A Mother's Conviction (Secrets Series Book 3)

by Karen Lenfestey

  The little girl let go of Beth’s hand and limped quickly to the nearby kitchen. In the living room, they could hear her as she opened the freezer and squealed with delight. “Chocolate covered bananas!”

  Beth’s father shrugged his shoulders. “Fortunately, those are easy to make. As soon as your mom said you guys were coming for dinner, I ran to the store and bought the ingredients.”

  “You spoil her, Dad.”

  “That’s a grandfather’s prerogative.”

  Nodding, Beth took a seat on the couch. Sometimes she felt as if he liked Willow more than he did her, and she wasn’t quite sure how to process those emotions.

  “Who knows how much longer I’ll have the opportunity?” Her dad clasped his hands together and seemed nervous. He remained standing. “The pizza should be here any minute.”

  Willow called from the kitchen. “Can I have a banana now?”

  Beth and her father answered at the same time. “After dinner.” They exchanged glances and chuckled. At least they could see eye-to-eye on some things.

  Willow walked back into the front room. “Can I go play in the basement then?”

  Dreading the fact that she would be left alone with her father, Beth crossed her legs. “Okay.” As soon as they heard footfalls going down the stairs, she prepared herself for her dad’s criticism. This was the routine. Why had her mother insisted she go over there?

  “Would you like something to drink?” For some reason, her dad was filling in as the gracious host, a role her mother usually played.

  “Uh, water’s good.” A zero-calorie drink would help make up for blowing her diet with the pizza. She rarely allowed herself this particular indulgence anymore. She wondered if her father ordered it because he remembered pizza was her favorite food or because he didn’t respect her diet. As she heard the ice cubes clanking into a glass, she rolled her shoulders and told herself to stop being so defensive. It seemed as if her dad was making an effort to be cordial for a change.

  When he returned to the room, she took the glass from him. “Thanks.” A quick sip helped fill the awkward silence.

  He straightened a stack of Christianity Today magazines on the coffee table, then took a seat across from her in his La-Z-Boy chair. “Your mother said Willow’s mother is about to come back.”

  Against her will, panic swirled in her chest. “She’s getting out on parole and she wants to take Willow. First, she has to secure a job and a place to live, then go before a judge. If the judge believes she’s ready to parent, it sounds like she can move Willow to Tennessee. I’m afraid I won’t ever see her again.” She bit the inside of her cheek to control her emotions.

  “You love her like she’s your own, don’t you?”

  She nodded. If she opened her mouth, she might lose it completely.

  “Your mother and I love her, too. She’s a precious girl. She has really blossomed since you took her in. I remember the first few times you brought her over, she cowered behind you. She wouldn’t even talk to us.”

  She listened for the sounds of Willow playing with the Wii in the basement and made sure her voice was low. “I’ve heard bad stories about her birth mother. Willow went from her to a series of foster homes, where she ran away every chance she got, until she moved in with me.”

  Her dad sat awkwardly on the edge of his chair as if he wanted to reach out to comfort her. But he didn’t make a move. “She’s lucky to have known you.”

  “Don’t say that. You make it sound like she’s definitely leaving.”

  “Isn’t she?”

  Beth fiddled with her watch band nervously. “Probably, but I don’t want her to.”

  “You knew going in that your arrangement was only temporary.”

  “I know!” she snapped. She took a deep breath, knowing it wasn’t her father she was mad at. “There’s no way I can let Willow go unless I know for sure that woman has changed.”

  He nodded. “I understand. I will pray that she has truly seen the light.”

  Prayer. She squeezed her hands into fists. She needed something more than prayer. “At least I’ll get to spend some time with Gola before she’s ready to take Willow. I can get a sense of what she’s like when we go to Chicago.”

  “Your mother told me about that. Apparently, she wants to go sightseeing?”

  She shrugged. “You’d think seeing her daughter after all these years would be entertainment enough.” She couldn’t help the bitterness in her voice. How dare a woman choose partying all night with a man over taking care of her own children! How dare a woman get behind the wheel drunk and risk the lives of everyone else! How dare a woman ask her daughter to send her money!

  “Well, maybe it will make it easier for Willow to have other things to focus on besides just her mother.”

  Taking a deep breath, Beth tried to calm herself. “That’s one reason why I said I’m kind of an expert on Chicago. I figured it would be easier for Willow to have me along.”

  “Right. So, I would suggest you catch the South Shore train and take that downtown. That way you don’t have to drive in rush hour traffic or try to find parking.”

  “That’s a good idea. Thanks. I was kind of dreading driving in the city.”

  “Chicago has the Shedd Aquarium and tons of good museums.” He went to his bedroom and brought back a guidebook about Chicago. Now that he had a mission besides comforting his daughter, his demeanor had changed. He was more relaxed as he circled some of his favorite restaurants and marked the pages of the museums.

  By the time the pizza arrived, Beth’s shoulders had unclenched and she was almost glad she’d come.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  A couple weeks later, Beth’s worst nightmare stood on her doorstep. Willow cowered behind her as the door opened to reveal a woman who’d probably once been striking. Jet black hair, parted down the middle, framed her brown eyes and thin cheeks. She was probably in her late twenties, but the lines on her face and the fact that she was chewing gum made her look both older and younger.

  “You must be Gola.” Gesturing with her hand, Beth welcomed Willow’s biological mother inside.

  As she crossed the threshold, Gola tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She had some characters Beth didn’t recognize tattooed on her wrists. When she saw Beth staring, she pushed up the sleeves of her denim jacket to reveal more on her forearms. “It’s the Cherokee alphabet. We were the only tribe to have a written language.”

  Beth didn’t know what to say. She didn’t associate tattoos with being a mother, but that was just her conservative upbringing rearing its head. “Were you raised in the Cherokee Nation?”

  She shook her head. “My ancestors escaped from the Trail of Tears and remained in Tennessee.”

  “Oh.” At the mention of this shameful part of American history, Beth was again tongue-tied. Locking the deadbolt, she decided to try something more neutral. “Did you have any trouble finding my place?”

  “Nah.” She adjusted the small backpack hanging off one shoulder. “I hitchhiked all the way to the gas station down the street.”

  That’s when Beth realized this woman was still too much of a risk-taker to be responsible for a little girl. Of course she’d been looking for any evidence to that fact. “Well, I’ll drive us to the train station and then we’ll be in Chicago within a couple of hours.” She placed her hand on Willow’s shoulder to offer her comfort. Willow had been so excited about this visit, she’d woken up at five a.m. and asked every ten minutes or so, “When’s Momma gonna get here?” Now she acted as if she didn’t want to see the woman.

  Gola reached out her arms toward Willow. “Come give your momma a hug!”

  Willow squeezed Beth’s thigh and didn’t move forward.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Gola asked. “I’m probably a little thinner than the last time you saw me, what with prison food tasting like shit and all, but I’m still your Momma. Always will be.”

  Beth’s spine stiffened. “She’s a little shy around pe
ople she doesn’t know. I mean she knows you, but just give her time to warm up to you. Let’s grab our stuff, Willow, and head out.”

  Willow ran back to her room to get her jacket.

  Beth considered asking Gola to watch her language around Willow, but who was she to tell the girl’s own mother how to behave? Besides, if they all got along, it would be better for Willow. Maybe Beth could come for visits. Like every vacation and holiday she ever had. When she turned away to locate her purse, she closed her eyes for a minute. She couldn’t fathom only seeing Willow every few months or so.

  After a short drive, they arrived at the South Bend train station. Holding Beth’s hand, Willow led them to the first train car where they found two bench seats facing each other. Once they were all seated, Beth tried to make small talk with Gola, but didn’t get very far. They rode in silence for about twenty minutes.

  Gola kept staring at Willow, who’d chosen to sit next to Beth. “When did you get glasses?”

  Willow picked at her cuticles, but didn’t answer. Beth told her it had just happened.

  Shaking her head, Gola looked out the window. “That’s a shame. I got 20/20."

  “Willow was already making good grades in school. I can’t imagine how much better she’ll do now that she can read everything that’s written on the board.” Beth grinned at the girl, trying to build up her self-esteem. It was too soon to let her go. It was obvious by the way Willow was acting that she felt the same way. All Beth had to do was convince Gola.

  Gola made a grunt. “School. I never did care for it. Although it was a good distraction while I was locked up. Nothing much to do all day. Might as well learn something. Did you know I earned my GED and cosmetology license, Willow?” She looked at her daughter who seemed to be entranced by her.

  Still picking at her cuticles, Willow nodded.

  “I could do your hair in a different style every day before you go to school.”

  At this, Willow smiled.

  Gola patted the seat next to her. “Come over here and I’ll fix it right now.”

  After she licked her lower lip for a second, Willow complied. She bent one knee and sat so that the back of her faced Gola. Gola reached into her backpack and pulled out a brush. Ever so tenderly, she started stroking Willow’s hair.

  Beth felt her insides soften a bit toward Gola. The woman may be a little rough around the edges, but maybe she truly cared about her child.

  The rest of the train ride was spent with Gola fixing Willow’s hair, undoing it, brushing it and trying a different style.

  Once they got close to Chicago, Beth pulled out the guidebook. “Do you want to go to the aquarium, see Sue, the T-rex, or go up the Sears Tower?”

  Gola twisted a rubber band around Willow’s French braid. “Ugh. Museums. Boring.” She tapped Willow’s shoulder. “I’m all done. What do you like to do in Chicago?”

  Guilt wrapped around Beth’s chest. She’d had Willow for a few months, but they’d never gone to Chicago. Between moving from her one-bedroom apartment to the brick house, the weekly counseling and physical therapy appointments, life had been busy.

  Willow looked at Beth. “Can we go on a boat ride?”

  “We sure can.”

  Gola nodded. “That sounds like fun. Let’s start with that.”

  They disembarked at Millennium Station and started walking along Michigan Avenue until they hit the Chicago River. They easily found a booth and bought tickets for a boat that was leaving soon. Gola let Beth pay for all of them without saying a word.

  Figuring Gola probably didn’t have much money, Beth decided it didn't matter. Did they give them $100 or something when they were paroled? She knew it wasn’t enough for sightseeing in Chicago. It might not even be enough for a security deposit on an apartment.

  Gola pointed toward a majestic white skyscraper. “What’s that building?”

  Beth knew without consulting the guidebook. “That’s the Wrigley building.”

  “Like Wrigley gum?” Gola asked.

  Nodding, Beth smiled. “Yep. Did you know they originally made laundry soap and just threw in the gum as a freebie?”

  Gola narrowed her eyes at her. “They did not. You’re making that up.”

  “No, I swear.” Beth raised her palm in oath, then led them down the stairs to the dock.

  They picked seats near the front of the boat because she knew that’s where Willow preferred to sit. Just like on the train, she liked to be the first to see what was coming. Beth turned to Gola. “So, you said there’s a woman who is going to help you get settled? How’s that going?”

  “Fine. She said I could live with her until I save up enough money for my own place. Now, she’s trying to convince her niece to give me a job. But I’m in no hurry.”

  Willow flinched and Beth thought she understood. Gola needed a job before she could care for her daughter. How could Willow not take it personally that she wasn’t in a hurry to do what she needed to do to get her own child back? Putting her hand on Willow’s head to try and comfort her, she felt the lumps of a French braid. “Oh, your hair looks so pretty. Did you thank Gola for doing that?” She couldn’t quite bring herself to call Gola Willow’s mom.

  “Thank you,” Willow murmured.

  At least she was talking. Otherwise, it would be a long, awkward day of Willow whispering in Beth’s ear, then Beth serving as a translator for Gola.

  Other passengers boarded as the motor roared to life. A voice came over the loud speaker. “This is your captain and I will be giving you a brief history of Chicago as we go on our tour today.”

  Gola groaned. “History. I hate history.”

  Beth sighed. Was Gola going to dampen Willow’s enthusiasm for school? Why didn’t she see that as a parent, she owed it to her daughter to be a good example? Didn’t she see that an education could provide a better life for Willow?

  Beth allowed herself to zone out as the captain talked about the World’s Fair and why they were called the Windy City. It was exhausting trying to find common ground with Gola. To be honest, Beth had never known anyone like her. She never would’ve picked her for a friend and she certainly never would’ve picked her to be Willow’s mother. Her gaze landed on Willow who had a gigantic grin on her face.

  After the boat ride, they decided to walk along the Magnificent Mile. In the Disney store, Gola held up a turquoise Little Mermaid nightgown. “Look, Willow. It’s your favorite color.”

  “No, it’s not. That’s Skye’s favorite color.” Willow held up a pink-sleeved nightgown with Winnie the Pooh and Piglet on it. “My favorite color is pink.”

  I knew that, Beth thought. But was that really fair? How often did a child’s favorite color change? But still, Beth felt a small sense of triumph as if she were winning. Even though the game was rigged and she couldn’t possibly win.

  Gola took the nightgown from Willow. “Let’s get it then.” She walked to the cash register and looked over her shoulder at Beth. “Can you spot me? Just until I get on my feet.”

  Stepping closer to the counter, Beth reached for her purse. “I got it. Don’t worry about it.” As they left the Disney store, they passed a homeless woman sitting against the building holding a cardboard sign that said “Hungry.” Her face was dirty and her clothes were tattered. She had a far-away look in her eyes. It broke Beth’s heart and she gave her a few bills.

  Gola leaned close to Beth. “You’re too nice. Take it from me, she’s gonna buy booze with that.”

  Shrugging, she didn’t know what to say because she suspected Gola was right. But she couldn’t ignore the poor woman, just in case she was truly hungry. They continued walking up the avenue until she noticed Willow’s limp seemed to be getting worse. “Are you getting tired, Sweet Pea?”

  Willow shook her head in denial. “This is fun. I don’t wanna go home.”

  Beth laughed. “We don’t have to go home. I just thought maybe we should stop for lunch. Rest a bit.”

  “I’m fine.” Willow retriev
ed a Twizzler’s from her coat pocket and pulled off a red rope. “I wanna keep going.”

  Beth bit her tongue. She hated how Willow stashed food in all of her pockets as if she never knew if there would be something to eat. This was because she’d been left home alone for days while her alcoholic mother went on binges, the child psychologist had told her. All she could do was give it time. Show Willow that she could rely on her to take care of her. So far, Beth’s stability hadn’t been enough to counteract Gola’s instability. And now after Gola jumped through a few minor hoops, she’d get to take over Willow’s life again. Maybe ruin it some more. As she watched Willow limp down the sidewalk, Beth dug her fingernails into her palms.

  A yellow cab stopped at a light beside them. “Hey, I have an idea.” Beth pointed toward the car. “Let’s take a cab to the Sears Tower.” They climbed in the back and told the driver where they wanted to go.

  There was a line at the tower, but that was Chicago for you. The three of them stood there, but didn’t speak. Eventually they rode the elevator to the top. They had built a glass overlook that you could stand on since Beth had been there as a kid. “Want to go out there?” she asked Willow.

  Willow cowered behind Beth’s leg. “No. It’s scary.”

  Gola laughed. “Don’t be such a baby, Willow. They wouldn’t let people stand on it, if it wasn’t safe.”

  Beth cringed. She didn’t like name-calling. Especially when Willow had been forced to brave things a girl her age should never have had to. Especially when Willow got teased every day at school for the way she looked and walked. “Willow’s not a baby.” Her voice had an edge to it. “If she doesn’t want to go out there, then that’s just fine. I’m not a big fan of heights myself.”

  Gola walked out on the glass platform and danced. “Willow is a baby. Willow is a baby.”

  The other parents gave Gola horrified looks. Beth took Willow’s hand and walked to the other side of the observatory.

  Gola ran up beside them. “Sorry, I was just joking. You’ve got to develop a thick skin if you want to make it in this cruel world.”