Get Zombie: 8-Book Set

by Raymund Hensley

  Run, you bloody idiot, my brain told me. Get the hell out from here! Now's your chance! Beat it! Just beat it!

  And then I heard her screaming.

  Mum.

  She screamed; and it sounded like she was in agony. The sound cracked my brain.

  Now what?

  You should just turn around. I know you wanna be a good person and all, but this is ridiculous. Just run away and get help and come back later. Get the police. Right?

  It was true.

  As I turned around, the front door burst open and Mum popped out, covered in blood, crying, reaching for the clouds. Black smoke rose from under her. I heard kids begging. Granny was yelling orders I didn't understand. Mum was looking around, trying to figure it all out. Her mouth was all over the place.

  “Arrgghhelphelpehlpaarrghhh!” she goes, head shaking like a wet dog, her hair throwing blood. Aswangs were yanking on her legs, and with each tug she'd pull herself up again.

  I couldn't move. Couldn't run off. I had to see what would happen next. Had to be sure.

  The beasts down in that trailer gave a big yank, and Mum went all the way down. There was a mad fire in there. I could smell cooked beef.

  A few aswangs on fire crashed up through the windows and tumbled in the air and bounced on the ground. They rolled around as the grass caught fire. Another aswang flew out, and Mum was on the back of this one – both of them on fire. They landed and wrestled a bit...then were still. By this time, the whole trailer home is shaking like a pressure cooker and ready to explode.

  Something far off called my name.

  I looked to my left and saw Vol on the ground, all burnt and coughing. She sat up and saw me. It WAS her! I ran and embraced her. She hugged back. I could smell her hair burning. Granny shrieked and the trailer home exploded. Her head came flying right at us, teeth chattering like one of those wind-up toys.

  I punched her head, and it shattered against a tree.

  At first, I was helping Vol walk through the woods. Later, she knocked out...tired herself out...and so I had to drag her.

  I took her to the stream where I washed her up as best as I could. Every now and then she'd wake up and point us in the direction that would get us home. It pretty much was just keep going down stream. So I did. Dragging her, I did. Just kept going. Happy to be alive. Happy to have it over and done with.

  By night we were at some busy highway. I tried to thumb a ride, but I guess people just gotta get home in time to watch the little people in the magic box. So I did the next best thing to get attention: I ran into traffic.

  THREE

  It was the H1 freeway. A truck turned to miss me. The thing went all over the place, banging into automobiles. All the cars honked and cursed, and we caused a big jam. The driver of the truck, one of them good ol' boys, he come walking out and crushed his beer can on his forehead and tossed it away. He made his chest all big, and tried to start a fight with us. I tried to explain our situation. He put his hands on me. Vol woke up and got all up in his face and pushed him around. He looked at her in shock – she was all burned and black. Next thing I knew, she was beating the crap out of that guy. He was rolling around on the ground, holding his knee and crying. People stood all 'round, cheering Vol on.

  Then we caught a ride home from some nun.

  I had to break into my own place – shattered the window with a rock and unlocked the door and dragged Vol inside. I made us some rice and SPAM. Vol slept with me upstairs, in my bed. A knock on the front door woke me up, and I rushed down. I grabbed a broom. If it was Mum, I'd be ready to protect myself. She would be pissed that I didn't help her. Damn it all. I thought she was dead. Thought she was all burnt up. Another knock, and I opened the door with the broom held high above me, ready to strike.

  It was Sherry. The mum of my dreams.

  I cried, and she held me. We fell to the floor, and she cradled me. She said that everything was going to be all right.

  That I had nothing to fear.

  “Everything's going to be all right.”

  Sherry was downstairs the whole night, whispering into the phone. I didn't like it one bit.

  “I don't like this one bit,” I told Vol. “We have to bust out of here.”

  I put on some clothes and opened a window. Vol shook her head.

  “I'm tired. I hurt all over. Kill me now.”

  A whole mess of cars pulled into our driveway, lights blinding us. Everyone came running out, all their doors closing with loud SHOOMPS. I started dragging Vol across the floor.

  “Let's go! Move! Move!”

  I put Vol on a skateboard and pushed her into the hallway, and then I put on my shoes and ran after her. Five strangers rushed me and picked us up. Vol was screaming like a demon, trying to bite everyone. One of them yelled out “I got it, I got it! Look at this thing, Sam!” It was a woman, and she sounded way too excited.

  They took us downstairs. I tried backwards-headbutting the man carrying me. “Put me down!” I said. “Sherry! Sherry!”

  Mum stood in the living room, watching some lame game show on The Filipino Channel. She got up from the couch and clapped.

  She was was all messed up. Post-cooked.

  “Good job, boys! I shall split the money with you all. This is just a taste of what's to come.”

  I couldn't believe it.

  “Mum! You bitch! Let us go!”

  Mum smiled even more.

  “And I have you to thank the most,” she said. “My daughter. Thank you.”

  I said something back that sounded like thank you, and Mum slapped me.

  Everyone laughed. Vol snarled at Mum, so Mum slapped her, too – slapped her so hard with the back of her hand, Vol was knocked out cold. Sherry walked out from the kitchen and held her hand out. Mum gave her some money.

  Mum slapped her, too. I don't know why. After seeing how Sherry betrayed me, I don't know what's going on any more.

  They hauled us outside and stuffed me into the back of a car. Mum took Vol for herself; and we were off.

  I had a good idea where to.

  Polo Church had been there since 1869. According to the local Hawaiian mountain police, legend has it some priest came down from Jerusalem with the hair of Jesus. Anyway...this priest buried some under the church, kind of like a gift to the town for being so pure and all, so now all the people claim that it's a holy site, that it can cure whatever you got that's giving you crap...or cramps. The place can chase your demons away, and all that jazz. I even heard of some exorcisms being done there...although some said, “No, they be orgies, man. Orgies of the sexy kind.” In any case, it was a weird place, and I stayed away from it.

  To get to the church, you had to cross a cheap bridge on Old Polo road and keep going up. It was a big building on a hill.

  Can't miss it. But this bridge, it was where all the cool kids went under to get drunk and do the big poke.

  I looked at the woods as we drove over that bridge, imagining old Granny in there, headless, still alive somehow...waiting for me...every now and then bumping into trees and tripping in mud puddles.

  I think there were something like 3 or 5 cars. I was in the last car. My driver was an old woman with a sword strapped across her chest for easy access. The car's headlights picked up a figure of a man in the middle of the road. My driver complained something about disobedient teens and stopped. The man fell on the hood of the car. He looked scared to death.

  “She's gone crazy!” he was saying to us. “That kid bit the boss, and now she's gone crazy!” He ran off into the forest, fell in a ditch, and that was the last I saw of him.

  The old woman looked at me, her face sweating, then continued driving real slow. The other cars were all scattered on the road, all their red lights blinking. The old lady turned to me.

  “I'm going on out there,” she said. “You better not do something dumb.” She pulled free her sword. “Remember, I's got this here sword. Got that?”

  I wasn't afraid of her, but I played her gam
e and nodded my head.

  “Yes, ma'am, I got you.”

  The old bag got out and walked to the front of the car...searching the area...holding her sword out and waving it around.

  Money floated everywhere, dancing with the wind. The old lady tried to catch some. She brought her hand to her mouth.

  “Jerry! Ca'leen! Where you guys at? If this is the surprise birthday party I've been hearing about, I'm not impressed!”

  She saw something and turned around. Something struck her on the head, and she did a belly flop on the hood of the car.

  Mum jumped on the woman's back and yanked out her spine. The skull flew out and left the woman's face behind. It hit the windshield like a wet mask. Mum threw the spine away and dug into the woman's shivering back. Mum looked like a pig in a trough, snorting and gulping and slurping and all that. I ran out of the car...ran for the church.

  When I looked back to see if Mum was following me. She was gone. But I did see Vol all up in that old lady's corpse and munching away.

  Vol waved at me.

  I threw a rock through one of the church's huge windows. I would be safe if I just got inside. Oh, don't worry about the window. God understands. He forgives all.

  A sudden WHOOSH! and I was lifted off the ground. Mum laughed and made to bite the back of my head, but I reached up and pulled away her right breast. She screamed and let go, and I landed in a bush. It wasn't as soft a landing as one would think. I rolled out of that thing with thorns and twigs sticking out of me. I yanked out as many as I could as I ran for the church. Mum called my name and came in for another hit.

  Vol tackled her, and they were both sent exploding though the church doors. The two torsos punched and choked each other.

  The whole place came alive – flames engulfed each candle, bibles exploded, holy water bubbled, walls bled, statues looked away in shame, and the organ played by itself. It was a crazy song – something a cat would play if it was running all over it.

  Mum and Vol burst into flames. Mum reached out for me, trying to get me. She was spitting blood at me and cursing me out in Filipino. I ducked one of those bloody spits, and it sizzled on the grass. Vol tried her best to hold her back. Mum got close to breaking free from her, so Vol tore away Mum's other breast, then her eyes, then the meat on her arms. Mum's ears fell off. She was melting.

  An intense heat was inside. Hairs jumped out from the ground like snakes and pulled them into a zigzag crack of black smoke. All sorts of laughter and cursing came out from there. The hole was bilingual. Mum was tearing at her own face, pulling off everything. Vol was helping her, laughing, giggling, just so happy.

  The crack sealed up...

  ...the candles died out...

  ...the music stopped.

  A car was driving up right for me. No one was driving it. I jumped out of the way as the car took a sharp turn and rolled on its side and sealed the church up good.

  I ran from that place as fast as my little legs could carry me. As I went by those dead cars, I stopped by all those bills on the road and stuffed my pockets with so much cash. I ignored the dead bodies. Once my shoes were full, I went to the nearest bus stop and slept there.

  Sirens woke me up. The sun was in my eyes. People waiting for the bus were talking, saying things like “broke into the church” and “black smoke” and “dead people” and “shootout”. I got on the bus with the rest of them. I'm not sure, but I think I put in a twenty.

  The first thing I did after that ride was go to the police station – I just walked right in and spilled the beans. What was I gonna do? Get a job and pay the bills? Where was I gonna go? I had no relatives, no nottin'. So I told them coppers everything – the Filipino vampires, the trailer home, the kids – everything. I also did it as a sort of therapy. I didn't wanna bottle all that crap inside of me. I might end up with mental constipation. They sent me to stay overnight at the hospital, and that was pretty darn great. I mean, all the free food I could eat. The police were in and out of my room, asking all these questions about my mum. I kept saying I knew nothing, that she just up and left one day. As for the money in my clothes, I said my mum wanted me to hold it all for her, that I was a confused little girl, that I didn't know what was happening.

  They bought it. But they didn't let me keep the money. I didn't argue. I didn't have a lawyer.

  The story was all over the news. Reporters visited me. I felt oh so special. When a doctor told me that my mum was missing, I cried. Well, I mean I put my hands over my face and went “Boo hoo hoo”. Days later, a police officer walked into my room. He said that after much paperwork and after a lot of phone calls, it was decided. I'd be sent to stay with my mum's folks.

  In the Philippines.

  Great.

  A few days later, I'm greeted by an aunty I've never seen before. She cried and hugged me. I tried to cry back so she didn't feel like an idiot, but nothing came out. I was all cried out (isn't that a song?). She seemed nice enough. Aunty Sharon helped me out of the hospital, drove me home, made a quick meal, and packed my bags. I remember asking:

  “Do you have SPAM in the Philippines?”

  She said yes, and I was relieved.

  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, this moving to a different country thing. My senses hungered to experience different sights, new sounds, exotic tastes. And wasn't that what Life was all about? Expanding the senses?

  I made sure to pack my favorite book, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and my favorite movie, Forrest Gump.

  I was scared the whole plane ride over. I always expected Mum to pop up by my window and try to get me. It was even a problem using the bathroom. I was doing the business one time and the whole place dipped. My heart went with it. All this blue water splashed up all in me. I remember being afraid that Mum had attacked the plane and her hand was seconds away from reaching up from the toilet. On a night like that when I couldn't sleep, especially way up in the sky, I just read.

  It was always a sure way to calm my nerves.

  So then I'm in Cebu. I'm in the PI. In the Philippines. And it really ain't so bad. It's as modern as any place, really.

  The house I stayed in was nicer than my place in Hawaii. I don't know why, but Filipinos love their Bruce Lee and Van Damm DVDs. My new home had every one of them. And the movie Speed. There was a whole month where we watched Speed. I didn't mind. It was always a game of Who-Can-Say-Every-Line, and everyone got involved. People brought beer, food, it was a gosh-darn Keanu Reeves party.

  Some nights Sharon would be gone on business. She said she fixed computers. Her dream was to be an actress, but until the right audition came, doing “computer stuff” brought in the money just fine. Sure, it killed her soul, and she felt like dying each morning, but...you know...gotta keep hope alive, and all that jazz.

  I don't remember what the name of the town I stayed in was, but when night came, the whole place shut up. It was like in those old horror movies when the clock struck 10 and all the windows in town closed at the same time. Same thing happened.

  10 PM hit, and there went the windows. Sharon told me what was happening, but I already knew.

  Aswang.

  People were freaking out.

  It was an old woman giving them problems. Well, old in the day time. At night, she transformed into a hot babe. All the guys were advised to stay indoors and, if they see her flying around, topless and jiggling, to look away.

  So a lot of guys were being found dead.

  Some girls, too. But mainly dudes.

  The other problem was that our bathroom was outside. That meant that Sharon had to follow me all the time at night.

  Correction: she didn't have to. She was scared for my life. Not only did I have to deal with squatting over a pipe sticking out from the ground, I had to deal with Sharon always asking “Are you all right in there?”

  Sharon stayed by my side as much as possible. She was my guide around town, around the city. She taught me a lot about what I shouldn't say, what I should do, how serious
people took their Catholic upbringing, how to pray, what to eat, what NOT to eat, things like that. Here;s a tip. Never buy food from a vendor on the streets. Because that's not really a “hotdog”. Just an FYI.

  Sharon and my mum were never close. In fact, Sharon hated my mum as much as I did.

  “She was a little too crazy for me,” Sharon said. “Sometimes she'd walk around the house just screaming about how much she hated some boy that broke hear heart – how she was gonna kill him. And we all knew she meant to do it. That was the scary part – the crazy part. So many times she was arrested for attacking boyfriends. Doctors told us she had some kind of brain disease, I don't remember what. Her reasoning was that the Philippines was possessing her soul and making her do all these crazy things. It didn't make any sense. As she got older, she got quieter and quieter. And that was too weird for all of us. Because what was she thinking? No one knew what she was going to do next. We all expected her to one day blow up and, as you're fond of saying, get nuts. Imagine my relief when she hooked up with your dad and ran off to Hawaii.”

  She asked how my dad was, and I told her that I knew nothing of my dad. That he just ran off one day and never looked back.

  Sharon had a few things to say about him. She said that he was a tall white dancer that cheated on girl after girl.

  “I knew he was bad news,” Sharon said. “But she wanted to run away with him. That was all I needed to hear, so I said nothing. I didn't warn her about him. And life was much better with her gone. Everyone let out this huge sigh. It was like a big stink that was hovering over the town had finally disappeared.”

  I was waiting for her to say something like “I'm sorry for saying such an awful thing about your mother”. But it didn't happen.

  I think she just knew that I also didn't care for Mum. Maybe it was a matter of “come on, who ever did?” You'd be a weird-o if you liked her.