Forever Starts Tonight

by Roni Loren

  She looked down, tears slipping down this time. “I know y’all wouldn’t leave me in a lurch or anything. But it’d be so complicated and everything would change and I don’t even know how we’d—”

  “Shh,” Andre said, sliding next to them and reaching out for her hand. “What we’d do is figure it out. Yes, things would change—just like things change for any relationship when a child comes along. But why do you think those would be bad changes? Bella, do you realize how much love our baby would have? Most kids are lucky to get the unconditional love of one parent, but this one would have three.”

  She peered over at Andre, hope in her eyes.

  “And think how devastatingly gorgeous and smart our kid would be,” Jace added, trying to get her to smile. “I mean, with genes like these, we’re almost doing the world a disservice not to have kids.”

  She laughed, though it came out a little choked from the tears.

  “But,” he said, his tone going more serious, “if you’re the one who’s unsure about having kids, that’s okay, too. You went through a lot last time with Dahlia. If it turns out that you’re really not pregnant and you didn’t have that plan for the future, we can talk about that, too.”

  She shook her head and swiped at her face. “If you had asked me that a few weeks ago, I probably would’ve said that I was okay never having any more. I’m happy with my life the way it is. And I’m terrified of change. But when I saw the negative on the pregnancy test, I don’t know . . .”

  “What, bella?” Andre asked, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

  “I felt relieved. But I also felt this weird sadness. I know it doesn’t make sense.”

  Jace’s heart squeezed in his chest. He so understood that. A few minutes ago when the word pregnant had been thrown out into the universe, the first feeling he’d had was blind panic, all the what-ifs and worries running through his head. He’d never really been around babies, so he didn’t know the first thing about parenthood. And they lived upstairs from his sex toy store—how would that work? Answer: It wouldn’t. And there were three of them. There’d be lots of legal stuff—especially when the baby would biologically be tied to either him or Andre, not both. And what if he sucked at being a dad? He definitely hadn’t had a good example growing up. What if he fucked it all up?

  But when Evan had confirmed she wasn’t pregnant, he’d felt a punch of disappointment, like a balloon had deflated. Because in the few seconds it had taken to walk to the back of the plane, he’d also gotten flashes of good what-if images. Evan glowing and round with their child. A baby with bright blue eyes like hers or maybe big brown ones like Andre’s. A little hand tucking into Jace’s palm on a walk through the park. The thoughts had filled him with an ache he never knew he had.

  Jace pulled Evan closer and kissed the top of her head. “Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “Enjoy our vacation for a few days, then have you take another test. Once we know for sure, we go from there. Together. Understand?”

  She nodded and put Jace’s hand on top of her and Andre’s joined ones. “Yes. Together.”

  “Good,” Jace said. “Now, let’s go find you something to drink and some crackers. Then I’ll break the news to you that our ski weekend activities are going to change drastically.”

  “Ski?” she said, her face lighting. “We’re going to the mountains?”

  He smirked. “See, you got it out of me after all. Yes, we’re going to the mountains. I know you’ve always wanted to go. But no ski lessons for you, doll. Not when you could be carrying precious cargo.”

  She turned in his arms and frowned. “You do realize that being pregnant doesn’t mean I need to be carried around by servants and treated like an egg, right?”

  Jace shrugged. In his head, that’s exactly what it meant. He was already overprotective, but this made him want to roll her in bubble wrap. And any pain play in the bedroom he had planned for this week was officially off the table.

  “Yes, we know it doesn’t mean that,” Andre said, sending Jace a don’t be an idiot look. “But he’s right. There’s no way you’re hurling yourself down as much as a bunny slope if there’s even a remote chance you’re pregnant.”

  She sighed. “Oh, Lord. If it turns out that I really am preggers, y’all are going to be a nightmare. I can already tell.”

  Jace grinned and leaned forward to kiss her. “Yep. Now, how about I carry you to the front and feed you crackers?”

  She shoved at his chest, laughing, and slid off his lap. “Don’t even try it.”

  But before she got a few steps away, Jace stood and swept her into his arms. “Too late.”

  “Jace!”

  Andre stepped in front of them and pulled the curtain aside. “This way, milady.”

  Evan groaned. “And y’all wonder why I didn’t tell you yet.”

  But she was smiling and her eyes were bright, so no matter what happened, at least Evan was starting to see the truth.

  They were hers. And nothing was going to change that.

  Chapter 7

  Evan stared out into the wilderness as the sun set, the first flakes of snow starting to fall. There was already a soft, powdery layer on the ground, and the pure white silence enveloped her. She cupped her hands around her hot chocolate and leaned back in the rocking chair. The temperature was in the teens, but she was dressed warmly and couldn’t resist the quiet beauty. It wasn’t enough to look at it through the windows. This spot on the cabin’s screened-in porch was perfect.

  Jace and Andre had told her they’d clean up after dinner and had suggested she read by the fire, but the siren call of the snow had been too much. Growing up in Texas meant that the only snow she’d seen had been fleeting. And she hadn’t grown up with the money to go on winter vacations. So this was a luxury she wasn’t taking for granted. Plus, the bracing cold eased her nerves, making her feel more aware and alive.

  The guys had been so great earlier, when they’d found out about the possible pregnancy, that she should be relieved. And she was. But the fear of the unknown still hovered. She couldn’t help but worry that the guys were being so supportive simply because they were good men. Good men would try to soothe their woman’s nerves. She still didn’t know if they’d really be on board with a baby if they’d been given a choice. Yes, they’d face the new situation if it was forced on them, but what did they want in their heart of hearts? Was a baby what either had envisioned in their future? Maybe Andre. But Jace didn’t even believe in marriage. She couldn’t imagine he was ready to sign up for fatherhood.

  She took a long sip of her cocoa, letting the warmth spread through her. Was a baby what she envisioned in her future? She had never allowed her mind to fully go there. And when she did let her mind drift there now, fears waited in the wings, ready to pounce.

  Pregnancy didn’t scare her. She’d been through that. But what about the after? Last time she’d had a horrible bout of postpartum depression. Part of it had been the trauma of placing the baby for adoption. There was nothing like seeing this life you created, feeling that connection, and then signing papers that terminated any rights you had to that child. She still got a stab of pain when she thought about that day, even though it had been the right decision. She wouldn’t have been able to do right by Dahlia back then. But she also knew that dark period after was partly because her chemistry was susceptible to depression.

  She’d worked hard to get herself off her medications. She felt stronger now. But what if having a baby stirred all that up again? What if she wasn’t good at being a mom? She’d never really been a baby person. She took photos of them all the time and enjoyed that. But she also had an awkwardness when the moms would let her hold their children. It didn’t come naturally to her like it did to some women. What if that didn’t go away when she had her own?

  Ugh. Why couldn’t she stop ruminating over all this stuff? There was a 97 percent chance that she was not pregna
nt. She would take the test in a few days and when it confirmed no pregnancy, she’d feel ridiculous for wasting this much time worrying. Then she, Jace, and Andre could sit down and have a practical conversation about what they wanted for their future. They could be rational and weigh pros and cons and get everyone’s feelings out in the open. They could make a decision about what the future would hold based on logic—not on her hormones or biological clock, which apparently had a pendulum that swung wide these days, dragging her back and forth between desperately wishing she was pregnant to freaking out at the thought.

  She hated feeling this off-balance with her emotions. One minute she wanted to smile; the next she wanted to burst into tears. It was making her feel crazy.

  Enough. She knew what she needed—distraction. Two great, big, sexy distractions. That’s why she’d agreed to this trip, and now she needed to act on it. The guys were probably planning on taking it easy tonight on her behalf. They’d already alluded to being tired after the trip—which was bullshit. Those two were never too tired for sex. Plus, they were in Grant’s decked-out cabin, for God’s sake. It had to be stuffed to the gills with kinky equipment.

  They may not let her ski, but she’d be damned if they were going to call off the rest of whatever they had planned for her this week.

  She pushed to her feet, took one last look at the beautiful view, then went back inside. The warmth smacked her in the face, making her aware of just how cold she’d gotten, and she set her cocoa mug on the kitchen counter. All the dishes were put away and only the light over the stove was on, so the boys had finished up. Why hadn’t they come to get her?

  Annoyed, she pulled off her coat, hat, and boots, then headed toward the cozy living room. The slate tiles were warm beneath her socks, the heating system apparently run by pipes of heated water beneath the floors, and more warmth greeted her when she stepped into the living room. Andre was bent in front of the large fireplace, putting another log in, and Jace had his back to her as he scanned an open cabinet of DVDs.

  She cleared her throat and they both turned her way. Andre smiled, the flicker of the fire making shadows dance across his face. “Hey there, snow bunny. We thought you’d abandoned us to become an Eskimo.”

  “I told you’d I’d be outside.”

  “We didn’t think you’d last longer than ten minutes. It’s fucking frigid out there,” Jace said. “We were about to come and get you to defrost you. Want to help pick out a movie?”

  “A movie? Seriously?” She crossed her arms. “I know y’all didn’t drag me all the way out here to the mountains to watch movies.”

  Jace frowned and he flicked a stray blond hair away from his forehead. “What do you mean? We’re here to relax.”

  So this was how they were going to play it? They didn’t know if there was a baby for sure and things were already changing. If she hadn’t told them, she had no doubt that she’d be suspended from the ceiling by rope or something equally exciting by now. And obviously, if she was pregnant, she wouldn’t take risks that could harm her or the baby. They’d have to modify how they played together, but hell if she was going to let them drop that part of their relationship.

  “Y’all are really putting me in a position to have to top from the bottom right now,” she said, giving them each a don’t-make-me-go-there look.

  Andre stood and brushed his hands off on his jeans. “What do you mean, bella?”

  She held out her arms. “Come on. We’re on the plane, playing a hot kidnapping game, both of you promising all kinds of filthy things. Then I tell you I could be pregnant, and you want to roast marshmallows and watch a movie? I’m all for doing that at some point this week. But we have a beautiful cabin and no one else around and no work. And just for the record, I may be pregnant, yes, but I’m not made of glass. Plus, I don’t want to spend the night thinking, thinking, thinking. I want to spend it not thinking. I want to spend it not thinking with you.”

  Andre’s lips twitched like he was fighting a smile. “Is this your way of telling us you’re horny?”

  “Dammit. Yes. Now stop acting like you’re scared to touch me.”

  Jace smirked. “We have a very mouthy, sub, Andre.”

  “Yes, she’s wildly out of line. But really adorable when she’s pink-nosed and pissed. Kind of hard to resist that.”

  Evan touched her cold nose and rubbed at it with annoyance.

  Jace tucked his hands in his pockets, his expression smug. “Fine. No movie. Take off your clothes and kneel by the fire while we decide what to do with you.”

  Andre grabbed one of the couch pillows and set it in front of the hearth. “And make any more demands on us, and no one will touch you tonight. You’ll have to watch from the sidelines.”

  She sniffed. “I’m not sure if that’s much of a threat. Well, except for no one touching me all night. The watching could be fun.”

  And she meant it. The guys always put all the focus on her even though they touched and teased each other in the process. But she’d never gotten the privilege of just sitting back and watching them together. They had sex without her around sometimes. Just like she was with each of them separately on occasion. They didn’t put limits on that because their trust was strong enough not to get jealous. But watching that night in the kitchen had been a treat. She couldn’t imagine how hot it would be to watch them have sex without them having to worry about making sure she was receiving pleasure at the same time.

  Andre and Jace exchanged a look, then Jace pointed to the spot in front of the fireplace. “Naked. Now.”

  She rubbed her lips together, silently celebrating her victory. “Yes, sir.”

  While she undressed, Jace and Andre left the room, presumably to get whatever equipment they needed and to plan. She laid her clothes over the back of one of the armchairs and hurried to get next to the fire. The cabin was warm but the sudden loss of her sweater and jeans raised goose bumps on her skin. She knelt on the pillow and sighed with contentment as the heat from fire washed over her from behind. She’d felt so ill earlier on the plane, but now her body seemed to be cooperating with her again. After all the stress of the week, she couldn’t pick any better place to be than right here waiting for her two guys to do their dirty best to her.

  And being tucked away in a cabin in the middle of all that sparkling snow heightened that feeling of being cocooned in their own world. Here they didn’t have to worry about anyone judging or giving them the side eye. Even at The Ranch some of the other subs gave her looks because she’d taken two sought-after doms off the market. She couldn’t help but feel those What’s so special about her? accusations drifting her way. But when she was with just the two of them, the whole world fell away, and no one could tell her what they had wasn’t right or good or beautiful. She so needed this right now.

  She sat back on her calves and closed her eyes, letting herself slide into that quiet space submission could give her, where all she focused on was what they wanted from her. There she could retreat and tuck any lingering worries or issues into a box for a while and live in the moment, feel the experience. Her version of meditation.

  They left her in the silence for a while, and she didn’t hear them when they returned because she’d settled so deeply into the calm. But she caught the scent of Jace’s cologne mixing in with the hickory smell of the fire and opened her eyes.

  Jace and Andre were standing a few feet in front of her, arms crossed, looming. Jace smiled and stepped forward to take her chin in his hand. He tilted her face up and ran his thumb over her lips. “Look how gorgeous our girl is, Andre. We haven’t even touched her yet and she’s already looking at us with surrender eyes.”

  “We picked a good one to kidnap.”

  Evan’s attention slid to Andre. If they were going to go with the kidnapping theme, she’d play the role to her fullest. “You said if I did what you told me, you’d let me go.”

  Andre’s lips lifted at the corner. “Indeed, we did. Smart girl. Obeying will get you what
you want.”

  “Not that you have much choice anyway,” Jace added, his green eyes flickering orange in the firelight, making his expression look even more sinister. “There’s no one around for miles. And that snow is pretty heavy. You wouldn’t get far if you tried to run.”

  “Y’all must be pretty desperate to get laid if you have to steal a woman to get someone in your bed.” She sent Jace a petulant look. “What’s wrong with you? Bad in the sack?”

  He huffed a quiet laugh. Normally, she wasn’t one to be a bratty sub. But tonight she was down for a little game-playing. She wanted to lose herself in this. And Jace seemed pleased that she was getting into the role.

  “Now that’s not a very nice thing to say,” Jace replied, his expression cooling from humored to that intimidating dominance. He grabbed her hair, wrapping the locks around his fist, and tugged. “Get up.”

  She climbed to her feet, and Jace led her by the hair toward Andre. Some silent exchange passed between the two men, and Andre sat on the couch in front of her. His dark eyes tracked down her naked form with lewd interest, making her shiver. Evan loved how they could make her feel so cherished and precious day to day, but also how they could switch off that softness when they all craved a walk on the shadier side of the street. Andre, who could be as gentle and loving as any man she’d ever met, was staring at her like she was simply an object to slake his lust.

  It so totally worked for her. Especially when he tugged off his shirt, revealing all that honed muscle and tawny skin, and those rings she loved so much. He leaned back like a king awaiting his servant, spreading his arms across the back of the couch in an impressive wingspan.

  “Dre, keep her smart mouth busy while I show her what happens to captives who talk back.”

  “Gladly.” Andre’s slow, bad-boy smile had her going weak in the knees. So when Jace put pressure on her shoulder, she went down easily, the shaggy throw rug cushioning her descent. Andre unbuckled his belt, the sound of the leather going through metal dialing up Evan’s anticipation, then he unfastened his jeans. He took his half-erect cock in his hand and let his thighs fall open in that relaxed, masculine show of come-and-get-it confidence. “I want to get hard in your mouth. Think you can manage that?”