12 Stocking Stuffers

by Beverly Barton

She felt awkward as she walked in. And he had no polite chitchat for her. He simply stared at her, waiting.

  “How’s Angela?” she asked.

  “Fine. Sleeping.”

  She nodded. “Jason, I can’t—”

  She didn’t see the disappointment in his eyes. His lashes shaded them too quickly. “I really can’t do this. I can’t do this to you—”

  “Do it to me? Cary, I want you!”

  “And it seems that you’re willing to pay a tremendous price. Jason, I don’t—”

  “The price doesn’t matter, Cary. It’s Christmas. You’re what I want more than anything in the world.”

  This year, Cary thought.

  “I will do my best to give you anything that you want,” he said harshly.

  “Jason, it’s just that—”

  “Cary, you don’t want to be one of a number of women. I’ll make you my wife. I can give Danny anything in the world. The best schools, anything he wants. A guaranteed future. No worry for you. Cary, it’s Christmas! And I can give you and Danny every Christmas gift in the world.”

  “But there’s nothing that I can give you!”

  “Damn it, Cary, give us both a break! You’d be giving Angela and me a real home!” he exclaimed.

  She felt her fingers curl. It was a business proposition. Pure and simple. But it wasn’t such a bad proposition.

  “All…all right,” she told him.

  “Done!” A handsome smile slashed his face. In seconds he was across the room. He took her hand, and before she realized what he was doing, he had slipped a diamond on her finger.

  It was beautiful. It was large, but it wasn’t decadent. It was surrounded by tiny emeralds, and it fit right beside her old gold band.

  “Jason, I can’t—”

  “It’s an engagement ring! It seals our promise.”

  And it fit. It fit her just right, the band snug and warm around her finger. “A ring and a kiss,” he told her softly. And she was suddenly in his arms.

  The kiss too, was filled with promise. Her anxiety and emotions knotted together, and when his kiss deepened, she found a sweet escape in the growing sensation. It had become so natural to be with him. So natural, so beautiful to feel his touch. To know this wonderful, spiraling desire…

  She saw his room that night. Saw his large oak wardrobes and dressers, his massive, white-tiled bath, his king-size bed. She lost herself in that bed, in the soft, warm, sinking comfort. She acutely felt his every touch. The sweep of his hand, the pressure of his body, the passion of his being. She rode with him and flew with him, and when it was done, she was once again left shaking with the wonder of their lovemaking.

  And once more feeling the growth of tears behind her eyes.

  She lay on the soft sheets, feeling his arms around her, and from somewhere she heard the promise of a Christmas carol on the air.

  Christmas…

  It was for giving, for believing. It was for miracles. It was for faith.

  And to have Jason, well…

  But there was something missing. And as she listened to the distant beauty of “Silent Night” filling the darkness, she knew what it it was. Love.

  He touched her. Touched her shoulder. And his kiss burned into her flesh.

  Once more, she thought. She couldn’t resist having one last time. And so she moved into his arms, meeting his kiss with warmth, with magic, with a prayer.

  Later, while he slept, comfortable, handsome as a boy, his dark hair tousled, she rose and dressed quickly.

  “Where are you going?” Lazy green eyes were on her.

  “Home. Danny is there.”

  “I’ll take you.”

  She shook her head. “No, please, it isn’t late. I’ll be all right.”

  But she was beginning to know Jason McCready. Even if this had been a casual date, he would still have seen her home. The man she loved had manners.

  He took her to her apartment door and paused there. “I smell popcorn,” he murmured.

  “June and Danny. I’m sure they’re making strands for the tree.”

  He placed a hand on either side of her head. “I love your apartment. Did I ever tell you that?”

  She shook her head, wondering if it could be true. His house was so magnificent. “I love your house,” she told him.

  He smiled. “Good. Maybe you can change it, and I can love it, too.” He leaned down and kissed her, and she wanted to pull away, but she couldn’t. She clung to him, letting the magic wash over her.

  She walked into her apartment, where June and Danny were indeed busy with popcorn strings.

  “Hi, Mom!” There was excitement in Danny’s eyes. He knew that she had been with Jason.

  “Hi, honey.” She kissed him on the top of his blond head, her resolve weakening. It would be so good for Danny. Maybe she was thinking like a fool.

  No, it would be wrong to marry Jason. She couldn’t do it. She had told him that she would, but she couldn’t. And she couldn’t see him again. Not under any circumstances. Because every time she saw him, she wanted him. For Christmas.

  For always.

  “Bedtime,” she insisted to Danny, and she finally managed to get him tucked in.

  June was not so easy. “Well? You’re upset. You’re going to cry. Oh, that creep! He told you it was over!”

  Cary shook her head. “No, he asked me to marry him.”

  “What!” June gasped. “Oh, how wonderful!” She started to dance around the room with a pillow, but then she paused. “You did tell him yes, right?”

  Cary sighed. “Yes, I did. But I’m afraid I’m not going to. I’m—I’m going to resign tomorrow. I’m not going back to the office. I’ll finish my present assignment, and you can take in all my paperwork.”

  “What!” June stared at her as if she had gone insane. She argued with Cary, pleaded with her.

  Cary slipped the diamond from her finger and placed it in June’s palm. “Take this back, too,” she insisted.

  “Oh, Cary, you can’t possibly dislike him or be angry with him—”

  “I don’t dislike him and I’m not angry with him,” Cary said. She smiled. “Actually, I love him.”

  Cary knew that June didn’t understand, but Cary wasn’t going to give her an explanation. She ushered June out and hurried to her bedroom, where she turned on the radio.

  Someone was playing “Silent Night” again.

  Cary laid her head on her pillow and indulged herself in a cascade of hot tears.

  Jason McCready was on top of the world.

  Indeed, the world was beautiful. For the first time in years he couldn’t wait for Christmas. The pain had been miraculously lifted from his heart, and he loved all the things that had once hurt so badly. They would be married before Christmas, he decided. He’d forgotten to ask Cary to help Angela with a Christmas dress, something special to be worn to church. She wouldn’t mind, he was certain.

  Sitting at his desk at work, he leaned back and closed his eyes. He laced his fingers behind his head and wondered if Danny needed a new baseball bat, or maybe a glove. Or maybe he had an attachment to his old one. Danny liked collecting baseball cards. He had told Jason that in New Hampshire. There were all kinds of baseball card shows they could go to together.

  His secretary buzzed him and announced that June was waiting to see him.

  “Send her in,” Jason said.

  As soon as he saw June he felt a foreboding. He knew immediately, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that something was very wrong.

  “Mr. McCready, I…” Her voice trailed away.

  “June, I have always hoped that all my employees would feel free to come here and say whatever they had to say,” he told her patiently.

  She went very pale.

  “June?”

  “Oh, Mr. McCready, I hate being here,” she said. “But I…”

  She stepped forward, and she put his diamond ring on his desk. He stared at it, and then at her.

  “Cary is quitting,” J
une said in a rush.

  He paled, amazed at the assault of pain that swept over him.

  “She couldn’t tell me herself?”

  June moistened her lips. “I think she was afraid to see you again. Afraid you wouldn’t really listen to her. Not that I understand her myself.”

  Jason stared at the ring, then stood, slipping it into his pocket. He walked to the window.

  “She’s going to finish up all her work. She just isn’t going to come in anymore,” June said quietly.

  His back was square and straight as he stared at the street. “This isn’t like her,” he said. “Cary Adams has always had a talent for stating her mind.”

  She did have that wonderful talent, he realized. Since that day when she’d come here and told him exactly what she thought of him, she’d been changing his life. So subtly, at first. She’d just made him watch her. Watch the sunlight in her hazel eyes. Watch her movement in the hallways. Dear God, he’d come to love her smile.

  Christmas bells rang below him. Bright lights in green and red were coming on as the early darkness of winter descended.

  A bleakness settled over him. The future was empty without her. Suddenly it hit him like a brick as he realized what his despair meant.

  He loved her eyes; he loved her hair. He loved her laughter, and he loved her spirit and her mind. He loved the trusting way she looked at him when they lay entwined together. He loved her, he realized.

  And she wanted none of him.

  June realized that he wasn’t saying anything. He was just standing there, his shoulders squared in misery as he gazed at the snow. June wanted to touch his shoulders in comfort.

  And she wanted to give Cary a good shaking for hurting him so. What was the matter with that woman?

  “Cary is usually very determined to handle her own affairs. I suppose she thought it would be easier if she weren’t involved this time,” June said. Why hadn’t Cary gotten Jeremy to come up here? He and McCready were friends, and although June had always liked her employer a lot, she was in a wretched position at the moment. “It’s so much harder when you love someone. Though, for the life of me, I can’t understand—”

  “What!”

  June broke off, stunned, frightened by the harshness of his tone. She couldn’t remember what she had been saying. “I—er—”

  “What did you say?”

  “What did I say?” June repeated. “Oh. I don’t understand Cary. I don’t know why on earth she’s doing this. She loves you, and—”

  “That. That part. Say that again.”

  “I said she loves you—”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Well, she said so, of course—”

  Once again June broke off. He was striding across the room to her, and he was moving so swiftly, and with such power, that she almost cried out and leaped away. She didn’t get a chance to.

  His hands were on her shoulders. She was lifted off the floor, and his lips brushed her cheeks.

  The bleakness had fallen from him like a cloak of darkness.

  She loved him. And he loved her. And as he broke into a broad grin, he suddenly understood. They’d both been too lost. Lost in the past. Lost in pain that they hadn’t managed to let go. And then, like a fool, he’d offered her everything in the world. Everything except what a woman like Cary wanted. Love.

  “She is going to marry me. Thank you, June, but you don’t need to stand here stuttering anymore. She is going to marry me.”

  And then, while June stared openmouthed, he walked past her and out of the office.

  By late afternoon Cary had decided that Jason had graciously accepted both the return of his ring and her resignation.

  She allowed herself another good cry, then decided she had to try to stop or else she would spend the rest of her days in tears. But it was hard. So hard…

  She looked at the phone time and time again, thinking that she should call him. And then her cheeks would flame, and she would be ashamed, because she hadn’t gone to see him herself. She should never, never have sent June to face her own particular lion for her.

  But she had been afraid to see Jason McCready. Because if he pressed her, she just might want the magic so badly that she would reach for it, even though it was wrong.

  Danny came home from school, and she wondered if she should talk with him yet. She had only told him that she was taking a day off from work—she hadn’t told him she had quit her job.

  After all, it was Christmas.

  It wasn’t right to be so miserable.

  She didn’t say anything to Danny, so he spent the night talking about Jason, and about how wonderful it had been at the lodge, and how he hoped that they would get together again soon.

  Cary nearly screamed.

  At ten she went to bed. She lay staring at her ceiling and willed herself to go to sleep, but sleep wouldn’t come.

  Tears would. They were just starting to well in her eyes when she heard the first thump against her window. She jerked up, wondering what on earth could be going on. A second thump hit the window, and she jumped up and raced to it, her heart pounding.

  Two stories below was a figure standing under a lamppost. And even as she watched him, another snowball came flying at her, thumping against the window.

  Her eyes widened in amazement. Jason McCready, hatless and scarfless, was standing on the sidewalk, grinning at her and throwing snowballs.

  She threw open the window, shivering against the sudden cold.

  “Jason! What are you doing down there?”

  To her utter amazement, he began to sing. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas…”

  His voice was good. Very good. Rich. He could croon out the tune with almost the same appeal as Bing Crosby.

  The window next to hers suddenly flew open. Mrs. Crowley, from the apartment beside hers, looked out. “What in heaven’s name is going on?”

  “Jason, hush!” Cary pleaded.

  “…may your days be merry and bright…”

  Another window burst open. It was old Mr. Calahan from the apartment below hers.

  “Hey, not bad!” Mr. Calahan said, chuckling. “How about ‘Deck the Halls’?”

  “Jason, please, what are you doing?”

  “Trying to get your attention.”

  “Well, you’ve got mine, young man,” Mrs. Crowley informed him. All bundled up in her thick robe, she was a cheerful picture, with her red cheeks and bouncing pink curlers. Jason grinned at her.

  “I came to ask Cary to marry me again. I just wanted her to know that I have lots of Christmas spirit. She thinks she knows all about me, but there are a lot of things she hasn’t realized.”

  “Jason!” Cary cried in horror. “I told you I can’t marry you—”

  “Why not? Specifically.”

  Mr. Calahan craned his neck. “Yes, why not? Specifically.”

  “Jason!” Cary cried, mortified.

  “That’s all right. I already know,” Jason told Mr. Calahan and Mrs. Crowley. But his eyes, green, bright and with such a tender expression, remained on Cary. She felt her heart beginning to ache and her limbs to burn.

  “I asked her for all the wrong reasons, you see. I said that we’d be good together. That we’d be good parents for each other’s children. That we’d keep each other from being lonely. I have a nice business, and I told her that I could take care of her.”

  “That doesn’t sound so bad to me,” Mr. Calahan said.

  “Go on!” Mrs. Crowley insisted.

  Jason smiled. A beautiful, slow, crooked smile that filled his face with wistfulness and longing. “I want to restate my proposal. I want to tell her that I want to marry her for just one reason. For the most important reason in the world. Because she brought light back to my world. She made my every hour worth living. Because I love her with all my heart.”

  “Oh, Jason!” Cary whispered.

  “How romantic!” Mrs. Crowley clapped her hands.

  “Well, tell him ye
s, young woman!” Mr. Calahan commanded. “Tell the poor fellow yes before he expires out there!”

  “Yes! Yes!” Cary cried. “Stay there. Stay right there! I’ll be right down!”

  He could have come up, but she wasn’t thinking clearly. And so Cary rushed down the stairs and into the snow, where she threw herself into his arms.

  “Oh, Jason! Really? Can it be true?”

  He cradled her chin. “Yes, it’s true. Cary, I do want to give you things. I want to give you and Danny everything I can. I want to make you happy. I want you to keep working, if that’s what you want. And I know that Angela and Danny will be delighted. But, Cary, I do love you with all my heart.”

  “Jason! I love you, too.”

  “Kiss him!” Mrs. Crowley called out.

  “Are you still eavesdropping up there?” Mr. Calahan demanded.

  “Oh, shut up, you old goat!”

  “Hmph! All right, young lady, you go ahead and kiss him. And come inside! That way we can all get some sleep.”

  Cary decided to oblige. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. Long and hard.

  Mrs. Crowley sighed. A window closed.

  And suddenly little flakes began to fall. Beautiful, intricate little snowflakes. It would probably be a very white Christmas.

  Jason’s lips parted from hers. Cary caught his hand, and they rushed up the stairs.

  Once inside her apartment, she was in his arms again. And when the kiss at last seemed to end, she leaned against him, dazed, amazed, dazzled, and then worried and afraid all in one.

  “Jason, this still isn’t quite fair. You’ve given me so much already. What will I ever give you?”

  “What I want for Christmas most of all.”

  “And that is?”

  “You,” he said. “In a red ribbon. And nothing else. Just you.”

  She smiled shyly, and he kissed her again. Then he broke away. “Maybe something else, too.”

  “What?”

  “I always imagined a wonderful family, a big family. I grew up alone, and somehow that makes you really love kids. We have a great boy, and a great girl, but maybe we could go for two more somewhere along the line. If you’re willing. What do you think?”

  “I think kids are just great,” Cary whispered.

  He already knew that.