The Demon Inside Me

by Christopher Nelson

  "What did you tell him?"

  "I told him that I couldn't make that decision for you. I told him that even if he agreed to drop the vendetta, I didn't think you'd be willing to do so. Not after what he had done to your family."

  She jumped to her feet, visibly shaking. "As if I'd ever. I'll kill him. Never! For what he did. Right in front of me! I can't." The words tumbled out, disjointed and nonsensical. She waved her knife around and Caleb shied back against the wall. I couldn't blame him. Even dried ichor on the blade might react if she cut him. We'd just cleaned up my apartment. Scraping pieces of angel off my walls just wouldn't be right.

  "That's what I told him," I said, trying to keep her focus on me. "I told him we'd consider it. It's your decision."

  "What do you think?" she asked.

  "You care what I think?"

  "No." She jabbed the knife in my direction. Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm just wondering how stupid you are."

  "I'd turn it down," I said. "First, you'd still go after him even if he let it go. He'd swat you like a bug and call it self-defense, not that he'd need justification for it. Second, saving our lives and letting them blast the Gates open and kill thousands in the process? I couldn't live with that on my conscience. And yes, I do have one. You can both shut your mouths."

  Caleb smirked, but Tink was still shaking. "Call him back here. I'll reject his offer to his face. And stick my knife in it too. Call him. Now."

  "I can't," I said. "He broke my summoning circle when he chucked your knife at me on the way out. It'll take me some time to restore it."

  "He had my knife?" Tink slapped it down on the coffee table, her expression shifting from anger to horror. She ran to the kitchen, leaving Caleb and I staring at each other in confusion. Moments later, she reappeared with one of my steak knives and a bleeding hand. She traced a circle around her knife and drew runes around the periphery of the circle.

  "What's wrong, Anna?" Caleb asked.

  "Shut up," she snapped. "You didn't think to check it for traps or traces, did you?"

  "He tossed it through a summoning circle. What magic would survive that?" I asked.

  "But you didn't check." She touched the runes and I saw a glow trace around the knife within seconds. She tapped her foot impatiently, and at that moment, there was a knock on the door. She spun, her hand flexing.

  "Who's there?" I called.

  "Becky. Do I need a password, Bright?"

  "Sure, if you want."

  "The password is let me in right now before I kick your door down."

  "That's it, precisely. It's open."

  She walked sideways through the door, a twelve-pack dangling from her fingers. When she caught sight of the odd arrangement on my coffee table, she frowned. "Am I interrupting something?"

  "Just Tink's paranoia," I said.

  "Paranoia? I am an expert at paranoia. Dump these in the fridge?"

  "Sure." She walked to the kitchen and I heard clinking glass.

  Caleb took a step toward Tink. I could barely hear him as he whispered. "Do you really want to perform magic in front of her? We don't know her. Can we trust her?"

  "I'd trust her with my life," I said, equally quietly.

  "That doesn't convince me of much," Caleb said.

  Tink sliced the air between her and Caleb with her hand. "She knows enough. And if a coward like him trusts her with his life, she must be trustworthy."

  "Hey, I resent that."

  She returned her attention to the knife. "And I resent you talking to Azriphel like you're buddies with him."

  "That's not-"

  Becky chose that moment to walk back in. "What's all this about?" she asked, pointing at the coffee table with her bottle. "Doing some magic?"

  "Yes," Tink said. "Dumbass here got this from a demon without even checking for curses or any other nasty tricks. He gives it back to me without thinking about it. So now I'm making sure it's not going to try and stab me in the middle of the night while I sleep."

  Becky looked at me, then back at Tink. "I don't think he'd be that careless. He's protective of his friends."

  "That's the second time tonight I've heard that I'm a friend of his," she said.

  "Is that wrong?" Becky asked.

  Tink paused, then wiped the blood off my coffee table with her hand. She didn't even look up. "Whatever we are, I don't think I'd call us friends."

  My hand clenched around my bottle. While that wasn't unexpected, it still stung. I had saved her ass multiple times, brought her back from the brink of death, and more. Not friends. I had said something similar months ago, back when we had first met Caleb and Jase. The irony twisted home like a knife. I lifted my bottle to my lips to conceal the snarl I felt twisting my lips.

  Becky took one look at me and sat down next to Tink, asking various questions about magic. I looked at the TV, at the wall, anywhere but at her, then finished my beer and stood up. Another beer or three might take the edge off.

  Caleb cornered me in the kitchen. "That hurt, didn't it?"

  "Fuck off, Caleb."

  "Easy. I'm not here to rub it in."

  I slammed the fridge shut. "Go away. I don't want to get into it."

  "Don't want to get into what?" Caleb finished his bottle and put it down on the counter with a dull clunk. "The fact that she keeps calling you a coward and keeps you at arm's length, even though you've done oh so much for her?"

  My ichor surged. His eyes flashed in response, but other than that, he didn't react. Not even when I grabbed him by the collar. "I said I don't want to get into it. She does as she wills. If she wants to act that way, I'm just going to have to deal with it, right?"

  "Have you ever tried telling her how you feel about it?"

  "Have you ever tried being half demon?" My grip tightened. "Have you ever tried being distrusted, disliked, and outright hated, just for an accident of birth?"

  "Don't let your martyrdom get away with you."

  "My what?"

  "Going to blame everything negative on your demonic side, everything positive on your human side? If someone hates you, it's just because you're a demon, is it? Couldn't be for other reasons, could it?" He removed my hand from his shirt and brushed himself off, then pushed past me. I heard the fridge open. "Ever think the reason she treats you the way she does is because of how you act? If you act like a demon, she's going to treat you like one."

  "How am I acting like a demon and not a human?" I demanded. "I treat her like I do anyone else, maybe better than most people, and she keeps knocking me down. Do I act like a demon? You heard about her past. Think that might be a factor?"

  The conversation from the other room paused and I clenched my jaw. Caleb leaned against the fridge until the two women started talking again, then rubbed his nose. "Might be something to that," he admitted. "But you have to admit, your relationship with her started off a little strange, so to speak."

  "Getting threatened with death if you don't submit isn't traditional courting behavior," I said. "She's been causing me all sorts of trouble ever since I ran into her."

  "Maybe that's it. She can tell you resent her," Caleb said. He cut me off before I could do more than open my mouth. "No, listen. Maybe you don't, but she thinks you do. You're never happy to be around her. Why do you think she didn't take you with us? It wasn't just because you and I would have been at each other's throats within a week."

  I considered that for a moment. I did complain a lot around her. Even though it was bitching for the sake of bitching, she didn't know that. "You may have a point."

  "Of course." We stood there and drank together in silence for a moment before he spoke again. "So what aren't you telling us?"

  "About what?"

  "About the Gates. You said that your imp friend had told you there was another way to open them, one that didn't involve overloading the Project. You never mentioned what it was."

  "He didn't give me many details," I said. "Said it involved cooperation between angels, huma
ns, and demons, it was in our blood. Any ideas?"

  "Nothing's coming to mind right now. I'll think about it." He lifted the bottle, but lowered it before it reached his lips. "Anything else you're hiding?"

  "What makes you think that?" I asked.

  "You're being evasive," he said.

  "In case you didn't notice, we aren't exactly on the same team."

  "Something concerning conflict between the Choir and the Host, then?"

  I chuckled. "There's always conflict between the Choir and the Host."

  "So there is. I don't see why there should be in this case. We'd both prefer the Gates to be opened, and speaking for my own people, avoiding unnecessary human casualties would be preferred. I assume you don't want thousands upon thousands to die either?"

  "I don't," I said. "But the Host doesn't move in lockstep like the Choir."

  "The Choir doesn't move in lockstep."

  "Could have fooled me."

  "Not to ruin your preconceptions, but we're just as fractious as any other society. We just have a certain appreciation for strong central authority."

  "You know who else appreciated strong central authority?"

  He pointed his bottle at me. "If you're about to Godwin this conversation, I'm going to stab you with this bottle."

  I whistled and looked up at the ceiling. Caleb burst out laughing. "What are you two doing in there?" Tink called. "Get me a cold one, demon. Don't you have any movies to watch? I'm getting bored here. No offense, Becky."

  We walked out into the living room with additional bottles and I picked a movie at random out of my collection. As I had expected, we didn't watch too much of it. Tink and Becky continued to chat about magic, Caleb flopped on the floor next to Tink's chair, and I stretched out on my couch as best I could. It wasn't the most exciting get-together I'd ever had in this apartment. That crown was still held by the one time I had a distant cousin on my mom's side come to visit a couple years ago, and we had hit a couple of bars and strip clubs in the area. I had ended up with a host of female visitors that night. Stray pieces of clothing had shown up in the strangest places for weeks after. My cousin still called me his favorite relative to this day.

  Before too long, Becky asked the question that I had been waiting for. "So, could I learn to do magic too?"

  I saw Caleb shift out of the corner of my eye. He seemed just as interested in the answer to this as I was. "It's possible," Tink said. "It takes study and practice. If you had an innate talent for it, the conclave would have sensed it when you were a teenager."

  "So then I probably can't?"

  Tink shrugged. "No idea. They don't find everyone. Some people don't develop it until later in life. Some are naturals from birth. Some develop it through practice."

  "How do they find the talent?"

  "I'm just a journeyman without a conclave." Tink's tone was bitter. "I never got far enough to know that sort of thing."

  "Could you teach me, though?" I blinked at Becky. She hunched over, strangely small for all her bulk. "Just to try it out."

  "Toss me a piece of chalk, would you, demon?"

  I glared at her, then remembered what Caleb had said. "Sure."

  She scowled as if she suspected me of hiding something, before handing the chalk to Becky. "Draw a circle on the table, not too big. Trace around the bottle like this. Good. Here." She handed Becky the knife she had sliced her hand with earlier. "Bleed."

  "What?"

  "Our power comes from symbolism and blood. If you can power a circle with your blood, you've probably got the talent for it. I don't know if that's a conclusive test, but at least it'd give me an idea if you can be taught."

  Becky stared at the knife. "How much blood?"

  "A couple drops," Tink said. "No big deal. You get used to it."

  "One drop wouldn't be enough?"

  Caleb snickered. Becky glared at him and he shut up. Tink just stared at Becky until she had pricked her finger and forced a drop of blood to the tip. "Here goes," she grumbled, and touched her blood to the chalk circle.

  We all leaned in to watch, as if it was going to spring to life and trace around in an instant. Instead, her blood just soaked into the chalk and sat there. "This is anti-climactic," I said. "Is that it?"

  "Shut up, demon. Give it some more, Becky. You might need more power in the circuit at first." Becky didn't say anything, just squeezed her finger until another drop of blood stood red and wet on the tip. She touched that drop to the same point, and this time, I saw a shimmer of power within the circle. "Looks close, give it a little more," Tink urged.

  The third drop of blood did the trick. The circle started to shine and her blood traced the circle, leaving it glowing red. Becky sat back, a wide grin splitting her face. "It worked!"

  "Looks like you could do it," Tink said. She took the knife back from Becky and patted the larger woman on her shoulder. "If I get the time, I'll show you some basic runes. And if we ever re-establish a conclave here, maybe we can get you apprenticed."

  I watched the circuit glow. Becky looked so pleased with herself, I couldn't bring myself to ask why she wanted to be able to use magic at all. Instead, I indulged my own curiosity and traced my own circle, then forced one of my fingernails into a claw and pricked my finger. Red blood welled up and I touched the chalk circle. Nothing happened.

  "Like it would happen with you." I looked up and Tink was sneering at me. "Human magic is the territory of humans. Not demons."

  "As I've reminded you so often, I'm a halfblood," I said. "And if humans can summon that sort of power with practice, I might be able to as well." I squeezed my finger, drawing more blood until a trickle ran down to my palm.

  "Try it then."

  I let a cold smile cross my face, tipping my palm over my circle. The blood splattered across the circle and it started to shine where my blood touched it. The power traced around the circle and burned red. Tink scowled, then stood up. "Anyone would be able to power a circle with that much blood. Don't get too excited."

  She walked into the kitchen and I heard water start running. I stood up as well. Caleb caught my eye and shook his head, but I ignored him and followed her. She stood at the sink, rinsing off the knife she had used. "If you can use my ichor to amplify your magic," I said, watching her shoulders stiffen, "why can't I use your magic to amplify my ichor?"

  "You don't need that sort of power."

  "Who are you to tell me that?" I asked. "Isn't this what our contract's all about? Why are you so upset about everything that's happened tonight?"

  "You had no right to pry into my private life," she snapped. "No right to endanger my life like you did!"

  "Bullshit to the latter," I said. "As for the former, why are you trying to keep it secret?"

  "Because you're one of them."

  "Like hell."

  "Just like that."

  "Get off it, Tink. I'm a halfblood, first off. Second, he's in a different House, a different faction, that my family's not friendly toward. Third, what makes you think I'd support what he's doing? He's a sick bastard. I told him that to his face."

  "Did you."

  "He was impressed how you punched him in the nose."

  "Was he."

  Her tone was level and unforgiving. For some reason, that got me even angrier than I had been earlier. "What do you want from me?"

  She glanced at me over her shoulder. "What do I want from you? I want you to stay out of my business. I want you to do what I tell you to do, without question. I want-"

  "I'm not your slave. Or your servant."

  "Then you're useless."

  "You're full of shit, Tinkerbell."

  Her expression turned ugly as she whirled to face me. "Stop calling me-"

  Just like when we first met, when we had first stood together in my kitchen, I moved and lifted her from her feet with one hand before she could react. "You're full of shit," I said quietly. "I'm useless to you if I don't do what you say? That's why you've entrusted your life to me
? That's why you came here, more than half dead, dragging Caleb with you? Because I'm useless to you? Don't give me that. If I were useless, you'd have asked to dissolve the contract by now. We both know the truth, and if you keep lying to my face, I'm going to-"

  "Going to what?" Her voice was equally quiet. "Hurt me? I've been hurt before."

  I put her back on her feet. I was acting like a demon, just as Caleb had warned me. No wonder she considered me one. "Sorry. I lost control for a moment."

  "Did you." She was still quiet, but I heard a small quiver in her voice. "I should apologize too. I shouldn't be taking this out on you. I've been hunting that bastard for years. You don't know how frustrating it is to find out that you could just call him up and have a nice chat with him."

  "I get that. Trust me, I don't think he's going to be willing to talk with me again. I did call him a stubborn, prideful motherfucker, after all."

  A ghost of a smile crossed her face. "He didn't like that, did he?"

  "He liked being called Azzy even less."

  She actually laughed. I smiled and felt some of the tension fade away. "So what else did you learn from him?"

  "Nothing good. Things I don't want to share with Caleb." I stayed quiet, listening to the movie continue playing in the other room. They probably weren't able to hear us, not unless Caleb was using some of his power to listen in.

  Tink frowned. She picked the knife up out of the sink and pricked her finger, tracing a rune in the air. "That should keep this private. What don't you want him to know?"

  "House Lucifer leads a large coalition," I said. "My House is not among them. Lately, their coalition has grown stronger. The balance of power is tipping."

  She frowned. "So what's this have to do with us? Is House Lucifer going to come after you if we kill that Duke?"

  "That's a given," I said. "And from what Azzy said, they'd go after my entire house. Not just me, not just my family, they'd go after everyone."

  "Getting cold feet?"

  "It gets worse," I said. "The Choir could, and likely would take advantage of the situation. They're already spoiling for a fight."