Rebel Heart

by Barbara McMahon

  The day before the wedding, Jase went into town. Shannon didn't know he'd gone until she went looking for him in the late afternoon.

  “Gone to Tumbleweed,” Tony Rogers, one of the new hands, explained when she questioned as to Jase’s whereabouts.

  “When will he be back?” she asked.

  “Don’t know. Tomorrow, I’m sure. Probably wanted one last fling.” He grinned and winked.

  She smiled and turned away, annoyed that Jase had gone without telling her. Maybe she would have wanted something from town. He could have asked.

  When he didn’t return by supper, she began to get worried.

  When she finally went to bed and his truck still hadn’t turned into the yard, she grew angry. Who did he think he was to stay out all night the eve of his wedding? Was he at some bachelor party? Drinking and partying up a storm on his last night as a free man without telling her anything about it? Didn’t he care that she was worried sick?

  She swallowed the tears that threatened. He was a free man. They weren’t married yet.

  But sleep proved elusive. She strained to hear the pickup when it returned. Instead she heard the tick of the clock in the hall, the chimes announcing the hour. One. Two. Three.

  Awaking early, Shannon lay in bed wondering if Jase had ever returned. Had he changed his mind and just taken off? They had a wedding scheduled today. Surely he'd tell her if he was calling it off.

  She tried to picture herself married again. Tried to guess about their future, wondered if she were making a mistake, or the best decision ever. One thing for certain, she had never pictured herself marrying a drifting rodeo cowboy again. Would she ever reconcile herself to their basic differences? Would it make a difference down the road? She wished she could see into the future.

  “You look pretty as a picture,” Gary said later that morning as Shannon opened the kitchen door at his knock. “Right proud you asked me to walk you down the aisle, missy.”

  She smiled uncertainly. “Thank you again for agreeing. Did everyone else leave?” She’d heard the cars and trucks earlier, then only silence.

  “Sure did. Wanted good seats. Ready?”

  She nodded, smoothing her hands nervously over her skirt. She wished she could take one last look in the mirror, but that would only delay her leaving. She’d double checked everything already.

  She’d done her hair up, with soft tendrils drifting down beside her face. Her hat framed her face, lending an air of fragile beauty. Her dress was perfect. If only she wasn’t so nervous.

  She didn’t talk on the ride to the church, but Gary made up for it.

  “Sure a fine day for a wedding, don’t you think?” Without waiting for her response, he continued. “The boys are excited about seeing their boss married. They all like Jase. That Tony knew him from the rodeos. We’ll miss him while he’s gone. You going with him?”

  She shook her head.

  “Good thing, we need someone here to run the place. Not that Dink and I couldn’t do it for you. For a week or so anyway. You think on that if you want to go off and watch your man ride.”

  Her man.

  She twisted her fingers together. She’d see him in the finals, if he got that far. She’d seen him in Fort Worth, but only to watch him fall, be injured. She’d seen him on Shadow. He couldn’t get much better than that. She didn’t need the rodeo arenas to know how good he was.

  The small church parking lot was crowded with cars and trucks when they drew up. Shannon noted with relief that Jase’s pickup truck was parked near the door. At least he’d shown up. Had he ever returned to the ranch last night?

  “Ready?” Gary asked.

  “As I’ll ever be,” she murmured, taking a deep breath.

  Shannon had asked her friend Cathy to stand up with her, and Cathy now waited at the steps, dressed in a soft rosy dress.

  She gave Shannon a hug.

  “Oh, honey, your groom is like totally fabulous. No wonder you're getting married again. I'm so glad. You're going to be so happy.”

  “Maybe. I'm glad to see you. Thanks for coming on such short notice.”

  “Hey, it wouldn't be your wedding without me, would it?”

  Shannon grinned at her. “I hope this is the last time.”

  “Me too, that hunk is too gorgeous. I need to get over to see you more often, look at all I missed.”

  Shannon had neglected her friend lately. Cathy still worked at the bank west of Tumbleweed and Shannon had been so caught up with the problems caused by Rod she'd not kept up with Cathy as she should have.

  “Here.” Cathy reached over the bench and picked up a bouquet of white roses and baby’s breath. The fragrance wafted around them.

  “They’re so pretty, thank you.”

  “Jase got them for you,” Cathy said, “and asked me to be sure you got them before we go inside.”

  Touched, tears threatened. Shannon blinked and drew in a shaky breath. “Is it time?”

  “If you’re ready, I’ll wave at the pianist and we’ll start.”

  Shannon nodded, dipped to smell the bouquet, then smiled at Gary, linking her left hand through his arm, her right holding the bouquet so all could see. Pinning a bright smile on her face, she entered the church. She was getting married.

  As she glided down the aisle Shannon saw no one and nothing but the tall, golden man waiting at the altar. He was wearing a dark gray suit, the attire looking totally foreign on him. Yet he looked incredible. Her eyes locked with his and her heart soared.

  She’d give anything if this marriage would work. Maybe in time they would grow close. Maybe in time he’d grow to love her. Maybe—

  Jase reached out to claim her hand almost before Gary stopped. His hand was warm and firm, his fingers tightening slightly, then relaxing as they turned together to face the minister.

  Shannon said her vows in a firm voice, wondering if everyone could see her heart pounding so hard it almost shook her. She was committed and would do all she could to make the marriage work.

  Jase’s vows were equally strong, his low, husky voice ringing out in the church.

  When the minister pronounced them man and wife, Shannon’s heart skipped a beat. Jase turned her and cupped her face in his hands.

  “You are the most beautiful bride I ever saw,” he said before he lowered his mouth to hers.

  It wasn’t a brief, chaste kiss, but powerful and deep and long. His lips coaxed an instant response from hers. His tongue courted hers, mating in a ritual as old as humankind.

  The whistles and stamping of the cowboys shattered the moment and Shannon blushed fiercely as Jase’s eyes danced in amusement. Waving casually to the cat-calling men, he turned her to face the congregation. It was only then that Shannon realized how many people had come to the event. The church was full. Tears filled her eyes. She hadn’t known all her neighbors would attend.

  The reception was loud and boisterous and plain fun. Jase introduced her to his brother, who had stood as best man. “Brie couldn’t make it,” Josh said, holding Shannon’s hand longer than Jase liked. With a smug smile at his older brother, he kissed her palm and released her.

  “She sends her best and wants to meet you as soon as she can. We never expected Jase to fall.”

  “Fall?” Shannon slid her glance to her husband.

  “Yeah, into the clutches of a mere woman,” he teased as Jase captured her hand lest Josh take it again.

  “Well, if that’s the way you feel—”

  “Now, now, no fighting until the honeymoon’s over,” Josh said, laughing at Shannon’s indignant expression.

  Jase glanced at her, then his brother. “We’re not taking a honeymoon exactly. At least not right now. There’s a lot to do around the ranch.”

  “Surely you can take a week off,” Josh said.

  “Maybe later. I want Shannon to come to Las Vegas for the finals.”

  “Still working on that?”

  “Sure. This arm set me back, but I was far enough ahead in
a couple of events that I still have a chance. I just need to ride enough between now and then to accumulate the needed points.”

  “The others in contention aren’t going to sit back and make it easy,” Josh commented.

  “Yeah, I know. That’s why as soon as I can ride, I’m hitting every rodeo I can make.”

  “What do you think about this, Shannon?” Josh asked.

  “She doesn’t like rodeo cowboys,” Jase said easily.

  Josh looked at his brother, then his new sister-in-law. “How’d she tangle up with you then?”

  She wondered the same thing herself.

  “Just fate.” Jase threaded his fingers through hers and tugged gently. “Want some more champagne?”

  She nodded and smiled.

  She enjoyed the party her friends and neighbors had planned. Time enough for doubts after they returned home.

  It was late when they drove back to the ranch. Some of the cowhands had left earlier to take care of chores. What a change, Shannon thought. For so long she’d been the one to take care of everything, to worry about everything. Now she could share that burden with someone else, at least for the next week or so. Then it would all fall to her again.

  But for the time being she enjoyed the luxury of not having to worry about every detail. Knowing that all the chores would get done on time even if she were absent from the ranch, eased some of the burden she’d carried for so long.

  She was so grateful to Jase. Her heart filled with gratitude and she wished she could share it with him. But he didn’t want gratitude. And she wasn't making that mistake again.

  “It's been a long day. You tired?” he asked as he pulled up by the front door.

  “No. We could go ‘round to the back.”

  “Not dressed like you are, darlin’. You look sensational.”

  “Thank you for my bouquet. It's beautiful. I didn’t expect it,” she said, touching the blossoms lightly. She had tossed it at the party, but Annie Simms, who had caught it, had returned it, claiming Shannon would want to hold on to it. Then Annie had left with a most determined look in her eye.

  “I don’t think you expect much of anything, darlin’. Did you like your wedding?”

  “It was very special. I felt special,” she said shyly, her eyes on her fingers, on the delicate rose petals. “I think every woman dreams of a wedding that she’ll remember all her life. A wonderful time of happiness and sharing that with friends and neighbors. I had that today. It was perfect.”

  “Good.” He opened the door and came around to open hers. Helping her from the truck, they walked up the shallow steps to the porch. Opening the door, Jase turned and swept her up into his arms, stepping boldly across the threshold.

  Shannon grinned in delight. Flinging one arm around his neck to keep from falling, she brought her face close to his. “Another tradition you don’t want to miss?” she whispered.

  “Right.”

  When he made to set her down, she tightened her arm. “We can go to bed now if you like,” she said brazenly.

  He hesitated, then continued lowering her until she stood on her own feet. Keeping one arm around her shoulders, he asked her, “Why?”

  She swallowed. She hadn’t expected to be questioned. She thought he’d just storm down the hall and be glad she’d agreed.

  “I thought you wanted—I mean, we’re married now and all.”

  “Yes, married and all.” He caught her chin between his thumb and fingers, tilting her up until she had to face him. “What changed in the last two weeks?”

  She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t say anything. Her eyes spoke for her, anguished, afraid, yearning. She wanted him as he wanted her to want him, but she couldn’t say a word.

  “Go to bed, Shannon, I’ll see you in the morning.” He released her and strode by, going through the kitchen and out the back door, the screen slamming behind him.

  She stood stock still, shame and humiliation trickling through every cell in her body. He didn’t want her after all.

  Or not enough to take what she so freely offered. Feeling splintered, she turned and headed slowly to her room. The glow of the day faded as she faced a lonely wedding night.

  Confused and hurt, Shannon slowly studied her reflection in the mirror as she drew the hat from her head. She had looked pretty. Jase had thought so and that was all that mattered. Maybe she should try dressing up a bit in the evenings. No use going around dressed like a man all her life.

  Tossing the hat across the room, she turned away. Who was she fooling? He probably was delighted to get forty percent of her ranch just by standing up with her today. He’d be gone in a week to the life he loved, yet have the stability of her ranch behind him. Had she bargained away her home to a reckless traveling cowboy just to get over a rough spot in the road?

  She refused to let the tears fall, though her throat ached. Lying in the dark, she counted the minutes, hours until Jase came in. She heard him walk down the hall, open the door to the room he’d used before. Close it behind him.

  She heard the shower, the sudden silence when he shut it off. For one crazy moment she almost rose and went into his room, almost climbed into his bed just to see what he’d say to that.

  But she couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk another slap in the face, another rejection. She closed her eyes as the tears seeped through her lids.

  Shannon was flipping hotcakes when Jase entered the kitchen the next day.

  “Good morning,” she said easily, determined to give him no cause to suspect how much she wished last night had been different.

  “Um, morning.” He poured a large mug of coffee and took a hearty sip. Closing his eyes, he flicked them open to look at her warily.

  “You’re up early,” he said.

  “Sure. I wanted to check that bore near where the fire started. If we need to get it cleaned out, I want to assign a couple of the men to do it this week. Then I thought I’d swing by some of the fencing on the far end and see if it needs repair.”

  “One of the men could do that.”

  “I know, but I need the experience. Did Josh leave?”

  “Yes. He could only stay a day. I spent the day before the wedding with him.”

  Relief he hadn't been having one last fling before they got married warred with a feeling of being excluded. He could have told her, could have had her meet Josh before the reception.

  “Want to ride out with me?” Shannon asked as she sat opposite him. Both reached for the syrup at the same time. She nodded. “Go ahead.”

  He poured the warmed syrup over his stack of pancakes, then offered the container to her. Her fingers brushed his as she took it. Satisfied at the feeling that she still felt at his every touch, she began to eat.

  “No. You can take Dink or someone with you if you like. There’s a lot to do here. I want to get the money transferred into your account. Make sure the feed store knows you have final word. Double check out a few of the schedules we devised. A week’s not a long time.”

  “You think you’ll be ready to go in a week?”

  “I hope so. I’ve got the latest listing of the top contenders. I’ve mapped out the route I can take to get in as many stops as possible. If Shadow can hold up, we’ve got a long shot in the cutting events.”

  “How about bronc riding?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll see how I do in the first few. Even if I can’t catch up in the points, being in the money’s at the local rodeo's good.”

  “I appreciate all you’ve taught me. I’m sorry you got hurt, but it’s been a lifesaver for me. I’m grateful,” Shannon said, wanting to say more, but unable to do so.

  “Yeah, I know.” There was no expression in his face or voice. He continued to eat.

  The week flew by. Shannon tried to slow things down, tried to spend as much time as she could with Jase, but even the moments shared seemed to melt away.

  And he kept busy. He spent hours every day working with Shadow, building up his endurance.
He checked everything the men did, making sure each one knew his job, making sure each could manage with Shannon as boss. Made sure each one knew he’d be back.

  The first thing Shannon noticed Thursday afternoon when Jase came in to dinner was the missing cast. Her heart stopped.

  “It’s off?” she said, staring, stunned. She hadn’t even known he was going to town today. She’d been out near the river, and he'd never said a word.

  “Off.”

  “How’s your arm?” Slowly, as if pushing through molasses, she continued carrying the platter of ham to the table.

  “Good as new. Ribs doing fine, too, the doctor said.” He brushed past her to wash at the sink.

  “So you’ll be leaving soon, then.” She placed the platter down carefully. As if any sudden motion would cause it to shatter. Disappointment and hurt settled in. She’d known it, why should she care now that the reality had arrived.

  “In the morning,” he said, his back toward her. It took a long time to wash his hands. “If I get started early enough I can make Kaycee in time for a two day event there.”

  “Then it’s a good thing we’re having ham tonight, it makes good sandwiches,” she said, marveling that her voice continued to sound so normal. Inside she felt as if she were melting away. “Maybe I can make some cookies tonight for you to take.”

  “You don’t have to bother.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  When had he become so important to her? He was a part of her now. She could no more live without thinking of him than she could breathe. It went beyond the money he’d brought. While it helped, it only aided the ranch.

  She needed him to complete something within herself. The ranch meant nothing without him. She hoped he was still planning to come back. Hoped he told her the truth when he said he wanted to build up the place. To watch it grow from the ground up.

  “Will you give me the schedule of rodeos you’ll be competing in?” she asked as she poured their drinks. Her hands shook slightly. She tried to stop the shakes. She wouldn't make an idiot of herself. She had more pride than that.