Damaged and the Bulldog

by Bijou Hunter

  Maryann hugged a shaking Aaron while Dick went to get answers. I didn’t know what to do for him. All I could think of was Lark surrounded by strangers. Even knowing she was likely under anesthesia if things were really that bad, I still hated her being without Aaron.

  Dylan pulled me into a hug. “Lark will be okay. Don’t let her size fool you. She’s a fighter.”

  I knew Dylan was scared too. Lark believed in his ability to be more than Larry. She inspired him and those changes led him to me. Lark had so much light in her little body, so I closed my eyes and imagined her back home. Picturing her next to Aaron on the couch she wanted to torch, I saw her holding one baby while he held the other. In my mind, the crew surrounded the new family. We were together and everyone was safe.

  Cooper threw his weight around and Dick charmed the nurses, but no one gave us any info for another hour. We didn’t even know if the babies were healthy. Through it all, I leaned against Dylan and focused on the image of us all packed into the Craftsman house. I prayed hard for the picture in my head to become reality. Lark and Aaron deserved a long happy life together with their babies.

  When the doctor walked out to the waiting room, I refused to look at him. I wasn’t giving up the dream until reality tore it away. Dylan tensed while waiting for the news, but I kept my eyes closed and imagined Lark healthy.

  Dylan spoke to me, but I didn’t want to hear bad news. Finally, his persistence forced me to listen.

  “She’s out of surgery and going to be okay.”

  Opening my eyes, I glanced around and saw everyone smiling with relief. Aaron and Raven were desperate to see Lark, but she wasn’t in her room yet. Instead, they were taken to see the babies who were also okay.

  Dylan lifted my chin so my lips could meet his. I kissed him hard, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion I’d held tight inside me.

  “Good things happen,” I said, crying now. “Sometimes I forget that even when I have a blessing right in front of me.”

  Dylan wrapped me tighter in his arms and smiled against my lips. “Me too, but I never lost faith in little Lark. If anyone could kick death in the ass, it would be her.”

  I laughed at the thought of Lark versus the Grim Reaper. When my laughter drew the attention of the others, they laughed too, even without knowing why. All the tension faded as our fears turned to celebration.

  “Shit, I’m gonna get teary-eyed,” Vaughn announced, looking at his phone.

  We all received the same message from Raven with pictures of the babies.

  “Which one’s the girl?” Judd asked, squinting at Tawny’s phone.

  “The one with the pink hat,” his wife said.

  Everyone laughed again.

  “You can’t see if they have curly hair,” Cooper muttered. “Man, I hope at least one of them does. I’m never letting Aaron live that shit down.”

  More laughter as everyone enjoyed the additional photos Raven sent. The babies were so small and I faintly remembered what Jonah looked like when he was born. He was bald, I recalled that much.

  “One day…” I said to Dylan who smiled.

  “An itty bitty Winona to own my heart.”

  Smiling, I shivered at the thought of experiencing motherhood with a man like Dylan at my side. We were not ready yet. One day though...

  Chapter Thirty Six ~ Dylan

  The crew headed to Tequila Jodi’s for a celebration. Raven and Vaughn arrived an hour after everyone. They made up for their tardiness by binge drinking a bottle of tequila. Well, Vaughn did. Raven binged on a pitcher of Diet Coke.

  “I might be binging for two!” she announced then sat down to look over the pictures of her niece and nephew.

  Harlow showed up with Toni. While her mom joined Jodi at a back table, Harlow made a beeline for Winnie.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, studying Winnie’s face.

  “Yes. Are you?”

  Harlow rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

  Winnie glanced at me and I saw such peace in her eyes. When she looked back at Harlow, her smile brightened.

  “Lark and the babies are okay. Today is a good day.”

  Hugging her sister, Winnie couldn’t stop smiling.

  “Are you drunk?” Harlow asked.

  “I’m happy.”

  Harlow studied her sister again and checked her hands for new bruises. “Do you plan to sleep at home tonight?”

  “No, I’m staying with Dylan.”

  “Any bad memories about the baby?”

  “Only hopeful thoughts about the future.”

  Harlow frowned at me then shrugged. “I can imagine you two making a decent looking kid. Your pretty eyes and hair and his…well shaped head. Yeah, it’ll work.”

  Running a hand over my head, I laughed. “My head shape is helluva sexy.”

  Winnie’s calm infected Harlow who laughed and ordered a soda. The sisters danced with Bailey and Sawyer to Amos Moses. I knew Winnie wasn’t comfortable showing off in front of people. Whenever she got nervous, she glanced at me and relaxed.

  “Wedding bells,” Nick said from beside me. “You didn’t waste any time.”

  “She calms the asshole in me and I calm the broken girl in her. What’s there to wait for?”

  Giving me a grin, Nick shrugged. “When you know, you know.”

  Sharing a smile with the still dancing Winnie, I knew she was mine and always would be.

  Epilogue ~ Winnie

  Our wedding was on New Year’s Eve. In a decision seeming odd to some people, Kirk walked me down the aisle. He was the one who saved me from hell. I asked Dad to marry Dylan and me in the church I viewed as a second home.

  The wedding remained low-key. No fancy dresses or tuxes. Everyone arrived in casual attire. Harlow was especially thrilled since she hated dresses almost as much as Tawny. All of the girls were my bridesmaids including Lark. Though still weak, she was happy to be out of the house. Dylan chose Nick as his best man, mainly to piss off Cooper. Ring barer Jace escorted flower girl Sawyer down the aisle, eliciting oohs and ahhs from the adults in the church. His expression was priceless.

  After the wedding, everyone headed to the meeting hall at the bowling alley. We ate dinner, danced, and eventually bowled. Vaughn and Raven loved the reception so much they planned to have theirs at the alley when Lark was a hundred percent.

  I felt so confident by the time we bowled that I beat Vaughn easily. Once Dylan declared we needed lame bowling shirts likes the V-Team, a rivalry was born. A year later, we bought Winnie the Pooh themed bowling shirts. Vaughn mocked us while Raven pitied us. Oh, but how they fumed when we kicked their asses and pointed to the smiling Pooh on our shirts.

  The day after the wedding, we moved into our house. We spent the honeymoon unpacking and staying warm by the fire. I had a little trouble sleeping in our new room. Okay, a lot of trouble really. I needed meds, Cookie Monster, and a lot of help from Dylan to get through the first night. As much as I loved our home, I couldn’t relax.

  The next day, we had my family over. The next night, Cooper and Farah joined us for dinner. Every evening afterwards, another couple from the crew visited. Soon, the house didn’t feel new. It felt like a home.

  Dylan’s business slowed during the cold winter months, but I remained busy with Lark. Until she brought the twins home, I’d only held a baby once and it ended with me sobbing. The twins left no time for tears or panic attacks. Lark claimed the babies already tag-teamed any adult watching them. Whether she was paranoid or perceptive, we created a system to keep the twins cleaned, fed, and as quiet as possible.

  Often we sat on the couch with the twins and simply looked at them. Lark traced her baby’s face, studying its features. I copied her with whatever baby rested on my lap. Soon, I was comfortable touching a baby and looked forward to holding one.

  Leo preferred Lark and cried when I cared for him. Instead of crying too, I learned to ignore his displeasure while I changing his diaper or preparing a bottle. Phoebe was easy-goin
g. When she stared at me while I fed her, I found myself thinking about Jonah. I’d never felt a connection with him. Not when he was inside me or when I held him. When I looked at pictures of him, I felt no parental pride. He was my son, yet didn’t belong to me.

  One day I woke up next to Dylan and decided I wanted a baby of my own. I craved what my friends experienced. After a year of marriage, I knew I was ready to love a baby like it needed to be loved. Dylan was nervous because he loved only me. A baby was an abstract idea, but I was real and he wanted me safe. In the end, Dylan relented when I refused to give up my dream.

  Harlow returned to Ellsberg for the births of my children. I knew she’d always worry about me because I was the fragile sister. Each time she arrived, I saw the concern in her eyes. By the time she’d leave town again, Harlow trusted in the life I’d built with Dylan.

  When I was pregnant with Shelby, Dylan decided he needed a tattoo to celebrate our love. The Johanssons and Nick tattooed their women’s names on their wrists. Dylan wanted something grander. After he and Aaron worked on a design, I was presented with a colorful and rather feminine Winnie the Pooh on his chest. The tattoo was so perfect that I asked him to rest on his side facing me, so I could fall asleep looking at it.

  For each of our children, Dylan added a honey pot with the baby’s name. Later, Shelby and Shane learned to spell their names from studying Daddy’s tat. Dylan often declared himself a genius to have come up with the idea. I had to agree.

  Many days, I still couldn’t believe Dylan loved me. He felt like a dream and I often reached out in the morning to touch him to be sure he was real. This touch often led him to touching me. Soon, touching was all we thought about and our days tended to start rather late. By the time I crawled lazily out of bed, I was very certain my dream guy was real and he was very much mine.

  Epilogue ~ Dylan

  Six months into our marriage, I had a light bulb moment. I never understood why Winnie freaked out about certain things or people, but not others. When a giant biker from the club picked her up and spun her around, she only laughed. Yet the pimply teen pizza guy sent her into a panic. I saw no rhyme or reason to her fears.

  One day while Winnie worked on my business invoices, I sat admiring her beauty. Suddenly, she flinched and looked out the window. With anyone else, I’d think their gut was warning them. With Winnie though, nothing happened. Her instinct was all wrong.

  The Vandals didn’t only damage her confidence. They also destroyed her instinct. She feared innocent things, yet embraced scary things when she shouldn’t.

  This realization helped me view Winnie’s problems like a disability. If she had poor sight, I wouldn’t get frustrated when she couldn’t see something. If she couldn’t hear and needed things repeated, I wouldn’t expect her to get over it. Her inability to know a true threat from an imaginary one was just another broken sense.

  Over the years, Winnie figured me out too. If I was tense, she’d bounce around and pretend to fight me.

  “You need to fight someone or fuck me. Either way, you’ll calm down.”

  The choice wasn’t difficult and I always chilled out after she gave me her ultimatum. Yeah, Winnie had my number.

  Plenty of people felt we rushed into marriage. My dad was one of them, always making shotgun wedding comments. Once I showed him how Aaron reworked my demon tattoo into a Grim Reaper, he backed off. I officially had no allegiance to my dad anymore. My heart belonged to Winnie and my loyalty to the club. Larry was a bad memory from my past.

  Three months into our marriage, we adopted a kitten Winnie named Cookie. Eight months into our marriage, we brought home a bulldog I wanted to name Monster. Instead, Bailey suggested Horny Toad and her suggestion stuck. When the kids came along, we shorted the dog’s name to Toad.

  On our first anniversary, Winnie decided she wanted to have a baby. Once she got an idea stuck in her head, I didn’t waste time disagreeing. Like our first night together, Winnie decided something and I enjoyed the results.

  Shelby was three months old when Winnie wanted another one. I worried it was too soon after her C-section and we were still getting the hang of one baby. Winnie refused to budge and Shane was born ten months later.

  The boss man in me liked knowing our family was complete. The only child in me worried the kids wouldn’t have enough siblings to enjoy what I missed growing up. Fortunately, Shelby and Shane were crazy about each other. Shy like their mom, the kids enjoyed each other’s company more than other kids. Even the crew’s kids were kept at arm’s length for years except for River. Vaughn and Raven’s oldest boy spent hours at our house, playing in the backyard with his best friends.

  Raven decided to homeschool her army of blond kids after attending River’s kindergarten orientation. Apparently, the other moms sucked. She worried her kids might end up polluted by the same lameness if they attended public schools. Despite Winnie being homeschooled, I thought the Rogers were nuts. Hell, everyone did. We mocked Raven and Vaughn constantly about their baby factory, hippy van, and of course the names. Cavalry? Oh, and Denver! They’d never even been to Colorado! Their last baby was lucky enough to be named Sylvie, though she ended up with the nickname “Eight is Enough.” Homeschooling was another wacky thing the V-Team did that I didn’t understand.

  Yet on Shelby’s first day of kindergarten, our Winnie look-alike stared at her brother and I knew we were in trouble. She burst into tears, causing her mini-me Shane to do the same. Soon, Winnie was sobbing too. No way could we arrive at school on time and showing up late was out of the question for a shy kid. By the next day, Winnie was their teacher and I suffered ribbing from Nick for following in the hippies’ footsteps.

  Along with teaching the kids, Winnie acted as my office manager. She also helped Bailey run an array of businesses for the Johanssons. The club had trouble finding someone to do their financials and trusting the person wouldn’t hurt the Reapers. Winnie was someone they could trust and she loved helping the club who gave her a second chance.

  Once Cooper realized Winnie had a knack for organizing such things, he handed her more and more work. She loved doing it too because she handled it all from home. Seeing her so confident inspired me to find her space to spread out.

  We moved into our new house when Shane was ready for kindergarten. Like his sister, he preferred a home setting. Our new home had space for a classroom, a playroom for the piles of toys, and an office for Winnie. We also got a hot tub that I spent many evening in with my pretty lady while the kids played nearby.

  Not long after we moved into the house, my mother finally met Winnie and the kids. I’d managed to avoid seeing Larry around town, but eventually Mom nagged me into having her visit.

  Mom patted the kids on the heads and looked at Winnie like she was the maid. I worried they might be hurt by her coldness. Oh, they had her number.

  Once Mom met Toad and claimed the sleeping dog looked dangerous, Winnie rolled her eyes and gave up on making a good impression. An hour later, Shelby explained the bulldog tattoo on my arm was named Frog to go with the real bulldog’s name. My mom shook her head and said she didn’t understand. At that point, the kids lost interest in her. She tried to get them to care about her opinions, but they only humored her. I guess I raised them too well or they took after their mom too much. Either way, the kids merely tolerated her and Mom never visited again.

  Her absence meant the same as Larry’s. Nothing. I had a huge family with the Todds, the church parishioners, the Reapers, and of course the crew. Our house never went without visitors. We were always hosting sleepovers for River or dropping by someone’s house for meals.

  After a lifetime feeling like I didn’t belong, I suddenly couldn’t turn around without bumping into someone I considered family. I was truly blessed. In fact every night, I tucked my kids in bed then kicked the dog out of my bedroom followed by the cat. Finally, I was alone with Winnie. Each time, she looked at me as if confused about what I might want. Hell, if even after all these
years together, she still didn’t make me beg.

  About Bijou

  Living in Indiana with my three sweet sons, two wacky cats, one super mom (and her ugly dog), I love writing, blogging, and Denny’s. Follow me:

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  ***Bijou Hunter is the pseudonym of author Angela Horn.