Rebel Heart

by Barbara McMahon

  His arm unexpectedly spun her around. He held on to her as he leaned over, his nose almost touching hers. She could feel the heat of his anger.

  “You don’t have much choice.”

  “I do, too. I can sell what cattle I need to raise the money.”

  “Why not take a partner? Shannon, I’m not asking for controlling interest, just a few shares.”

  “No.”

  “Why the hell not?” He was getting angry at her refusal and she glared up at him.

  “I’ll tell you why not, cowboy. First of all, this ranch is all mine. It is the only real home I’ve had since I was fifteen. It means too much to me to give up a portion of it to some stranger I only met a week ago. Second, I am not going to become dependent on another man as long as I live. I tried that with Bobby and ended up burned badly. Third—”

  “Third be damned. I’m not your husband so stop comparing me to him. I’m not trying to boot you out of your home, only help you save it.”

  “No.”

  He took a deep breath, held it a moment before releasing it in a gust. “God, but you are the most headstrong woman I’ve ever met.”

  She shrugged her shoulders, trying to release her arm from his grip. But he held on.

  “Why is this the first real home you’ve ever had?” he asked.

  “I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” she said petulantly. She wanted to go into the house, put some distance between them. The sun had sunk behind the mountain peaks and twilight spread over the land. The soft evening breeze teased her cheeks and Jase’s proximity sent spiraling tendrils of awareness through her.

  “I’m curious.”

  “My mom died when I was little. My dad was killed in a tornado when I was fifteen. For three years I was in foster care. Then kicked out. Do you know how hard it is for foster kids to make it?” she explained briefly in a clipped voice. She didn’t like thinking back. She wanted her future to be so much better.

  “And Bobby promised stability and a home.”

  She shrugged. He had, but the promise had proved false. Her eyes dropped to the top button of Jase’s shirt, unable to continue to meet his piercing gaze. “Home is important to me,” she said softly.

  “And to me. Why do you think I worked so hard to provide one for my brother and sister? I wouldn’t take your home from you, darlin’,” he said gently. “I want to help you save it.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not selling.”

  “Fine.” He straightened and released her. Stepping around her, he headed for the kitchen door.

  “Are you leaving?” she asked, suddenly afraid he would do just that. Had she made him that mad?

  “No.” He continued inside.

  Shannon followed, wondering what she was going to do next. She had so little time to come up with the money. Selling some of her cattle was the only way.

  Jase sat behind her desk, rummaging around the papers stacked on its surface.

  “What are you doing?” She paused in the doorway, watching him. Would he continue to teach her about ranching? Or had she made him too angry?

  “I’m trying to figure how much money you need for the next few months so we can calculate how many head of cattle you have to sell,” he said as easily as if the confrontation in the yard had never taken place.

  She slowly sank into the chair beside him and watched as he studied the tally sheets, ran a list of numbers on the old calculator. The mortgage payments she recognized and the salaries for Dink and Gary. There were other figures, but she was afraid to question exactly what they represented. The total was staggering.

  She swallowed hard. “How much of the herd do I have to sell?”

  “Don’t know. Tomorrow we’ll call around and find out what the going rate for cattle is right now. This is the amount you need. Once we have the rate, we’ll see how many head of cattle that is.”

  “And then how long before I would get the money?”

  “Oh, you can have it tomorrow,” he said easily.

  “Tomorrow?” She blinked, puzzled. How would they even find a buyer that quickly, much less get the funds?

  He nodded. Tipping back in the chair, his eyes narrowed slightly as he watched her.

  “Wouldn’t we have to find a buyer first?”

  “I’m buying.”

  She stared at him in surprise. “No.”

  He chuckled, running his knuckles down her soft cheek. “Now you’re saying who can and cannot buy your cattle? Do you want to sell them or not?”

  “No. I mean, yes, I want to sell, but you can’t buy them. What would you do with a bunch of cattle? Are you planning to take them on the rodeo with you?”

  “No, I’m planning to lease some land from you so they can continue to graze. That will generate some income for you.”

  “You can’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “You just can’t.”

  She was stunned. She didn’t know why he couldn’t, but she didn’t want such a close tie. Jase was only here for another five weeks. She didn’t want him bailing her out of her problems. She wanted him to show her how to work them out on her own, then leave.

  He had to leave before she began thinking things she had no business thinking.

  “What’s the alternative? Sell to someone else who will take them away. Then you lose the lease income. You’ve plenty of good pasture land, more than enough to support the cattle you’re running. My owning some of the herd won’t change that. And, in the meantime, you’ll have a few months of lease income as well as the cash you need right now.”

  It made sense. If it were anyone but Jase she’d jump at the opportunity. Only, somehow, she felt funny accepting it from Jase.

  Yet he was right, what choice did she have?

  “If you buy them, it’ll be at a discount,” she said.

  “What?”

  “That way I can pay you a little bit more for helping me out.”

  “That’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You’ll never make a businesswoman that way.”

  “I feel responsible—”

  “You have an overactive sense of responsibility,” he interrupted.

  “It’s better than having no sense at all,” she retorted.

  “And that’s the second dumbest thing I’ve heard you say since we started living together.”

  She blinked, heat stung her cheeks. “We’re not living together!”

  “Oh, yes, we are, darlin’, in every way but sharing a bed. I can hear you shower in the morning. Watch you cooking when I come in from checking the horses. See you in good moods and bad. Watch as you rub your eyes when you’re tired and ready for bed at night.”

  He tilted the chair back down on all four legs and leaned toward her until his breath caressed her cheeks.

  “I hear your clothes rustle as you undress each night, hear your bed sigh when you crawl into it. There’s not much about living with you I don’t know.”

  Shannon stared into his smoky gray eyes as if she were drowning. He was right. She could say the same about him. She heard him across the hall morning and night, heard the shower when he bathed. She’d wondered how he managed with his cast, his bandages. She had longed to offer assistance, but had refrained, knowing it would be the most foolish thing she could do.

  She knew a lot about him, too, from the way he slept on his back, arms flung wide, to his grouchy mood if awakened before he was ready.

  But living together? No, he was just staying for a time, then would move on.

  “It’s not like you’re implying,” she whispered.

  “It could be. Do you want it to be?” His voice was seductive, sexy, suggestive.

  Yes! If he would only—

  “No!” Shannon scrambled back, out of danger, standing so abruptly her chair fell over and hit the floor with a loud crash. She spun and raced from the room, afraid of where her own thoughts were leading her. She heard his laughter as she slammed her bedroom door. Her heart pounded,
hot blood coursed through her and her mind wouldn’t relinquish the image of them together. She was so mad she could spit!

  Shannon awoke the next morning determined to maintain a serene facade before Jase, no matter how he tempted her. She’d lain awake long into the night, hearing his words echo over and over.

  One tiny part of her longed to make them true. She’d love to live with him, share her life with him, build a future together. But the bitter reality was, she could never trust him. She’d never trust a cowboy again.

  The coffee had been made by the time she reached the kitchen. A dirty cup sat in the sink. Wandering over to the open door, she looked out into the yard. Jase stood near his truck, talking with Gary. The horse trailer had been unhitched and pushed to one side. Wondering what they were discussing, Shannon stood in the doorway, straining to catch some words, but they were too far away.

  While she debated whether to join them or not, Gary laughed and nodded, turning toward the barn. Jase climbed into his truck and started the engine. He drove off without noticing Shannon.

  She watched as the dust settled behind him, wondering where he was going so early in the morning. Turning back to the kitchen, she was relieved he had left Shadow and the trailer. At least he’d be back. Until then she hadn’t realized how much she’d feared he would up and leave. Which was stupid, he was going to leave in a few weeks. It wouldn’t matter if he left early.

  Yes, it would.

  When she worked at the morning chores with Gary, she casually asked him where Jase had gone.

  “Into town. Had some things to see to, he said,” Gary replied easily as he helped fork out the fouled straw.

  “Did he mention what?” Shannon asked.

  “No, just said he’d be back later. You need him to run some errands for you?”

  “Uh, no. Just wondered when he’d be back.”

  “Before supper, I reckon. He tell you about the plans for growing hay?”

  “Yes.” Shannon discussed the new idea halfheartedly, her curiosity rampant about what errands Jase had.

  As the day progressed, Shannon grew more and more distracted as she listened for the sound of Jase’s truck returning. Unable to concentrate on anything, she turned to baking to wile away the hours. The gingerbread was ready to come out of the oven when she finally heard his truck. Spaghetti sauce simmered on the stove, garlic bread stood ready to be heated.

  Flicking a glance out the window, she turned to pull out the fragrant cake. Cleaning up the last of the bowls and wiping down the counter to give herself something to do, she waited for Jase to come in.

  “Something smells good.” His easy comment annoyed her. She wanted to know where he had been and why he hadn’t told her he was going into town. She’d been worried about him and he walked in as casual as he pleased.

  “Gingerbread,” she said shortly.

  He paused, his hat still in his hand, and looked at her, studying her tense stance, her snapping eyes.

  Slowly his lips lifted in that grin that wreaked so much havoc on her equilibrium. “Something wrong, darlin’?” he drawled, tossing the hat on the table and walking over to her.

  “No. I didn’t know you were going to be gone all day. It’s almost supper time.” Her voice was tight with suppressed emotion.

  “I should have told you I was going into town, but you were still asleep when I left.” His hand came up to brush against her cheek.

  She knocked it away. “I was not. I saw you drive off.”

  “Well, you must have just gotten up then. Next time I’ll wait until you’re awake. I told Gary to tell you.” He sounded so reasonable her anger grew.

  “He did.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “Why did you go to town?” She bit her lower lip. Damn, she hadn’t wanted to subject him to an inquisition. It wasn’t her business and if he told her so it would be no more than she deserved.

  Instead, he grinned again. “What’s the matter, darlin’, you think I went into town to duck work for the day? Cut out to play?”

  “No.” But she had. She’d thought exactly that. Bobby never could stay on the ranch more than a few days before he had to find some action.

  “Yes, you do.” His hand encircled her neck beneath her braid and gently rubbed the tight muscles. “I went in to talk to the sheriff about your theft. Then I went to buy a computer. You need to get things automated to cut down on the work, and give you instant access to information. Next I stopped in at the cattleman’s association and got the current price of beef. I had my bank wire-transfer the money into your account. I now own three hundred head of that cattle on the range. Now we need to figure out how much land I need to lease till winter.”

  His fingers slowly massaged her skin. Tingling shivers of awareness pulsated in rhythm with her heart. Heat began to spread from his hand to every cell in her body. She began to soften, weaken, longed to move against the strength before her and lean on him. Yet she knew that way lay danger. He was too potent for her. She was too fragile and afraid to take a chance.

  “I’ll make you a bill of sale after dinner,” she said stiffly, clamping down tightly on the emotions that threatened to spill over.

  “It can wait until tomorrow. After dinner we’re going back to town.”

  “Why?”

  “To have a little fun. I noticed The Big Bonanza on the square when I drove through town today. They’ve got a live band tonight so I thought we could go in and dance some.”

  She stepped back, breaking his hold. “I don’t dance.” She turned back to the counter, testing the gingerbread, moving to the stove to stir the spaghetti sauce.

  “Besides, I don’t have time to be going into bars and partying the night away. I have a ranch to run,” she added. Was that all rodeo cowboys thought about, having a good time?

  “You don’t seem to have time for fun at all,” he said, leaning against the counter, crossing his arms across his chest, the cast already turning dull from the dirt on the ranch.

  “I have a ranch to run, responsibilities—”

  “Dammit, Shannon, you make it sound like a sacred quest. Everyone around these parts has a ranch to run, but that doesn’t mean they can’t break loose once in a while and have fun. I haven’t seen you relax since I got here.”

  “You do enough for both of us,” she said petulantly. “Bobby always did.”

  “Yeah, well maybe you drove him to it,” Jase snapped.

  She looked up, stunned.

  His eyes were dark, angry. His gaze didn’t waver as she faced him, despite the hurt and uncertainty in hers.

  “I didn’t,” she whispered.

  “How do I know that? If you were as righteous then as now, as concerned about the ranch over the relationship with your husband, maybe you did.”

  She blinked back the sudden tears, unable to believe what she was hearing.

  “Listen to me, Shannon. I don’t mean to hurt you, I only want to make a point. There’s more to life, more to building a marriage, than just work. The ranch is important, I’m not saying it isn’t. But a well-rounded life includes friends and fun and laughter. You work too hard. You need a break, something frivolous and fun. You’ll end up burning out, otherwise. I know. I was there for years.”

  “And you’re trying to make up for it all now, I suppose.”

  “In a way, yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing. I had more responsibility than I wanted or deserved for my age. I was seventeen when my folks died. Seventeen! Shannon, I should have been thinking about girls and dances and school. Instead I worried about bills and money to buy clothes for my brother and sister and where our next meal would come from. By the time they were settled, I had nothing left to give the ranch. I needed time just for me. I know you think it’s selfish and self-centered, but I need it. One day I won’t. One day I’ll get life back in balance and take up ranching again. But until then I plan to have all the fun I can cram into the day.”

  “And I suppose I should join you i
n that fun,” she said bitterly, wanting to turn away, caught by his hard stare.

  “In some of it,” he said slowly. “For the time I’m here. What can one night out a week hurt? We’ll go in to town and see your neighbors. Dance to the band. Have a few laughs.”

  She shook her head.

  He sighed. “All right. I’m leaving at seven. If you want to come with me, I’d like that. If not, I’m still going.” He pushed away and headed for his bedroom. In only a few minutes, Shannon heard the shower.

  “Getting all cleaned up for a night on the town,” she muttered, and she stirred the sauce recklessly. Cutting up the gingerbread, she put two large servings on a plate and carried it over to Gary and Dink.

  A night on the town. The words echoed over and over. How long had it been since she’d gone out?

  Before Bobby had died. Long before.

  She didn’t linger with the hired hands, only smiling at their appreciation for the cake before going to the corral to watch the horses. It wasn’t her night to feed them, but she watched as they ambled over to the fence.

  Was there a grain of truth in what Jase had said? Had she driven Bobby to the lengths he’d gone before he died? She had tried to be a good wife. She had tried to make a home for them while he was out riding the broncs and the bulls.

  They’d started off fine. At first she had traveled the circuit with him. Life had been carefree and full of mindless excursions into the fun side of things. But she’d grown tired of constant games. She’d longed for stability, something solid to build a future on. Bobby hadn’t wanted to leave the rodeo. Thinking back, she remembered nagging him to stay home, harping on working the ranch, building it up. Had that been only her dream? Had Bobby wanted something else? Had she driven him away by her holy quest to create the home she had always wanted?

  No, Bobby hadn’t been driven away. But he had had little to come home for, except a load of complaints and suggestions that would take him away from what he truly loved.