“Can she talk?” he asked, and the question pissed me off.
“She’s almost four. Of course she can talk.”
Anger bubbled up inside me. I’d spent years telling myself his absence didn’t matter until I convinced myself it was true. And I still believed we were better off without him, but seeing his smug, asshole face made something inside me snap.
What I really wanted to do was to tell him to fuck off, but little ears were listening. Grudgingly, I decided to be the bigger person.
“I’ve never asked you for anything. The least you can do is show me some respect.” I turned, ready to throw a final goodbye over my shoulder, but he let out another rude scoff.
“Respect? Speaking of respect, I also heard from someone back home that you’re stripping these days. Really classy, Bree. Can’t say I’m surprised, though.”
Outraged, my mouth fell open. He had no right to judge me for the way I lived my life.
Josh and I had never been a match made in heaven, but there was a point when I thought he cared about me. He’d just proven that I had been delusional.
Maybe he was just an asshole who wanted to hurt my feelings. Maybe insulting me was his way of making himself feel better about the choices he’d made.
Either way, it wasn’t okay.
Not only could Ava talk, but she could also hear. If he had nasty things to say to me, fine. But the fact that he was doing it in front of her made my blood boil.
I believed there was a right time and a place for the F-word. If Ava was going to learn that, now was as good a time and place as any. Just as I was about to tell him to fuck off, her thumb left her mouth with an audible pop.
“My mom is a dancer and she’s beautiful.” Her little voice came out strong as she stood up for me.
Josh’s eyes flew to her and he looked a little shocked at her declaration.
My throat got tight, my nostrils flared, and my eyes stung—all the tell-tale signs that I was about to cry.
Crying wasn’t something I did often and the tears filling my eyes had nothing to do with Josh’s cruel words. It had everything to do with how quickly Ava came to my defense.
I had never been more proud of her.
Turning my head, I nuzzled her cheek and tried to hide my tears because I didn’t want her to think I was sad.
“Thank you, Bug,” I whispered. “And you’re beautiful, too.”
“Just like you?” she asked, pronouncing her ‘L’ correctly. My heart squeezed with a feeling of nostalgia because her speech impediment improved every day.
I nodded. “Just like me.”
Now that I’d blinked away the moisture in my eyes, I pulled back to smile at her. Setting her down I turned to face Josh, still intent on giving him a few choice words.
But he was gone.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I had to admit I was glad he didn’t choose to stick around to hear what I wanted to say. If I never saw him again, it would still be too soon.
“Who was that guy?” Ava asked as we walked back to meet Colton.
“That was no one,” I told her, hoping she would drop the subject.
“He looked like an Easter egg.”
Despite the bad mood I was in, I laughed at her comment. “You’re completely right about that.”
Feeling shaken up and distracted, I pulled Ava in the direction of the play area. Leaning up against a pillar by the pirate ship, Colton was waiting for us while fiddling with his phone.
An easygoing smile spread over his face as he saw us approaching. “Well, apparently, there isn’t anything wrong with my phone.” He frowned down at the device. “But somehow they talked me into buying a new battery, a car charger, and a new case. Go figure, right?”
“Oh,” I said dumbly, still trying to come to terms with what just happened.
“Are you hungry?” he asked. “The food court has that Chinese place Ava likes.”
“With chicken and rice?” she asked.
“Yep.” Colton nodded and lifted Ava onto his shoulders.
We took a few detours into the familiar shops Ava insisted on visiting before heading to the food court, and I tried my best to seem cheerful.
The conversation with Josh left me feeling uneasy. I knew I shouldn’t let his words bother me, but they did. It was like he had brought my biggest insecurities to the surface. In just a few short minutes, he’d managed to make me feel two inches tall.
I tried to tell myself it didn’t matter, but I was upset. And, apparently, I wasn’t very good at hiding it.
“Hey, are you okay?” Colton asked, glancing in my direction as we sat down at a wobbly table with our food trays.
“Yeah.” I tried to smile, but it didn’t feel very convincing.
His lips pressed into a thin line because he knew I was lying, but I was glad that he didn’t call me out on it. Instead, he turned his attention to Ava and they had their eating contest while I picked at the orange chicken in front of me.
Although this mall didn’t have a carousel, Ava was happy to compromise on riding up and down the escalator a few times. Since it was getting close to Valentine’s Day, the department stores were decked out in pinks and reds. Hearts and balloons were everywhere.
“Oh!” Ava pointed to a display of Valentine’s Day-themed gifts. “Can I have that?”
“This one?” Colton picked up the fluffy white bear. Ava hugged it and looked up at him with the biggest puppy-dog eyes I’d ever seen.
Covering my smile, I watched as she totally played him.
He barely even took a second to consider it before nodding. “Sure. Why don’t you pick out one for your mom, too?”
Being very careful with her selection, she finally decided on a matching pink bear. After that, we bundled up in our coats and went back to the car.
“You want me to drive?” Colton asked, seeming concerned as I buckled Ava in.
Absentmindedly, I made a sound of agreement and handed him the keys.
As we got on the highway I gazed out the window, still thinking about the unexpected run-in with Josh. The trees outside became an unfocused blur as the conversation played over and over in my mind.
“Hey, look at that,” Colton said, snapping me out of my inner thoughts. “Little bug got worn out.”
I glanced back at Ava who was passed out in her car seat, hugging both bears.
Smiling a little, I looked at Colton. “I think that’s the first nap she’s taken in like a year.”
A minute of silence passed between us before he spoke again. “What’s wrong, Ellie? And don’t say it’s nothing because I know it’s something. Did I do something wrong? Because whatever it is, I’m sorry.”
“No.” I sighed and decided to spill it now that Ava wouldn’t hear me. “I ran into my ex at the mall.”
Colton’s hands tightened on the wheel. “Your ex, as in Ava’s father?”
I nodded, rubbing at the skin on my thumb. “That’s the one.”
The car started to slow and he flipped on the turn signal like he was going to get off at the next exit. “We’re going back.”
“What?” I gasped. “Why?”
“Because I’m going to find that motherfucker,” he growled. “What did he say to you? Was he mean to Ava?”
“Colton, don’t. She didn’t even know who he was and he’s probably gone by now anyway,” I reasoned. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t let him ruin this day any more than he already has. Please?”
Colton’s lips pressed together as he seemed to debate what to do, and my tense shoulders sagged in relief when he bypassed the exit and kept driving.
The last thing I needed was for him to go on a rampage, punching any guy wearing pastel.
“What did he say to you?” Colton asked again, his voice low and tense.
“Not much,” I
replied honestly. “It was a short conversation and I’m not really interested in reliving it. He made a dig at me for being an exotic dancer.” I winced because it was a little painful to say it out loud.
“That son of a bitch,” Colton muttered, his jaw so tense I could see the muscles working in his face.
Over the past few years, I’d been okay with my occupation. Sure, it wasn’t the most respected profession, but it had never directly affected anyone else. Now that Colton and I were dating, would he be ashamed of me? How many times would he have to sugarcoat the truth when people asked him what I did for a living?
“Ava told him I was beautiful,” I whispered, swallowing hard as I remembered how brave she was.
“You are,” he said, reaching over to hold my hand. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Ava, too.”
Colton was trying to reassure me. I knew he was trying to make me feel better, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Josh had said.
You just would’ve been holding me back. I never wanted to be saddled down with a kid that isn’t even mine.
So far Colton had been great with Ava, but would there be a time when he felt like we were holding him back? Was he really ready to be an insta-dad?
I glanced down at our intertwined fingers, wishing this afternoon had gone differently.
Everything had been going so great lately, so perfect.
Almost too perfect.
And now, an unpleasant sense of foreboding hung over me. I couldn’t help feeling like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Colton said before that he thought everything happened for a reason. Running into Josh was one hell of a coincidence, and the worst kind of reality check.
Maybe it was meant to remind me that I’d been living in a fantasy world.
The first night at Colton’s apartment had happened because I’d wanted to pretend. Maybe I’d been pretending this whole time, fooling myself into thinking I could have it all.
Colton squeezed my hand. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I lied, trying to force a smile. “I’m fine.”
CHAPTER 36
COLTON
Ellie wasn’t fine.
I didn’t consider myself an expert when it came to dating, but I knew enough to know that when a woman says she’s fine it usually means the opposite.
When I dropped Ellie and Ava off at their house I could tell she was trying to hide it, but it was obvious that whatever went down with her ex bothered her.
Pestering her about it proved to be unhelpful. The more I asked, the more she said that word—fine.
Over the past couple days, it hadn’t gotten much better. Since we’d started dating, we hadn’t gone a full day without talking in some way. Lately her texts had been short, and we seemed to be stuck in a game of phone tag when we called each other.
I could almost feel her pulling away from me. Nothing she’d said indicated she was unhappy about anything, but her demeanor had been different.
Me: Hoes your day?
I typed out ‘hoes’ on purpose. I wanted to see if I could get her to use the opportunity to make fun of me. Crack a joke. Call me a pervert.
But nothing.
It was after-hours at the shop, but I needed something to do. To keep myself busy, I worked on the semi because I had a haul to make in the morning. I’d just gotten done checking the tires when my phone pinged with an incoming text.
Ellie: Fine
There was that word again.
Frustrated, I blew out a breath. If I didn’t have to be up so early for the delivery, I would’ve been tempted to go to Ellie’s house to see what was going on with her. But one of my dad’s top rules about driving? Don’t do it if you haven’t had enough sleep.
While I hated following it right now, I knew it was a good rule. Falling asleep behind the wheel wasn’t something I was interested in doing, so Operation Hunt-Ellie-Down would have to wait.
CHAPTER 37
BRIELLE
That other shoe I was so worried about? It finally dropped.
Because I was late.
Not in the sense that I was running behind for work.
I mean, I was late. Four days late, to be exact. And I was never late.
The only other time I ever missed my period ended with me crying on the bathroom floor staring at two pink lines.
I had spent the last two days alternating between stressing and doing my best to live in denial.
But I couldn’t put it off any longer—now it was time to find out for sure.
With shaking hands, I tore open the package of pregnancy tests. Not wanting to leave any room for error, I’d gotten the double pack of digital early detection tests.
I surveyed my arsenal of supplies. On the bathroom counter, there were two tests, a cup, and an instruction pamphlet. I read the directions very carefully, then peed into the cup, foregoing the option to pee directly onto the sticks, which was way more difficult than it sounded.
Then all I could do was wait.
As I paced around the bathroom, I prayed the results were negative. Colton and I were careful—we’d used condoms every time. But I knew that careful wasn’t always 100%.
I lifted my hands to my breasts, testing their weight and noting the tenderness when I squeezed. Sore boobs could be a sure sign that I was about to start my period.
Or…
A symptom of pregnancy.
Dropping my arms, I decided to stop fondling myself. Either I was pregnant or I wasn’t. No amount of groping was going to change that.
Tears pricked my eyes as I found myself reliving old memories. Almost four years ago, I’d been in this exact same position.
For a few terrifying minutes, I felt like I was in a lose-lose situation.
I imagined what it would be like if I was carrying Colton’s child. He was an honorable guy and I knew he would want to do the right thing, even if it wasn’t what he wanted.
At first, he would act happy and supportive.
But my heart hurt when I thought about watching him go from loving, to resentful, to eventually leaving me.
If Colton stayed with me, I would always wonder if it was out of obligation. And if he left… I would be crushed.
I wasn’t sure if my heart would ever recover from that.
My mind went back to those first lonely nights in the hospital after I had Ava. My mom had wanted to stay with me, but I insisted that she didn’t need to. It wasn’t because I didn’t want her help. I just didn’t want her to see me lose my shit—and I did lose my shit. I cried for hours, rocking the tiny pink bundle in my arms. At one point, the nurses became so concerned over my breakdown that they’d insisted on giving me a sedative while they took Ava to the nursery. Reluctantly, I’d agreed because I knew I needed to rest.
When I woke up, I called Josh over and over again, getting his voicemail every time. After two days of leaving tearful messages and pathetic texts, I left the hospital with a baby girl and the resolve that I was going to have to raise her on my own.
The weeks that followed were the darkest times of my life. Struggling to care for a newborn while dealing with a broken heart had left me feeling lost and depressed. If it hadn’t been for my parents, I’m not sure how I would’ve coped.
But I knew one thing—I never wanted to go through that again. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I could survive it a second time. I wanted to have more kids someday, but not right now. Not in a relationship that was new and fragile.
Nervously rubbing at my thumb, I stopped pacing. It’d been enough time for the test results to show, so I took a deep breath and looked down at the sticks next to the sink.
Not pregnant. Not pregnant.
Relief slammed through me and a hysterical laugh burst from my mouth. I leaned back against the
tiled wall and sagged down on to the floor.
Burying my face in my hands, I cried happy tears.
My moment of respite was short-lived, though, because I heard Ava scream from somewhere in the house. Quickly shoving all the evidence into the trash, I ran from the bathroom. As I was rushing down the stairs I could tell her wailing was more than just her being upset—she was hurt.
I followed her cries into the kitchen where she sat on the counter and my dad stood next to her, holding a towel over her face.
“What happened?” I asked, breathless from speeding through the house.
“We were eating breakfast in the living room. She tripped and hit her face on the coffee table. I tried to catch her but it just happened so fast,” he explained, his tone distressed.
My dad was usually cool as a cucumber, so his reaction made me worry.
Ava’s wailing became louder as he removed the towel from her mouth and I sucked in a breath when I saw the damage.
“Oh, Bug. It’s okay. It’s not that bad,” I lied, trying to soothe her.
It really was that bad. There was a lot of blood and I could see an ugly-looking gash below her lower lip. After I asked her to open her mouth wider so I could look inside, I could tell that her teeth had pierced through her cheek from the impact. I wasn’t a nurse yet, but it didn’t take a medical expert to see she was going to need stitches.
“Am I gonna be okay?” she sobbed as blood dripped down her chin. I gently brought the towel back up to her face.
“Yep, you’re going to be just fine,” I told her, trying to inject some cheerfulness into my voice. “But I think we need to go see the doctor.”
She whimpered. “My lip feels funny.”
“I know. But they’ll put some good medicine on it so it won’t hurt anymore,” I told her. “Just trust me, okay?”
“Okay.” She nodded, her cries subsiding.
As I got our coats and shoes, not even bothering to change out of our pajamas, it took everything I had to hold myself together. Ava had never been to the emergency room before and I didn’t want her to be scared. Seeing me panic or cry would definitely freak her out.
Dancer (The Good Guys Book 2) Page 19
