Rebel Heart

by Barbara McMahon

  He shook his head slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. “Not exactly.”

  She felt a sense of dread creep over her. Did that mean he was not exactly interested now that there were even more problems on the ranch? It was one thing to offer some ready cash for a short-term need, something else to align himself with a ranch that needed a lot of work to hold it together. The responsibility for bringing it around would be too much for a footloose cowboy more interested in the next town and the next laugh.

  “I understand.”

  “I doubt it. I think we should get married.”

  She stared at him. “I—did I hear you right? Married?” She was speechless, stunned. It was the farthest thing she had ever expected to hear from him.

  Marriage? To Jase?

  Her heart began beating heavily in her breast. Mesmerized by the look in his gaze, drawn into the fantasy for a brief blinding instant, she couldn’t look away.

  “Yeah, you heard right. Marry me, Shannon.”

  “Why? Jase, marriage is the last thing you want. You’ll be leaving in a few weeks. You’ve kicked over all traces of a responsible life, and you certainly don’t want to pick them up here with a ranch that is going to take a lot of work to bring it back in the black.”

  “I’ve decided I don’t want to be a partner that you can kick out at your whim. I want to try for the nationals, try to be the best I can be. But then I want to come back here when I’m done. Be involved in building up the ranch.”

  “No. I can’t marry you. I can’t do that again. I lived like that with Bobby, I won’t do it again.”

  “Where’s the problem? You haven’t found anyone you're interested in to marry. This way, you can use the money I have saved, get a share of the money I earn in the rodeos.”

  “And in exchange give up my ranch.”

  “We’ll split it.”

  She stared at him, longing and hope warring with hard experience of the past. “Sixty-forty?” she asked.

  His eyes grew silvery. “I assume I have the forty?”

  She nodded thoughtfully. Was she really considering his unorthodox proposal?

  “And in return you’ll get forty percent of everything I have, as well,” he said.

  She nodded, knowing she couldn’t have forty percent of a cutting horse unless he sold it. But if he wanted to make the deal work both ways, she wouldn't argue.

  “Is there a catch to all of this? Why do you want to tie yourself to me? Give up your winnings to build back a ranch you didn't even know existed a month ago?” she asked.

  It didn’t make any sense. Not with the Jase she thought she knew. Or not with the man she equated with Bobby Blackstone.

  Yet Jase had shown on more than one occasion that he was different than Bobby.

  He traced his thumb across her lower lip, brushed across again. “Let’s just say I want to help and I want a place to come back to when I finish the rodeo. Win or lose, I want a place here.”

  Love?

  There’d been no mention of love.

  She wanted to ask him if he felt anything for her beyond the lust that he made no attempt to hide. But it might open up the question of how she felt. And she was afraid to examine that too closely.

  “Thank you, Jase, I accept. I’m very grateful that—”

  “I don’t want gratitude.” Anger flared. “I wasn’t looking for any and I don’t want you to feel that way.”

  “Okay.” She had nothing else to say. She was grateful. But if he didn’t want to hear it, she’d keep quiet.

  “We’ll go into town tomorrow and see about the license,” he said.

  She licked her lips. Leaning closer, she kissed him. Touching lightly, she drew back and watched as his eyes darkened. They grew stormy when he was aroused. She smiled slightly and slipped her arms around his neck. Boldly, she leaned against him and opened her mouth against his.

  His arms tightened around her and he met her with passion already high. For only a moment Shannon controlled the kiss, but Jase soon commanded. His arms pulled her tightly against him as his tongue plunged in to excite her beyond belief. He deepened the kiss until Shannon lost all awareness of her surroundings. She could only cling to him to keep from spinning away on a cloud of delight.

  She leaned closer only to hesitate when he groaned slightly when she pressed his ribs. Sitting up, she pulled away and looked at him in concern. “Are you all right?”

  “Fine.” He kissed her lightly, his tongue just skimming across her lips.

  “Tomorrow we’ll see the doctor again about your ribs, you could have damaged them further yesterday. In fact, I don't know how you did all you did.”

  She clung to the mundane to keep her head on an even keel. The sensations that shot through her had nothing to do with evenness.

  “See what a good wife you’ll make,” he said mockingly as he kissed her one last time. Then he set her up on her feet. “There’s work to be done.”

  She nodded, suddenly worried about the turn her life had taken. Had she really committed to marry another rodeo cowboy?

  Had she set herself up for another heartache?

  Chapter Eight

  “This is insane,” Shannon grumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Jase the next morning as he drove them into Tumbleweed. With stops planned at the courthouse, the hospital, and the feed store, they'd gotten an early start.

  Not that it mattered to Shannon. She had scarcely slept two hours all night. She’d been too hasty in accepting his offer of marriage. Now that she’d had time to think—

  He glanced at her, then back at the road. “What’s insane?”

  “Us getting married. I don’t want to get married.”

  “You’re calling it off?” He raised an eyebrow, but his voice remained level, unconcerned.

  “There must be some other way.”

  “Lots of other ways. Most of them involving loans which you are adamantly against.”

  “Why can’t you be my partner?”

  “I will be, partner, husband, lover.”

  She stared, dumbfounded. “Lover?” she squeaked.

  Jase shrugged. “There’s no denying the attraction between us, is there? Given time, we’re bound to give in to it. And once married, you won’t have all those inhibitions.”

  “They aren't inhibitions, they're principles! I never agreed to be your lover,” she hissed, incensed. Was that all he wanted? Was marriage just a way to get her into his bed?

  “But you did agree to become my wife,” he said smoothly.

  She frowned at him and turned to look out the window. This made matters even worse than before. Her heart skipped a beat then began racing.

  Lovers. He planned for them to become lovers.

  “Do you think getting married gives you the right to just hop in my bed whenever you feel like it?” she asked, still scowling out the window.

  “No. But one day you’ll invite me in and then I’ll feel I have the right.”

  “Fat chance.” She was silent for a while, then slid a glance his way. “Is that why you want marriage?”

  “One of the reasons.”

  “What are the others?”

  “We went over this yesterday.”

  “Humor me. Yesterday I was still in shock about the lack of insurance. Now I’ve had time to think this over and—”

  “And time to panic about the marriage, so you want out. Why? You’ve said you haven’t found anyone else you want to marry. You can use my knowledge about ranching. You sure as hell need the money I can bring into this. And my touch doesn’t disgust you.”

  On the contrary, she thought wryly, it delighted her.

  She was getting so she almost craved his casual touches. Squirming slightly, she shifted away from him, afraid he might read her mind.

  She’d loved Bobby. And their marriage had been a disaster. How would she and Jase ever manage a marriage where neither loved the other?

  “So what do you get out of it, besides half
my ranch?” she asked sulkily.

  “Forty percent, remember? Do you want to go by a lawyer and write up a prenuptial agreement?”

  She shook her head. She trusted Jase.

  Stunned, she held her breath.

  She trusted him!

  Why? He embraced the same life-style as Bobby. She'd accused him time and time again of shirking responsibility. Yet he hadn't let her down once. She trusted he would always stand by his word.

  “No. I don’t need an agreement. What else?”

  “I get the opportunity to build up a spread that has a tremendous potential. Get to see it from the beginning, so to speak. And sooner or later, I get you.”

  Sooner or later…he was probably right. She swallowed. Unless she did something to protect herself, she was afraid she was in for a heart load of trouble.

  “That’s not part of the agreement.”

  “I can wait.”

  “It won’t be for long, you’re leaving in a couple of weeks, aren’t you?” She held her breath. Would their marriage keep him at the ranch?

  “Yeah, soon as I get the word from the doctor. Will you come to Las Vegas to see me compete in the finals?”

  “Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you? You’ve missed a lot of rodeos.”

  “I know and I’ll have to work like hell to make up the points. But Shadow's better than ever. That competition is my best bet. I’ll see where I stand in the bronc riding, but may have to bow out of that this year.”

  Disappointment flashed through her. She’d known he was leaving, but something deep inside had hoped he’d stay once he’d mentioned marriage.

  Yet why should he? He had the best of all worlds, just like Bobby. A wife and ranch waiting while he enjoyed all the excitement and pleasures of the rodeo circuit. And she’d be left behind again, lonely and alone.

  “So will you come if I make the finals?” he repeated.

  “Sure, might cramp your style, though, having your wife show up.”

  He chuckled, shaking his head. “Don’t you worry about that, darlin’, just come and root for me.”

  Jase pulled the truck into the parking slot before the courthouse and cut the engine. Shannon stared at the stone building as if she’d never seen it before. Butterflies danced in her stomach, she felt shaky, almost sick.

  She couldn’t go through with this. Who was she trying to kid? She’d have to tell Jase she’d changed her mind. If he didn’t want to be her partner, she’d get a loan. She’d made it so far on her own, this was no time to change that.

  “Shannon?” His hand came around behind her neck, beneath the braid. He gently massaged the tight muscles. “Darlin’, it’ll be okay. We’ll do just fine. Trust me on this, all right?”

  She glanced over at him, wishing she could believe him, but too afraid of heartache.

  When he leaned over to kiss her, she wanted to melt into his embrace, forget about problems and decisions and the future. Give in to the longing to make the world be a kind place, a happy place, not a place of sadness and loneliness.

  But she refrained, pushing against him.

  “If we’re going in, let’s go before I change my mind,” she said, refusing to meet his eyes lest he see the longing in hers. Tilting her chin, she pushed open her door and climbed down into the warm morning air.

  It took less than ten minutes to get the license. When they were again in the truck, this time heading for the hospital, Jase spoke evenly, “Tell me about your first wedding.”

  “We got married by a justice of the peace in Austin. My friend Cathy and her brother were the only ones there.”

  “Did you have a pretty white dress?”

  “No. Bobby was in a hurry. There wasn’t time.”

  That should have been her first clue to how that marriage would work. Bobby hadn't wanted to wait for anything. It had been a hurried affair, not that she had had any reason to want anything different. Her family was all gone, she had few friends to worry about attending. Cathy and her brother had made it as festive as possible given the circumstances.

  “Do you belong to a church here in Tumbleweed?”

  “What? Yes. Why, do you want to be married in a church?” She stared at him, startled. She had never thought about the ceremony. She’d assumed they’d just have the local justice of the peace perform it.

  “Yeah I do. Will you have a problem with that?” He threw her a quick look.

  “I guess not. Only…”

  “Only what?”

  “Maybe we need to discuss this. What exactly are you planning on for a wedding?”

  He shrugged. “I haven’t thought it through in any detail. I guess I figured you’d want to have it in a church. Gary or Dink would love to walk you down the aisle, they're both crazy about you. I’d like to see my bride in white.”

  “Jase, I can’t. I’m hardly a virgin. I was married for eighteen months.”

  “Cream colored, then. A pretty dress. Maybe a veil or fancy hat.”

  For a moment she daydreamed about a dress that would knock his socks off, make her as beautiful as brides were supposed to be on their wedding day. She wanted to feel the glow being in love was supposed to bring.

  It was nothing but wishful thinking. She was much too practical. There was no love here and she wasn’t going to pretend there was.

  “Jase, this is my second marriage.”

  “So? This is my only one, darlin’”

  Only one?

  “I don’t know, getting married in a church makes it seem so…so permanent, somehow.”

  “It is permanent, Shannon. What did you think we were doing, getting married for a year or so, then go our separate ways?” There was a hard edge to his voice, an angry glint in his eyes.

  She nodded. Bobby had been disenchanted within a few months. She couldn’t expect Jase to last any longer.

  “I don’t operate that way. Once we’re married, we’ll stay married.”

  The silence that filled the truck could almost be touched, she thought as they drove to the hospital. Jase didn’t speak again and she was afraid to open her mouth. Nothing was going as she had thought. Not once had she expected him to want to keep to their marriage once the ranch was in the black.

  And she couldn't picture herself being tied to a husband who rarely stayed home, who preferred the carefree life of a rodeo rider to the responsibilities of a respectable rancher a second time. How could she stand to know her husband sought the women who flocked to rodeos for the vicarious thrills the cowboys provided even though they had no other commitment between them?

  “Are you coming in with me?” Jase asked.

  She blinked and looked around. They were in the hospital parking lot.

  “You don’t need me.”

  She wanted some time to think this through. It still wasn’t too late to change her mind, to come up with an alternative.

  “A man likes his family around him at a time like this. Come hold my hand.”

  She flashed him a look. “We’re not married yet.”

  “But we will be, won’t we?” His gaze was rock steady, his eyes locked onto hers.

  Something melted deep within, something began to bloom. Was it hope for a better future? Slowly, Shannon nodded her head. “Yes, we will be.”

  “Good, come with me.”

  Jase laced his fingers through hers as they walked into the county hospital. Shannon tightened her fingers around his, hoping she wasn’t making a huge mistake. She felt as if she were on the edge of a dark precipice, one step wrong and she’d plunge over into the dark unknown.

  How much was she influenced by the attraction that blossomed between them? His touch sent shimmering tingles up her arm. His arrogant, confident stride brought pride that such a man would be interested in her. He could look anywhere for a wife, find someone who could bring him a willingness to explore the future together even if he did prefer rodeos to ranching.

  Instead, he’d picked her. He agreed to help her build up the Bar Seven in excha
nge for forty percent. And in return he promised to give her forty percent of everything he owned, from Shadow to future earnings.

  Shown a waiting room in the out-patient department, they sat to await the doctor.

  “How do you feel?” the physician asked Jase as he removed the ace bandages twenty minutes later.

  True to his word, Jase had insisted Shannon accompany him into the cubicle and hold his hand. His grip tightened, threatening to crush her bones, but she remained silent, knowing he must hurt much worse than he was letting on if he needed to hold on so tightly.

  “Like I fell off a horse and cracked my ribs,” Jase said easily as the doctor probed his still discolored flesh. Wincing once, he flicked a glance at Shannon.

  She bit her lower lip, upset he was still in pain. She wanted to slap the doctor’s hands away and soothe the bruised areas. Bringing his clasped hand up she cradled it between her breasts, longing to give him some comfort.

  “You’re a lucky man. Fighting that fire didn’t seem to set you back.”

  “How did you know about that?” Shannon asked, surprised.

  “Talked to one of the fire fighters brought in for smoke inhalation. Told me about the blaze, and how this man did more to keep things under control than anyone.”

  Shannon nodded, tightening her grip. Jase would always be like that. Why did she continue to think he avoided responsibility? He made sure things got done. He only refused to acknowledge it.

  “How long before I can compete?” Jase asked, shrugging back into his shirt. Without regard for Shannon’s sensibilities, he unzipped his jeans and thrust the shirt in. She glanced down involuntarily. Try as she might, she could not keep her eyes off that taut belly, the drift of hair that was cut off by the white band of his briefs. The rasp of the zipper as he snapped it up brought her gaze back to his face. His eyes watched her, dark and glowing. He knew.

  “Not before that cast comes off. I doubt if they’d let you compete with it, anyway. No use telling you to take it easy for a few more months, is there?”

  Jase smiled and shook his head. “I’ve a date in Las Vegas come December.”

  “Okay, cowboy, good luck.” The doctor shook his hand and left.