First Comes Marriage

by Sophia Sasson

  Meera turned and grabbed his other hand, forcing him to meet her eyes.

  “Listen to me. Any woman would be lucky to have you. If this was another world and our circumstances were different, I would consider myself blessed to love you.” Her eyes held sincerity and her lips were set in a firm, determined line. It was nice to hear, but they both knew they could never be together because of who he was. He could never give her the life she wanted. She couldn’t see that women like her—smart, accomplished and strong—couldn’t be happy with men like him. She was right about one thing, though: it was better he realized that early on, before he lost his heart like his father had.

  Meera seemed to have an uncanny ability to read his mind, because she let go of his hand. Women who wear designer clothes don’t go for bargain brands. He wasn’t a doctor like her fiancé; he’d never be able to show her the world. She would never settle for a man like him.

  Their turn came up at the ticket counter. Meera reached for her credit card, but he caught her hand and held it. He knew now to be quick on the draw and deftly handed over his own card. He silenced her with a look when she started to protest. He’d had enough. No matter what happened between them, he didn’t want her remembering him as some poor redneck.

  She exhaled loudly and turned away from him as they walked toward the monument entrance.

  “You know, I make money. I don’t have your kind of money, but I’m not so poor that I can’t take you around the city! Or pay my own way, for that matter.”

  She whirled on him. “What?”

  “I don’t like you paying for everything. You seem to think I’m so poor I can’t afford a cup of coffee.” There, he’d said it.

  Her eyes widened. “That’s not why I’m doing it.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “I just... I don’t want...” She sighed and dropped down onto a bench. He hesitated, then sat down next to her. It would be dusk soon, and the island would close but he didn’t care.

  “I’m not sure what we’re doing, Jake, but I want to keep on doing it, at least while I’m here.” She took a deep breath.

  “When you pay for things, it makes me feel like you’re taking possession of me. It’s what my parents do for me, it’s what Raj does. Now that I’m away from them, I want to take care of myself. I worked hard and saved up the last few months to pay for this trip. It’s not my father’s money I’m spending—for the first time in my life, it’s my own.”

  Jake tipped his head. Well, talk about taking the wind out of my sails.

  She leaned forward and placed her hand on his. “It’s important to me. I need to know I can take care of myself, pay my own way. It has nothing to do with you.”

  “I get that, but why’re you payin’ for me, too?”

  She wrinkled her nose. “I guess I felt guilty making you spend all this money on my trip.”

  He opened his mouth to protest, and she put a finger on his lips.

  “You’re right. I’ll stop doing it.”

  He lifted her finger and kissed it.

  “You wanna prove to yourself you can make your own way.”

  She nodded, her eyes shining. “It’s the same with you and the ranch, isn’t it?”

  Jake swallowed to ease the lump in his throat. “My dad didn’t think I was ready to take it over—he fought me tooth and nail, even when the Alzheimer’s rattled his brain. In lucid moments he’d tell me I shouldn’t take it. That I’d run it to the ground.” He looked down. “And I’m not so sure he was wrong. I’ve had a really hard time. I’ve barely kept it afloat.”

  He raised his head to see Meera’s gaze fixed on him. “And I bet it doesn’t help to have a guest setting fire to an entire field.”

  He smiled. “It’s fine. We recovered most of it, and your idea to look at neighboring property saved me from any major losses.” She opened her mouth, but he held up his hand. “And before you say anything, yes—I’ll let Tom put all replacement supplies on your credit card, unless the insurance covers them.”

  She rewarded him with a sparking smile and stood up. He followed suit, and they headed off to see the statue. When they were done visiting the monument, they went to the visitor’s center to look up records of Jake’s great-grandfather coming into America through Ellis Island. “Must be nice to know who your great-grandfather was,” Meera said wistfully.

  He nodded. “Oh, yes, my dad’s quite proud of his heritage and spent a lot of time telling me stories my granddaddy told him about his father coming through here.” They waited in line for a computer. He punched in the necessary information and smiled as the screen loaded. “You’re not going to believe this.”

  She bent closer to see the screen. His great-grandfather had arrived on a ship that had come from London, but the vessel’s journey had originated in India. His great-grandfather had boarded there.

  “He must have been there when the British ruled India.” She smiled. “I guess we may not come from such different places, after all.” He laughed and printed the information. He grabbed her hand, and they walked back toward the ferry docks.

  “Do you believe in signs?” she asked dreamily.

  “You mean, do I believe the universe arranges our lives, that things are predestined and no matter what we do, they’re meant to happen?”

  Meera grabbed his arm. “So I take that as a yes?” Her voice was filled with excitement.

  He laughed. “Until today, I would have said no.” He waved the printout in his hand. “This may just convince me otherwise. I don’t think Dad had a clue that his grandfather spent time in India. We knew he came from Europe, but we were never sure what country.” He didn’t believe in destiny or karma, and yet... He would never have imagined himself in this place, with a woman like Meera, but it felt so natural, as if it was meant to be.

  It was the last ferry for the evening, so there was a long line to board. They stood in companionable silence, holding hands. He felt as if a cosmic force had pushed him and Meera together against all odds, a magnetism that kept them together. There was no other explanation for what was happening between them.

  They boarded the ferry and found a quiet spot standing on the aft deck, facing the Statue of Liberty as they pulled away from the dock. It was cooler in New York than it was in Virginia, and a breeze gently washed over the water. He saw goose bumps on Meera’s skin and wrapped his arms around her. She relaxed against him.

  As they looked at the retreating island, she spoke softly. “What do you suppose they were thinking? All those immigrants who left their homes and livelihoods, came to this strange new place on crowded boats, taking such a risky journey. How did they have the courage?”

  Jake gazed up at the clear sky. He had wondered the same thing. “Yeah, ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free’... I guess the promise of a better life was enough motivation.”

  “Would you have done it? Left your current life in search of a new and better one?”

  He took a deep breath. The answer was no. Wasn’t it? Jolene had begged, cajoled, threatened...and he hadn’t budged.

  He felt Meera’s slight weight against his chest, and her hair brushed against his chin.

  He shrugged. “Depends on what the promise held.”

  “What if it was to live the life you want, rather than the one you’ve been told to live?”

  She turned to meet his eyes. Instinctively, he bent down and dropped a kiss on her forehead. Her skin felt soft beneath his lips. He heard the sharp intake of her breath. He wanted nothing more than to cup her face and kiss her, let her know just how much he loved her. Whoa! Who said anything about love? Rein it in.

  He stepped back from her. Her brows furrowed, but he needed to break contact. Being too close to her fried his senses, made him think crazy thoughts.

  She held hi
s gaze, then linked her arm with his. So much for not touching.

  “It’s easy to imagine a better life when your current one sucks,” he said. “My great-grandfather was probably dealing with oppression or poverty. He probably wanted control over his own life, to make his own his destiny. So he boarded a boat hoping for better. But I have a good life. I have more than a lot of other folks.”

  Meera nodded. “I feel the same way. When I think of all the kids I grew up with who didn’t get adopted, I have no right to complain about anything. Or feel less than grateful for everything I have.”

  He wanted to reach out and hug the little girl who still saw herself as an undesirable orphan. When will you realize you don’t owe anybody anything?

  She slid her arm away from his, arched her back and set her hands on the railing, raising her face to the wind.

  There was a new vibrancy to Meera, an inner brilliance that was shining through.

  Was he living the life that he wanted?

  “Jake?”

  She had asked him a question. What was it again?

  “How did it go with your mother?”

  He closed his eyes. “It didn’t. I should have torn her letter and thrown it away.”

  She touched his back. “What happened?”

  “She made a new life for herself, raised another man’s children.”

  “So why did she want to see you?”

  “She has cancer.”

  Meera put a hand on her chest. “Then you’ll see her again.” He couldn’t tell whether she was asking him or telling him.

  He shook his head. “I’m done with her. The townspeople were right. She’s always been selfish, and she didn’t want me.”

  Meera stared at him. “You can’t be serious. Even if what you’re saying is true, she’s trying to make amends now. You have to give her a chance.”

  “No, I don’t. She’s had years to make amends. It’s too late now.”

  “But she’s your mother. How can you cut her out of your life?”

  “As easily as she cut me.”

  “But she’s your mother,” she said again.

  “Look, I wasn’t raised to revere my parents. My mother doesn’t get my undying devotion just because she gave birth to me—it’s not the way I’m wired. Relationships are about give and take.”

  She looked as though she was about to say more when her phone rang. She looked at the screen, frowning, and turned as she answered the call. He shouldn’t listen, but the look on her face scared him.

  “Yes, Mum, I’m in New York. No, I know...I’m so very sorry. I don’t know what came over me...”

  She sounded like a little girl, apologizing to her mother for breaking a treasured item.

  “I understand...I’m sorry. Yes, I know it’s not like me, but I...”

  She began to tremble, and she wiped her eyes with her free hand. She took several steps away from him, one hand cupped over an ear. Her head was bent, her shoulders drooped. He longed to reach out to her, to let her know that whatever she had done would not be the end of the world.

  “No, Mum, I can’t come home early, I have patients I’m committed to.”

  Jake’s pulse quickened. Go home early?

  “I’m sorry. I never meant to put you in this position.”

  She was rubbing her temples. “I really can’t, Mum. I’m not being difficult...my patient...Mum?” She stared at the phone, her face so sad it ripped his heart. She blew out a breath and draped herself over the railing. He put his arms around her.

  She pushed him away. “I can’t, Jake.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  She shook her head. He stood beside her and let the silence stretch between them. The boat made its way across the Hudson as the sun’s last rays disappeared.

  “I never tried on my wedding dress. I saw it and hated it and behaved like a spoiled little girl. I didn’t think about the fact that my mother pulled a lot of strings to get Sienna to design it... I’ve embarrassed her. I don’t know what got into me today. It was probably all that talk about choices you stuffed into my head.”

  Despite the pain he felt go through her, Jake felt a flicker of hope in his heart. Was she questioning her plans?

  “If you don’t like the dress, why do you feel bad about rejecting it?”

  She gave an exasperated sigh. “Because it was the wrong thing to do.”

  “Why’s it so wrong, Meera? Why’s it so wrong to choose what you want?”

  “You don’t understand, Jake.” She turned away from him.

  “I understand more than you see, Meera.” He dared not touch her, but he kept his eyes on her, willing her to see what was in his heart. He kept his voice low, his tone even. “Are you questioning whether you should have rejected the dress or whether you should reject your arranged marriage?”

  She spun on him. “I’m not like you, Jake. My parents are important to me. I can’t slice them out of my life the way you cut your mother off.”

  His mouth went dry. He should step back, let her go. He didn’t need another stubborn woman who didn’t see what was right in front of her.

  She was chewing her lip. He should let it be, but he couldn’t let her off the hook. He held her gaze. “Why would you marry him? You don’t love him, Meera. If you did, you’d never respond to me the way you do.”

  Her eyes blazed.

  “You don’t understand, Jake. What we have...” She looked away from him, out toward the ocean.

  Something burned in his chest.

  “What do we have, Meera?”

  “What we have is a summer flirtation. It’s me on holiday.”

  He put a hand on her shoulder until she met his eyes. “Meera, this right here is not you on holiday. It’s you, the real you. The person who’s thinking of marrying that fella you don’t love is the Meera you pretend to be for your parents.”

  She shook off his hand.

  “You’re wrong. The real me, the one you claim to know, is the irresponsible, impulsive Meera I’ve worked very hard not to be.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “This is not real, Jake. I’m not going to throw away everything I’ve worked for to live on a cattle ranch stuck in a small town.”

  Jake reeled back as if he’d been slapped.

  She’s right, of course.

  Meera’s expression softened. “That was unnecessarily harsh.” She moved toward him, holding out her hand in a conciliatory gesture.

  He shook his head. “No, you’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking, giving in to whatever this thing is between us.”

  It’s the dumb rancher in me, going where my heart takes me. He was done falling for women who were destined to leave him.

  “We’re done, Meera. Let’s go back to Hell’s Bells.”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THE DOOR SWUNG open as soon as she pulled into Lily’s driveway. Meera took a deep breath. She’d been asleep just two hours when Lily called. After their fight on the ferry, Jake drove them right back to the ranch. Meera started a thousand conversations, and he shut her out every time.

  Today was the perfect day to focus on Lily and find out why she hadn’t shown up at the festival. The young woman greeted Meera with a wide smile, almost bursting with excitement.

  “Oh, Dr. M., about the Bull Blazin’—I came by the ranch yesterday, but...”

  “I went to New York.” She should have come by to check on Lily before she left. In the excitement following the festival, she had been entirely too focused on Jake.

  Lily clasped her hands. “I know I flaked on you, but I had a good reason.” Lily was tugging her into the house, bubbling over.

  Despite her fatigue, Meera mustered an enthusiastic tone. “Come on, tell me—obviously you have exciting news.”


  “Joe emailed me.” Lily clapped her hands. “I’ve been dying to tell you!”

  Meera smiled. “I’m so glad. What a relief. What did he say? Were you able to talk to him? To tell him about...”

  Lily shook her head. “He just said he’s been on assignment and didn’t have internet access and that he’s coming home to see me in a week.”

  Meera crossed her arms. She didn’t want to deflate Lily’s happiness, but she also didn’t want to see her get hurt.

  “Did he say why he was coming back?”

  “No, he didn’t say much. I wrote back right away and told him he’s got to come back now. I told him I was pregnant and that the baby’s comin’ any day.”

  “And did he respond?”

  She cast her eyes downward. “He probably lost his internet again.”

  “Let’s hope that’s what it is.” Meera kicked herself for sounding so skeptical. “Did you tell anyone else about the pregnancy?”

  Lily nodded. “I went to Norma Jean’s first thing on Friday. I was about to leave for the festival when I saw the email on my phone.”

  “Is it possible Norma Jean told Joe?”

  Lily frowned. “That would mean she knew how to get ahold of him, and she said she hadn’t talked to him in months—same as me.”

  Meera wanted to say more, to tell her not to get her hopes up. Then she saw the look in Lily’s eyes. The look that mirrored the way Meera felt.

  “I know you’re thinking that Joe’s taken advantage of me, but you don’t understand...he loves me. The thing with the license was a mistake.”

  “Lily, are you sure?”

  “I trust him, I believe in our love. He would’ve written to me if he could have, and if he says he’ll be here in a week, he will.”

  Meera smiled and squeezed Lily’s hand.

  Lily squeezed back and placed both their hands on her belly. “The baby will wait until his or her father arrives.”