Dissipate

by Kristin Mayer

  “Kenzie, I need to go to the trail head to call the police. I can’t get the call to connect long enough to tell them where we are.”

  “What?”

  He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I couldn’t get the call to go through to 9–1-1. We need to call the police.”

  I looked back at the peaceful face of my best friend lying in my lap. It was like he was in a deep slumber without a worry in the world. Giving him one last kiss on the forehead, I told him. “I love you.”

  I tried to stand, but couldn’t. Aiden helped me to my feet. Needing to see that the Keeper and Abraham weren’t alive, I leaned over the side of the ravine. Abraham and the Keeper were unmoving and laying in an unnatural way.

  They were dead.

  Urging me on, I kept stumbling as I bawled. Fatigue laced my muscles and I was barely able to stand upright. The pain was acute as the moments prior kept replaying in my mind. Remembering Matthew’s face as he let out his last breath caused my knees to give out. Aiden picked me up and cradled me. His strength wrapped around me as I sobbed into his chest. The more the images played, the foggier my mind came. The memories turned into pictures before the crimson blood would wipe them away. Aiden kept trying to whisper soothing words to me, but it didn’t help.

  Nothing could.

  Making it to the beginning of the trail, Aiden sat me on the ground and took out his phone. I stayed nestled into him as he called the police and shivered as the shock set in. “Yes, I’m at Mount Kessler at the beginning of trailhead. Three men are dead. My girlfriend and I walked up on two guys holding a man hostage. We tried to diffuse the situation, but they started firing. Okay, yes. We’ll be here.”

  Aiden hung up the phone. “They’re on their way. Kenzie, I don’t think we should bring up The Society.”

  “What?” My voice was disbelieving. “We could expose them. We could make this all stop.”

  He shook his head as he positioned himself where I could see his eyes. “With what evidence? The Society will deny any association or spin it in a way that that has the police siding more with them like the last time.”

  “But, Aiden—“

  He was frustrated, but not at me. I knew it was hard with him being a journalist and not being able to expose the truth. “Kenzie, if your name and picture starts getting splashed all over the paper, all it’s going to do is put a target on you.”

  Aiden was right. As much as I wanted to argue with him, we didn’t have anything additional to tell them. Matthew was dead and couldn’t be a witness. We’d be in a worse predicament than we were now. We had nothing.

  All I could do was sob. The sadness was overwhelming. I’d lost Matthew. My best friend. Aiden comfortingly stroked my back. I was alive and in Aiden’s arms. Matthew was dead.

  Aiden whispered soothing words, “I know, sweetheart. This is fucking killing me.” As I shivered, Aiden moved his hands along me, trying to warm me up. “I want nothing more than to put all those slimy bastards away.”

  Sirens approached. As the cops got out, Aiden spoke to them. A paramedic looked me over.

  “Ma’am, are you hurt?”

  My voice was hollow. “No, I was trying to stop the bleeding when I saw he was shot.”

  “You’ve been through a terrible ordeal. Let me look you over.”

  All I could do was nod as Aiden led the officers up the trail. I didn’t want to go back up there and see Matthew’s lifeless body. He’d sacrificed himself for me and there was nothing I could do to stop all that had happened.

  There were no words to describe the . . .

  Pain.

  Loss.

  Guilt.

  FINALLY, THE POLICE allowed us to leave. Aiden gave them our contact information. The police had suggested we remain anonymous. As I’d sat in the back of the ambulance, while they checked me over, I’d seen the bodies carted off the mountain. I knew which one was Matthews and it took everything within me not to tell Matthew how sorry I was this had happened.

  The Keeper had a license on him that named him, Peter Peppington. Abraham or Matthew hadn’t had any identification. We didn’t have last names at The Society. We were simply known by our first names. No two people had the same name. They’d identify the bodies soon once they found someone connected with Peter or whatever his real name was.

  My whole body shook as I stared out the window. People roamed the streets and played about as if everything was okay. It wasn’t. After what seemed like hours we came to my apartment.

  Aiden spoke, “Wait in the car. I’m going to get us some clothes. I don’t know if anyone else is here from The Society. We’re going to stay somewhere tonight until I can make sure we’re safe.”

  I nodded. When was the nightmare going to end? Hadn’t there been enough loss to last a lifetime?

  The door reopened and Aiden threw a bag in the backseat. He had on a clean shirt that wasn’t smeared with Matthew’s blood. At least Brooklyn was out of town. Driving to the edge of town, Aiden pulled into a motel. I looked at myself and I was covered in Matthew’s blood. Matthew. Not even two hours ago he’d been alive with endless possibilities in front of him. Now . . . he had nothing.

  The paramedics had tried to clean me, but it hadn’t gotten rid of everything.

  After going into the front lobby, Aiden came back with a key. “We need to get you cleaned up. I got the unit at the end.”

  I couldn’t take my eyes off my hands as the dried blood stared back. My hands couldn’t stop shaking. There was so much blood. Matthew’s blood. Aiden ran to the door and opened it. He threw a blanket around me before he brought me inside.

  “Let’s get cleaned up, sweetheart. Then we’ll rest.”

  “Okay.”

  The door opened. Bright orange carpet got my attention. There wasn’t much to the hotel room. Locking the door behind us, Aiden took me straight to the bathroom. The water was turned on. Stripping both of us out of our clothes, Aiden got me into the shower. Deftly and efficiently he washed me under the lukewarm water, then himself. Soon the water changed from red back to clear. If only my guilt could be washed away the same way.

  After toweling dry and dressing, we got into bed.

  “Thank you for coming for me, Aiden.” I barely finished without my voice trembling.

  The covers came on top of us and I felt shielded. Safe. Aiden replied, “Shh . . . I’ll always come for you.”

  For a long time, I stared off into space. It was better than what I saw when my eyes closed—Matthew, lifeless in my lap. I’d chosen to leave The Society. My choice caused the all the other events to fall into place. The decision had cost someone dear to me their life. It should have been me that was killed on that mountain. It should have been me.

  Eventually, exhaustion took me under.

  OPENING MY EYES, I was greeted with Aiden’s eyes watching me, concern etching the dark rims. A heaviness pressed on my heart and that’s when I remembered.

  Matthew is dead.

  Or had it all been a dream? I sat up to get my bearings. We were in a hotel room I barely recognized. There were no more tears to be shed through my puffy eyes.

  “It really happened, didn’t it?” The words hung out there.

  Rubbing my back, Aiden softly spoke, “It did.”

  Defeated, I slumped. “What time is it?”

  “A little after five in the morning. You’ve been asleep since yesterday afternoon. Do you remember the nightmares?”

  The last thing I remembered was us getting into bed. Mercifully, I didn’t remember the nightmares. I quit trying to recall them. The last thing I needed was a distorted version of what I’d already seen firsthand.

  “No, and I hope I don’t.”

  “Me, too.” Aiden checked his phone. “The cops called checking on us. They stated that the bodies had already been identified by Luke Masterson, Peter’s partner. The police said that Luke told them that Peter Peppington had become unhinged. Luke also told them that they both have interests together and that P
eter had been voted off all the boards and asked to leave due to his actions.”

  He sighed. “The Society, or whoever the fuck they are, have this all figured out. If we’d said anything, it would have all been discredited by this Luke guy. He was faxing minutes of the meetings where Peter was asked to leave. Luke had already appointed a new person to manage The Society by the name of John.”

  The Keeper’s son.

  Someone from another Society was here . . . in Fayetteville. Sheer terror ran through me from head to toe. I pushed my matted-hair behind my ear. Bunching the brown comforter with cream squares in my fingers, I kept rethinking over yesterday’s events. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

  “I can’t believe he’s gone.” Matthew was all I could think about. The pain from the loss was only growing as the impact of what I’d done continued to reveal itself. This was all because of me.

  “I know. It should have been me. I picked for Matthew to go against the Keeper. Since I had the element of surprise, I took Abraham. If I had known . . .”

  The thought of losing Aiden was too much. I shook. “No, you can’t say something like that, Aiden. No, I can’t lose you.”

  Sheathing me in a protective hug, Aiden soothed me. “You’re not losing me. I’m here, Kenzie. I’m here.”

  Was there something I could have done differently? Laying back down, I closed my eyes and pressed myself closer against Aiden. Everything was still raw. I thought about Matthew’s parents as I willed myself to go back to sleep so the truth would go away. Hopefully, Luke didn’t make Matthew into some monster that had lost his faith in The Light. That was the ultimate shame to bring upon a family.

  Matthew’s parents would never know what a true hero their son was.

  They’d never know he died for me.

  They’d never know I was still alive.

  For the millionth time, I vowed to do everything I could to stop The Society.

  ON A PARK bench, I picked apart a barely eaten sandwich. I’d needed fresh air. The hotel room had a dank musty smell to it and had become stifling. There was no going home at this point with knowing that Luke Masterson was in the area. He could potentially have other Watchers with him.

  For some reason, I doubted the Keeper had told anyone else I was alive. That would mean a misstep on his part. If the word got out that I’d defected, a seed would be planted for others who wanted to know what life was like outside the confines of the community. People would wonder if the doomed were really that bad.

  Currently, Aiden was on the phone with his parents telling them about the murders we’d ‘stumbled upon.’ On the phone, Aiden suggested that it would be a good idea if Brooklyn and I moved somewhere safer with a security system. It sounded like his parents wanted that too.

  The Sigma Chi house was closing for the holidays so we couldn’t stay there. The apartment now felt tainted and was too dangerous.

  A duck landed in the pond, followed by another. They were playing with each other. It was entertaining to watch as I got lost in their movements. Anything to keep my mind off the blood . . . the death . . . Matthew’s lifeless face looking up at me.

  Sitting next to me, Aiden put his arm around my shoulder. I leaned in as little puffs of breath left me in the cold air. “Mom and Dad are coming here tonight. They agree that it would be smart to get you and Brooklyn moved into a house with security. They’re shaken up that we were so close to danger.”

  If they only knew.

  Aiden continued, “Don’t worry about the finances. We’ll make it work.”

  “Okay.” The fight had left me. There wasn’t anything but an empty feeling inside me. Standing, we made our way to the car. Before we got in, I stopped and looked at Aiden. “I love you, Aiden. I’m trying to pull myself together.”

  Grabbing my shoulders, he bent to bring himself eye level with me. “Kenzie, we’re in this together. I’m here for you.”

  The love and support I felt had me sobbing all over again. Matthew deserved to feel this from someone. I’d been the one to leave The Society to begin with.

  Kicking at the gravel, I looked down, but Aiden moved into my line of sight. I forced the words I felt out. “It’s hard trying to come to terms with all that I’ve done to cause this. The responsibility I feel is overwhelming . . . like it should have been me . . .”

  Aiden’s facial expression became fierce. “This isn’t your fault. This is those assholes who decided they had a right to play with human lives. Don’t say things like that, Kenzie. I need you. I can’t imagine life without you.”

  Instantly, I felt wrong for saying the last part. “I didn’t mean it. I honestly don’t know what to think or do. I’m lost.”

  He took a moment to calm. “I’m going to keep trying to find a way to expose them.”

  “We’ll find a way together.”

  CHRISTMAS WAS UPON us.

  We were at Aiden’s parent’s house. Three days ago we’d packed up my old apartment with Pamela and Kenneth’s help. Brooklyn and I now lived in a three-bedroom house in a gated community with a security system. It was nice and homey. I still needed to unpack, but I’d get to that when we returned.

  Aiden and I had followed Matthew, the Keeper, and Abraham’s death closely. It had been an open and shut case. To no avail, we’d even given the investigators all the info gathered on all the different societies . . . again. The investigators had looked at it and didn’t see anything. Maybe the other societies were truly religious groups and we’d gotten a leader who’d tried to play God.

  As a precaution the authorities had gone by the properties Peter Peppington and Luke Masterson had owned. Of course, they’d found nothing, but a peaceful community that knew . . . nothing.

  We’d continue to search for evidence . . . but maybe, just maybe, someone within The Society I had grown up in would question things with the police coming out there at least twice in the last couple of months.

  It was early in the morning, before four. These days I didn’t sleep much. The nightmares would wake me, having me gasp for breath. The only time I didn’t think about all that had happened was when Aiden made love to me.

  Aiden was still asleep in bed. I’d slipped out, to make myself a cup of hot chocolate and sit out in the glass room that was on the back of the house. Pamela had called it a solarium. Green plants filled the room. The stars were still bright in the sky.

  Being alone gave me time to keep working through all the pain and grief.

  “What are you doing up so early?” The voice was raspy and warm from sleeping.

  I sat up from the chaise lounge I’d been laying back on. “You know, same as always. Thinking about everything.”

  Aiden perched on the edge in his lounge pants and T-shirt. “The nightmares seem to be lessening.”

  “Yeah, they are. But there’s still an emptiness.”

  “I know.” The heater hummed to life.

  We leaned back in the chaise lounge together and looked back up at the stars. “We’ve never talked about the kiss with Matthew.” Aiden didn’t say anything, so I asked, “Did it upset you?”

  Aiden stared at the stars, his vision unfocused, probably going back to that horrid day. I shuddered at the memory as he spoke, “It was hard seeing you look at another man like that, but you loved him.”

  A tear escaped as I remembered Matthew’s lips against mine. “I did.” There was a look of pained anguish on Aiden’s face and I hurriedly continued, “Aiden, our love is different. You’re the love of my life.”

  Somberly, Aiden looked to me. “It’s because of his sacrifice that I have you. I can’t fault that love. He has your past and I have your future.”

  My lips trembled. This was hard talking about a subject we’d obviously avoided. “Do you feel like I cheated on you?”

  With Aiden being cheated on before, I was worried I’d broken a level of trust between us. But, I couldn’t bring myself to regret what I’d done either. If I’d denied Matthew, it would have forever haunted me.
It was a simple kiss, but it was still a kiss.

  Running his hand along his whiskers, he thought for a moment before looking back at me. “No.” I breathed a sigh of relief and nuzzled into Aiden’s chest. He moved his hand up and down my back. “I know you love me, Kenzie. I hate seeing you in pain, but I’m thankful I’m the one who gets to hold you. I feel like a bastard for saying that, but it’s the truth.”

  Matthew’s death was a burden we would carry for different reasons.

  “I feel guilty at times because I’m glad it wasn’t you. Aiden, I couldn’t stand losing you.” Talking all this out helped lift a weight I hadn’t realized was so heavy.

  “Sweetheart, I love you more than life itself. Knowing I was so close to losing you haunts me. We have each other and I’m never letting you go.”

  I closed my eyes as a couple more tears fell down my cheek. Aiden’s words helped soothe me. In the last week, I’d cried a lifetime’s worth. Opening them, I put my hand to Aiden’s cheek. “He died for me, Aiden. Because of him, I get to be with you.”

  Not being able to help it, I cried again.

  “I wish I could make the hurt go away, Kenzie. The best I can do is promise you’ll have my heart forever.”

  I snuggled deeper into him and drew from this strength. “You have mine.”

  “Then, I know everything will be fine.”

  Almost a year later—beginning of December.

  IN THREE WEEKS, it would be a year since Matthew had died. There’d always be a piece of me that felt the loss of my best friend, but it was now only a dull ache. The Society never came after me, but I still had nightmares from time to time. The haunting eyes of the Keeper would pull the trigger of the gun, then I’d wake up.

  However, no new information had been found to bring all the wrongs done by Jacob to the surface. It was frustrating that absolutely no progress had been made. In some ways, it felt like a lifetime since I’d been at The Society, burying my mom. I only prayed that with Jacob the murders truly stopped. When the Keeper had been at the apartment he said, Eventually, I’ll get the other branches to believe in my way of thinking. Maybe the killings had stopped. Even so, the victims deserved justice if anyone else had been involved.