Damaged and the Bulldog

by Bijou Hunter

  “But it’s still weird.”

  “Yeah, but not dangerous weird. More like pathetic weird.”

  Winnie smiled slightly. “Sorta crazy weird.”

  “I guess.”

  “You know,” Winnie said, smiling wider, “when you said you were an asshole, I didn’t believe you. I thought you were just trying to make me feel better about having phobias and all my issues. But you really are f’ed up too.”

  “You like that?” I asked, frowning.

  “I saw you as too perfect. Out of reach. I kept thinking you would realize how messed up I was and leave me. Now, I know you’re messed up too. Maybe not as messed up as me, but weird is still weird.”

  “And that makes me more attractive?” I asked, stepping closer.

  Winnie nodded. “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t have something wrong with them. It doesn’t seem fair for one of us to be perfectly normal and the other to be messed up.”

  “I don’t think you’re messed up.”

  “Because you’re messed up too,” she said, placing a hand against my chest and lifting her lips to mine.

  Sucking at her pretty pink lips, I wrapped her gently in my arms. A part of me was still afraid Winnie would change her mind and push me away. Or her parents would walk outside and tell me to stop stalking their daughter.

  “When you sat in your car at night, did you think about naughty things?” Winnie asked, gripping my shirt.

  “No, never,” I lied.

  “Too bad. I think naughty things about you especially in the shower.”

  “Hell, woman,” I growled, wrapping her tighter in my arms. “It’s cruel to tease me when minutes ago I thought I’d lost you.”

  “Did you really think I’d stop seeing you, just because you’re a little bit of an obsessive stalker?”

  Sharing her smile, I couldn’t believe she saw me at my most fucked up and still wanted me. I saw no hesitancy in her gaze, no second thoughts. Winnie wanted me, warts and all.

  Chapter Fifteen ~ Winnie

  Much like his sisters, Jace had issues. Tonight, he hid behind Mom at the restaurant, didn’t want to order his food, and whispered everything. Dad said Jace was already a preteen at ten. Mom babied him while he ate up the attention. I didn’t blame him for enjoying it. Mom’s hugs were the best.

  Harlow was edgy too. She wanted me to dump Dylan or at least take things slower. Besides feeling confused about my love life, she suffered a brutal fight the night before at the Thunderdome. Her jaw sported a big ugly bruise and I suspected eating was painful. Dad wanted to say something nearly as badly as Mom did, but they kept their thoughts to themselves. With Harlow, they decided to give her space to make mistakes.

  I hope they felt the same about me.

  “Dylan and I are going out tomorrow,” I said after our appetizers arrived. “I’d like to go without a chaperone.”

  Jaw clenching, Dad gave me a fake smile. “Are you sure? Harlow needs to get out more.”

  My sister ignored this comment. Jace was also in his head. I felt alone with my parents.

  “I need to try,” I said, smiling at Mom. “I’ve been getting stronger and I need to be alone with Dylan to know if I can handle it.”

  “And if you can’t?” Mom asked, giving me a smile that didn’t reach her blue eyes.

  “Then I’ll know I need to slow down.”

  Dad nodded first then Mom nodded. They said nothing until our dinners arrived. Their silence made me second-guess my decision to be alone with Dylan.

  “Life is about taking chances,” Mom said, cutting her steak. “I took one with your dad and it’s been a hell of a ride.”

  Dad gave her a naughty smirk. “That ride ain’t ending anytime soon, baby.”

  While my parents shared a marital horny moment, I imagined myself alone with Dylan for a few hours. No buffer. No grumpy Harlow tapping her watch. No security blanket.

  I needed to break free of my past to build something real. No longer was fear standing in my way.

  Chapter Sixteen ~ Dylan

  Our first un-chaperoned date ended at my one bedroom apartment. Winnie asked to see the place I called home and I took the hint. When we arrived, I retrieved us drinks and we sat on the balcony.

  “I like it here,” she said.

  Based on the fear in her voice, Winnie was lying. I didn’t blame her for disliking the sterile apartment. On more than one occasion, I’d stopped at one of those decorating places like Hobby Lobby. I wanted to give my apartment character, but nothing clicked. I couldn’t even decide on a paint color. The empty walls made the place feel cold.

  “I have two houses I’m renovating. An old Victorian and a midcentury ranch. I figure I’ll keep one of them for myself. I’ll move in when I have someone to share it with.”

  Winnie refused to even glance in my direction and I doubted she heard me. When she finally focused on my face, I was startled by the terror in her eyes.

  “I care about you a lot.”

  As a guy, I knew what those words meant and figured she was dumping me. “I care about you too.”

  “I want to be close to you.”

  “Okay,” I said, nervous at the hollow tone of her voice.

  Winnie handed me the can of soda. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

  Winnie disappeared into the bathroom for a long time. I knew girls had their issues, so I didn’t knock on the door and put her on the spot. Instead, I remained on the couch and worried silently.

  When the door opened, I remained casual as if she hadn’t been gone for over thirty minutes. My attempt to play cool ended when I saw her dressed in a long burgundy robe.

  “I have an idea,” she said, sounding terrified.

  I opened my mouth to respond, but decided silence was better. Approaching me, Winnie trembled.

  “I need to practice being close. Can we just practice?” she asked, nearly in tears.

  “Are you sure you’re ready?”

  “I don’t know. I want to try. Can we try?”

  Winnie’s voice hit a high panicked pitch and I did the only thing that made sense.

  Opening my arms, I said softly, “We’ll try.”

  Nearly five minutes passed from when I reached for Winnie and she actually stood in front of me. She inched closer, paused, backed up a little, and looked around, before finally inching closer again. Once standing in front of the couch where I waited, Winnie opened her robe.

  I prayed she wasn’t naked. No way was Winnie ready to expose her body. Besides, I didn’t think I could restrain my baser desires if she was undressed in my arms. Instead of nude, Winnie wore a yellow bikini, leaving most of her pale skin bare.

  “I don’t work out,” she said, staring at me in horror.

  “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” I mumbled, taking her hands and tugging her gently into my lap. “You’re perfection.”

  Winnie straddled me then placed her hands on my shoulders. The robe remained on, yet open in the front.

  I wanted to explore. How could a man with a beautiful girl on his lap not want to touch every inch of exposed flesh? Rather than freak her out, I stared into her hazel eyes and traced her pretty pink lips with my finger.

  “Should I take off my shirt?” I asked, kissing her jaw. “I have to warn you that I don’t work out either.”

  Despite her fear, Winnie laughed. “I’ve seen you without your shirt. Please, take it off. It’s only fair.”

  I pulled off my shirt and tossed it aside. Her gaze immediately focused on the ugly wound on the right side of my chest. Her fingers reached out and caressed the scar so gently I barely felt her. When she lifted her gaze to meet mine, I saw the concern in her eyes.

  “I’m going to kiss you now,” I said, hoping to distract her from the painful memories of that day.

  “Okay,” she whispered, leaning forward as my hands slid into the robe and caressed her bare back.

  Winnie’s body remained stiff in my arms. She didn’t reac
t to my kisses or my nails grazing her skin. When I gazed into her eyes, I felt as if I was staring into pools of nothingness. I might have stopped except I’d seen Winnie disappear on me before and she always returned.

  Taking her hands from my shoulders, I placed them on my chest. Winnie didn’t react, her skin covered in goose bumps and nipples soft under my touch. She might as well been doing the dishes with the level of arousal her body felt.

  Her fingertips caressed my collarbone then returned to my chest. Like the sun breaking through the darkness, Winnie kissed me with more heat.

  She moaned in my mouth before pressing her hips closer to mine. My erection struggled against jeans suddenly a size too small. Moaning now, I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled her even closer until her chest slid up and down mine.

  “Dylan,” she said and it sounded almost like a question.

  “You’re safe,” I whispered, sucking at her shoulder. “I’ll never hurt you.”

  Relaxing again, Winnie let her fingers explore my chest then shoulders. Her lips tasted my throat as her soft hair spilled over my shoulder. The feel of her was better than I could have imagined and I never wanted to let her go.

  Brushing off the robe, I tightened my embrace. Winnie’s lips found mine. She wanted more and I sensed no fear in her. In a smooth gesture, I picked up Winnie and swung around to rest her on the couch.

  My teeth tugged at the thin strap of her bikini top then licked at her soft skin. She tasted so good and I wanted more. My hand slid over her full breasts, eliciting a moan from Winnie. The sound of her voice sent me over the edge and I lost control.

  Tugging back her bikini top, I sucked at her hard pink nipple. Winnie moaned again, encouraging me. My body begged me to take her to bed. I wasn’t the only one hungry for more. Winnie’s legs spread when my fingers caressed the fabric of her bikini bottom.

  Despite the pain of denying our desires, I forced myself to stop. Yet my brain screamed lies. Stopping was a mistake. She was as aroused as I was. I should wrap Winnie in my arms and take her to bed. I’d love her enough to make her forget all of the bad things from her past.

  My heart or the actual smart part of my brain told me to back the fuck off. I let her go for a moment and really looked at her. Past her arousal, Winnie was lost in her head. I’d come so close to ruining what I was building with Winnie. Even worse, I’d nearly hurt an already damaged girl.

  Trust.

  Winnie really couldn’t say no. When Tad warned me about Winnie’s problem, I hadn’t understood what he meant. Now I could see it in her blank expression. I wanted her and she wanted me to be happy. I doubted Winnie knew what she truly wanted, so she shut down.

  After helping her into the robe, I held Winnie in my arms. She wasn’t upset like many girls might be if a guy stopped in the middle of a heavy make out session. Winnie didn’t know enough about sex to feel rejected. When I wanted her, she gave herself to me. When I wanted to stop, she adjusted to this reality. She felt no power in the situation.

  “You’re a seductress,” I teased while ignoring my erection.

  “I love when you touch me.”

  Smiling at her flushed face, I wished I knew what Winnie needed. Most girls sent signals about how far was too far. My girl gave until it was too much then she hid in her head until it was over.

  Patience might be a pain in the ass, but it was my only option if I wanted to keep Winnie.

  Chapter Seventeen ~ Winnie

  Returning home from my date with Dylan, I didn’t even want a shower. I enjoyed an hour of TV with Harlow and a sleepy Jace. When we headed to bed, I glanced at Cookie Monster. I felt too happy for my security blanket. Hell, I even fell asleep with a smile on my face.

  My dream was vivid in a way my dreams never were and I remembered things I’d long forgotten.

  Sugar Bum’s sweaty body felt so heavy on top of me. His grunts echoing in my head, I couldn’t escape the reality of him inside me. When he licked me with his dirty tongue, I closed my eyes and wished I was dead.

  “Oh, Ona,” he moaned, finishing with hard thrusts.

  I said nothing. I never spoke anymore. Sugar Bum didn’t care. The only thing he wanted me to say was “daddy,” but I wouldn’t do it. When he was inside me, I shut down until I could barely remember my name.

  After he was done, he yanked me out of bed by my hair and dragged me to the door. Outside waited more men from the club. Like wolves hungry for a fresh kill, they eyed me as Sugar Bum shoved me onto the parking lot.

  “I’m done,” he said, yawning. “Who’s next?”

  The sound of his slamming door was like a starter’s pistol as Sugar Bum left me to be fought over by the others. I covered my head while the men bashed into each other around me. The fight lasted until the winner was so bloodied and enraged that my body took the punishment remaining from his adrenaline rush. The losers were as violent when they got their turns. Eventually, I felt nothing at all. I often prayed to die, so I’d never feel anything again.

  Waking to someone shaking me, I realized I was screaming. Much like I couldn’t find my voice in the past, I now couldn’t turn it off. Mom consoled me while Dad was on the phone with someone. I also saw Harlow and Jace staring at me from the doorway.

  These people weren’t real, not like the dream had been. This house and my life in Ellsberg were a fantasy. Only the hell with Sugar Bum was real and I was drowning in the memories.

  Mom hugged me and spoke in soft tones, but I understood nothing over my screaming. Dad left the room then returned with the emergency medication prescribed by Doctor Koryluk. I stared at him, unable to stop screaming. While Mom held my wrists to keep me from clawing at my face, Dad fumbled with the medicine bottle. All I heard was my screaming and the cussing of men fighting to fuck me next.

  “Shut up, Winona!” Dad yelled, startling me.

  He stood bigger than usual and his face was ugly like the monsters I feared.

  “Take this pill!” he demanded.

  Shaking, I obeyed for the same reason I obeyed Sugar Bum. Compliance was better than pain.

  I rocked back against the headboard, pushing away Mom’s tender touch. The screaming was over, replaced by fear of the man standing nearby. Occasionally, I noticed my brother and sister peeking at me from the doorway. I wanted to tell them to run before the monster got them too, but my voice didn’t work now.

  Soon, the medicine made me drowsy and I no longer rocked. My body rested lazily against the headboard as Mom cleaned the scratches on my arms. The memories of Sugar Bum and his club faded into a long ago nightmare.

  Harlow and Mom helped me into the shower to clean up the mess I’d made. So numb from the medicine, I couldn’t even feel the water on my skin.

  I returned to the bedroom to find Dad had changed my sheets. He was different now. No longer the monster, he returned to the man who saved me from a life in foster care. This was the only father I ever knew or needed.

  Sleep didn’t come for a long time. Mom and Dad stayed with me until Harlow crawled into bed with Cookie Monster. She stared into my eyes and told me she would keep me safe. I believed her too. Harlow was strong in ways I wasn’t and she’d saved me before.

  Chapter Eighteen ~ Dylan

  Already treating Cooper’s office as a club hangout, Vaughn was like a destructive toddler on a rampage through the construction site. Judd sat nearby throwing sunflower seeds at his buddy. I could only pretend not to notice the mess they were making. After all, they were enforcers.

  Nick arrived for his shift to find mayhem. He frowned at Vaughn juggling metal pipes then glanced at the seed throwing Judd. Finally, he looked at me

  “What’s in this spray bottle?” he asked me.

  “Water and maybe a little bleach.”

  Nodding, Nick took the bottle and sprayed Vaughn.

  “Hey, dickweed,” Vaughn growled.

  Judd pointed a finger at the approaching Nick and shook his head. “Don’t even think about it.”

  �
��You want to stay dry then stop making a mess.”

  Judd glared. Vaughn glared. Nick only smiled and pointed the bottle.

  “What’s it going to be?”

  “Asshole,” Vaughn said, wiping his shirt.

  Judd said nothing, continuing to glare. He did stop throwing seeds though.

  Nick walked to me and set down the bottle. “You can’t let them run all over you. Trust me. My old roommate, Danny Boy, was a fucking slob until I started spraying him and he finally learned to pick up after himself.”

  “Why spray them though?”

  “My first roommate had a cat and it worked on her, so I figured I’d try it on people.”

  Leaning forward, I whispered, “They do kill people for a living.”

  Nick rolled his green eyes. “They won’t kill us. In the future, feel free to spray them if they get out of hand. It works on Bailey too, by the way.”

  I was still laughing about the Bailey comment when Harlow rushed into the building. She ignored Vaughn’s hello and came straight for me. Based on her expression, I suspected I was about to get punched. I wasn’t wrong.

  Harlow got a decent hit in before Vaughn pulled her back. Her one punch did the trick and I tried to hide how much it hurt. Rubbing my jaw, I waited for her to explain.

  “Calm down, Harlow,” Vaughn said when she struggled to break loose from his grip.

  “Dylan, you fuck! I warned you what Winnie was like! You said you’d be careful, but you had to be greedy like every other fucking guy in the world!”

  “You think I’m greedy?” Vaughn asked, sounding offended.

  “Not now!” she screamed.

  “Shit,” Judd said, standing between Harlow and me. “What did you do, man?”

  I heard the accusation in Judd’s tone. Vaughn’s humor was also gone. Suddenly, I was the enemy.

  “I have no idea.”

  Harlow snorted. “You had to push her. What the fuck did you think would happen?”

  “What did happen?” Vaughn asked before I could.

  “She had a breakdown last night,” Harlow said and her words were a punch to my gut. “She’s medicated and barely coherent. That didn’t even happen when the Devils grabbed us. She was messed up, but not like last night. You did something.”