Always Close to Home

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Lydia followed without resistance. Laura wanted to spend time with her where their mamm had last been on this earth. She should have thought of this herself. Lydia reached over to hold Laura’s hand as they walked through the bedroom door. Stillness hung heavy in the room. The quilt looked as if it had been tossed back on the bed in a haphazard fashion. Lydia reached out to straighten one end.

  “Leave it as it is,” Laura said. “It looks like our lives now, fahuddled and confused.”

  Lydia pulled back her hand to stand beside Laura again. A creak on the hardwood floor behind them announced the entrance of Elizabeth and Rose. The two women stood on each side of the twins and slipped their arms around them.

  “We must weep, but we must not question,” Rose reminded them.

  “Amen,” Elizabeth agreed. She glanced in Lydia’s direction. “You should go see your daett in the barn. Nelson and Lester are out there with him. He’s taking this hard and blames himself. He thinks he should have gone for help last night when your mamm’s back pain came on her.”

  “I was here and didn’t think of it being a heart attack,” Laura said. “He did nothing wrong.”

  “We should still go see him.” Lydia motioned her sister toward the door.

  Laura came with her willingly through the living room. Bent heads and a few sad smiles from the women greeted them as they made their way outside, where some men were clustered around the barn door. Out on Lead Mine Road, Deacon William was directing traffic as more buggies poured into the driveway. Lydia hurried on, and the men nodded their condolences as the sisters passed by. Bishop Ezra stepped away from the others to open the barn door for them. He gave them a weary smile, but said nothing.

  From near the horse stalls the sound of a man’s sobs rose and fell. Laura whispered, “What are we to say to him? I’ve already said what I could.”

  “We’ll just be with him,” Lydia replied. The sound disturbed her, as it had disturbed her sister. They had never heard Daett weep like this before. Nelson and Lester looked up to greet them as the two girls approached their brothers.

  “You have come,” Nelson said, standing and motioning toward Daett’s bent figure in one of the far stalls. Both girls hurried to their father, and Lydia cried out, “Daett.” His sobs ceased, and he slowly raised his face.

  “It’s not your fault!” Lydia and Laura sat down on either side of him.

  Fresh tears formed on Daett’s face. “I bear plenty of blame, Lydia. I should have known it was more than a simple backache. But now your mamm’s gone.”

  Lydia slipped her arm around Daett’s shoulders, and Laura did the same. There was nothing more to say. Daett would have to mourn in his own way. They could be a comfort simply with their presence. That was the way of the community.

  How long they sat there, Lydia didn’t know. Daett’s cries eventually subsided. Lester finally cleared his throat and said, “I have some chores to finish.” When he moved away, no one objected. Lester would find out soon—if he didn’t already know—that someone else would take care of chores and whatever needed doing until after the funeral. But likely her brother needed time alone. They all needed time alone, which would come soon enough. But for now, Mamm’s burial lay ahead of them.

  Daett struggled to his feet. “I had best wait inside until…” He extended his hand, unable to finish his thought, and then found his way slowly across the barn floor. Lydia stayed with him until they reached the door, where she turned back to wait for Laura. The two followed Daett a few steps behind him. Several of the newly arrived women joined them for the walk back to the house, and then stayed with them once they were inside the living room again.

  There wasn’t much that could be done while they waited for the body to be returned. Lydia wanted to busy herself so the moments would pass quicker, but her duty at the moment was to the customs of the community. They existed for a reason. She must stay still and mourn. Work could be a cover-up for sorrow and hinder the Lord’s extended grace for their family’s grief.

  Deacon William soon appeared at the front door and motioned for them to come outside. Lydia stood up before Daett did and helped him rise. He would be strong again once this was over, but today she would help him. Life would go on. It had to. Lydia almost whispered the words to Daett as she helped him out the front door, but his attention was fixed on the black hearse parked in the driveway. Mamm’s earthly remains had been brought home.

  Daett tried to hurry forward but stumbled. Lydia caught his arm, and Laura appeared on the other side to help. Together they held Daett while the men slid the wooden coffin out of the hearse. The Englisha man who had driven the hearse was dressed in a dark blue suit, and he whispered to Deacon William as the men carried the coffin. Lydia couldn’t hear what the two said, but Deacon William must have assured the man that everything would be handled from then on by the community. The Englisha caretakers in the area were not always used to the customs of the Amish. Usually they didn’t object once they had fulfilled their legal duties.

  “Thank you very much,” Deacon William said aloud this time. “If you send the bill to me, I’ll see that the family takes care of it.”

  The Englisha man nodded and moved off. Lydia held Daett’s arm as the coffin moved past them and toward the house. Thankfully Nelson and Lester appeared to take over, and Lydia and Laura stepped back. Laura walked beside her sister as they followed their brothers and Daett back to the house.

  The coffin was moved straight into the bedroom, and the bed was slid to one side. Once the coffin was set up and the lid unfastened, Deacon William swung it open. He leaned in to adjust something. When he finished, Deacon William motioned toward the bedroom door, and everyone except the family stepped outside. Nelson and Lester helped Daett forward. He struggled out of their grasp, and the boys waited as Daett approached the coffin. After his grief in the barn, Daett now stood with a bowed head in front of the body, apparently wept out. He reached inside for Mamm’s hand, and they all waited as Daett’s lips moved silently. When Daett finished, Lydia nudged Nelson’s arm. He stepped closer. Lester did the same, and they all gathered around the coffin.

  Daett began to speak aloud. “You have been a goot frau to me, Lavina. You loved me as only you could. I never had any complaints, not even one. Maybe that’s why you were needed over on the other side. You were a saint even while you walked on this earth, and yet…I wish…oh, if only I had known what the problem was last evening. Maybe the Lord would have given us a few more years together on this earth.”

  Lydia held on to Daett’s arm and pulled him close. Laura did the same on the other side. Nelson and Lester hung their heads as Daett prayed again. “Thank You, dear Lord, for my short days and years with Lavina. She has given me kinner and brought them up to love You as I do myself. She was a kind mamm to them. Lavina stood by my side in sickness and health as we promised each other that long-ago day. Thank You, dear Lord, for those few years of blessing. You have truly given, and now You have taken away. I mourn and I blame myself, but I also know that all things are in Your hands. I should have known better last evening, but perhaps You blinded my eyes so I could not see. You must have wanted Lavina by Your side for Your own purposes, which can never fail. Tell her that I mourn, but I also hope we can meet again someday in that land where tears and sorrow never come.”

  Daett finished his prayer, and Lydia glanced at her brothers—both of whom had tears in their eyes. She would say her own prayers tonight once she was alone in her bedroom. There would be little sleep until the funeral. They would stay awake as much as possible and watch with Daett over Mamm’s body. But the shock would eventually wear off. Tomorrow would be another day, but nothing would ever be quite the same without Mamm. Yet the Lord’s will had been done. They must submit themselves to His strong hand and believe that He knew what was best.

  Daett turned to leave, and Nelson and Lester followed him. Lydia stayed by the coffin, as did Laura. They stood arm in arm and wept without words until a measure of p
eace settled on them.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Two days of mourning at the Masts’ house on Lead Mine Road had passed. Two days of relatives who came and went and who now had gathered for a morning funeral. Laura climbed up the buggy step and settled on the seat beside Lydia. The glare of the sun pained her eyes, and her whole body ached. She wanted to crawl under the quilt in her bedroom and wrap the pillow over her head. Her tears were all cried out, but sleep would bring sweet relief—unlike the final trip to the graveyard they were about to make.

  But she must not falter, Laura reminded herself. She must be strong alongside the rest of her family. Lester filled out the surrey seat on the far side of the buggy, with Nelson and Daett in the front. All three men were grim-faced. Silence hung over the Masts’ front yard, broken only by the creaking of harnesses as the buggies took their places in the funeral procession. The open buggy that contained Mamm’s casket stood at the end of the sidewalk. The two drivers had their faces bent into the wind, and one of the men lifted his hand to steady the coffin. Mamm’s body was in goot hands today, as they all had been from the beginning of this tragedy. The community had rallied around them. Laura could still feel the touch of the women’s hands on her arms before the service had begun today. The scene would be repeated when they arrived at the graveyard. Everyone did what they could to bring comfort and to pray that healing would come quickly for the Mast family.

  Laura’s heart had suffered and somehow survived a double blow. First John’s accident, and now Mamm’s death. Maybe this was why the Lord had not taken John. If she had lost both of them, the sorrow might have been too much. She hadn’t seen John since the Saturday before Mamm’s death, but John’s mamm, Hilda, had whispered in Laura’s ear this morning, “He’s awake most of the time now.”

  Hilda must have known Laura needed all the comfort she could get on this day. That John had progressed this far was a miracle in itself. Why the Lord chose to take one and leave another was part of His mysterious will. The Lord knew best, and if Laura had been forced to choose, she wouldn’t have wished for John to leave her instead of Mamm. That was an awful thought to have on the day of Mamm’s funeral, but she couldn’t help herself. Lack of sleep and a deep weariness brought on strange emotions and ideas.

  Laura tightened her grip on the buggy door as the procession began. They lurched out of the driveway and turned toward the cemetery. Behind them the long line of buggies followed. The Englisha cars that approached the procession of buggies slowed or pulled off to the side of the road. None of the buggies paused after the first stop sign. If they had had to cross one of the state highways, it would be different. But the Amish graveyard lay in a quiet spot on Gilbert Road. They would be there in a matter of minutes.

  “The Lord has given us goot weather in which to bury Mamm,” Daett said from the front seat, his voice weak. “His grace is still with us.”

  “Yah, it is,” Nelson agreed.

  Laura glanced over at Lydia, who tried to smile back at her. This hadn’t been easy on Lydia either. Why the Lord hadn’t given Lydia a man to love was beyond her. Lydia should have been snatched up before Laura had been, but Laura had benefited from all the options. Meanwhile Lydia was stuck over at Uncle Henry’s produce stand with Milton, who never asked to take her home from the hymn singing—all because Milton planned to jump the fence into the Englisha world, according to Lester.

  Now Mamm was gone. Both sisters had mourned, and they would both move on, but why couldn’t Lydia find a man to love? It would surely ease the pain of loss. This had been Mamm’s biggest concern before she passed. Perhaps Mamm would have her prayers answered now that she was with the angels. Laura gave Lydia a kind smile and focused on the road again.

  As they bounced into the open field beyond the graveyard, Laura grabbed onto the buggy door handle again. Only a dozen gravestones stood in the small plot of ground. The community was young compared to the older Amish communities in Wayne County, where most everyone had come from. Mamm’s gravestone would tell of another soul that had left their earthly sorrows behind to enter the joys of heaven. Laura comforted herself with the thought that in glory, Mamm would never sigh or worry about her kinner again.

  When Nelson pulled to a stop, Laura climbed down the buggy step and slowly walked around the back of the surrey. Lydia followed her and they waited with the men while Mamm’s casket was unloaded. With great care the box was transported to the open grave and placed in position. Daett took his place in front of the casket and stood with his head bowed, while buggies poured into the field behind them. Not until Bishop Ezra took his place beside Daett would the graveside service begin.

  Laura shifted from one foot to the other, her black shawl hanging down almost to the freshly dug dirt under her feet. The crowd of relatives began to press in all sides of the open grave. They soon parted to allow Bishop Ezra to approach. The bishop gave Daett a brief nod and then cleared his throat.

  “Dearly beloved, we are gathered again on this day for the last time,” he began. “Before us is the body of our dear sister Lavina Mast, whose soul is now in the hands of the Lord. Our hope is strong on her behalf. We trust as those who have reason for our confidence. Our faith is built on the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, who shed His precious blood. We have seen what that grace wrought in the life of our sister Lavina, who chose to live that grace before us all. She demonstrated her faith for the entire world to see. She was humble and willing to obey the commands of the Lord. She loved her husband and entertained strangers in her home. She brought up godly children. All of them are here with us today.” Bishop Ezra paused to glance over his shoulder. “For this we are grateful. Children raised in the fear of the Lord are no accident. Many prayers are needed as we strive to live a life in obedience to the Lord’s ways. In this, sister Lavina has shown us the way, and today she rests in the arms of the Lord, where she is sheltered from all the toils of her labors. Her family sorrows, but someday they will see their mother’s face again in the land of glory, which lies beyond the river.”

  Laura kept her eyes fixed on the bishop’s face as he continued to speak. His words comforted her, but she was glad they were not being spoken over John’s casket. She would continue to comfort herself with that thought tomorrow, and the day after, until John was well again. She also had reasons for a solid hope, as the bishop had for Mamm’s eternal well-being. Namely, she trusted the Lord’s mercies. Had not the Lord shown John compassion up to this point? So why should that not continue? She must go to the Yoders’ house and see John this afternoon—if such was possible. Would anyone object now that Mamm’s funeral was over? They wouldn’t, Laura assured herself. She bowed her head along with everyone else as Bishop Ezra led a closing prayer.

  After the amen, Laura stepped back with Lydia while the men helped close the grave. Elizabeth and Rose stood on each side of the sisters, their arms around Laura’s and Lydia’s shoulders until the last shovel of dirt had been thrown. Daett didn’t move while the crowd slowly made their way back to their buggies. The sounds of horses’ neighs and the rattle of wheels filled the air, but Daett stood there with his family around him.

  “Gott im Himmel,” Daett finally prayed, his head lifted toward the heavens. “We commit Lavina for the final time into Your hands. Give us grace as we go back home and carry on without her. Be not angry with our stumbles. Our hearts do ache greatly. Be merciful to us in life, as You have been to Lavina in death. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

  Daett dropped his head and turned to go. Silently they all followed him back to the surrey and climbed in.

  “Can I go see John this afternoon?” Laura asked on the way home.

  “I don’t know why not,” Daett answered. “We have mourned, and now life must go on. May the grace of the Lord go with you, daughter.”

  “Thank you,” Laura whispered. A ray of light seemed to enter her heart with Daett’s words. Maybe there would be goot news at John’s home to offset the sorrow they had experienced today.


  “I’ll go with you,” Lydia said. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

  Laura allowed a smile to fill her face as Nelson turned into their driveway. “You know you’re welcome.”

  Lydia smiled back as they climbed down from the buggy.

  “I’ll go get your horse,” Lester said before Laura could move toward the barn. “Wait here.”

  “Thank you,” Laura called after him, but Lester was already in the barn.

  She jerked her head up when a buggy came in the driveway behind them. Lydia nudged her. “Look who’s followed us home.”

  Laura grimaced as she caught sight of the face inside the buggy. “Not him again!”

  “Perhaps he’s come to offer his condolences now that everyone has gone and he can have peace and quiet with you.”

  “I’ll chase him away,” Laura declared—only she knew she couldn’t. Her family would see to it that Wendell was welcomed.

  “Hello, Wendell,” Laura said as he brought his buggy to a stop and climbed down.

  At least Wendell was properly sober-faced. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Laura,” he said. “And for yours, Lydia.” He nodded in Lydia’s direction. “I wish with all my heart that this had never happened.”

  “We all wish that,” Laura retorted.

  “The Lord gives and the Lord takes,” Wendell continued. “We must remember that lest a great confusion grips our minds and hearts. We must trust the Lord to bring things out for the best in the end.”

  “Yah, that’s what Daett says,” Laura said.

  Wendell nodded. “And your daett would be right. The heart often doesn’t understand the Lord’s doings. We must resist the urge to doubt and must carry on with the path that is open before us.” Wendell gave them a slight smile. “I’ve watched your family these past few days, and I can say that I’ve seen a proper submissive and contrite spirit expressed by everyone. I imagine this trial was not easy—losing a mamm—and yet you have taken it with great trust and grace in the Lord’s hand. I hope you continue to walk in that grace.”