“Three,” she insisted with a huff, stomping a rainbow-colored foot. More tears fell down her face and it was killing me to see her so upset.
“We’ll say goodnight,” I compromised, because I could see she was hanging by a thread, “but I’m not saying bye. Okay?” I asked and she nodded. “Two.”
“One,” she whispered.
“Goodnight,” we both said quietly.
And then I walked away.
CHAPTER 39
BRIELLE
The next few days kept me busy. Between work, classes, and taking care of Ava, I didn’t have time to think about much else. And I was thankful for that.
Unfortunately, thinking was exactly what I was supposed to be doing. That was the whole point of telling Colton we needed to take a step back from our relationship, but every time I pictured my life without him in it, it was too painful to bear.
During work, I got lost in the music. At class I buried myself in papers and tests. And at home, I soaked up every snuggle, hug, and ‘I love you.’
Nighttime was the hardest. In those quiet minutes before I slipped into sleep, my thoughts and feelings wanted to take over. I did my best to push them away.
Staying true to his word, Colton gave me space. I was both relieved and disappointed by that. Even though I didn’t hear from him all day, each night I couldn’t resist sending him a goodnight text. And he always responded.
Through a blur of tears, I typed out the message on the glowing screen.
Me: Three
Colton: Two
Me: One
Colton: Goodnight
Me: Goodnight
CHAPTER 40
COLTON
Bright sunlight came through the open window and the white curtains blew in the steady breeze. A butterfly flew into the room, fluttering around before it decided to land on the bouquet of daisies on the nightstand.
“Don’t you just love butterflies?” Mom said softly as she stared at the orange and black pattern on its wings.
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I really do.”
I didn’t have to look around to know where I was, but my eyes wandered over the room anyway. Wooden desk shoved into the corner. Hospital bed on the far right wall. And my mom—fragile and weak, with bright blue eyes.
In the back of my mind I knew this was a dream, but I didn’t want to wake up.
Not yet.
“Come on over, baby.” Mom patted the place beside her. “What’s got you looking so down?”
I closed the distance to the bed and, when I sat down, I realized I wasn’t a kid in this dream—my body barely fit on the edge of the mattress. As I glanced down, I realized I was wearing my auto shop coveralls.
Meeting my mom’s eyes again, I realized she was still waiting for my answer.
“Girl troubles,” I told her with a half-smile and a shrug.
“Ah,” she said, nodding her head in understanding. “Brielle beat you at thumb war again, huh?”
Being careful not to jar the IV, I covered her hand with mine and gave her a rueful smile. “It’s a little more complicated than that.”
“The most popular relationship cliché in history.” She smirked, adjusting the pink stocking cap on her head.
I shrugged, not knowing where to start or how to explain. “I’m in love. It’s not just Ellie, though. I’ve got two girls who own me right now.”
“A love triangle? That sounds scandalous,” she teased. “I thought you were a one-woman kind of guy.”
“I am.” I huffed out a laugh. “Ava is Ellie’s daughter. She’s so awesome, Mom. You’d love her.”
Reaching out, she ran her hand over my short hair. “My handsome boy. All grown up. What you and Brielle have is special,” she said, repeating the words she’d said in this dream so many times before. “Something really extraordinary.”
I smiled, finally understanding what she meant. She knew all along that Ellie and I would end up together. “Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix it.”
“Don’t ever give up on something just because it’s hard.” She sighed as another spring breeze came through the window. “I think I could use a nap. Would you like to lie down with me? I haven’t had my little-man cuddles yet today.”
This wasn’t how the dream was supposed to go. She was supposed to give me advice, tell me the meaning of life. I wanted to keep asking questions, keep pressing for answers.
But she looked tired so I just nodded, deciding to take comfort in my mom for as long as I could.
When I swung my legs up onto the bed, I realized I was six years old again. Being smaller allowed me to lie next to her, and I rested my head on her stomach.
“And she loved a little boy very much…” Trailing off, she struggled to take a breath. “Even more than she loved herself.”
I recognized the paraphrased line. It was from ‘The Giving Tree’ by Shel Silverstein, Mom’s favorite children’s book.
“I love you, too, Mom,” I whispered against her soft floral nightgown.
Waking up with a start, realization hit me hard and fast. That was it—those were the words I never got to hear her say in the dream, the words I couldn’t remember. They weren’t profound or life-changing. It had nothing to do with my current predicament.
She was simply telling me that she loved me.
And it was enough. After all these years, it felt so good to finally remember some of my mom’s last words. While it made me happy, I’d never missed her more than I did right now.
Sighing, I checked my phone, hoping to see something from Ellie, but there was nothing new.
Ellie: Goodnight
I stared at her last text, fighting the emotions warring inside my body. Throughout the day, I had to physically restrain myself from calling her, texting her, going to her.
And now, I wanted nothing more than to hear her voice. My thumb hovered over the call button for a few seconds, but I decided against it. Waking her up in the middle of the night wasn’t going to do me any favors, and I needed all the help I could get.
I was serious when I told her I refused to let her go.
Ellie was it for me.
Every single part of my body recognized her as my other half. My mind. My heart. Hell, even my dick.
I rubbed at my sternum, trying to ease the hollow ache in my chest as I thought about the other night.
The fact that Ellie thought she wasn’t good enough for me blew my mind. She’d given me the longest list of break-up reasons ever, and all of them were complete bullshit. Well, all except the pregnancy thing. Given her past experience, her fear about that was legit.
I hated that she was so scared, that life taught her to be this way. Even more, I hated the fact that I had anything to do with it in the first place. I couldn’t change the past, couldn’t take back what happened when we were kids.
Childhood-Ellie had been fearless. I never would’ve admitted it to her then, but she was way braver than me.
Trying to stay optimistic, I told myself that maybe tomorrow would be the day she changed her mind.
I exited my texts, and the little coloring book apps stared back at me. On a whim, I went to my pictures. I had no idea what made me do it—I never used my camera—but what I saw had me grinning. Apparently, Ava had figured out how to use it.
Selfies. Dozens of them.
Smiling. Tongue sticking out. Fish face.
I could see the straps of the car seat over her shoulders and I recognized the blue Disney shirt she had on. It was the same shirt she’d been wearing the day we went to Indiana. Apparently, she’d been taking pictures instead of coloring.
No wonder she was so quiet back there.
Swiping my finger across the screen, I went from one to the next. Some of them were off-center. A close-up of her eye. A mass of light br
own hair.
Then she flipped the camera around. Pink and white Velcro shoes. The door handle. A car next to us on the highway.
I was smiling so wide my face hurt. I loved seeing the world through Ava’s eyes.
The last picture made my heart skip a beat. It was a perfect shot of Ellie and me in the front seat. Our heads were turned toward each other and genuine smiles lit up our profiles as we locked eyes for that second in time. Between us, our hands were clasped together over the middle console.
Maybe giving her space wasn’t the best thing to do. As much as Ellie claimed to be annoyed by how pushy I was, sometimes I thought it was one of the things she loved the most.
Blowing out a sigh, I set my background to one of Ava’s silly selfies.
Then, I tried to formulate a new plan.
CHAPTER 41
BRIELLE
Just as I stuck four candles on the rectangular vanilla-frosted cake, the doorbell rang, causing the tune of ‘Happy Birthday’ to ring through the house. Ava ran past me but stopped short when she reached for the doorknob.
“Can I open it?” she asked excitedly.
“Go ahead,” I told her. It was her party, after all.
Chloe was on the other side, a big purple bag in one hand and a bouquet of balloons in the other. “Hey, birthday girl!”
“Um, actually, I’m not a birthday girl. I’m a Band-aid girl.” Ava laughed maniacally and held up her thumb. “Yeah, because I’m wearing a Band-aid! See?”
“What kind is that?” Chloe humored her by inspecting the bandage. “Is that Belle? She’s my favorite princess.”
“You wanna come see my toys?” Ava jumped up and down before grabbing Chloe’s hand and dragging her toward the stairs.
Chloe gave me a quick hug before being pulled away.
“I guess I’m going to Ava’s room now.” She laughed.
“Okay. Don’t stay up there too long, Bug. You don’t want to miss cake and presents.”
“Okaaaay,” Ava sang, then started chattering to Chloe about Barbies.
Before I could close the door, I saw a familiar blue truck pull up onto the street in front of the house.
Crap.
My heart started to pound because I hadn’t expected to see Colton today. Immediately, I straightened my ponytail and started to smooth some messy strands away from my face.
I walked across the lawn, meeting him at the curb. He held a Spider-Man bag with pink tissue paper coming out the top.
As I took in the sight of Colton, I tried to rein in my out-of-control libido. How was it possible for someone to look so good in worn jeans and a simple gray button-up?
“What are you doing here?” I asked, breathless from surprise.
“I’m here for the party,” he said curtly. He lifted the present up and I couldn’t read his expression. I wasn’t used to him being closed off from me and I didn’t like it.
“I just thought since…” I trailed off, and he finished the sentence for me.
“You thought since we were taking a ‘break’ I wouldn’t come,” he said, putting air quotes around the word break.
I shrugged. “Well, yeah.”
“No offense, but I’m not here for you. I promised Ava I’d come to her party. You might not trust me to follow through, but she does.”
Ouch. Double ouch. I guess I deserved that.
Taking out his wallet, Colton pulled out a small yellow piece of paper and unfolded it. Something squeezed inside my chest when I saw that he’d kept the little drawing Ava made him.
“You can’t kick me out. I have a personal invite from the birthday girl herself.” He held out the picture, then slipped it back into his wallet.
He started walking toward the house and the distance both literally and figuratively was killing me. “Colton.”
When he turned back, the look in his eyes almost broke me. He looked so defeated. The Colton I knew didn’t accept defeat, and I hated myself for being the one to put that look on his face.
“I promise to stay out of your way,” he said softly and disappeared into the house, leaving me on the front lawn trying desperately to get my emotions together.
I needed to suck it up. This was Ava’s special day and I refused to let my love-life drama ruin it.
CHAPTER 42
COLTON
Today wasn’t going as planned. I didn’t know what I’d been expecting, but it wasn’t the cold greeting Ellie gave me. Part of me had hoped she would take one look at me and throw herself into my arms.
Not even close.
She’d been surprised that I even showed up. Ellie wasn’t kidding about having trust issues. The fact that she thought I wouldn’t come to Ava’s birthday party? That stung.
But I wasn’t going to let that deter me. I told Ellie I wanted all of her, and I meant it.
At least Ava was having a great time. The party was in full swing and I could hear her giggles floating through the air in the backyard. The weather was unseasonably warm at almost seventy degrees, so Dave decided to grill out. Half of the people in attendance were outside on the deck.
Angel’s friend, Ernie, was there wowing the guests with his balloon animal skills. Everyone clapped as he twisted two blue balloons together and made an elephant. I didn’t know the old man well, but I was glad he was willing to come to the party today.
As he smiled down at a cheering Ava, the wrinkles in his weathered face deepened. Removing his ball cap, he took a bow. Obviously, he was having just as much fun as everyone else.
I felt a little out of place sitting off to the side in a lawn chair—not because I didn’t know anyone, but because I felt like the outsider.
If Ellie and I weren’t together anymore, what did that make me? The creepy guy who wouldn’t quit coming around?
A throat cleared next to me and glanced up to see Ellie’s friend, Chloe. Memories of Travis’s birthday at Caged were fuzzy, but I still recognized her.
“Chloe. Good to see you again,” I told her, leaning back in the chair.
“So you remember me, huh?” She smirked.
“Hey, I wasn’t that drunk the night I met you,” I claimed, and she raised a skeptical eyebrow. I huffed out a laugh. “Okay. Maybe I was that drunk. Even if I hadn’t met you before, I’d still know who you are. Ellie talks about you all the time.”
“Ellie,” she said, a small smile on her lips. “You know you’re the only one who calls her that?”
I nodded. “Called her that since we were kids.”
“I’ll be honest with you right now. That night… I’ve never seen her so happy. I’m gonna give you some advice,” she said quietly as she adjusted the sunglasses on her face. She moved over to a nearby tree, putting her back to me and fiddling with the branches.
I found it highly amusing that she was trying to act all covert about our conversation.
I cracked a smile. “I’m all ears. I could definitely use some advice right now.”
Sighing, she glanced at me over her shoulder. “Bree’s had a rough time when it comes to dating. I guess I probably don’t need to tell you that.” She turned back to the tree but I could still hear her. “Just don’t give up on my girl, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed, even though I felt like I was running out of options.
“And if you tell her I said this, and I will hunt you down,” she warned, her voice low. “but I’m on your side. Hashtag team Colton.” She gave a little fist pump and I chuckled.
“Thanks,” I told her. “I appreciate that.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go talk some sense into my friend.”
I watched Chloe go back up to the house, then I gazed at the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ellie—I knew the second-story window closest to me belonged to her bedroom. Shaking my head, I m
entally scolded myself for being such a creep. I was one step away from being a Peeping Tom.
That self-deprecating thought vanished as I caught a flash of a pink tutu and wild brown hair.
Ava came barreling toward me, fairy wand in one hand and a red balloon animal in the other. Opening my arms wide, I caught her as she jumped into my lap.
“You having a fun party?” I asked, even though I knew the answer was yes.
“Of course!” she said, then pointed to her face. “See my stitches? See??”
Inspecting the black threads under her lip, I made a sound like I was impressed. “They did a great job and I heard you were really brave.”
She nodded, then looked at me for long seconds. Her eyes roamed my face as she twisted her mouth to the side, and I started to feel a little uncomfortable. It kind of felt like she was peering into my soul, like she was able to see something I was desperately trying to hide.
Finally, after she seemed done with her assessment, she spoke. “Are you frustrated?”
I shook my head a little. “No, not frustrated.”
“Are you sad?”
Damn. Maybe she really could see into my soul. I didn’t want to lie to her, so I just decided to be honest.
“Yeah. I guess I am,” I replied.
Ava picked up my hand, placed a kiss on my palm, then looked up at me with teary eyes and a shaky smile. “There. I gave you a kiss. Now you can be so happy?”
Well, shit.
Although Ellie had warned me about Ava’s sensitivity to other people’s feelings, this was the first time I’d seen her react that way on my behalf.
If my heart hadn’t been broken before, it definitely was now.
But instead of admitting that, I smiled and lied through my teeth. “Yep. Now I can be so happy.”
As she snuggled deeper into my arms, I realized Dave was finished grilling and everyone had gone inside to eat. I didn’t want my time with Ava to end yet, so I made no move to get up.
I had no idea what would happen after today.
As much as I wanted her to be, Ava wasn’t mine. When would I get to see her again? If Ellie didn’t want me in their lives anymore, there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
Dancer (The Good Guys Book 2) Page 21
