain’t scared of you no more, you bony hag,’ she spat back. ‘You reckon you’re so strong, but you ain’t nothing. Arenadd got away from yeh, didn’t he? Yeh couldn’t even stop me! You sent that Saeddryn to do it for yeh, an’ she failed! I threw her straight back at yeh. Eh? Eh? Didn’t I? You ain’t nothin’.’ And then she did spit, straight at the savage god of night.

  The Night God actually laughed — a low, cold laugh. All mortals come to me, she said. I do not need the Shadow That Walks to send them. Saeddryn is gone, as you say, and yet here you are.

  Arenadd came forward, putting himself between Laela and the Night God. ‘Leave her alone,’ he said.

  The Night God glanced briefly at him. You shall watch this, Arenadd, she said. I command you. Stay beside me, and witness it.

  ‘No!’ Arenadd shouted. ‘No, don’t!’

  His pleading fell on deaf ears. The Night God made a short gesture that shoved him aside, and advanced on Laela, whispering her curse. Faithless mortal, half-breed scum. She who abandons the gods shall be herself abandoned. Go now …

  Yet Laela did not look at her, but at Arenadd. ‘Arenadd!’ she called over the Night God’s relentless voice. ‘It’s all up with me. Promise me …’

  ‘Laela!’ Arenadd called back, his voice distant, as if there were a great chasm between them. ‘No!’

  Laela grinned the same horrible grin she had given to Caedmon. ‘You’re an evil bastard, Dad,’ she said. ‘Use it. Make it all right again. Save …’

  Go! the Night God snarled. As all worthless souls do … become nothing.

  At her command, Laela’s soul began to fade. The last little remnant of her bled away into the void, leaving only her last word: ‘… us …’

  And then she was gone, her body dead and her soul obliterated, and all Arenadd could do was stand there and stare at the blackness where she had been, but was no longer. She was gone forever.

  ‘No,’ he whispered. ‘No. No, no, no!’ He fell to his knees and started to tear at his hair, unable to contain his agony. ‘No! Laela!’

  Now you see what you sacrificed yourself for, the Night God said pitilessly. Nothing.

  Arenadd hurled himself at her. ‘You — !’

  She threw him back without effort. You monster? she said. Now you have not only seen the final result of your betrayal, but you have also seen the consequences of your deeds in the living world. Your daughter has gone to oblivion, along with all those you killed. You saw the terror in their faces as they died, and now you know they had far more than you to fear.

  Arenadd sat where she had thrown him, unable to get up, unable to speak, and only stared at her in utter disbelief.

  The Night God smiled. Now, come back and be with me, Arenadd, and feel only gratitude that I hold you here and do not let you join them as you should have done long ago.

  Arenadd obeyed, as he had always obeyed, all his freedom stripped away. But as he returned to her side he turned his head away from her, so she could not see the expression of pure and eternal hatred on his face.

  That night, far away in the icy sky, the griffin who had once been the Mighty Skandar flew.

  His flight was slow and erratic, and he leaned to one side. The wounds on his body had congealed, but could not scab over. Blood still dribbled slowly out of the one on his chest, and his ruined eye wept.

  Pain had dulled his mind and his senses. He had forgotten everything now but the need every animal felt at least once in its life: the need to leave. To go somewhere quiet and safe, and be alone. For him, there was only one safe place left. Only one place where he wanted to be now.

  He made his slow journey North, back to the mountains. Back to the place where he had once lived. He landed on a mountainside where a pile of rocks stood, and wearily dug his talons into the heap. They tumbled down, and he crawled in through the hole underneath.

  Inside the cave, he dragged himself over the floor and finally collapsed beside the body of Arenadd. His only true human, and the only friend he had ever known.

  He laid his head down beside the withered corpse, and slept — or fainted.

  After that he didn’t get up again. He stayed there, mostly unconscious, through the next day and into another night. All the while, when he was awake, he could feel his body growing cold. His limbs felt stiff and useless, as if they no longer belonged to him. The world had begun to turn grey and to fade away from his eye.

  He managed to turn his head slightly, to stare at Arenadd’s body. Even now, it would not move. Even now, his human would not return to him.

  Skandar’s beak opened. ‘Human,’ he groaned. ‘Human … human, come … now. Come to Mighty … Skandar. Need … human.’

  But there was no reply.

  Skandar called on into the night, his voice growing steadily fainter. But the weaker it became, the louder it sounded in the void. It reached into the darkness of death, and it was heard by the one who heard every dying voice.

  And the servant who stood beside her heard it too.

  Arenadd turned to the Night God. ‘Let me go to him,’ he said. ‘Please. I’m begging you.’

  He is nearly dead, said the Night God. You cannot help him now.

  ‘He needs me,’ said Arenadd. ‘Let me go. Let me be with him.’

  The Night God sighed. Very well …

  The world opened up to Arenadd one last time, and he slipped through, becoming the dark spirit once again.

  He went to Skandar’s side, and as he moved something changed. His form lightened, and colour returned. He pulled his shape together, and the smoky outline of before disappeared. That night, just for a little while, Arenadd Taranisäii had a body again, and a face.

  He knelt by Skandar, and reached out to touch his face with spectral hands. Skandar, I’m here.

  Skandar shuddered ever so slightly. ‘Human …’

  ‘Yes,’ said Arenadd, and his voice grew stronger — audible to mortal ears. ‘Our master let me come back to you.’

  Skandar looked up at him through a glassy silver eye. ‘Human come. Am … glad.’

  Arenadd smiled. ‘I’m glad too, Skandar, and I’m sorry I kept you waiting so long. Can you forgive me?’r />
  ‘Not forgive,’ said Skandar. ‘Only am.’

  ‘Yes, Skandar,’ said Arenadd. ‘You are, just as you always have been. Haven’t you? The Mighty Skandar! The dark griffin!’

  ‘Dark … human,’ said Skandar. ‘For dark griffin.’

  ‘So you always said,’ said Arenadd. ‘You were right.’

  Skandar made the slightest move, as if to try and get up. ‘Human … was … best human,’ he said. ‘Human … always best. Arenadd best.’

  Tears shone in Arenadd’s ghostly eyes. ‘You’re the best griffin there ever was, Skandar,’ he said. ‘I know it. But you can rest now. You’ve earned it.’

  Barely audible, Skandar said, ‘Yes … rest. Rest … Arenadd.’

  His eye closed.

  Arenadd stayed beside the dark griffin’s body for a long time, long after it had grown cold and stiff. Nobody would ever find it. It would rest here forever, beside his own. They would be together in death, as they had been in life.

  Shortly before dawn, he sensed the Night God appearing behind him. He didn’t turn around.

  It is time to return to the void, she said.

  Arenadd did not look at her. ‘You can take me to the void again,’ he said, ‘but I’ll never leave here. I’ll be bound to this cave forever.’

  Yes, said the Night God. It is your tomb.

  Arenadd kept his eyes on Skandar. ‘And his.’

  And his. The Night God’s voice was as dispassionate as always.

  ‘What are you going to do to me?’ Arenadd asked. ‘Are you going to put me back into my body and make me feel it rot, like you said you would at the Throne? Or are you going to destroy me? Make me into nothing?’ There was only resignation in his own voice.

  No, said the Night God. You are troublesome, but you are too useful to destroy.

  ‘Hah.’

  But it is true, said the Night God. You must be punished for what you have done. But I think I see a way to ensure that you will never disobey me again.

  ‘Oh, and what’s that?’ Arenadd asked savagely. ‘More pain? More suffering? I’ve had enough of that for three lifetimes. You don’t think that’s going to make a difference, do you?’

  No. Your disobedience confused me at first, but now I understand it. The Night God came to his side, looking down at Skandar. It is your love that makes you this way. Your love for your children. Your love for your partner. I allowed you to keep your love because I thought I could make you give it to me. But you only allowed it to lead you astray.

  ‘I never loved you,’ said Arenadd. ‘And I never will.’

  No, you will not, said the Night God. You will never love again. When we return to the void, I will take that from you.

  Arenadd finally turned to look at her. ‘Do you really think that will help you?’

  I do. You will be what I make of you, and nothing else. That is the only way to salvation.

  Arenadd turned his head away from her. ‘You’re evil,’ he snarled. ‘And you made me evil. I hate you.’

  The Night God laughed softly. Poor, lost Arenadd. You do not understand. You are so innocent.

  ‘Innocent? Me?’ Arenadd spat.

  You know nothing, said the Night God. You think that I am the tyrant, forcing you to do my will? I am a slave, Arenadd. I have no will of my own. I am nothing more than what my people have made me to be, and whatever they wish, whether kind or selfish, must be what I wish for as well. I have no choice.

  ‘Yes, you do,’ said Arenadd. ‘You’re so powerful …’

  My power comes from my people, said the Night God. And so does my weakness. She smiled. And that is why I cannot and will not destroy you. That is why I will always forgive you, no matter how many times you defy me. My people love you, and trust you. And so I must love and trust you as well, sweet Arenadd.

  ‘And what about them?’ said Arenadd. ‘Do you love them?’

  With all my silent heart, said the Night God. She held out a hand. Come, we must go before the sun rises.

  ‘And then what?’

  And then we must do what we have always done, said the Night God. Watch over our people. Together.

  ‘Will we ever return?’

  When they need us, we will be there, said the Night God. Always.

  Arenadd rose, and took her hand. ‘Yes,’ he said quietly. ‘Always.’

  Kullervo walked through the lands of the North, alone. When he was younger he had been alone, but now that he had had a family and lost it he felt more isolated and abandoned than he ever had before. Now that there were people to remember, and to miss …

  His parents were gone. Laela too was gone. He knew she must be dead by now. Skandar was gone. And Senneck was gone. His beloved Senneck had left him.

  Travelling alone and on foot was hard, especially since he had to avoid people. He could have changed into a griffin, but he felt too miserable to bother. Before he had stayed a griffin to punish himself; now he was staying human. Besides, the change took energy, and he had lost his.

  He didn’t even really know where he was going. He supposed he should be heading for the coast, to take a ship to Amoran. So, bit by bit, he started to head in more or less that direction. But some part of him felt as if he weren’t going to Amoran, or to Maijan. It didn’t feel right. Surely, though, there was nothing left for him in the North.

  At night, unable to sleep, he huddled down in whatever hollows or thickets he could find and wondered, yet again, if he had done the right thing. Deep down he knew that there would never be an answer for him. Some questions had no real answers.

  But gradually, as he worked his way east bit by bit, one answer did come to him. It was an answer to a different question, and he thought about it more and more as the days went by. And the more he thought about it, the more right it seemed.

  One day, when he stopped at an abandoned griffiner outpost, he saw a pair of griffins in the sky. He hid and watched them, but when they landed he recognised them, and came out to meet them.

  ‘Lord Kullervo!’ Vander climbed off Ymazu’s back, and turned to help Inva.

  Inva came awkwardly, hampered by the bundle in her arms. ‘My Lord,’ she said. ‘We had hoped to find you.’

  ‘And I was hoping to see you too,’ said Kullervo. ‘How did you know I was here?’

  ‘We did not,’ said Vander. ‘We are travelling to the coast to take a ship for Maijan. We thought that you might go there as well.’

  ‘I thought so too, but now I’m not so sure,’ said Kullervo. ‘How’s my niece?’

  Inva handed the child to him. ‘Growing well.’

  Flell gurgled in her uncle’s arms.

  ‘I’m glad to see you again,’ Kullervo told her. ‘I thought something might happen to you. But you’re all right, aren’t you?’

  ‘She is,’ said Inva. ‘We had planned to take her to Maijan to raise, but you are her family, and my queen appointed you as her guardian. We will take her if you ask, but we knew that once we were away from Malvern we should ask you if you wished to raise her yourself.’

  Kullervo hesitated. He knew he should give the child to Vander and Inva, who could give her a proper home, but …

  ‘You should take her,’ Vander said kindly. ‘Perhaps Inva and I are too old to be parents. And we are not her family. Do you know a place where you can go with her?’

  ‘I …’ Kullervo hugged the child to him, and her tiny warmth made him feel stronger inside. ‘I do,’ he said, with sudden certainty. ‘There’s a place I can take her. It’s secret and safe, and I can give her a good home there.’

  ‘Then you will take her?’ asked Inva.

  ‘Yes,’ said Kullervo. ‘Can you come with me? It’s not too far from the coast.’

  ‘Agreed,’ said Inva.

  Skarok and Ymazu exchanged glances.

  ‘I have had enough of this,’ Skarok said lazily. ‘There has been too much travelling for me, and I am tired of it. Let us do this quickly!’

  ‘If you think that you can fly
fast enough to keep pace with me, you may try,’ Ymazu teased.

  The younger griffin huffed at her. ‘I shall!’

  So the little group set out together. Kullervo became a griffin, and showed them the way. Over the hills and forests, following the landmarks he had memorised from the maps he had defaced, north and then east until at last he recognised the forest, which was as close to the village of Gwernyfed as he could go without the others seeing it.

  There, Kullervo touched down. ‘I have to go on alone from here,’ he said. ‘This place has to be a secret.’

  ‘We understand,’ said Vander. ‘We will wait while you transform.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Kullervo went off into the nearby trees by himself, and made the change.

  Once he had recovered, he took the child from Inva. She and Vander said their farewells to their ward, and to Kullervo as well.

  ‘I’ll never forget what you did for me,’ said Kullervo. ‘For us. When she’s old enough, I’ll tell her all about you.’

  ‘Will you tell her who she is?’ asked Inva.

  ‘Yes,’ said Kullervo. ‘Laela and I were both brought up not knowing, and I don’t think it was good for us. Nobody should have to live a lie.’

  ‘It could be dangerous,’ said Vander.

  ‘Then we’ll deal with that when it comes,’ said Kullervo. ‘She can keep it a secret if she wants to. It’ll be her choice, not mine.’

  ‘Then I hope you have good luck,’ said Inva. ‘Farewell.’

  Kullervo nodded and smiled, and walked away with the child cradled in his powerful arms. His wings hung from his back, bared to the world. The truth, there for all to see.

  He walked across the hills and through the fields, toward the one place he had been truly happy, and the one place he could ever call home.

  Gwernyfed.

  There were people among the houses, and they soon spotted him. Within moments a dozen people had come running, all with excited shouts.

  ‘It’s him! It’s Kullervo! He’s come back!’

  Kullervo laughed aloud. ‘Hello, everyone! Yes, that’s right, I’m back again. I hope you don’t mind.’

  ‘Of course we don’t mind!’ One man laughed back. ‘Come on, come to the square — everyone will want to see you!’