Damaged and the Bulldog

by Bijou Hunter

  “When those fuckers grabbed us, I told you it would be okay and we’d escape. Remember?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, recalling how the rock felt in my hands as I crushed the asshole’s skull.

  “We escaped. I kept my word. Well I’m telling you this thing with Dylan will work out. Do you believe me?”

  Cuddling the doll, I smiled. “Yes. You’ve never been wrong.”

  Harlow smirked. “I’m tense, so I need to sleep in here.”

  “Can we sleep with the TV on?” I asked, squirming lower under the blanket.

  Harlow smiled and I knew she needed the TV on too. We might be fucked up in different ways, but we were alike in many others ways. Despite years of therapy and steps forward, sometimes the past dragged us back into its grip.

  Chapter Two ~ Dylan

  “Can’t complain” was my standard reply when people asked how my day was going. I’d been saying it since I was a kid. Maybe I really didn’t have anything to complain about all these years. Growing up, I had food and shelter. I never feared a beating. No one messed with me as a kid. If anything, I was ignored. Was that enough to complain about though?

  Off and on over the years, I attended the local Ellsberg schools with kids from shittier homes than mine. Some kids at school could barely sit down because they’d taken such a beating from mom or dad the night before. Others enjoyed their only warm meals at school because their parents pissed away their food stamps on junk for themselves. Ratty clothes were the norm. A few kids came from nicer homes like the Johanssons. However, most of the better families sent their kids to the Catholic School to keep them away from the trashier elements. My dad didn’t want to waste the money.

  This was probably a good decision since school never interested me. Restless as a kid, I spent every recess doing laps around the playground. I blew through homework after school, so I could ride my bike around town. I never knew why I felt trapped, but life suffocated me.

  So my problems were of the rich kid variety. A cold mom and asshole dad wouldn’t leave me hungry or black and blue. They just left me wanting.

  These days, I saw my father in passing. Once at the golf course when Cooper invited me to come along with him and Aaron. I’d occasionally see Dad’s newest wife at the store. Margo was an odd bird. Sometimes, she’d wave excitedly at me. Other times, she acted as if I was a stranger. Didn’t matter since she never meant anything to me. The woman spent the first year of marriage to my dad calling me David.

  Margo came with two daughters. One was a raving bitch. The other was a sweet, yet tough little broad. I’d always like Lark more. She was easier to talk to because her mouth wasn’t on bitch twenty-four seven like Raven’s. Lately, they’d both become friends. I even found Raven funny, rather than obnoxious. Well, she was obnoxiously funny anyway.

  So I had nothing to complain about really. When Dad cut me off for taking Lark’s side over his, I thought my new business was dead in the water. Instead, I received jobs from the Johanssons who controlled much of Ellsberg. My business expanded quickly and I’d recently hired Nick Davies to help me manage projects.

  Most of my guys bullshitted nonstop, but Nick focused on his work and kept to himself. He was the polar opposite of a guy like Cooper.

  The Johanssons made their money the illegal way and had the muscle of the Reapers Motorcycle Club to ensure people behaved. If Cooper walked into a room, crapped on the floor, and claimed you’d done it, you’d apologize to him. Such power made men assholes and Cooper certainly had his moods. Nick was the only guy I knew who didn’t fall for them either.

  I ignored Nick’s silent unreadable ways and enjoyed his competence. If I told him to do something, it got done. He didn’t complain. Never made excuses. However when he needed to do something for his woman, I knew never to disagree. Not when Nick’s woman was a Johansson.

  Like many days, Bailey joined us for lunch and explained to me how smart she was. Normally, I ignored her big mouth, but two words drew my attention. Winnie Todds.

  “She’s taking care of Lark which was my idea,” Bailey said, dipping a French fry into an enormous gob of ketchup. “I knew she’d be really good at that. I have a way of knowing what people need. Being perceptive is my new thing.”

  As usual, I nodded at everything she said. Nick sat next to her, eating a burger with one hand and caressing her blonde hair with his other.

  “Does she like the job?” Nick asked.

  “Yeah. Winnie has a gentle way about her and likes taking care of people.”

  Nodding again, I thought about Winnie’s shy little smile. I imagined running my fingers through her long brown hair. Her sad hazel eyes broke my heart every time. Winnie was a slice of heaven here on earth and I missed seeing her every day on the worksite like when she’d come by and help her mom.

  “Winnie needs a man,” Bailey announced.

  Immediately agitated at the idea of Bailey setting up my girl with some asshole, I frowned at her.

  “She needs someone gentle though,” Bailey said, staring right at me. “You were gentle with her when Nick’s dad and those fuckers showed up. You got her to give you the knife. Yeah, you might work. Want me to set you two up?”

  Yes! I wanted to scream yes, but I didn’t think Winnie was ready to date anyone. She was different when we first met. Shy, but confident in a way she wasn’t these days. First the Devils showed up then Nick’s dad harassed Winnie. Since then, she hid in her house more these days and I rarely saw her. When I did catch a glimpse of her, she barely managed a hello.

  If a smile was too much for her to handle, a date would end in disaster.

  “I don’t think Winnie should date anyone until she’s feeling stronger,” I muttered.

  “Having a guy might help her confidence. I remember how insecure I was before Nick loved me,” Bailey said, smiling at her man. “These days I’m strong. Before Nick, I was a delicate flower.”

  We all laughed at the idea of Bailey ever being the least bit delicate. The girl left the womb telling people what to do.

  Yet she worked well with Nick. They fit like people sometimes just fit. I’d never seen anyone in my family work that way. My mom and dad had a dozen spouses between them. No one lasted, but I suspected Bailey and Nick would. He knew how to tolerate her big mouth. Bailey always made him smile and I noticed how his shoulders relaxed when she was nearby. People who fit didn’t need to make sense on paper.

  I wanted to fit like that with Winnie.

  Every night, I drove by Oak Street before going home. The neighborhood was in the most established parts of Ellsberg. Tree lined and quiet, the street was also filled with cars. My SUV wasn’t noticeable in the midst of a block full of vehicles.

  Never once did I fool myself into thinking sitting in the darkness and watching Winnie’s house was normal. I didn’t give a shit about normal though. I needed to relax and nothing soothed me after a long day like knowing Winnie was nearby. I rarely saw her except for when she walked to the street to get the mail. Yet even hidden inside the house, she was enough to calm me.

  After awhile, I got into the habit of picking up dinner and eating in the SUV. What started with driving past her house soon turned into spending hours in my car. After eating, I’d kick off my shoes, listen to a CD, and study the few photos I had of Winnie on my phone. Whenever stressed about all my new responsibilities, I closed my eyes and imagined Winnie sitting with me. Her beautiful eyes watching me. Her soft lips kissing mine. Her always bruised hands touching my face. I had so many questions. What was she doing? What did she have for dinner? Did she ever think about me? Dreaming about Winnie eased my anxieties until I was chilling in the dark car.

  Each night, I struggled to leave. My apartment felt sterile and lonely. Even stuck in the cold SUV, I belonged to Winnie. I remembered how she smiled at me when we first met. How she checked me out while I worked. How she blushed when I caught her checking me out. Before the assholes came to Ellsberg, I was ready to ask her out. Now I was force
d to sit in my car and wonder if I’d ever get another chance.

  Winnie was special. She made the world better, but she wasn’t mine and I didn’t know if she ever could be. I rarely saw her anymore and life was too stressful without her presence.

  In the cold evening, my chest scar throbbed. Sometimes, the healing wound itched like crazy. Holding my hand over the wound eventually warmed it enough to stop the pain.

  As the temperature dropped, I thought about my mother’s call earlier that day. We hadn’t spoken in months, but Mom wanted me to know she was getting married again. Every time, she announced a new husband, she acted as if she’d finally found her Prince Charming. Except evil queens like my mother never found their fairytale endings. More likely, she’d end up alone after the guy disappointed her. No one was ever good enough. Nothing ever satisfied.

  Knowing I wouldn’t sleep well away from her, I turned off the SUV around eleven and climbed in the backseat. With a pillow and blanket, I created a makeshift bed. Eventually, someone was bound to notice me and become concerned. My stalking ways would be common knowledge and Winnie would stop smiling at me. Until then, I needed her to keep the anger and stress away.

  Waking the next morning in an awkward position, I straightened up and studied Winnie’s house. The 1960’s style ranch looked welcoming in the faint sunlight. Imagining Winnie curled up in bed, I suspected she slept with a stuffed animal under a mountain of covers. She seemed like the kind of girl who needed help being soothed.

  Fucked up in our own ways, we weren’t so different. Winnie might be damaged like I wasn’t, but she had a warm family to keep her sane. I was stronger, but alone in a world that didn’t see me most days. Together, I suspected we’d compliment each other. Make sense like Nick and Bailey did.

  In the mornings, as I drove home to shower and prepare for a new day, the reality of my situation struck me. Winnie was beautiful and she smiled at me in the best way. Except she was locked away in her private life and I had no way to get to her. I couldn’t ask her out. I could only sit outside her house every night and dream of things never about to happen.

  This was my life now - falling asleep with big dreams, only to wake up to stark realities.

  I picked up breakfast at Dairy Queen and noticed a cute girl checking me out. Without the mohawk, I wasn’t as intimidating and girls were always smiling at me. Sometimes, I wished one of them could distract me from Winnie. They weren’t her though and no one else would do.

  Back at work, I doubted Winnie and I could fit like Nick and Bailey. I wasn’t a sensitive guy and she needed gentle. I wanted her, but I wanted her to be happy more.

  Once at work, I glanced around Cooper’s future office which had become the project that kept on giving. The old building had one problem after another. Cooper’s solution was to say, “fix it” and leave the details to me. By the time I’d be finished, the place would be like new.

  “Nice hammer,” Harlow said from behind me.

  “Hey,” I said, glancing around casually to see if Winnie was with her. “Nice shiner.”

  “You should see the other chick,” she muttered. “Can we talk?”

  Setting down my hammer, I followed her away from the other guys. Harlow seemed tense and I worried something was wrong with Winnie.

  “This is awkward and I feel weird coming here like this,” she said, pushing her blonde hair behind her ears. “Are you dating anyone?”

  My breath caught. A fear rose up in my chest at the thought of Harlow wanting to date me. What would that mean for me and Winnie? The look in Harlow’s eyes calmed my terror. I might as well have been a brick wall based on the lack of attraction she showed.

  “No.”

  “Some girl was hugging you outside a restaurant. Wasn’t that a date?”

  Frowning, I scratched at my jaw where I forgot to shave that morning. “That was a girl from high school. She might have been into me, but we went out as friends. I’m not dating anyone.”

  “Winnie saw you with that girl and she got really upset. I know she’s not ready to have a boyfriend, but she wants you. Do you want her?”

  Playing it cool might be the stud move, but I didn’t want to be a player. I wanted Winnie. Besides, for the second time in twenty four hours, someone close to Winnie wanted to play matchmaker.

  “Yes.”

  Harlow nodded. “She’s messed up. You know that, right?”

  “I know she’s fragile, yeah.”

  “Winnie has a lot of phobias. Not stupid shit for attention, but real chronic problems that won’t go away because you’re hot. She’s been in therapy for years and gotten stronger, but she’ll never be okay.”

  “I understand.”

  Harlow bit her lip then nodded again. “Do you want to take her out to dinner tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  Harlow smiled. “You better be chattier than that on the date or else no one will say anything. Winnie likely won’t say anything all night, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to. She just takes a long time to warm up to people.”

  I wasn’t sure what Harlow saw on my face, but she grinned.

  “She really wants to warm up to you, Dylan. Don’t fuck it up, okay?”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  When Harlow narrowed her eyes, I was pretty sure she might hit me. “I appreciate the way you tried to save us that day. You showed balls and I respect that. With that said, you better be taking this seriously, understand?”

  Leaning closer, I stared right into those suspicious eyes. “No one makes me feel like Winnie. If she needs to take it slow, we’ll go slow. If she wants to rush into it, we’ll rush. If she needs me to stand on my fucking head and sing the National Anthem, I’ll do it. So yes, I’m taking this very seriously,” I said, running a hand where short dark stubble took the place of my mohawk. “I told Winnie I would wait and I meant it. What you think is me being passive is just patience.”

  “Okay,” Harlow said softly. “You know when I came to Ellsberg, I was pretty messed up. My family was dead and I was in this new place with strangers. Winnie took care of me. She became my sister and best friend. I love her like she’s blood. Nothing personal, but if you hurt her, I’ll have to kill you.”

  “Fair enough,” I said, grinning.

  “Smile all you want, buddy, but I’ve got moves.”

  Harlow faked a punch, but I didn’t flinch. My mind was already focused on tomorrow. I hadn’t talked to Winnie since the day Nick’s dad showed up. I hadn’t seen her close up in weeks. I needed to be close to her even if she couldn’t do more than hide behind her hair all night.

  Chapter Three ~ Winnie

  Lark Barnes wasn’t much older than me, yet she was married and pregnant with twins. On bed rest for the last few months, she was trapped in her updated Craftsman-style house. Thanks to Bailey, my new job involved caring for Lark during the day.

  Petite with spiky dark hair, Lark needed the help too. She was all belly these days. In fact when I arrived at the house that morning, I found her stuck in bed.

  “I’m beached!” she cried as I entered the bedroom.

  After a little effort, I tugged her out of the bed and helped her into the bathroom. While she cleaned up, I started a load of laundry and let out her two English Bulldogs into the backyard.

  “I vaguely remember having a waist,” Lark said, waddling into the room. “I could see my feet too. They weren’t great feet, but I liked looking at them.”

  “You’ll see them soon then you won’t appreciate it. All the stuff that bothers you now will become a faint memory once you have the babies.”

  “How do you know?” she said, teasing me. “You read that in a book? I get enough know-it-all crap from Raven who watched a TV show and is therefore an expert.”

  I brought her a glass of low fat milk and English muffins with low fat cream. Lark frowned at the food then smiled up at me.

  “If I sound bitchy, blame the hormones. You didn’t know me before I was preggers, b
ut I was a saint.”

  Grinning, I handed her the remote and placed a pillow under her feet.

  “I had a baby a few years ago,” I said softly, maybe hoping she wouldn’t hear.

  Lark’s green eyes studied me. Normally, I would feel judged, but not with her. Despite her hormones, Lark was incredible sweet.

  “What happened?” she asked, taking my hand.

  “A family from Bowling Green adopted him.”

  A moment passed while Lark and I watched each other. She wanted details, but I didn’t want to give them. Being smart, Lark backed off.

  “I’ll let the dogs back in,” I said when she remained silent.

  Afterwards, I fed Professor and Pollock, folded laundry, changed the bedding, and headed to the store to pick up food. Returning an hour later, I expected to find Lark dozing. Instead, she was laughing with Harlow and Bailey.

  “There’s Winn Dixie,” Bailey said. ”I like how you have everyone calling you Winnie now. My great ideas really take off.”

  Ignoring her comment, I smiled. “Hey, I can’t believe you guys came here to help me with the groceries. You’re so generous.”

  Bailey smiled. “I’m a very kind person. Ask anyone.”

  After they helped me put away the groceries, I remained in the kitchen with Bailey. We put together a huge salad for Lark, complete with chicken, turkey sausage, cheese, raisins, and pickles. I used anything I could find on the approved list of foods.

  “This is nasty,” Bailey whispered.

  “She needs to eat a lot of calories, but only healthy stuff. This will fill her up until she enjoys her only happy meal with Aaron at dinner.”

  “I’m never having kids,” Bailey muttered.

  When I stared at her, she stared back. Bailey was clearly daring me to say what I was thinking. No way was I falling for that move.

  Walking with the bowl into the living room, I found Lark frowning.

  “Salads are puke inducing.”

  Harlow nodded until I frowned at her then she smiled. “I like salads.”