Secrets She Kept

by Cathy Gohlke

  The door to the examination room opened.

  “Dr. Mengele!” She recognized him from two years before. She would not have chosen this doctor, though she could not say precisely why. The examinations, no matter who performed them, were technically the same. It was only a feeling, and hadn’t they told her countless times not to trust her feelings, her instincts? They were not reliable and would mislead her. Neither they nor she could be trusted.

  “May I come with my wife, Herr Doctor?” Friederich stood by her side. Lea felt her husband’s strength seep into her vertebrae.

  “For the examination?” Dr. Mengele raised eyebrows in amusement. “Nein.” And then more gruffly, “Wait here.”

  “But we would like to talk with you, Herr Doctor,” Friederich persisted, “about a matter of great importance to us.”

  “Can a grown woman not speak for herself?” Dr. Mengele’s amusement turned scornful. He didn’t acknowledge Lea, but snorted and walked through the door.

  Lea glanced once more into her husband’s worried eyes, felt his courage squeezed into her hand, and followed Dr. Josef Mengele into the examination room.

  Friederich checked his watch. If the clock in the hallway was to be believed, Lea had been behind the closed door for only forty-seven minutes, but it seemed a lifetime.

  He’d not been in favor of her coming to Frankfurt. He’d never understood the hold the Institute maintained over his wife, why she both feared and nearly fawned at the feet of these doctors. But he’d married her—the woman he saw much more in than she saw in herself—for better or for worse, and this, he’d decided, was part of that package. He would not forbid her to come; she feared them too much for that.

  And these days, putting your foot down against authority figures carried consequences—consequences Lea could not afford now that Friederich was not regularly at home. The last thing he wanted was men from the Institute on his wife’s doorstep when he was not there to protect her. Better for her to remain invisible. From what little he knew of the Führer’s “negotiations” with Poland, he and his unit could be shipped east at any moment. He’d been lucky to get leave at all.

  Friederich pushed his hands through his hair, sat heavily once again on the backless bench, and knotted his fingers between his knees.

  He was a simple man. He loved his wife, his Lord and his church, his country, his woodcarving, Oberammergau with all its quirks and passion for its Passion Play. He was a grateful man, and the only thing missing in his life was children that he and Lea would bear and rear. He didn’t think it selfish to ask God for such a thing.

  But he wondered if Lea would ask the right questions of the doctor, if she might miss something. She was a smart and insightful woman, but the nearer they’d come to Frankfurt, the more childlike she’d become. And this Dr. Mengele, whoever he was, seemed less than approachable.

  Friederich checked his pocket watch, then the clock again. He wanted to take his wife from this place, go home to Oberammergau—home to their cool Alpine valley, to all they knew and loved. He only wished he didn’t have to return to his barracks, wished he could take his wife home and make love to her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to serve his country or that he loved Germany less than others. At least, he loved the Germany he’d grown up in. But this New Germany—this Germany of the last seven years with its hate-filled Nuremberg Laws that persecuted Jews, its eternal harassment of the church, its constant demand for greater living space and focus on pure Aryan race—was something different, something he could not grasp as a man grasps wood.

  Like any German, he’d hoped and cheered when Adolf Hitler had promised to raise his country from the degradation of the Treaty of Versailles. He wanted to be more than a stench in the world’s nostrils and to forge a good life for his family. But not at the expense of what was human or decent. Not if it meant dishonoring God in heaven or making an idol of their Führer.

  He closed his eyes to suppress his anxiety about Lea, about politics, to clear his head. This was not the time to argue within himself about things he could not control.

  He’d focus on the Nativity carving on his workbench at home. Wood was something he could rely upon. Just before being conscripted, he’d finished the last of a flock of sheep. Now he envisioned the delicate swirls of wood wool and the slight stain he would tell Lea to use in their crevices. Yes, something with a tinge of burnt umber would add depth, create dimension. His wife had the perfect touch. Watching her paint the wooden figures he’d carved was a pleasure to him—a creation they shared.

  Friederich was counting the cost of the pigment and stain mixtures she would need for the entire set when the sharp click of a woman’s heels on the polished tile floor caused him to lose focus. Her perfume preceded her. He opened his eyes, only to feel that he’d fallen into another world. There was something about the woman’s face that struck him as frighteningly familiar, but the window dressing was unrecognizable.

  Striking. He’d say she was striking. The same medium height. Her eyes were the same clear blue. Her hair the same gold, but not wrapped in braids about her head as they’d been an hour ago. Her locks hung loose, in rolling coils, so fluid they nearly shimmered. Her nails—fiery red—matched her lips. She wore seamed stockings the color of her skin and slim, high-heeled shoes that, when she paused and half turned toward the door, emphasized slender ankles and showed toned calves to good advantage.

  All of that he noticed before he took in the belted sapphire suit, trim and fitted in all the right places. He closed his eyes and opened them again. But she was still there, and coming closer.

  The thin, middle-aged man beside her stepped in front, blocking his view. “Entschuldigung, is this where we wait for Dr. Verschuer?”

  But Friederich couldn’t speak, couldn’t quite think. And he didn’t know a Dr. Verschuer—did he?

  At that moment a pale and agitated woman in nurse’s uniform pushed through the door at the far end of the corridor, hurrying toward them. “Dr. Kramer—please, you have entered the wrong corridor. Dr. Verschuer is this way.” Casting a furtive glance toward Friederich, she hurried the man with the thinning gray hair and the beautiful young woman back the way they’d come.

  “Lea,” Friederich whispered. “Lea,” he called louder.

  The woman in the belted suit turned. He stepped expectantly toward her, but her eyes held no recognition of him. The nurse grabbed the woman’s arm, pulling her down the hallway and through the door.

  Friederich stood half a moment, uncertain what he should do, if he should follow her. And then the examination room door beside him opened, and his wife, her face stricken and braids askew, walked into his arms.

  Discussion Questions

  Have you ever wished for a better relationship with a parent or family member but not known how to achieve one? Did you find a new path to further your relationship? How did you go about it?

  Hannah grew up thinking of Joe Sterling as “my hero, my champion against Mama.” Why do you think she accepted what Joe told her about her mother at face value? Has anyone ever influenced your view of someone else in a similar way?

  Why do you think Joe manipulated Lieselotte into marrying him, and into staying with him despite his promise to release her once she regained her health? How did this information change your view of Joe?

  Do you agree or disagree with Lieselotte’s decision not to confide in her daughter about her past and the identity of her biological father? Did Lieselotte do the right thing in staying with Joe? Please explain.

  What do you think about Hannah’s decision to investigate her mother’s past? Would you have followed such a trail?

  Do Lieselotte’s feelings about her father and brother change as the war progresses and their involvement with the Nazi Party intensifies? Do you think Lukas continues to consider Rudy a friend? Why or why not?

  Were you surprised to learn that Herr Sommer disowned Lieselotte and abandoned her in Ravensbrück? Why do you think he makes this decision? Do you
see evidence that he regrets this course of action later in his life?

  What do you think motivates Dr. Peterson to manipulate Herr Sommer and his family? How does Herr Sommer, in turn, manipulate Dr. Peterson?

  Hannah hesitates to accept what she learns about her grandfather’s role during the war and struggles to know how to interact with him once she knows the truth. If you discovered that a relative had committed a heinous crime, how would that information change your relationship?

  When Lieselotte says she wants to assist the Kirchmanns in their work to help Jewish people in hiding, Lukas challenges her, asking if she feels the Lord has called her to this. She thinks, “If I said yes, I would be lying. If I said no, would they let me help? I could not lie to Lukas or his parents . . . nor could I tell him—explain to him—that if I did nothing, I would die inside. I would burst and die of loneliness, of anger, of frustration, of helplessness.” Finally she tells Lukas, “I only know I must do something that helps someone. Everything I see frightens me nearly to death. If I am caught, I would rather die for something than live for nothing.” Have you ever felt this way? What did it propel you to do?

  Our regrets often come from mistakes we’ve made, but Carl is haunted more by the family’s inaction—as are his parents, to some degree. Have you ever regretted your own failure to take action?

  Have you read Corrie ten Boom’s The Hiding Place or seen the film? If so, how did her story impact you? Do you think you would help others as the Ten Boom family did? What do you think of her forgiveness of the guard from Ravensbrück? How would you have responded in the same situation?

  Hannah learns that it is one thing to believe in the forgiveness, redemption, and saving power of Jesus Christ and another thing to fully surrender and walk in newness of life. Discuss the difference and how each one is achieved. Why is it so difficult to surrender our rights in order to forgive or be forgiven?

  About the Author

  CATHY GOHLKE IS the two-time Christy Award–winning author of the critically acclaimed novels Saving Amelie, Band of Sisters, Promise Me This (listed by Library Journal as one of the best books of 2012), William Henry Is a Fine Name, and I Have Seen Him in the Watchfires, which also won the American Christian Fiction Writers’ Book of the Year Award and was listed by Library Journal as one of the best books of 2008.

  Cathy has worked as a school librarian, drama director, and director of children’s and education ministries. When not traipsing the hills and dales of historic sites, she, her husband, and their dog, Reilly, make their home in northern Virginia and the Jersey Shore, enjoying time with their grown children and granddaughter. Visit her website at www. cathygohlke.com.

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