Montana Sky: Becoming Mine (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Nevada Bounty Book 3)
Page 8
“If you want it bad enough you have to fight for it,” Della said. “Maybe it’s not a war, but anyone worth loving is worth fighting for.”
Ruby swiped at her tears. “I’d planned to go see him when he gets back from the Montana Territory, and explain myself. But I thought about it all the way home and I don’t know how to do that. What I did was such a betrayal. It wasn’t intended to be, but I should have confessed about Ray when Miles began courting me. By that time it was already too late to tell him without humiliating him.”
Della made a scoffing noise in her throat. “Men and their pride will be the world’s undoing.”
Sarah grunted in the affirmative.
“Maybe,” Ruby said. “But if I have any hope of making things right with him, I’ll have to swallow my own pride to appease his.”
Which, on a certain level, she found galling. On the surface Ray had been a practical solution to her financial problems. She hadn’t bargained on falling in love with her employer, and that’s where Ray became a liability of her own making.
Della laughed—a wry, knowing laugh. “Ruby, darling, that’s the only reason life goes on—women swallowing their pride to appease men. History is built on it.”
It turned out that despite Ruby’s willingness to make amends, Miles stayed away from Virginia City. Ruby sent word to the mine to let her know when Miles returned, but no word came. Days, then weeks went by and Ruby began to worry.
She didn’t want to impose, but she finally sent a telegram to the Carters in Montana. They responded that Miles had already left.
Ruby stood in front of the telegraph office, holding the paper in her hand. “Where are you, Miles Collins?”
Chapter 8
After Miles dropped Ruby at the Carters, he went back and finished his obligation with Daniel, steadfastly refusing to discuss the accident, or Ruby, or Ray.
He owed his cousin John an enormous favor. He’d dumped Ruby in their lap with no ceremony, and while John was a good man and understood as much as he could, Ruby really had been Miles’ responsibility, but he’d been too much of a coward to deal with it. He’d turned tail and run.
He’d never dishonored himself like that before. But dammit, Ruby had humiliated him. What was she playing at dressing up like a boy? How could she come to work every day, look him straight in the eye and lie to him like she had?
Sitting in Isaac’s study, a glass of whiskey in hand, his gut still twisted with Ruby’s betrayal, but adding to his confusion was the fact that he also still loved her.
“You ready to talk to me yet, brother, or you need some more time to mope?” Isaac asked.
Miles had gone straight to Isaac’s ranch from Montana, unable to face the mine or Virginia City. After all, he’d met Ruby by literally running into her on the street. He didn’t want to chance doing that again while trying to avoid her.
He’d have to see her eventually, and talk to her. He couldn’t avoid her forever. But right now his heart was broken and his pride bruised, and he was confused and angry.
Maybe talking to Isaac would be good practice for talking to Ruby.
“It’s about Ruby.”
Isaac rolled his eyes, irritating Miles. “I figured that much,” Isaac said. “What happened?”
Miles scrubbed a hand over the stubble on his jaw. It had been several weeks since he’d discovered Ruby’s secret, and he hadn’t said a word to anyone about it, even John Carter. He’d finished his obligation to Daniel, then gone to the ranch and worked himself exhausted.
Talking wasn’t so easy. He didn’t know where to start, so he just blurted, “Ruby is Ray. Was Ray.”
“You want to start at the beginning? I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”
“I told you I hired a boy named Ray as a clerk at the mine.”
“Right.”
“And you were there when I ran into Ruby on the street in Virginia City.”
“I was.”
“Ruby was dressing up as a boy she claimed to be her brother, and working at the mine. She was Ray. They were the same person.”
It sounded as outlandish out loud as it did running in an endless loop in his head.
“Well, that’s something you don’t see every day.”
Miles quirked a brow at his brother. “That’s all you have to say?”
“I don’t know what else to say. Have you asked her why she did it?”
“I…”
He hadn’t actually said a word to her since he’d discovered her secret. It hadn’t even occurred to him to ask her why. He’d been so humiliated he’d wanted her out of his sight.
“You haven’t talked to her at all, have you?” Isaac asked. Shaking his head, he added. “Little brother, you really are dim-witted sometimes.”
Miles’ hackles went up. How dare Isaac call him dim-witted? He’d been the one wronged, after all.
“She lied to me. Don’t tell me if Beth had done the same, you wouldn’t be angry.”
“Beth is an impetuous woman, and she did foolish things—including lying—while trying to save my sorry hide. She saved my life, and I’m a better man because of her. If I’d let my pride get the best of me, you and I wouldn’t be sitting here talking about your wounded pride, brother. I’d be dead, hanged for a crime I didn’t commit. So maybe before you condemn her, you could listen to her side of things?” Isaac said.
Why did a few minutes talking with Isaac make Miles feel like a guilty ten-year-old again? When he and his brothers were boys, they got in hundreds of arguments and Miles had won a reputation for holding a grudge the longest, for stubbornness, and Sam especially had gone so far as accusing him of pouting.
It wasn’t an appealing trait in a man. Certainly he’d used the tendency to stubbornness to his advantage in the business world on occasion, but in personal relationships it only made things worse. He thought he’d learned to curb it as he got older, and perhaps with his brothers he had, but he’d never been in love before so he was bound to make mistakes, wasn’t he?
“I suppose for the sake of fairness, I should.”
Isaac snorted. “For the sake of fairness. Let me ask you this, Miles. Do you love her?”
“I thought I did, but then she betrayed me.”
“No, I didn’t ask if you felt betrayed. I asked if you love her. If you really love someone, you don’t stop loving them just because they do something that makes you angry. You still love them, you’re just angry, too. So, do you love her?”
“I thought I did,” he said again. “But I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t know what it feels like.”
Isaac nodded. “Okay. Can you imagine living the rest of your life without her?”
Miles let his imagination consider the question. He’d thought he had a good life before he met Ruby. His job was challenging and satisfying. He had a home and friends and family and sufficient money to be comfortable. But then he met Ruby. She was pretty, and smart, and made him laugh. She warmed his heart, and she awoke things in him he didn’t know he’d been missing. Suddenly his job wasn’t as important as spending time with Ruby. He couldn’t wait to see her so he could share stories about work, or about things that had occurred to him throughout the day.
But because she’d lied to him, she already knew all the same stories because Ray had been there when they happened.
Still, he’d been happier in the months he’d known her than he could remember ever being. That had to be worth the time to hear her out.
“I could live my life without her, but I don’t really want to.”
Isaac shook his head again. “You’re the most cantankerous man I’ve ever met, Miles. You should count yourself lucky any woman would have you, whether she dresses as a man or not. Open your heart and think of someone besides yourself for once and listen to her.”
Isaac’s words shook Miles. Not only were they harsh, which the brothers were known to do with each other now and then, but they struck a chord. He could be prickly, but did peo
ple other than his family see him as worse than that? Had women dismissed him because of it? He’d never really given the opinion of others that much consideration, but Isaac declaring he should count himself lucky Ruby would have him stopped him short.
After she’d lied to him, she should be lucky he’d have her.
He hung his head and closed his eyes. Perhaps this was the kind of attitude Isaac was talking about. Thinking only of how any given situation affected himself wasn’t charitable to begin with, but certainly lacked compassion or forethought. He may be cantankerous, as Isaac claimed, but he wasn’t heartless.
The empty pain in his chest attested to how much heart he had.
“I miss her,” he said, his voice a strained whisper.
“Then for God’s sake, go talk to her. You can’t hide here forever. Not that you aren’t welcome, but I will kick you out eventually.”
Isaac grinned and lifted his own whiskey glass in a mock salute. Miles echoed the gesture then downed the amber liquid, welcoming the burn. Tomorrow, he’d go find Ruby and listen to what she had to say.
The next day Miles rode to town and knocked on Della Kinney’s door. He didn’t care that it was broad daylight and he stood on the porch of a brothel where anyone who passed by would see him. He’d made up his mind to talk to Ruby, and he’d damn well do it no matter what people might think.
The door opened to reveal Miss Kinney herself. She gave him a dubious once-over.
“Took you long enough,” she said before finally stepping aside and holding the door open for him.
“Is Ruby home?” he asked, removing his hat.
“She is. You can take a seat in the parlor while I fetch her.”
He settled onto a settee, and ran a hand through his hair. Slipping a finger into the collar of his shirt, he pulled at it trying to loosen it. It felt uncomfortably tight. He brushed at a bit of dirt on his pants, slid his fingers over the brim of his hat, cleared his throat, fidgeted on the seat. He’d never been this nervous. Why was he so nervous?
What was taking them so long?
Just as he gathered himself to stand and search for Ruby, Miss Kinney rounded the corner with Ruby trailing behind.
He hadn’t seen her for a while, but looking at her now, she took his breath away. She wore a red calico dress that emphasized her feminine curves to discomfiting effect, and she hadn’t bothered to pin her hair back. The short dark curls tumbled around her face, and when she caught him staring, she pushed them back behind her ears in a gesture reminiscent of Ray.
It was the strangest feeling, like seeing a ghost in another person. But Ruby and Ray were the same person, rather than images of each other.
She stepped in front of Miss Kinney, and crossed her arms. Lifting her chin and looking for all the world like a fragile creature fighting for dignity, she said, “Mr. Collins. What can I do for you?”
If his heart hadn’t already broken, it did now. He’d caused her this hurt by abandoning her with his cousin and turning his back on her. So much so she referred to him as she would a stranger.
Certainly she’d lied to him and owed him an explanation. It would be a while before the humiliation no longer stung, and before he could trust her again. But he hadn’t given a thought to how his behavior would hurt her, and that required forgiveness as well.
He ducked his head for a moment. He’d been so selfish.
Taking a deep breath, he squared his shoulders and prepared to make things right. “Ruby, would you sit with me?”
She didn’t respond for a moment, but just as he thought she’d walk away, she entered the room and perched on the second settee opposite the one Miles had sat on.
“Would you like me to stay?” Della asked.
“No, that’s fine Della. Thank you,” Ruby said.
Miss Kinney made a disapproving noise, but turned on her heel and left them alone.
Miles returned to his seat. Now that Ruby sat across from him, he found himself at a loss for words. He’d come to ask for an explanation, and he still expected one. But seeing her, he had a hard time holding onto his anger and humiliation. All he felt was relief to be with her again. His heart swelled full and whole. He just wanted to put everything behind them.
“Miles,” Ruby began.
“How are you?” he asked. “Have you recovered from your injuries?”
“Oh. Yes, I have. None of them were serious. Thank you for asking.”
The question seemed to have put her off. She’d expected him to be angry, to castigate her for lying and betraying him, not ask after her health.
“Ruby, I’m sorry I left you alone at the Carters’ ranch.” Miles reached across the space between them and took her hand in his. Touching her reassured him, connected them. “That was unforgivable, but I hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me anyway.”
She blinked, and opened her mouth as if to respond, but no words came out. She blinked again. Miles bit his lip to keep from chuckling. He’d surprised her into silence.
Finally, she composed herself, closing her mouth and clearing her throat. “Well,” she said. “I certainly didn’t expect that.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m angry and betrayed. It’ll take time to build trust again. But I’ve done a lot of thinking and Isaac may have pointed out a few points I hadn’t previously considered.”
“I’m sorry, too,” she said, her voice timid. “I became Ray only because I needed a job, and a way to help support my family. With my father and older brother gone, my mother couldn’t earn enough to support us, and it’s not so easy to be a woman in need of work. There aren’t a lot of options. Ray wasn’t very well considered, but I never thought you’d hire me, and then you did and I fell in love with the job.”
“You were good at it.”
She blushed a pretty pink at the compliment and it warmed his heart.
“Then I met you as myself and I fell in love with you. By that time, it was too late. I had no idea how to tell you about Ray without hurting you. If it makes any difference, it wasn’t an intentional betrayal. I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t know how.”
“Does your mother know about Ray?”
Her hand flew to her chest and she gasped. “Oh, no. She wouldn’t approve. I told her I’d taken a position as a governess with a family here in Virginia City. I’ve sent money every month since I started working at the mine, but she doesn’t know.”
He nodded, turning the information over in his mind. She hadn’t set out to fool him. Ray had come before he ever met Ruby, which in an odd way reassured him.
“I’d like to start over now that Ray’s gone,” Miles said. “And this time, can we agree to be honest with each other?”
Her brows went up in shock. “You still want to marry me?” She asked, incredulous.
“If you’ll have me,” he said.
She covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes glassy as if she might cry. Damn, he hadn’t meant to make her cry.
A couple of tears slipped down her cheeks, but she nodded and when she moved her hands she was smiling. “I will,” she said.
“Good. I suppose we’ll need to make some changes,” he said, shifting into business mode. “We’ll have to find you another place to live. I can’t have my future wife living in a brothel.”
The smile dropped from her face in an instant. He backpedaled, trying to figure out what he’d said.
“We will need to make some changes. You can’t just tell me where I can live, or work, or make choices for me. If I want to live in a brothel, I will. I love these women. They’ve been a family to me, and I won’t treat them as if they’re unworthy.”
“I didn’t realize,” he said. Which as Isaac had pointed out was one of his biggest problems. He vowed to work on that every hour of every day from there on out.
“If not for Ray and the mine, I very well could have ended up working here.” Her lips thinned to an indignant line, and she crossed her arms over her chest, a determined, immovable force.
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“You’ll need to be patient with me, Ruby. There’s a lot I don’t know. I grew up in a house full of boys and men, and I’ve worked in a world of men all my adult life. I’m unfamiliar with the problems women face.”
“What do you expect from a wife, Miles?” She asked the question with sincerity. “We should clear that up now before we go any further. You ask me if I’ll still have you, and I love you, but I don’t know that my expectations of marriage and yours are the same. So tell me, what do you want from a wife?”
Suddenly his idyllic image of coming home from work to a wife who had prepared his evening meal and kept his home clean for him and raised his children…felt like a trap.
But when he thought about it, none of the marriages he’d seen in his life—Isaac and Beth, Wyatt and Angeline, Sam and Daisy, Emmett and Lydia, even family friends Nellie and Diego—lived up to that ideal. All of his brothers’ wives were smart, fearless, spirited women who refused to be slaves to tradition. And all his brothers were the happiest men he knew. He wanted what they had.
“I used to think I wanted a woman to take care of me and raise my children,” he said.
Her expression soured. “You want a servant and a brood mare.”
Though her words were blunt and shocking, her meaning was clear enough. She wouldn’t live that life.
“I don’t. I used to think I did, but what I really want is for both of us to be happy. Is that something we can work at together?”
He saw a twinkle of hope in her eyes, but she squared her shoulders and asked, “What if something that makes me happy is to keep working at the mine?”
“No,” Miles said. Hearing his tone from her perspective made him cringe, but he couldn’t have her at the mine. It was too dangerous.
“Just no, without any discussion. That’s not a very good start at working together toward our happiness.”
“It’s not safe for you at the mine. I can’t have you there as the only woman among all those men.”
“Do the men respect you?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think any of them would be abusive toward your wife?”