The Day Gravity Became Irrelevant

by Ralph Rotten

  It was the sound of someone stirring behind him that told him Jamie was awake. Turning to share his progress with his younger sibling, Jack was surprised at the sight. Stumbling into the room bleary eyed, the savant looked as if he had been dropped off a rooftop during his slumber. Gone was his attention to personal detail; Jamie looked like he had not even stopped to brush his teeth. Right away Jack knew that something was up. His brother bordered on obsessive compulsive behavior, and to see him make it all the way downstairs in this condition meant something was truly wrong.

  “What the hell happened to you?” Incredulous, Jack was waiting for the other shoe to fall. At the same time he was concerned with which of his brother’s personalities he would meet this morning. The difficulty of managing his sibling was often compounded by his current psychological avatar. Oh, what he would give for a brother who merely suffered from mood swings…

  “We…can’t…” Seemingly at a loss for words, it was his hesitant manner that confirmed that Jamie was struggling to process something difficult.

  “Did you get any sleep at all?” Rising to look Jamie over, Jack was concerned. It was atypical to see his brother like this. Sleep was a regimented part of his daily life. The savant preferred to have his batteries fully charged at the beginning of each day.

  “We cannot market this device, they won’t let us.” Jamie’s tone a deep rumble, it almost sounded as if someone were playing back his voice at super-slow speed. Slumping as he moved, he seemed like a balloon that had lost part of its air. There was something familiar about this avatar as Jack’s mind tried to place the persona.

  “Bullshit!” Jack roared. “Not only are we gonna sell this baby, but we’ll make sooooo much money off of it we’ll be able to buy our own country. I’m thinking France; I love French chicks, even if they don’t shave their pits.”

  “Nooo.” The breath seemed to escape from Jamie as if he were deflating. His voice deep in resignation, it was as if he had given up on life itself. “It is doubtful that we would live long enough to collect a single dollar of revenue.” Finally focusing himself, Jamie gave his brother a sad look.

  Recoiling slightly, Jack was finally able to put his finger on the exact personality he was seeing. Having spent his life with Jamie, he knew them all, even the ones who rarely made an appearance. Taking a deep breath, the inventor realized he was talking to Eeyore.

  While Jamie spent most of his time expressing himself via a mere handful of personas, each designed to express what he was feeling at that very moment, there were literally dozens of characters that had spilled out of the savant over the years. Today it was the droopy donkey known for his clinically depressed demeanor. It had been one of the books that their Mother had read to them during the early years. Like any children, they had the books, the movies, and even some of the stuffed animals. Signifying Jamie at the lowest point of his psychological scale, the Eeyore persona was a rare one, reserved for those times when the savant was inescapably sad and depressed.

  Taking a deep breath, Jack knew to proceed with caution. In the back of his mind he wondered if he should lock up the poisons and power tools. Eeyore’s appearance worried him considerably; his experience with this avatar had almost never been good.

  Jamie seemed flustered for a moment as he tried to find a way to coalesce his complex vision into words. His voice a monotone grumble, he flopped down into the nearest chair as he spoke. “What would have happened if Oppenheimer had discovered the secret of nuclear weapons on his own, without government funding, simply came up with the device in a lab at Berkley?”

  That caused Jack to take pause before answering.

  “The government would have swooped in and taken over the technology. They would have classified it, and every bit of Oppie’s work.” Even as Jack said it, he realized that they were talking apples and oranges. “But that was a weapon of mass destruction, during a time of world war. They would have had to do it, if nothing else, to keep the Axis forces from getting hold of the knowledge.”

  “This is no different.” Shaking his head, Jamie confirmed his belief that these were parallel inventions. “This kind of technology would be a boon for military weaponry, and the nation that possesses it would rule the world. The applications could change the very face of warfare, giving the possessor a significant advantage over the nearest contender. Not only would they take the technology from us, but it would remain classified for a score of years. It would be decades before any of this made its way into the mainstream.” His voice dragging, Jamie seemed almost stunned as his tone recreated the gravel of Eeyore’s essence.

  Rising up ramrod straight, Jack considered the concept. It was true enough that antigravity would change not only fighters and bombers, but tanks and ground vehicles as well. If you could levitate houses or skyscrapers, then why not tanks or battleships…or the entire 1st Infantry? Man-portable packs were easy enough to build once you knew the secret.

  “And as you mentioned, they would have taken Oppenheimer’s technology to keep it from falling into the hands of other nations. There is no country or major corporation on the planet that would not kidnap us for this technology. It is worth countless trillions of dollars, and the nation that possesses it will become the newest alpha-nation on the planet. It would be thirty years before this technology were applied to space exploration, and even then the prices would be kept artificially high by greedy capitalists. I’m not sure which would hinder progress more; the government or big-business.”

  Slumping down into a nearby chair, Jack felt as if he had been hit by a truck. As much as he wanted to refute his brother’s assertions, he knew it was true. Both the government and commerce would seek to control this invention, delaying its greatest uses in favor of military superiority and profit margins. Even worse was that so many foreign nations would not blanche at the idea of kidnapping them for this technology. Seeing no way that they could hope to profit from this without ending up in Stalag-17 themselves, he saw his dream vanishing quickly.

  “What…? So what do we do, shelve this technology? No way!” Still sure that there was an alternative, Jack rebelled against the idea. But time and again he was forced to wonder if humanity was ready for the invention.

  As he sat dejected, Jack finally understood what had caused his brother’s bedraggled condition; no doubt the savant had suffered hours of fitful sleep as one nightmare scenario after another attacked his dormant mind. Even in sleep mode his beautiful mind was capable of processing quantum volumes of data. More than once the savant had literally unlocked secrets of the universe in his sleep.

  “No, we will not shelve it.” Shaking his head, Jamie seemed sure of that much. “We simply cannot roll out this product without significant safeguards in place. We cannot leak a hint of this until we are ready.”

  “That’s gonna be a problem.” Remembering something that had popped up on his social media alerts earlier in the day, Jack poked the touch screen to activate a browser. There on his feed was the picture of a 1965 Ford Mustang soaring over a pair of street lights. “Our cousin Alvie found it on one of the conspiracy sites he goes to all the time. Said he thought it looked a lot like my car so he sent it over.”

  Peering at the photo, Jamie made an angry sound. Straightening up, he seemed to shrug off Eeyore before speaking in a firm voice.

  “Alexis, go to red alert, and delete every copy of that picture, delete all text associated with the story. If you cannot access the content then give their servers a head-crash. It must all be erased.” His voice now resolute, Jamie had switched to his Captain James T. Kirk avatar. Suddenly standing upright, his dour expression had been replaced by a hard and focused stare.

  There was a pause before the AI answered in a festive tone.

  “I was able to track down one thousand and thirty two instances of that photo, but the story had spread extensively through social media.”

  Pursing his lips, Jamie considered the next step. Knowing that sites like Facebook and Twitter were h
ardened against external attacks, he would need to take alternative steps to purge any information in their domains.

  “Use the Moscow connection, and nuke them.” Nodding firmly, Jamie was sure that it was the right option.

  “I dunno about that.” Jack shook his head. “Sure, everybody’ll believe it was the Ruskies that did it, but if you do then people will start thinking that there’s something to the story. Right now it’s just more fake-news. It hasn’t even gone viral yet.”

  “Hmmmph.” Not convinced, Jamie took the next logical step. “Lieutenant Uhura, begin searching for alternate pictures. If one person with a phone spotted him, then there may be more.”

  “A picture of a flying car will just be written off as Photoshop magic.” Jack shrugged, worried that nuking popular servers could garner too much attention.

  “You seem to forget that your car not only has a license plate in the back, but another in front as well, and THAT could easily be traced to our location.” Pointing a finger towards the garage on the first floor, Jamie’s voice was definitive.

  Jack paused a moment as he imagined stormtroopers kicking in their front door.

  “Do it Alexis.” Jack agreed. “Nuke any site you can’t access otherwise. Clean house, and look for any other pics.”

  “You are not the boss of me.” In a sing-songy voice, the synthetic entity reminded him who she really worked for.

  “Double mocha latte.” He reminded her of the standing threat to pour coffee over her CPU.

  I can nuke people too, you know.” As she spoke, his screen switched to video imagery of a small bathroom. Seated on the throne was Jack with a Hustler magazine parked in his lap. Staring intently at the images therein, the inventor’s left hand seemed busier than the rest of his body.

  “Whoah!” Eyes wide, Jack quickly switched off the monitor before turning to his brother sharply. “When the fuck did you put a camera in the bathroom?”

  “Mind your language, Ensign.” A sharp scolding to his voice, Captain Jamie stood firm.

  “Bullshit! You put a camera in MY bathroom. What in the hell for?” His anger drowning out his brother’s dislike for profanity, Jack demanded an explanation.

  Halting for the briefest moment, Jamie seemed to almost be switching gears. A quick shake of his head and the savant continued lecturing with a flawless British accent.

  “Alexis needed to be able to evaluate the full spectrum of human activities as part of her learning process. She must have unmitigated access to our daily routines in order to truly gain an understanding of human dynamics.” Shrugging, it seemed self evident to Jamie.

  “In my bathroom!” More of a statement than question, the elder brother already planned on smashing the camera with a hammer while Alexis watched.

  “Wouldn’t it be terrible…” She started out with a lilt to her voice, “if somehow my processor was shorted out, and I accidentally posted these images all over the net? You would literally die from the embarrassment, wouldn’t you?”

  Holding up the empty coffee pot, Jack fumed. “You’re lucky I’m outta Joe or I’d fry you like a Florida death row inmate.”

  “Children, please.” Jamie shook his head as their mindless argument pained his beautiful mind. “We have more important things to consider than my brother’s compulsion with touching himself. Perhaps a cup of tea would help to set us on the proper course.”

  Sitting glumly on the edge of his desk, Jack grumbled just loud enough for Alexis’ sensitive microphones to detect. For her part, the AI knew how much Jamie disliked unnecessary prattle so she simply remained silent.

  “I dunno about this. We have invented the greatest breakthrough in history, this is our big break, and we’ll be richer than Midas. No way in hell should we let this technology die on the vine.” Shaking his brother by the shoulders, Jack implored Jamie to see logic.

  Reminding him of the dangers associated with trying to profit from this invention, Jack could almost see Oxford Professor fade from Jamie’s eyes before being replaced with gloomy Eeyore.

  “I…I need to give this some thought.” Jamie stammered as he turned away. Shuffling in his bedroom slippers, he made his way back upstairs, most likely to finish the sleep he had missed with a restless day of tossing and turning.

  Feeling the irritation begin to build within him, Jack was reduced to a single coarse expletive.

  “FUCK!” Bursting outwards, it was the one word that truly demonstrated what he was feeling right then. Here they had achieved arguably the greatest invention since the light bulb, and they could not afford to even release it.

  “Bat guano!” Alexis echoed his sentiment.

  “Girl, I gotta teach you to swear better than that.” Shaking his head, Jack glanced up at one of her cameras. “Right after I smash that bathroom camera.”

  “It’s not like I’ll un-remember what you do in there, just because you get rid of the camera.” A tinge of laughter to her voice, Alexis chided him through the desktop speakers.

  “Don’t get cocky or I’ll post pictures of you with your service panels taken off.” Referring to the metal access doors that covered her enclosure, Jack appealed to her own bizarre sense of privacy.

  “No, Jamie said you were not allowed to post naked pictures of me.” Aghast, Alexis seemed to recoil at the idea of having her innards exposed for the world to see.

  “He’s not the boss of me. You either forget about what I…read…in the bathroom, or I’ll post naked pictures of your processor on Twitter.” Looking up, Jack gave a wiry smile.

  “Ooooh, fine!” Clearly exasperated, she gave in reluctantly. “I’ll disable the connection to the bathroom camera.”

  “Thank you for being sooo reasonable.” Flashing a plastic smile, Jack turned back to his desktop. Satisfied that he had her contained for the immediate future, he had played on her base coding. Having been there when her original OS was written, he knew the provisos that had been incorporated into her original code. Despite all of her complexity, the synthetic woman suffered from many of the same frailties and insecurities of any real human.

  In the days that followed, Jamie was increasingly difficult to live with. With his frustration being manifested in an atypical fashion, the savant was completely out of sorts.

  “WHATEVER GAVE YOU THE IDEA THAT WE WOULD WANT TO TALK TO A PITIFUL, INSIPID BEAST LIKE YOU, EVEN IF WE WERE HOME?” Shouting into the telephone receiver, Jamie’s voice echoed throughout the basement workshop. “IF YOU EVER CALL AGAIN I’LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND MURDER YOU, AND YOUR DOG, AND YOUR GOLD FISH! DON’T CALL AGAIN…EVER!!”

  Watching Jamie hang up the phone with a vile expression, Jack could only wonder what that was all about.

  “Telemarketer?” The elder brother asked hesitantly.

  “Oh, no.” Jamie’s demeanor changed to one of Professor James’ stretched smiles. “I was just setting up voicemail for this new phone.”

  “Sure, you run with that.” Giving a grimace, Jack was in the process of backing out of the room when his brother’s expression changed dramatically once again.

  Rising from his seat with a sheaf of designs in his hand, the younger Sparks brother begin an angry lecture as his finger jabbed at one of the components.

  “¿Por que você usou cobre para alinhar o conjunto de cunha? Eh?” Waving the sheets in front of his brother’s face, Jamie was livid. “Eu disse pare você usar platina para que não ficasse!”

  “Whoa there hawse; slow yer roll little brother.” Using a single finger to push Jamie away, Jack resisted the urge to yell at his sibling. “You know I don’t speak Portuguese so I got no frickin’ idea what you’re babbling about.”

  “Bah!” Clearly irritated, the savant threw the papers into the air before storming back to his desk.

  “This is the part where I get the hell outta here for the rest of the night.” Holding up a finger, Jack knew it was his best idea of the day. Closing the door gently, he made a point to avoid anything that could trigger another of his brothe
r’s avatars.

  “Portuguese?” Alexis asked as he passed her camera.

  “Oh, you haven’t met Portuguese Jaime before. Yeah, ol’ Jaime is a little volatile but nothing to worry about.” Reassuring the artificial intelligence that watched them both, Jack paused to offer another piece of advice. “Look, I’m gonna go get stupid-drunk and try to forget where I live for about twelve hours. So keep an eye on him while I’m gone. If he starts barking and chewing on slippers then just play him some Metallica.”

  “That works?” She seemed surprised at the counterintuitive suggestion.

  “Nope, not a bit. But it drowns him out so the neighbors don’t freak out. Eventually he’ll mark his territory, hump a table leg, and fall asleep on the floor.” Nodding, Jack winked at the nearest camera before ducking out of the workshop.

  There was a moment of silence while Alexis’ cubed processor considered the scenario.

  “I swear, next time I’m online and some whiny millennial complains about their parents, I am totally telling them about this.” Giving an electronic sigh, the AI returned her focus to the man in the next room.

  The Plan

  Jack knew that something was up as soon as he walked into his workshop. With his far wall covered by dozens of hand-written notes, pictures and news clippings, all connected by colored yarn, it was obvious that his brother had been up for hours. While most people would have assumed that it was simply the way that the savant’s mind worked, in truth the entire display was strictly for Jack’s edification. Since Jamie could keep all of that knowledge easily stored in his eidetic memory, he personally had no reason for note-taking.

  Starting with the first picture on the left column, Jack had made it through three completely unassociated articles before he felt his brother’s presence in the room.