Burn with me

by Rachael Tonks

  “Don’t,” he warns, his voice deep and a little broken.

  “I want this.” I swallow, meeting his stare. “I know you want me too.” My nerves are affecting me and I know I don’t sound nearly as confident as I want.

  He stares at me for a second before his eyelids drift shut. Our breathing becomes faster, more labored.

  “So fucking bad.” He lets out a low grumble. His head falls forward until we are practically nose to nose. I tilt my head, placing soft kisses on his cheek and down to his mouth. He kisses back slowly, one soft kiss at a time.

  “I don’t think I can control myself any longer,” he whispers between kisses.

  “Then don’t,” I breathe out. “Take me. Make me yours.”

  In one swift movement, I’m lifted completely before being thrust back onto the bed, only this time with Caleb’s weight on my body. His lips find mine and he kisses me with intensity, with an aggression I haven’t felt before. I reach my hands out, trying to find the buttons to unfasten his jeans. I quickly locate them, desperate to feel him, to take him in my hands. Grabbing hold of his jeans and boxers, I tug, freeing him of the confines. I reach for him, but before I can grab hold, he has my hands in his, placing them above my head.

  “Mine,” he mumbles. Holding my arms up with one hand, the other trails down the length of my body, stopping at the hem of my top. He pulls it upward and over my head. I lay there still as he drinks me in. His index finger trails the seam of my bra before he hooks his finger in, pulling down the cup. His eyes meet mine for a second; his lustful gaze telling me he wants this as much as I do.

  His mouth crashes down on my stiffened nipples and I moan. Fire ignites in my stomach as he flicks his tongue over the hardened bud, sucking and teasing.

  “Please,” I beg. My desire is almost unbearable. I need him to touch me.

  His hand rests on my hip as I start to unfasten my pants, eagerly sliding them off until there’s nothing left but my panties. My hand finds his and I guide him until his hand is rubbing me over the top of my underwear. I can’t help but open my legs wider for him. His fingers slide over the seam of my panties, before pulling them to one side, exposing me completely. He moves his fingers in long strides, catching my clit over and over. I buck up against him. His fingers work faster and one dips inside me, causing me to whimper with anticipation.

  “I need you so bad,” he says breathlessly. His mouth finds mine again, as his fingers enter me over and over. I wiggle and buck against him, needing to feel more. His thumb circles my clit as his fingers continue to work inside me.

  “I need you, too,” I whisper. “Make love to me, Caleb. Be my good memory. Take away the bad.”

  He sighs heavily, his chest moving against mine. “I don’t think I can do this,” he says, his voice trembling. I take his face in my hands, hoping to meet his eyes, but they’re clamped shut. He quickly removes his hand from between my legs, rolling and falling onto his back. He pants, his arm laying across his face.

  “What’s wrong? What did I do?” I ask, scrambling up the bed until I’m resting against the headboard. I suddenly feel embarrassed, vulnerable even. I cross my arms over my chest, covering my breasts.

  “It’s not you,” he breathes. “Fuck,” he yells, raking his hands through his hair. He sits upright until he’s on his hands and knees, slowly making his way up the bed. I stare at him, biting my lip, begging the tears to not fall. “This isn’t about you,” he continues his voice gravelly and hoarse. “This is me and my fucked up life. My fucked up mind.”

  I reach up to his face, resting my hand on his cheek. “Stop thinking. Let this happen. I know you feel the heat between us.”

  “Heat?” He chuckles. “I’m on fucking fire.” He taps his chest “In here, and in here,” he adds, tapping his head. “You drive me crazy, in every sense of the word. I’ve never wanted anybody. Until you came along. And I know I should control myself around you. I just can’t anymore.” His eyes are heavy and he allows them to drift shut one more time. “You’re my motherfucking gasoline, because I sure as hell can’t control this fire inside.”

  I shudder at the intensity of his words. Knowing the effect I’m having on him, matches my own. I bite down on my lip. “I feel the same, Caleb. My heart beats faster when I’m with you.”

  He leans forward, resting his head against my neck, kissing it gently. I wrap my arms around him, reaching up and working my hands in his hair.

  “I’m burning inside. I need you so badly, Amber,” he grates out. “Burn with me. Complete me.” His eyes are so dark, his glare intense.

  I want him in a way I’ve never wanted someone before. The need to touch him again overtakes me. I lean up on my knees, forcing my lips against his. He immediately reciprocates, deepening the kiss. This time it’s raw and forceful. There are clearly several sides to Caleb and this is his lustful, needy side as he consumes me, controlling the kiss. He pulls me onto his knees until I’m straddling his lap. One hand holds my head in place, the other is against my back. His finger draws circles against my skin. I feel his erection against me.

  Caleb breaks the kiss, pushing me off his knees. My back falls flat against the bed. I let out a shriek of excitement as he grabs my ankles, dragging me until I’m positioned at the end of the bed. Reaching to the drawer, I watch as he pulls out a condom, ripping the packet open with his teeth. He rolls it on before he appears on top of me again. He kisses me lightly, working down my neck to my breasts, alternating between kissing and sucking.

  I let out a contented moan, the throbbing between my legs increasing. I grab on to the thick of his hair, sucking in a deep breath as he kisses the inside of my leg. I shudder, feeling the wetness grow as he slides his fingers inside me. I know he feels it, too. He lets out a groan before pushing my legs further apart. He’s forceful but not aggressive. Before I know it, his mouth is on my sweet spot. The heat of his tongue breaks me apart one sensitive touch at a time. I buck up in ecstasy. He laps and sucks, his fingers pumping in me. I clutch his hair tighter as I feel my body react to the contact. The hotness of his mouth against my sweet spot over and over, causes every muscle in my pussy to clench tightly. The tightening becomes more intense. It’s nearly too much to take.

  “Stop,” I say breathlessly. “I’m going to come,” I shout out. My legs become weak and my heart beats erratically. Caleb doesn’t let up, he continues to work, swirling his tongue around my clit, licking and lapping until I can no longer hold on. The shockwaves of my orgasm causes me to arch my back, pulsating fireworks through every inch of my body. The pleasure and release fills every nerve.

  “Oh god,” I cry out softly, my hands gripping his hair. He’s gently kissing my center, his soft touches moving to my legs and back to my stomach, making his way up until he finds my mouth. I kiss him, tasting myself. But I don’t care.

  He kisses me deeper and I gasp as he thrusts inside me unexpectedly. But the feeling is so good against my throbbing pussy. He stretches and fills me completely. I bite the corner of my lip as my head drops back. I wrap my legs around him, my hips surging toward him in an effort to deepen the connection. Each thrust feels better than the last. I let my arms fall out, grabbing at the sheets as I hear him moan with satisfaction. He continues to pound and thrust relentlessly, each movement sending me closer to the edge. My desire once again begins to grow. I arch my back as the sensation becomes almost unbearable.

  I open my eyes for a second and am met with Caleb’s burning stare. I watch as his mouth curls a little, a smirk appearing. His thumb starts to work my clit in a circular motion. He knows I’m close and I feel myself tighten around him. I can no longer hold on and my orgasm takes over every inch of my body. My muscles tighten as I strain to work through the pulsating. The heat rushes through me, taking over all of my senses. I writhe on the bed without an ounce of dignity. My chest heaves as the last of the throbs work through me and my limbs become weak and lifeless.

  Caleb grabs hold of my weakened legs, pulling them un
til they rest over his shoulders. He thrusts harder, picking up the speed. The new position deepens the penetration. I yelp at the intensity of the contact, as a new level of heat washes through me. It’s pleasure but borderlines on pain. His hold on my legs grows tighter. I flick my eyes up to look at his face. His features are narrowed as he screws up his face as if in pain. But it’s not really a sign of pain. As I feel him grow inside me, I know he’s about to find his release. His eyes widen before his head drops back.

  “Fuck,” he growls, thrusting for the last time before he collapses on top of me. I encompass him with my arms, my heart still pounding in my chest. I stroke my hand through his hair. He doesn’t say anything and neither do I. I can’t quite believe what just happened and how fucking amazing it felt being with him, having that connection I’ve craved for so long. I soak up his warmth, never wanting to part from the safety of his hold. I close my eyes, almost content enough to sleep.

  “How are you?” he asks, his voice barely a whisper. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asks, his tone laced with concern.

  “No,” I quickly respond. “God, no,” I reiterate, my voice louder this time.

  “Good,” he mumbles before withdrawing himself and stepping up from the bed. I tread over to the connecting bathroom and I reach down to collect my clothes. I quickly dress, curling up on the bed. I wrap my arms around my body, my knees pulled to my chest. I can’t help but wonder whether what just happened is a mistake. Whether he’s regretting it already.

  Caleb emerges from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. The muscles showing above the top of the towel causes the swell to grow again between my legs. There’s no denying the physical effect he has on me. All I need right now is for him to hold me in his arms. Tell me that us being together meant something to him, like it did for me.

  He joins me on the bed, resting on his side, his head propped on his arm.

  “Sorry I disappeared like that. Just needed to get cleaned up,” he murmurs.

  I narrow my eyes, taking him in. Was this true or is there more to it? “Really?” I lift my head until mine is in line with his. “Is that all that was? Cause I kind of feel like you deserted me just now.”

  “Please don’t say that,” he says, shaking his head as his eyes shut.

  “There’s more to this, Caleb. I know there is,” I push him, desperate to know what’s going through his head.

  “This…” he snaps, “this is not easy for me, Amber. Can’t you see how crazy I am about you?” He reaches out, pulling me in closer. His strong arm wraps around me. “I don’t understand this,” he says, placing my palm against his heart. “You’ve done this to me.” He sighs. His eyes close and his head falls forward, our foreheads touching. “I’m sorry if I don’t do things right. I’m sorry if I don’t react in the way you’d hoped, but know that you’re the only woman who has ever made my heart react this way.”

  “I’m scared, Caleb,” I whimper, tears threatening to break through. “I’m scared I’m falling for you.”

  “You’re not the only one.” He sighs before sealing his lips over mine.

  Caleb

  That was all it took to confirm what I’ve tried to deny. I’ve fallen for her and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. I stand, resting my back against the wall as she appears from the bedroom. I hold the hot cup against my lip, blowing on the coffee, trying to cool it. I can’t take my eyes off her as she stands there, rubbing the towel through her damp hair.

  “Better?” I ask as her eyes finally meet mine. She nods a little, her smile widening which instantly lights up her eyes. She sways as she walks over to me. Leaning on her tiptoes, she kisses me tenderly on the lips.

  “I made you one.” I flick my head in the direction of the cup in my hand.

  “What did I do to deserve you?” she asks with an even wider smile. I reach down, linking my fingers through hers, and clasp onto her hand tightly.

  I shrug. “I have something to show you. If you’re up for it,” I add. The truth is, I’m nervous as hell and I’m not sure how she will react. I know I need to tread carefully.

  “I’ve seen what you got and this girl isn’t complaining,” she jokes, her eyes wide and her brow lifted. I let my head drop, the embarrassment washing through me.

  “Not that,” I say, shaking my head lightly from side to side. “Your apartment.”

  She clenches her teeth, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m not sure,” she says.

  “I’ll be with you. You’re not alone in this, Amber. I got you.” I reach over the counter, placing down the mug of coffee. Wrapping my arms around her tense body, her head falls onto my chest.

  Her head moves against me as she nods. “Let’s do this,” she says, feigning confidence but she doesn’t fool me. I feel how her breathing has changed, and she’s avoiding making eye contact. She drops the towel on the counter, turns, and makes her way down the hall, pulling me with her. I grab her keys from the shelf and we make our way out of my apartment. We walk the few feet until we’re standing outside her door. She leans into me and I hold her tight. Her body trembles against mine and I can hear her mutter repeatedly, “I can do this. I can do this.”

  “You can do this,” I say with absolute certainty, turning her until we are looking at each other. I cup her face with my hand. “Amber, you are the strongest person I know.”

  She nods, taking in a huge breath which causes her chest to expand. “Do you think it will ever stop?” she asks.

  I narrow my eyes, trying to figure out what she means.

  “The flashbacks. The momentary images that appear. I can’t seem to make them stop.”

  I clutch the back of her head, pressing her against me. “Time will help,” I whisper. “The nightmares will become bad dreams instead, but no. Amber, you’ll never forget what happened to you. You just have to learn how to deal with it in the best possible way.” Her body shakes against mine. Her pain becomes my pain. A pain I understand all too well.

  She sniffles, pulling her head away from me and wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “I won’t let what he did ruin me.” She inhales sharply. “I want to see what you’ve done to the place,” she says, raising her brow a little.

  “You really want to do this? You’re ready?” I ask, my eyes widening, hoping for an honest answer. The last thing I want to do is push her into something she isn’t ready for.

  “Absolutely,” she says cheerfully.

  I don’t hesitate unlocking the new front door, flicking on the light, and holding the door open for her. Immediately, her eyes widen and her hands fly up to her mouth. I hold onto her waist as I walk in right behind her.

  “The walls. These pictures.” She gasps. “This doesn’t look anything like my apartment.” She chuckles lightly. Running her hand across the counter, she makes her way over to the window. “This must have taken you hours…” her words cut off and her brow furrows. “Wait, have you been slipping out while I’ve been sleeping? Because we’ve been practically inseparable. I can’t see how you would get this much renovating done.” She laughs nervously.

  I purse my lips together, raising my eyebrows. “One word.” I smirk. “Josh.”

  “Well that makes sense.” She giggles, walking over to where the artwork is on the wall. She stands in front of the sketches, her arms crossed and her head tilting ever so slightly from side to side. She slowly turns her head before her eyes fall on me. “This. You.” She points between the sketches and back to me. “You did these that day in the studio?”

  “Yes,” I reply.

  “These are…oh my god…I can’t even.” She tries to express her feelings, but it doesn’t make much sense. “These are simply beautiful. How you caught the way I’m moving. The way the dark and light shades show the emotion I was feeling that day.” She wraps her arms around my neck, kissing my lips lightly over and over. “You’re amazing,” she says between kisses.

  “You’re an easy subject to work with. I could draw you all day and each one wou
ld look as beautiful as the last.”

  “Thank you a thousand times over. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you for all you’ve done for me.”

  I reach down, kissing her deeply. My tongue works into her mouth; the taste and feel of her sears through my whole body. The feel of her soft skin against mine. This is my Amber and I will hold on to her for as long as I can. Forever.

  She pulls back, her wanting eyes meeting mine. “What happens now?” She smiles, but it is laced with sadness.

  “I’m not sure I know what you mean?”

  “Well, this,” –she holds out her hands– “the apartment. I just don’t know that I’m ready to be without you.”

  I can’t help but smile. “Then don’t,” I blurt out, raking my hands through my hair. “Stay with me as long as you want. I just wanted you to have your own apartment back.”

  She stares at me for a few seconds in silence. “You’ll stay with me here?” she asks tentatively.

  “Sure.” I smile. “Whatever you want.” And the truth is, I’ll do whatever she wants me to. I’m hooked on her. She’s the sweetest sort of drug, and I’m the addict. I can’t get enough of her. She is my high, the one that makes me feel alive. Makes my heart beat at a pace that had been unfamiliar to me. Until her.

  Amber

  I’m absolutely amazed at what the guys have done with the apartment. I’m not going to lie – this isn’t an easy move for me. The memories that come flooding back. The pain I feel. My chest tightens as I try to compose myself, try to hold it together.

  But he got me through this.

  Caleb.

  And I can’t deny how I feel about him. I’m in love with him. Something I don’t think or feel lightly. As a child going in and out of foster homes, feeling completely unwanted was something I had to deal with. It’s something I had to accept over the years. And for the first time in my life, I feel like I belong. I feel wanted, and above all else, I feel loved.