“I seriously doubt it, Jilly.” Connie shook her head. “You could never see it. The rest of us,”—she gestured toward Scarlet, Piper, Ettie, and Sophie—“we all see it. The man has it bad for you. Always has. And Christ, he’s hot.” She sighed dramatically.
“He may be my father-in-law, and even I can admit he’s hot, but I think your hormones are in overdrive, preggo,” Scarlet cut in teasingly.
Connie rolled her eyes, her hands on her belly. “Speak for yourself,” she replied pointedly. With Scarlet, Connie, and Sophie all pregnant, the Knights had their hands full.
So did those of us whose hormones were within the normal stratosphere.
“I just love how he looks at you.” Ettie sighed blissfully.
“Maybe you should go out with him,” I muttered dryly, watching as Mason and Maddox toddled over to the box of toys Piper kept in the store.
“I don’t think my man would like that very much.” She laughed.
“You have a point,” I agreed with a smile.
“Plus, you’re the only one he wants,” Scarlet added knowingly. Scarlet was married to Cole, VP of the Knights MC and Cal’s son.
I groaned, dropping my face into my arm on the counter.
“Let’s let poor Jilly out of the hot seat, shall we?” Sophie cut in.
“Yes, let’s,” I replied, my voice muffled as I continued to bury my face.
“I have to go home anyway.” Scarlet spoke up. “Cole took Gracie to the park this morning and I want to see her before she goes down for her nap. I’ll torture you another day,” she teased, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and squeezing briefly.
I smiled good-naturedly, watching as she grabbed her bag and with a final wave headed out into the sunshine.
“Gracie needs a nap and so do I.” Connie yawned.
“You feeling okay?” I asked. The nurse in me wanted to ask while the friend in me had to.
“I’m fine, just tired,” Connie assured me. “I don’t need another worrywart on my hands,” she added dryly. “Wes would bubble wrap the planet if he could.” She rolled her eyes as she spoke of her husband.
“Same with Axel.” Sophie sighed.
“I think it’s sweet.” I smiled.
Connie snorted. “Tell me how you feel when you join the club.” She winked.
“Not this again,” I groaned.
“Fine,” she agreed, all too easily. “God, I never thought I’d be too tired to give you shit about Cal. I must really need a nap.”
“You must. Why don’t you go do that then?” I replied with exaggerated sweetness.
Piper burst out laughing at our antics as Connie wrapped me in a hug. “Talk to you ladies later.”
“Later,” Piper replied, still laughing as I waved.
“You need help with anything, Pipe?” Sophie asked. We frequently pitched in around the store. All of us knew how to ring customers up and had the inventory down pat.
“I’m good,” Piper replied. “Eve will be here shortly to take over,” she added, referring to her fiancé, Ryker’s, mom, who frequently worked at the boutique with her.
I turned to watch Maddox and Mason as they shared a toy.
“They’re getting so big.” Sophie sighed.
“I know,” I agreed wistfully. “I should take him home for a nap.”
“Me too.” Sophie nodded. “I swear our town is quieter between the hours of twelve and two.” She laughed.
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” I replied, lifting Mason into my arms.
“Dinner tonight?” she offered.
“Uh, are you cooking?” I asked cautiously. Sophie wasn’t exactly great in the kitchen.
She rolled her eyes. “No, Ax is going to barbeque. Pipe, you and Ry are coming, right?”
“Yep.” Piper nodded.
“Sounds good,” I agreed. “Text me with what you want me to bring.”
“Cool,” Sophie agreed with a wave.
“Let’s go home, Bubs,” I murmured to Mason.
Not surprisingly, Mason fell asleep in the car on the way home. I carried him into our apartment, loving the feel of his soft weight, made heavier in sleep.
Our home had been my friend Kat’s place, then Sophie’s, and the club had purchased it, wisely figuring they’d need it again.
They’d been right.
The large loft-style studio with a galley kitchen, high ceilings, and exposed brick was spacious enough for the two of us. Though it was only one large room, the walk-in closet was large enough to function as a small bedroom for Mason. I was able to fit his crib in there and kept the majority of my clothes in an armoire instead.
I’d tried to make the small space as cozy as possible with a mobile hanging from the ceiling and glow-in-the-dark stars on the walls. He seemed completely content and slept soundly nearly every night.
I laid him gently in his crib, watching his long eyelashes flutter with what I hoped were the sweetest of dreams.
If only I could be so lucky.
Chapter 3
The call came a few days later as I was putting Mason down for a nap. I don’t know how I knew—looking back, it had been the case with every meaningful event in my life. I just knew deep down that something terrible had happened. I eyed my phone warily before picking it up, its small size like a brick in my hand, ominously heavy.
“Mrs. Turner?” the unfamiliar female voice asked.
“It’s Miss,” I corrected automatically. My divorce may not have been finalized, but I’d be damned if I was tied to Tim by anyone.
“This is Regina Fredricks from Oakview Retirement Community. I’m so sorry, Miss Turner, but your grandmother passed away early this morning.”
I sucked in an audible breath, reaching out to grasp the nearest support I could find so I didn’t collapse. The kitchen stool felt cold and unyielding underneath my unrelenting grip.
“I-I just spoke to her yesterday,” I breathed. It felt unbelievable and impossible that my grandmother could just be… gone.
“It was sudden.” Her tone was full of sympathy. “She passed peacefully in her sleep. You’re listed as her next of kin. As I understand it, she spoke to you about her last wishes?”
“Yes,” I managed to confirm. The conversation we’d had just under a year ago, right after her stroke, came to mind, still vivid despite the time and events that had occurred since.
“No fuss, Jilly. I mean it,” she’d told me firmly with her typical surliness. She’d always had an unapologetic ire, caused by hard living. It made getting to the soft side that she only shared with a select few—my sister and myself included—all the sweeter. “The money I’ve saved is meager—I meant it to be. I’d rather spend any money I have on what living I have left.”
I’d managed a nod, knowing she wouldn’t want me getting emotional.
“Jill.” She’d sighed in loving exasperation as I’d failed to hide the tears clouding my vision. “Even if I go tomorrow, I had a good run. You and your sister kept me on my toes.” She’d chuckled. “Especially Janelle.” Her eyes had turned to me, her movements still slow following her stroke. “Your sister isn’t like us, Jill.” She’d grasped my hand hard, surprising me with her strength. “You’re soft on the outside but to your core you’re tough, strong. You always have been. Your sister—she’s still searching for that strength. I don’t know if she’ll find it. I worry about those kids.”
“I do too,” I’d admitted, thinking of my niece and nephew, both from different fathers, neither of whom had ever been in their lives.
“I know you have your own burdens right now,” she’d murmured in that way of hers. I’d never shared with her what was going on with Tim but I knew she knew something wasn’t right. “But don’t ever doubt yourself, Jill. From the very first you broke the mold. You’ll be fine. When the time comes, let me go and remember how I lived. Okay?” Her hard expression gave me no choice but to nod.
“Will you be able to get a flight out today?” The woman’s voice on the line
cut through my reverie.
My head spun. “Yes, I think so.” I nodded, pulling out my laptop to immediately begin searching for flights. It would be expensive to book a flight so last-minute but I couldn’t think about that now. “Have you spoken to my sister by any chance?”
“No, ma’am,” she replied.
I hadn’t been able to get hold of Janelle in weeks.
“Okay, I’ll need to bring my son with me. I’ll look into arrangements and call you back to confirm once I have everything arranged.”
“All right, Miss Turner. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. We’ll be seeing you soon.”
I hung up, my fingers flying across the screen, intent on the task at hand. I’d let myself fall apart later. For now, my grandmother trusted me to take care of her last wishes and I was determined to do just that.
****
The warm tones of the New Mexican landscape spanned outside the airplane window as we began our descent later that night. I held a squirming Mason on my lap, catching brief glimpses of the mesas that rose from the earth as though determined to reach the sky.
With its unforgiving landscape juxtaposed with the lush forests and expansive sky, I’d always thought New Mexico to be one of the most beautiful places on earth.
That didn’t mean I felt like I was coming home, not really.
Mason was a mess by the time we landed and my nerves were shot from trying to calm him for the past few hours. Luckily, it was a relatively short flight.
My phone pinged with several texts as I pushed his stroller through the terminal. I’d sent Sophie a quick message before we took off, letting her know my grandmother had died and I’d be out of town for a few days. I knew she’d worry otherwise.
I’d check in with her later. For now, I needed to focus. I was worried that if I talked to her, if I heard her familiar, caring voice, I’d lose it. I couldn’t afford that now.
I’d rented a car, the cheapest I could find. By the time I got a screaming Mason strapped in and our bag in the trunk, I felt like I’d run a marathon. I was sweating from the stress of the flight, from grappling with my loss, and the dry heat.
I’d planned to stop by the funeral home to begin making arrangements, but it was clear that wasn’t happening until morning due to Mason’s behavior. I needed to get him fed and into bed.
I pulled up to the motel, wishing fervently that I could have stayed under my grandmother’s roof at least one more time. It was the only house that had ever felt like home to me as a child. I’d sold the house a few years back to help pay for the home she needed to live in after her stroke.
Guilt that I hadn’t visited more gnawed at me. The realization that she was really gone had barely begun to sink in.
By the time I got us checked in and Mason down for the night, I was walking a razor’s edge of an emotional breakdown. My sister still hadn’t called me back and I felt completely unprepared to handle what lay ahead.
How could I possibly say good-bye?
Most of the people I’d known in my life had let me down in one way or another. Not my Gran. She’d taken Janelle and me in when our own parents walked away. She’d doled out love with such fierce generosity that you couldn’t help but feel it to your very core. Her commitment to us was unyielding, even though it came unexpectedly and so much later in her life.
She was an example of strength that I’d relied on throughout my life, just as I would do now.
I curled next to a sleeping Mason, hoping I could sleep for a little while at least. There was such raw honesty about the way he slept. He gave himself over completely, seeming to love sleep and wakefulness in equal measure.
My phone vibrated, Sophie’s name flashing on the screen. I stepped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me so that I didn’t disturb Mason.
“Hi,” I murmured, sitting on the closed toilet lid.
“Hi. Oh Jilly, I’m sorry about your gran.” She sighed.
With that, the damn burst as I’d known it would. In a way it was a relief as I let out a choked sob, nodding even though she couldn’t see me.
“What can we do?” she asked worriedly.
I wiped my eyes, trying to pull it together. “There isn’t really anything,” I replied hoarsely. “It’s just been a really rough day.”
“I’m sure,” she said sympathetically. “Have you heard from Janelle?”
“No,” I replied, the agitation clear in my tone. “I’m taking Mason over there tomorrow after I deal with the funeral arrangements. It’s not like she’ll be much help anyway. At this point I just want to make sure she’s okay.”
“She’s so selfish,” Sophie complained. “I don’t even know her and I want to give her a good solid shake to snap her out of it.”
I smiled despite myself. Sophie was far from a violent person but she was a good friend, the very best.
“How’s Bubs?”
“Sleeping. We had a rough flight. I think his ears were bothering him.”
“Always fun to deal with a screaming toddler on your own,” she replied knowingly.
“Yeah. Listen, I’m going to try to get some sleep. I’m pretty exhausted,” I told her. My eyes were burning with emotion and exhaustion. I knew if I was going to get through the next few days I’d need some rest.
“Are you sure you don’t need me? Should I come out?” she asked.
I had no doubt she’d come if I asked, but she had her own family to take care of. “I’m okay,” I told her again. “I’ll keep you posted.”
“Okay,” she replied, not sounding convinced in the slightest. “Love you, Jill.”
“Love you too, Soph.” I smiled for the first time all day. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“You’d better.”
After hanging up, I crawled back into bed, my eyes already drooping. The only stroke of luck was that sleep wouldn’t be an issue for once.
****
“We’re nearly done,” the funeral director assured me the following morning as he eyed Mason warily.
Mason was officially in meltdown mode after being remarkably good through the visit to Gran’s retirement home to collect her possessions and over an hour going through details at the funeral home. He’d hit his limit and I wasn’t far behind.
The tomblike environment that reeked of death wasn’t doing much for my frayed nerves.
“Okay.” I nodded readily, holding my squirming, whiny son and hoping like hell I wasn’t screwing up any of the decisions I was making. I was close to falling apart as I rocked Mason, trying to focus on the catalog of flowers in front of me.
When the funeral director’s gaze focused on something behind me, betraying a hint of fear on his otherwise stoic face, I turned, curious.
My gasp echoed through the silence.
Cal.
He was the last person I’d expected to see and if I allowed myself to ponder it, one of the few people I wanted to. His muscular thighs ate up the space between us as he crossed the room, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” I asked in confusion as he drew close.
“Your gran died, darlin’. You shouldn’t be alone,” he replied in his deep voice, as though it was perfectly normal that he’d flown out here.
“But… how? How did you know?” I sputtered, feeling completely confused and overwhelmed.
“Babe,” he rumbled. “Let me take Bubs so you can wrap up.”
Before I knew it he was lifting Mason out of my arms. Mason let out a little shriek of delight. Though they hadn’t spent all that much time together, he’d always adored Cal.
“Miss Turner? Shall we wrap up?” the funeral director prompted.
I watched distractedly as Cal carried Mason outside, murmuring to him quietly. I resolved to make sense of the Cal situation once I got through the next few days.
I found Cal and Mason on a small patch of lawn outside the funeral home. Mason was toddling around as Cal turned from watching him to study me.
“
All set?” he asked, his eyes bright with concern.
I nodded, lifting Mason into an embrace, needing his soft skin and warm weight in my arms.
“Where to next?” Cal asked.
“I need to track down my sister. She hasn’t returned any of my phone calls,” I explained.
He nodded. “All right, we’ll take the SUV I rented.”
I shook my head. “I have a car,” I argued, pointing to the small sedan I’d rented. I was beyond asking him why he wanted to come with us. I clung to my earlier resolve to dig into that later, when I had the mental capacity for it.
“Baby, that thing is like a tin can. The SUV is safer. Switch the car seat and let’s go.”
His demand and implication that I couldn’t provide for my son hit a nerve. I held Mason closer as I glared up at Cal. “If you came out here to boss me around or to judge me for having to make decisions based on a tight budget, then you can leave right now, Cal Jackson.”
He had the nerve to smile, his gaze warm on mine. “I have my hands full with you, don’t I?”
“You don’t have your hands full of anything,” I snapped.
His expression softened as he took a step closer. “I’m here to help, Jill. You’re always so intent to prove you can do things alone—you’ve proved that you can. You’ve done well by your boy. That’s not in question here. It never was.”
After a skeptical moment I managed a stiff nod.
He looked at my rental car again. “If wheels are moving, I’m driving, and I doubt I’d fit behind the wheel. Do me a favor and move the car seat, all right?”
His change of tactic wasn’t lost on me. I was too tired to argue. “Fine,” I agreed. “I have the last of Gran’s things in the trunk. I don’t want to leave them.”
His gaze lit with understanding. “Course not, baby. I’ll get them.”
It was only a few minutes before we were pulling away from the curb. I directed him to the trailer park where Janelle had been living the last time I was in town.
Though I was far from wanting to get into my family history, I felt the need to explain what we might be walking into. “My sister and I aren’t all that close. She’s struggled with substance abuse throughout her life. She’s never been reliable and she knows that I worry about how she’s raising her kids.”
Cal (The Ride Series Book 5) Page 2
